The Married Catholic Priest in 2020

After a careful examination of events, with great responsibility, we announce that this year, Pope Francis will let married priests join the rest of priesthood. We will celebrate and be joyful for such event. It shows that notwithstanding the internal pressure of some particular priests and lay people, the Holy Spirit has succeeded in helping the church steer his ship in these troubled waters.

Besides the initial joy and celebrations. What will actually happen? In the Amazon, the people who are already a big asset in the church will continue to do so but now in a new responsibility: that of priesthood! One must note that these people are not coming to church just to be ordained as married priests but that their work is being recognised and given sacramental power.

Other people in other parts of the world will surely comment and feel the practical impact of such a brave and intelligent move by Pope Francis. Most probably they too would ask for married priests. This all depends in the coming days when the document written by Pope Francis will be published. Will it take into consideration other areas of the world? Will it allow freedom of thought in the church? Will it allow the ordination of married men in other parts of the world or will it be just for the Amazon? Truly, is it just the Amazon which needs married priests? What about the rich Western culture of the world besides other areas?

In today’s world we truly believe that the space for big, triumphant churches has no place. Hence the need for more priests to create small living communities. The small communities will need the presence of a priest which is vital for the church. These should not be simply for liturgical purposes but rather as a community, reflect on daily needs of their community in the light of the word of God. The best example is that of Latin American base-level communities. This will be the greatest change in the church!! In the western culture the priest has been tied too much to the liturgical movement. He rarely ventures in the other areas of priesthood. Hopefully, the fact that the priest is married will open his eyes to new realities!

In this sense we hope that married priests will bring about a new reflection in the church. A married priest will press for discussions about married life; about teens and their growing up in today’s world; about relationships; about doing 1001 jobs at the same time; about praying with lots of noises and distractions…

On the other hand, how will other priests react? Will they accept the married ones to work alongside? That we wouldn’t know.

What about the wives of priests? Do they need special instructions how to cope with their husband’s work? We think so. This in order to avoid useless waste of time and energy, or worse, unequal distribution of work. There should be a good timetable in order to balance the duties outside the family with those on the inside. This would be a good example for today’s families.

Let’s pray so that the changes taking place in the church will help the spiritual outcome for all!

Mental struggles in priest-woman relationship

We make several experiences, each and every day. An experience could be something ordinary such as a visit to a restaurant or something much deeper such as falling in love.

When we discuss love issues we tend to forget the most important organ of them all – the brain. Once the brain is effected, then the whole personality changes.

It’s very easy to label a woman falling in love with a priest as a psycho (besides other wonderful nicknames!). In our pastoral experience we did encounter women who make up (invent) the story of falling in love with a priest! This doesn’t imply that all women are in the same boat!

On the other hand, once a woman is imagining the love affair, it doesn’t mean that it’s not real (from her point of view).

From a practical point of view we still take the same pastoral approach: we need to lead this person to Christ. We cannot judge or worse look down on people who are passing through such experience. In fact one of the most challenging issues facing young people is that of mental health (visibly shown in eating disorders, drug taking or violent actions).

Obviously, in such a case, we emphasise the need of not talking or communicating with the innocent part – in this case – the priest. The traditional approach is outlined by the phrase: if one is not ok, how can one truly love another person?

This calls for a professional person in order to give an exact picture of the mental situation for the person. As married priests, we are aware that leading a family it clearly outlines our limitations and it calls for a professional approach. We cannot as priests pretend to solve any kind of problem! We have our own kids. We do love them yet they need somebody who is a professional who could lead them in the right way.

The rest of the women who are not psycho are still effected in their mental health. Every love experience drains a lot of energy from a person, especially if the end result is not positive. Most probably most of the women have received bad treatment from their priest. They do need a special treatment in order to regain mental stability.

One of the challenges that mental health is facing is that while a physical wound is easily visible, a psychological one is not visible at all! Yet the effects might linger on for a much longer period of time.

This might make us aware that in such experience we need to make ourselves stronger. Besides, speaking about mental health, should not be a taboo! In this case it is understandable why some women prefer to ‘love’ an impossible choice rather than none at all or others who are still too weak to share their stories!

May God Bless You All, especially those who feel mentally sick.

The concept of a team

When one is watching TV on his/her own, one can watch any station for any reason. Once the person is joined by just one single person, the scenario changes completely. One cannot watch any station in the new situation. There are two people now. They have to discuss what are they going to watch. Most probably two people have different tastes and ideas about what to watch.

In the church we are still individuals. Most people think about themselves and God. Whenever one starts meeting others for faith talks, one starts seeing cracks. The others don’t understand me; they label me; I feel threatened. This is just some of the comments that we priests witness when trying to gather together a flock. I thought that it was only when it comes to face to face meetings. No, it’s online too. When we don’t see eye to eye we start fighting!

Some people might think that they have lost their faith as they see Christians fighting each other. Well, let’s be blunt: fighting between Christians is not a good publicity at all and under certain principles it shouldn’t exist at all. Yet, if one reads the bible regularly and in a prayerful mode, one discovers many instances where fighting becomes the order of the day; whether it’s physical, emotional or on any other level!

There is never a dull moment in the bible. It happened to Christ himself. He wanted to start His church. He could have done it all alone with no mistakes, perfect method and perfect publicity. Maybe it would have progressed with no hiccups! But that’s our human mind who does not want to face any difficulties, sicknesses, challenges and different opinions then the ones held in our grey matter.

Christ himself chose Peter. He was surely not the diplomatic or ideal person at all with no academical qualifications! Sincerely, who would have chosen Peter out of all people? From the practical point of view there were others who were more qualified for the job. Yet Christ chose Peter. We can never comprehend God’s will 100%.

Reflecting on such events one may come to some interesting points. Is the job of Peter so important after all? Who is in command of the church: Peter or God? Who can perform more than humans: Peter or God? If the church were to be based on human beings, it would have already collapsed! Yet it has a unique long history of at least 2000 years. Is this not a miracle in itself?

Some people might have lost faith after the sexual abuse scandal which turned out to be incredibly universal. Yet it’s not the first time that the church has faced such difficult situations. If one mentions the case when the Pope had six illegitimate sons….when we had two Popes at the same time…when the Pope was more similar to a king than a real shepherd and had attacked and conquered other nations…. when the Vatican was going to be attacked during World War II…

In the bible we have one of the earliest quarrels in the church when both Peter and Paul had totally different opinions about the process of joining the church itself!

We have just seen one aspect: the lack of cohesion and agreement in the ‘crowd’ mentality. How about advantages? Could one have all the ideas of the world in his mind? Could one have all the talents, the spiritual power, the will to help the church? Surely not. That’s why we need the others. Besides there Christ’s words that when two or three people are gathered in his name, He is there, present.

The idea of a team is that a good coach studies each and every member and puts him/her in the right place. It’s useless if we start pointing out the bad side of each person. Jesus is in command of His church. We have to pray more in order to see things from God’s point of view. He knew about his apostles’ weak side, yet He chose those twelve in order to kick start his greatest project on earth – the church. Shall we start dissecting his apostles to look out for defects? Or shall we accept them as God’s messengers?

When facing other people in the church, yes we’re going to meet with sins, fragility, incompetence, hard headed people etc…..yet they are all in God’s wonderful hands who can transform a cemetery into a living group of people! He is God of the impossible and not just of that which is possible!

From our experience, being responsible of a parish, we always tried to find people for particular jobs whilst having a blind eye for their defects. One who talks a lot might be used to transmit quick and urgent messages in the parish! One who was good in projects undertaking was used to conduct projects in the parish. One who was full of peaceful thoughts was brought in when having arguments etc…

If one wants to meet the new baby Jesus in the coming months, why not make a list of positive aspects about your ‘enemy’!!! If you want to dig deeper, why don’t you go for the second step: how can we use your positive side and his/her positive side to the benefit of the church?

Calling for more love stories between women and priests!

It seems that most of our readers are busy praying for a better advent this year as practically nobody is writing any more!

I would like to make an appeal so that more women would come forward with their story dealing with falling in love with a Catholic Priest. We promise that we’ll hide their true identity and country.

Our readers would prefer to read and pray on such stories. Obviously, they are more interesting than reading a theological reflection on married priesthood or on how to present our ideas in the church.

Till then, May God Bless you all!

Facing Opposition

When facing some opposing factions in the church, one of the known weapons is the one to put the opponents way of thinking to ridicule! If we are promoting married priesthood, expect them to say that married priests will now solve all the problems in the church, obviously, ironically! [See link]

One expects that they will mention the challenge of divorce plus the challenge of having atheist teens etc…Besides they will mention ad nauseam the fact that there will be less time for the church once the priest has to take care of the family too!

We shouldn’t be afraid to put forward our ideas. Just let’s start preparing for the Advent season especially when the Pope’s final report about the Amazon synod will be published around Christmas. In the festive season of Christmas we will be celebrating the greatest mystery of them all – God the all powerful chooses to become a small, fragile baby born in the most poor and risky areas of them all. Couldn’t we debate why God become so small and risked everything? Yes, if we just see things with human minds. I could imagine security people nervously running around looking for possible trouble outlets or suspicious people around. Yet this was the will of God, the most powerful! Pope Francis too would like to mingle with common people and hear what they have to say. He does not live in an ivory tower!

Married priesthood, like Christmas, would like to bring to one common meeting point both the priest and all the married people by suggesting married priests. It will surely be a testimony to all married Christians as to how live the gospel in today’s life. It’s another help in the life of the priest to preach a more contemporary Christ to the listeners of today’s life! He won’t be simply preaching to others how to maintain a stable relationship in love, nor how to educate young people, because he would have his own personal challenges!

We are not dreaming because if we study the beginning of the Catholic church, that’s how it started. Most of the apostles were married and had children! (see the Gospel according to Matthew: 8:14-15) Somehow along the way we decided not to follow the apostles example! How can we justify that?

Promoting married priesthood in the Catholic church we know that it will create a lot of tension. Some people can’t handle it just because they have been brainwashed for quite a long time. They can’t escape their long years of repetitive teaching! Others will feel at a loss as to how react. Their implant that sex cannot mix with spirituality has been radically rooted in their spiritual welfare! They feel that the church is going down the hill and maybe all will be lost! Some of them might go all out to lash out on people their misogynist trends!

All believers should strengthen their faith that Our Lord is never going to leave His church alone to succumb to fatal injuries or sins! It’s His church. It will stand the test of time plus other challenges. Whether we see God’s writing in the history of today or not, we firmly believe that nothing happens without His Will. Many times it’s us that we can’t see his weaving of today’s new church emerging from the previous old skin! As humans we are accustomed to compare with what we have witnessed years ago when we received the first holy communion! Well our bodies have changed too. We have lived change not only to what concerns our outside image, but all our inside, including our spiritual experience. If we don’t grow we can’t live!

Whatever happened since that faithful day, we have progressed to become adults who have to face new challenging situations. Now it’s up to us to answer in a mature way. We can’t copy our past life when we were so young. Life has changed. Not just our lives but that of other people too. We have to find new answers for today’s challenges. We are presenting the married priest as a new way forward!

The Media and the Married Priests’ movement

The present battle regarding married priests is facing a normal challenge throughout the world. In what sense is it normal? Let’s dig deeper to see what it entails.

First and foremost it’s a battle of media. Who shouts louder? Who gets the most coverage? It is apparent that some newspapers are reporting it as though there is going to be a great change. Normally when such announcements are made there is an immediate response of resistance. Change? Why? In what sense? In fact many of the so called conservative media outlets are saying that the changes proposed by Pope Francis are going to damage the church. It’s going to disconnect from its roots!!

Unfortunately some of the media have short memory or loss of memory! Because married priest were present in the beginning of the church and they have been so for the first thousand years of the Catholic church! So is it truly a change? Or is it going back to the roots? It’s very important in ecclesial narrative that we are not actually inventing the wheel but it’s rather removing what’s clogging the wheel! All things and traditions which built up during the centuries which actually are harming the church! This is an important way to win back some of the so called conservatives members of the church.

Another move would be to cancel once and for all the idea that a married priest works less for the good of the church. How about mentioning the present married priests and how they can use time management wisely? There are so many examples to be picked up by the media! Can we help the media?

Another case is that of the many people who have left the Catholic Church but they truly believe that married priests are truly a magnificent asset for the church today. What are they saying about the advantages of having back married priests? Can we reach out to them to hear their honest thinking and opinions?

Consequently this would lead to the greatest change: our view of sexuality. Sexuality might make them feel human and vulnerable. Is our church ready to make a complete change over when it comes to sex? It’s been the joke of the century that most celibate priests dictate what happens between the sheets of the greater percentage of married people in the church!! Shall we continue this living lie? This is one of the areas that is helping people decide to leave and walk on its own. Sexuality is the common link which we might use in order to have people back in the church, if we are truly human and spiritual at the same time!

Deep deep down there is a hidden hatred against women! Although many centuries have passed since the incredible middle ages, yet the effects are still felt. The fact that the church has been dominated by male thoughts for this long, signals the writing on the wall. We allowed this to happen when practically in most families it’s the woman who is in charge for the spiritual well-being of the off-springs! Are the male ones afraid that if we’ll introduce married priests, indirectly, women will be governing the church? It has been proven that it’s more difficult for a celibate priest to say no to a higher authority then a married one…

Another hidden asset in the recent Amazon synod [meeting], was that the Pope gave the voice to the local people who without hesitation pointed out the many multinational companies who are offering some kind of service in exchange of their invaluable piece of land. Does this mean a new change in the Catholic church in how it deals with challenges and how to formulate new teachings? Did the media measure such effects on the world today? Or is some media using the conservatives’ ideas in order to try to break down Pope Francis from protecting the poor and the people without a voice? All in all, all media, what is their hidden agenda? In other words, when we are hearing the media, who pays the journalist who is in front of camera, or teh journalist who is inside a newspaper’s building? The same goes for the blogger or the commentator who floods the internet with his/her comments.

The ‘Amazon’ Synod

We are so enthusiastic about the synod being conducted in Rome. We saw several women together with indigenous people from the enchanting and unique area of the amazon. It is another attempt to re-live the second experience of the Second Vatican Council which was celebrated some years ago [1963-1965].

We all know that the Council of around fifty five years ago has been relegated to just a past document. Surprisingly even Popes passed legislations which went against the spirit of the council!! But this is the church after all. One can imagine how difficult it is today when discussing something in the family especially with teenagers! Now it consists of just a few people who all live under the same roof. Now imagine discussing hot issues with millions of people coming from all parts of the world. We saw it on this blog too that when some people do not agree. It’s not a bed of roses!

All in all we are more optimistic today because contrary to the times of the council where the majority of the people were still brainwashed, now the majority had the guts to think differently from the people in authority in the church! The Catholic Church has lost so many people. It cannot afford to let go more people!

The fact that the church is going to let married priests [hopefully] celebrate mass, will bring about the much needed oxygen in the church. Married priests, should start their participation by reflecting on their daily experience. Especially in the amazon area where it will bring a shift in the mind of the church. We shall discuss environment issues as they concern not only the local people but all the people of the world where the amazon is defined as the lungs of the world!

Environment issues should become central teaching of the church. It should investigate the modern ways workers [modern slaves] are treated especially when multinational companies enter into so called poor countries and dominate the lifestyle and the economical well being of so many people!

It’s an open secret that we need married priests in the Western World too. How about the difficulties being faced by young people today? Mental illnesses, relationships, finding the right job or no jobs at all, difficulties of buying a house/flat etc…As already stated in the council, one starts with the normal and daily experience of the people in order to create the necessary trust which might lead to God. A married priest can give a first hand account of such difficulties and hopefully will be reflected in more up-to-date documents issued by the Vatican!

Contrary to the Council of some years ago, the married priests will remain a living testimony to the present synod and there is no danger that it will be put under the carpet in order not to create ‘waves’ in the church!

We are hopeful too that those contrary to married priests, by time will realise the great step forward which will benefit the whole church. Any change in the church should be done not to become a modernised church but to put people nearer to God. Now living amongst the majority of the people, will be a special occasion to show them the way to the Lord!

Churchgoers and the unchurched!

Young people struggle to find their place on earth. They have to get to know themselves really well in order to find what are they going to do with their own lives. Consequently they’ll find the right job and then hopefully, the right partner!

I see something similar in the church. We all know that life has changed drastically. We see things differently for various reasons. What about the church? Well many people have left. Others have stayed. Yet, on what level do they participate? Most of them simply follow the same timetable and principles for ages. Others are contrary to any change. Surveys have shown that most people who are still attending church, are in their majority ‘conservative’ people. It means that they oppose great changes for whatever reason! Some of these people would like to remove Pope Francis just because they think he is taking away the old teaching of the church. Well, they are truly ignorant of the gospel because most of the apostles were married!! See https://www.thedailybeast.com/vatican-may-approve-married-priests-but-conservative-catholics-arent-celebrating

So can one expect great changes? I don’t think so because the most people who are the right agents for change have long left. So who can make changes after all? Sincerely we don’t have an answer!

This is in part the society of today: we wish to make changes yet no one would like to be in the midst of the struggle! When we were young they used to tell us the story of the mice and the big, ferocious cat. The mice had their meeting in order to put a bell around the neck of the cat. After hours of discussion, one old mouse, in a soft voice just asked: Who is going to put the bell around the cat’s neck? Silence fell. It’s useless that we would like changes to take place if we abandon the church!

I know from experience that going for church’s meetings it’s not the most interesting job of the world. Sometimes one has to meet lots of old people (with all due respect to the old ones whom we cherish a lot). Most of them seem to be stuck in the 1900s! We see the usual faces. Very rare to see new ones! Besides, the young ones are not easy to make them attend besides the 1001 appointments that they have to attend to!

To add insult to injury, in the world, in a generic sense, there is a lot of prejudice or ignorance of what the true religion says! So many valid persons who have lots of talents, won’t come to church owing to prejudice, ignorance or outright hate of all that pertains to the religious world! This is one of the most challenging visions of the church. How can we bring back the lost majority? What kind of teaching do we present? What are people looking for?

Again we present the married priest as a one who is living in the world today! He has the right mixture to be an ambassador to many young, adults or non-believers. The fact that they see him struggling with everyday normal timetables, would be a great asset. As Pope Paul the sixth once wrote: the world doesn’t need preachers but rather people who testify with their own lives!

The difficult art of dialogue.

Many people have different ideas about a relationship. They might read books, ask other people, attend seminars etc…but the real test starts when one enters a true and deep relationship with another person. At the beginning of a relationship everything is smooth sailing, until the first storm takes place. Then the true colours of some people come out, vigorously!

The same happened with our married priest argument. At the beginning many people were all united until different opinions have emerged. The situation, like in any other subject, has shown the need for people to become true dialogue practitioners!

Let me say clearly: this is not the end of it! It’s a common crisis where with the help of the Holy Spirit we will come out of it, more mature and more filled with faith! Obviously, everybody has to do his/her part.

First of all we have to admit that not all our readers like to express themselves in writing! So unfortunately, we are never going to read the opinion of all followers. Many others are still afraid to write, as if we’re going to tell their parish who is writing. To tell the truth I don’t know if one is writing from USA, South Africa, Chile, Canada, Europe or the Philippines! Let alone give away their secrets!! We’ll deal with them on a one-to-one basis. It takes a long time and it does not lead to success automatically!

A very small section are comfortable with writing. These are the ones who ‘make a lot of noise’ as we say in jargon. Yet this section does not reflect the opinion of all of our readers!

If we need to convince the rest of the population about married priesthood, we have to start practising dialogue skills between ourselves!

One enters a dialogue with the right mentality: ie I don’t have all the ideas or answers. I’m here to learn and maybe change my opinion. I do use a kind of prayer which helps me see the others not as an adversary but rather as the one who might make me see the hidden side of the argument. It’s not a question of who is right or wrong but rather seeing both sides of the same coin! It’s a question of seeing it from all sides, angles and possible consequences.

I do remember at the University where a lecturer used to listen to our opinion and used to put us in the opposite group (one which was totally opposite to our honest and personal choices!!). In this way we saw our ‘adversaries’ in a completely new light and she made sure that we would truly listen and understand their opinion!! In common English we would use the expression to walk in somebody’s shoes.

In the course of life’s experiences, one meets people who use the dialogue tactics simply to feel the power to manipulate people. Either by one’s nice way, or by other more brutal ones!! One common assumption used by the Catholic Church throughout the centuries was that of fear: either you accept or you’ll be condemned! We cannot use these tactics in the 21^st century! Even if the others don’t accept our ideas, it doesn’t mean that they are going to be condemned! It doesn’t mean that we are better than others! In this light, we unfortunately admit that a church document published around 1965 is still largely unknown by many Christians (Gaudium et Spes – The Church in the world today).

In faith, we express differences in a slightly different way. It’s like starting a journey. One starts today, others have already started their journey and others are still at home, not thinking about starting a journey at all! The stage of the journey [beginning, halfway, end], puts us all in different positions but it doesn’t translate into who is better or worse!

Before deciding to embark on a dialogue on some hot potatoes, I would rather enquire about one’s journey of faith, because it makes all the difference before we start our dialogue! One is not expected to forgive one’s enemies if one has never experienced the love-without-conditions of God! This what we mean by a ‘journey in faith’!

We have to over emphasize once again: married priesthood is not going to solve all the problems in the church! It’s not suitable for all priests! It doesn’t mean that we throw away Celibacy.

We are simply indicating another way that it could be another important asset in the church today, taking into consideration what many people think and wish for!

One final condition: many church goers and other sections of society have only listened to one boring and repetitive answer to married priesthood: NO. They still need to hear our fresh and daring opinion: the married priest will find a practical and direct God in his relationship with his wife and children. As the document in the Church in the world today [mentioned earlier], it makes the church more near the people of today who live in the trenches of one’s life!

We either grow or die!

Children are easily noticed when they get taller. All of us do notice the rate of growth of the young ones. We, as adults, we are growing up very day! It seems so obvious that most of us don’t notice at all! What’s natural and happening everyday seems to get sandwiched between our 1001 jobs we have to do daily.

How do we grow up? Obviously not getting taller! But we are making experiences and reflections in our daily journey. As spiritual beings we tend to look beyond the experience. We are humans who ask many questions.

It has become obvious that as a spiritual community all of us have different ideas, characters, upbringing etc…But lately the going is getting a little bit more challenging. There are some who are not open to change [like in many other sections of the population]. Others who would like to take a commanding role [either you do as I’m telling you or I’m quitting]. Some others go on a rampage by labelling others [including myself]. A few have chosen their role: to be judges!

Can we move forward in this way? Well, in the moments when I feel it’s getting dark, I would grasp the bible in my hands and look for inspiration. Yes, Jesus Christ could have started and set everything ready made in His church. Yet He didn’t do it! He wished to have 12 frail men to command it. Where they the best people on earth at that time? Definitely not. It’s not me who is leading his church. It’s the Holy Spirit who is continually cleaning and sanctifying His church. Do we truly believe this?

This is the biggest change in teaching. We are bombarded by negative news. It’s so easy to fall in the prey of today’s so called journalists. It seems that there is negativity all around! How can I believe in the ‘nuclear’ news of the gospel? From this aspect, we are seeing what we DO NOT AGREE IN. In this way we are undermining our community. We have to believe that as a community we are obliged to take care of each other.

This is like friends. When we are young we tend to think that our best friends seem to be our photocopies. As we grow older, we notice many areas were we disagree completely! We are best friends not because we agree on all subjects, but rather for other reasons! The same goes for our community. We are trying to give a message to the world: married priesthood will be a blessing to our wider Catholic community. Now if we remain separated or everybody in the comfort of his house but disregarding the calls of his brothers/sisters, then we fall down. All of us. The entire community.

I did my doctoral thesis on the role of the community. I lived in a community 24/7. For some time, I lived in an international community of nearly 200 people. I know what it takes to live in a community. I know all the pros and cons. I do distinguish though, the online community from other communities. In fact some people play the bully role simply for the fact that they are behind a screen and they think nobody can get their true identity!

I never told anybody to leave. I hope I will never do that. But some people seem to abandon the community because the community is growing. Growing means taking a different path in our journey. Now I know that most human beings are so diffident with change. Yet, looking out of the window and seeing the wind blowing, I realise that it’s not the most ‘strong’ tree that will resist the wind but the most flexible one. The flexible ones seem to be so frail as they are going in all directions when the wind blows heavily. Surprisingly those who seem to be so strong are the most likely ones to be uprooted! Technically because they try to stop the wind, which of course is unstoppable, like change!

One final note: I have been there many times when there was discord amongst a community. I do feel that God is telling us to move forward, with or without these members. It’s up to them to either get on the bus again or risk of being left behind!