It seems that many priests are experts when it comes to manipulating women or to please their inner desires. They preach to others what to do and what NOT to do, yet in their private personal lives they come up with any justification in order to excuse themselves for breaking the law.
People who know priests personally could testify about this. I do remember some priests who do not eat meat on Wednesdays and Fridays during lent as a sign of penitence and solidarity with the poor. During these two weekdays, they just go for some of the most expensive fish in town!!! But they tell their conscience that they are not eating meat! They tell others not to receive the Eucharistic sacrament when committing ‘grave’ sins. Yet they don’t find any problem of celebrating mass after a night of love making with a parishioner! They speak about justice, yet they expect their parishioners to help the parish for FREE. They like to be treated in a special way when waiting in a queue. They do dress differently in order to be treated on a red carpet although they preach to the others to be humble. They go on holidays many times yet they expect family people to do a lot of sacrifices…..the list is endless. We don’t wish to become a site for bashing of priests but sometimes we do notice certain patterns especially when priests do fool women.
Let’s focus on just one today: celibacy. The dictionary would explain it simply as the abstention from sexual relations. The spirit of the gospel is not playing and going around with rules about not having a sexual relationship but much more. In the gospel of Matthew chapter 5: “You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” This is just normal teaching for ordinary Catholics. Priests are expected to perform well above the bar expected for normal parishioners. A deep relationship with just one person was always looked upon as highly contrary to the spirit of celibacy. The celibate priest is there as a sign of the things to come in the next world.
One of our readers has expertly explained the meaning of celibacy. Celibacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about intimacy — emotional and spiritual intimacy being equal to the physical. This is where the problem is. There has been so much emphasis on the sexual abuse scandals (and there should be – where innocent children are involved!), but I think those priests who long for intimacy proceed in cultivating relationships that they are able to walk away from without guilt when things get too complicated because there was no physical expression of love. No sex. For some men, the physical is often, usually, the focus, so it’s natural for them to place so much importance on it. (Especially when they are supposed to deny it.) But if they had had experience with the journey of loving someone, they would know that intimacy is many things, the physical being only one of them and sometimes not even being the most important. Some women, I think, tend to experience the emotional part more intensely and more immediately at the start of a relationship. So the priest who thinks he is not betraying his vows or hurting anyone by falling in love and encouraging loving, albeit not sexual, responses from a woman and then walking away, is just as guilty as the lay man who picks up a woman for a one-night stand and never intends to contact her again. In some ways, for a woman- for THIS woman, anyway – the emotional rejection is worse, more painful and harder to recover from.
We expect the celibate person to be full of the Lord’s word and thinking. He listens to all people and the way he answers shows an intimate union with his God ONLY.
Celibacy was explained to us as the giving up of everything for the Lord. How can a priest be a prophetic sign when the parishioners know that he is a womaniser? The fact that most of the time such a relationship is hidden proves that notwithstanding what the priest says, it is an illegal act in the mind of the church. Surprisingly most of the woman don’t have this theological notion. It proves that as a website we still need to reach to many more people who are unaware of the teaching of the Catholic Church when it comes to the life of priests!
As married priests we are never going to banish celibacy. We only urge the church to make it optional because in many cases priests are deviating from the true meaning of celibacy. Let them get married and serve the Lord too! As married priests we don’t look for women just for pleasure or in order to use them. We look first and foremost for a companion in life and faith. Obviously we are aware of our sexual needs too but these are to be practised in a relationship which is not afraid of consequences and responsibilities. Finally it’s never hidden. Parishioners could easily deduct if such a relationship is detrimental or benevolent in the life of their pastor. There are obviously consequences on their parish.
Married priests never hide their relationship! People can testify if the family of the priest is witnessing to the gospel or not. The priest could never hide from his own congregation. They could see if the priest is just a good preacher or a truly a faith living person.
One of the mistakes committed by the women involved in a relationship with a priest is that although they are not happy about a clandestine relationship, yet they keep the relationship alive by corresponding or seeing the priest many times. If you are not happy with the relationship, talk with him face to face. Give him some time to make up his mind (but not forever). When the time is up, simply walk away and stop all kind of communication even if he comes kneeling in front of you, crying and asking simply to talk.
We know from experience that stopping a loving relationship is easier said than done. We understand the amorous feelings of the women involved but as they say it’s better to be safe than sorry. Look at the big picture. In many cases he is never going to leave priesthood. So you’re never going to have a husband next to you in life. You’ll never be able to walk hands in hands, play on the sand or have his child. You are going to be alienated all your life. Do you want to live like this? The answer is in your hands but remember action speaks louder than words. You are God’s being and you deserve a happy life.