Jack (priest) and Annie (married woman).

I’m Annie and my priest’s name is Jack. I’ve been reading your blog for sometime now and I wanted to finally share some of my story (it’s okay to post this). It’s not very detailed but it’s enough. I met a priest in 2013 just before my husband left on a business trip. This trip was to last 5 months abroad. My husband is very kind, and I would say we have a good marriage. This priest was from an other parish filling in for our priest.

After my husband departed for his business trip, I filled my days with daily mass and volunteer work. In those days I would see this priest. There was an instant chemistry that I was very aware of. He was too. There was much eye contact, both catching and looking away and catching again. I felt that his homilies always spoke to me personally. I felt the hot and cold too at first. It would go from one week he’d “see” me and then the following week completely ignoring me. In those moments of being ignored I felt crushed. We didn’t speak much. I would email him occasionally asking for a Mass intention or pray for someone or something but nothing beyond that. 

Eventually, my husband returned home. The hot and cold and eye catching didn’t cease with the priest but seemed to increase. The day came when this priest was to return to his home parish. It was in our goodbye that set everything in motion. He expressed not wanting to leave and saying he wished we’d had more time together. We emailed in earnest after that day. Our correspondences was filled with double meanings…it was frustrating. I met with a few weeks later. It was at this time he expressed his love for me. I was so shocked and pleased all rolled into one.

Over the next several months we would meet and our closeness grew both emotionally and physically. Until he broke his promise of celibacy and I broke my marital vows. We continued this way for a year. We’d meet at different places, it would always end in us being intimate. At first i thought what we experienced in friendship and love was special, unique and true. But as time progressed the illusion of us being “meant to be” as he put it came crashing down.

I felt many times he wanted to know all about me but would share only bits and pieces about himself. He wanted to know and meet my friends and family but I was never to meet his. I would want to plan ahead, he would give me excuses for why he couldn’t. Then he would make palms with other friends and family. Yes, we’d text and call but my communication with him didn’t take priority. There would be days I wouldn’t hear from him. I would take time to ensure he knew I was thinking of him constantly, at the expense of spending that time and effort on my family. He would just say he was too busy or too tired….or just couldn’t. He would be jealous and it would cause arguments between us. He always wanted to advise me on my life and would get upset when I chose not to follow his guidance. It was like he wanted an observer rather than a participant in his life. He never seemed to understand actions speak louder than words. 

When I realized that the relationship would always be one of secrecy, one built on falsities, one that would never progress beyond a rendezvous, I couldn’t continue. I told him I just wanted to be friends. He wanted us to continue as we were…confiding in each other, communication, still seeing each other…everything but the physical contact. I couldn’t agree to that. It would be tempting to just fall back into what we were. So I cut everything off cold turkey. He hasn’t contacted me at all since I said no more to all of it. I sometimes get the urge to text him because it’s hard to stop all contact with someone after a year of constant communication but then I remember that he wasn’t mature enough to tell me goodbye. At first I was upset he didn’t contact me back, but now I am grateful. It has allowed me to make a clean break from him. 

Why do I want to share all this? Because after reading all the posts from women hoping against hope their priest will be different, I had to speak up. Aren’t we more than the little bit of time and attention they give us? Don’t we want more for ourselves? Someone who will fully commit to us? Their time, attention and love? Where when you meet or talk there isn’t an elephant in the room looming over head because of who and what he is? 

I’m mad at myself for listening to the flowery things he said. For not paying attention to his actions towards me. I feel I wasted the last couple of years on him to feel immense guilt and sadness. I remain married to my husband. I am constantly working to better myself and my marriage. 

It’s up to the readers to comment in order to make our blog very lively. Last week we had a record of 273 comments! Thanks to all who participated and made our blog truly unique. Every opinion counts! On the other hand we had some interesting news…The Pope is giving back authority to the local bishops to fix the liturgical translations. He is giving back authority to the local bishops. Remember that we need to pester our local bishops about married priests! Please do your part. Don’t lose faith. Let’s keep going. Don’t be afraid if they don’t answer or they seem to be very cold or indifferent. If we wish to testify about our Lord Jesus Christ, we need adults who are strong enough to withstand any coldness or bitterness! Some positive news (thanks to Maria from Italy)..the Hungarian bishops are asking for married priests!!! In the USA there is a local community who is asking for married priests!!!! Let’s unite and move forward…the future is not very far away!

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Another hot and cold priest

I’m Wendy. My priest’s name is Craig. Forgive the long story, but I don’t know how to understand my priest. His behaviour is odd, and it’s ripping me up inside.

Let me start by saying that this has been a horrible year for me! In the same month, I had a tumour on my neck, my mother went into kidney failure, and my 67 year old boss was constantly harassing me, and threatening to fire me, so she could afford to keep her 35 year old boyfriend in the company. He just got out of rehab, and hasn’t been employed a year. He went to rehab after working at my company just one week, when he showed up at work drunk. My boss sent him to rehab for three months, then brought him back to the company, where he took my promised promotion. We were in a deficit, and could not afford him, so now all of a sudden, she was finding all kinds of flaws in my work, while he is paid literally just to sit around, and be her boyfriend. On July 4th, she finally got rid of me. My point of all this, is that this year has been misery, and my priest was like a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

He came to my parish as a parochial vicar in 2014. To be honest, I did not like him. I had a private meeting with him to ask a question about a dilemma I was facing. He was rude, and sarcastic. I thanked him for his time, and left.

After that, he’d say hi to me in church. I’d nod politely. I’m the shy type, so I’m not good with eye contact. In 2015, my mother was hospitalised in ICU. (We live together, because of her many health problems. She rarely goes to church.) Father came to visit her. It was their first time meeting. She told him that I went to his church. When she said my name, he said, “Oh yes. She’s the pretty dark-haired girl who sits in the front row.”

After that, he approached me CONSTANTLY in church. He’d ask me how my mother was. When it was time to give the sign of peace, he’d step off the altar, and shake my hand. During the procession when mass was ending, he’d stop, and ask me how she was. He even knelt beside me during Adoration, and asked. That shocked me, because Adoration is done in silence. He started calling the house a lot, and coming over to the house. He wanted to give my mother Communion. I remember thinking that I misjudged him. He was a nice guy after all.

This behaviour continued until summer of 2016, when I came to church 10 minutes late. He gave me a dirty look, and kept his eyes closed during most of the service. When it came time to give the sign of peace, he never came over, like he usually did. Was he really that mad about me being late for church? The next week, I was on time. He was still cold. He would be all laughter, and smiles towards everyone else, then his face would change when he saw me. He looked at me like he hated me, or would just close his eyes. This went on for a month. Mom told me that it was my imagination. That following Sunday, there were two priests. The pastoral vicar proceeded out the front door, I left out the side door, like I always do. To my surprise, there was Father holding the door open as the parishioners exited. There were just three parishioners in front of me, and no one was behind me. I saw him smile, and shake the parishioners hands. He would joke with them, and ask them questions. This for me, was the moment of truth. How he reacted when I walked out that door, would tell me whether or not I was imagining things. Sure enough, the second he saw me, his face changed. He looked straight ahead as if he didn’t see me. I said goodbye to him, and he didn’t even acknowledge me. Just looked straight ahead.

Months went by, and my church attendance dwindled. It wasn’t really because of him. Things regrettably, got in the way. And yes, my faith was (and still is) on the decline. Last November, a gland that was swollen on my neck since the summer, got bigger, and was throbbing. It turned out to be a tumour. During that period, to my shock there was a knock at the door, and it was Father. I hadn’t seen him in months. Unfortunately, Mom and I were both sick, and improperly dressed so we did not answer the door. It surprised me though.

This January, besides my tumour, my mother went into kidney failure, and my boss started harassing me. I went to another church in town because they were having confession that day. I wanted to return to God. To my surprise, I heard Father’s voice in the confessional. It turns out that during the period when I was missing church, the older priests either retired, or transferred, so Father became the parochial vicar of 5 parishes! During confession, he was so compassionate, and understanding. He visited my mother when she was in the ICU. I decided to ask him for an anointing on my tumour. When I came to the rectory, he was very caring. The only thing I thought was odd was that he was ogling my legs. His eyes went from my feet to my legs, to my thighs, and once there, they widened, and remained transfixed. I was wearing ordinary pants. In fact, I don’t even think that I have nice legs, so that surprised me.

When he saw me in church that following Saturday, it was like old times. He was friendly, and went out of his way to say hi to me. Ten days after the anointing, I called him to tell him that a miracle happened. Out of nowhere, water started pouring out of my neck, and the tumour went down to the size of a mosquito bite. He didn’t call back. A few days later, on Ash Wednesday, I went to church. Before the service began, he came out to talk to me. I showed him the tumour, and he was surprised. He shook my hand, and went to start the service. Because I had just come home from work, I ate on the drive to the church, so I did not receive Communion. When the service ended, I lagged behind, and knelt in prayer.

After the miracle occurred, my faith reignited, so I stared at the Tabernacle, gave thanks, and asked God to heal my mother, and to help me at my job. Father then approached me from behind, and asked me if I had wanted Communion. I explained to him why I didn’t take it. He told me that an hour had gone by, and it was okay for me to take it. He went to the sacristy behind the altar, and gave me some. It was at that moment that I started to get feelings for him. I thought about him constantly, but I didn’t act on it. He’s 14 years older than I am, but he seemed to be the perfect man. That weekend I was out of town, so I didn’t go to Mass. Monday, when I went to work, my boss brought me into her office, and ordered me to go into therapy, or she would fire me. Her boyfriend said that I was creating a hostile work environment by interrupting his recording sessions by tapping on my watch (I don’t even wear a watch.), and by asking if I could go in there. I told her that I’d hardly call that hostile, and it was in fact him who was doing that to me, and I showed her the email proving it. It was from another coworker telling him not to interrupt me during recording sessions. My boss remained unmoved, and forced me to go into therapy. I was furious! During Lent, the church had Adoration. After work, I went straight to Church, and I cried to the Eucharist. All of a sudden, Father came in. He gave me the warmest smile. Suddenly my pain seemed bearable. That following Tuesday, the church also had evening Mass during Lent. I went. When Mass ended, Father left behind the altar. I stayed, and knelt down begging God to help me with my problems. There was the parochial vicar, and some other people still in church. Suddenly from behind the altar, Father comes out, and says, “Has it been an hour yet?” It was only a 30 minute Mass, and I ate on the car ride over, so I told him no. He laughed. I was sitting in the front pew, and there was a barrier in front of it. He knelt against it, and said that he would give me a blessing, instead. He touched my head. He asked me how my tumor was. He also said that he wanted to see it. I moved my hair from my neck, and showed him. He also asked me when I’d know the results of my MRI. I answered him.

His voice then took on a more seductive tone. He was whispering. “It was wonderful seeing you the other night in Adoration. It’s a great place to meditate, and receive peace.” He started looking at my hands which were folded in prayer. He stared into my eyes, and smiled. He had a dreamy expression on his face. We kept staring at each other smiling. This may seem weird, but it felt like an electrical current had passed from him into me. I had a feeling something was about to happen; like he was going to kiss me, or something. It scared me, so I rapidly turned my head away from him. Still dreamy-eyed, he whispered, “Bless you!” He told me that he had to go. He gave me the most seductive smile,waved goodbye, and went back behind the altar. I went home in a daze. I knew at that moment, that it wasn’t just my imagination, or wishful thinking. Father wanted me. I told Mom about it when I got home. She warned me to be careful.

That Friday, when I went to work, the boss gave me another written warning threatening to fire me, if I did not stop “creating a hostile work environment”. I had been recording notes into my cellphone, and her boyfriend said that it was making him uncomfortable, because he didn’t know why I was doing it. It was notes about recording the news, sports, and weather. She said that if she had to write me up one more time, I’d be fired.

That Sunday evening, I called a coworker while he was at work, to ask him a question. He answered, then told me, “Crazy stuff is going on here at work. There are men sitting downstairs with guns. They said that the boss told them to come. They’ve been here the past three nights!” I worked on an Indian Reservation, and they have their own government agencies, and some of them do carry guns.

This was too much! I hadn’t told the priest about my problems at work, but I called him up, and left a voice mail, asking if I could use the church after hours to just sit, and pray. I told him about what was going on at work. The doors lock automatically, so locking up wouldn’t be an issue. There was no return call, so I decided to pray in the Church parking lot. I just wanted to be as close as I could to the Eucharist. Well, when I got to the parking lot, I saw that the Church was all lit up, and there were cars, everywhere. I felt that God had answered my prayers. Thinking it was a Mass, I rushed inside, and took a seat. It turned out to be a confirmation class. I was embarrassed, but I just continued to kneel, and pray. When class was over, and he greeted everyone as they left the church, I heard him ask the parochial vicar if everyone in the church was gone.

I took that as a sign that he didn’t want me there, so I started to leave, when he stopped me. I told him what was going on at work. To my horror, he was rude, and condescending. He told me I could stay after if I wanted, but I was so embarrassed, I just left. After that, he was mean to me. He’d look at me, and roll his eyes. He’d get angry if I stayed after Mass to pray. He even yelled at me. I would just ignore him, and continue praying. Lots of people come to church when it’s empty to pray. Why did he care so much what I did? He could just sit in the rectory, and ignore me.

So Father wouldn’t feel uncomfortable around me, I asked a male coworker to come to church with me. Maybe then Father would feel relief, and stop being so awkward around me. Of course, my coworker saw this as an opportunity to take advantage of the situation. He kept touching me, hugging me, and putting his arm around me. I politely asked him to stop. To my surprise, Father was jealous! He said the Mass with tears in his eyes. He actually sat on the altar, and buried his head in his hands. He was stumbling, and losing his place while he read. When Mass ended, he nodded to my coworker, then hung his head as he left the church. He did not greet anyone. I felt terrible.
He treated me worse after that. Finally, on Good Friday, when the church was empty, I told Father that I wanted the other Priest to perform a blessing on me for the results on my tumor were not as optimistic as I had hoped. They were inconclusive (still are), but the doctor didn’t like the looks of my MRI. He told me that the other priest was at the rectory. I hesitated, then said, “I’d ask you to do it, but you hate me.”

He gave me a look of shock, then said, “I don’t hate you. Why do you think that?”
I then proceeded to tell him everything. He denied doing it. He then changed the subject by saying, “This is the most eye contact I ever made with you! Usually when I talk to you, you look at the floor. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Still looking him in the eye, I shook my head to tell him no. He smiled, and said, “This is nice.” He then gave me a blessing, and I left. I thought everything was good, but the eye rolls continued. A few months ago, one of his employees asked me to volunteer at the church. I told her that I get on Father’s nerves, so I’d rather not. Well, I didn’t know that he’d come walking by right after I said that. She pulled him aside. They both looked at me, and started talking. They talked for quite a while. He then gave me the dirtiest look, and left. It was the other priest’s turn to do Mass that day.

A week later, as I was leaving Mass, he pulled me aside, and told me how it bothered him that I thought he didn’t like me. He said that he felt no ill-will towards me, he liked having me there, and he was sorry. I just stood there, and listened. I was going to argue with him. He then put his hand out for me. I thought he wanted to shake it, but he just held it for a good 30 seconds. He let go, and started to walk away. I stopped him, and told him that on Monday, my mother was going to be tested to see if she qualified to get a kidney transplant, and I wanted to donate one to her. He offered to come over and anoint her. He came over for the first time in a while, and anointed her, and yes, he ogled my legs again. And no I was not dressed seductively.

After coming home from the days of numerous tests which we still don’t have an answer for, I went back to work to discover that I was fired. I didn’t bother to tell my priest. I still don’t know how to take him. In church, he’ll say hi, but part of me wonders if it’s just to save face, because his employee talked to him about what I said about getting on his nerves. He still closes his eyes when he sees me in church. He treats no one else this way, because I look. Everyone thinks he’s nice, warm, and charismatic. I used to think so, too. I’m uncomfortable going to church now. Yesterday, was a holy day, and I almost didn’t go to Mass out of fear of what the priest would think. I then realized that I was putting the priest before God, so I went to church in spite of him. He saw me, rolled his eyes, then kept them closed for the rest of the service. It’s hurtful. He’s the pastor of five churches, so I can’t really get away from him. I believe that love is the most Christian act of all, and if mandatory celibacy is causing you to neglect, and even be mean to your female parishioners, and make them feel too uncomfortable to even go to Mass, then it’s not creating a holy service to God. I fell in love with him, but never acted on it. Never even told him about it. I rarely even look at him. I just leave church every week with a hole in my heart.

Readers: Wendy is asking for guidance. She’s asking other woman what they did in such situation. Please give your feedback as it might help a lot. Thanks.

The Surprises of the Holy Spirit

It’s summer, it’s hot. Our spiritual lives most of the time reflect our hot season. This summer has been too hot. We feel dryness on our inside too, in our spiritual lives. We would like to see the apostolic church to take over our church. In our Western Culture we are used to see changes, if not we do change our government. We are used to voting on a paper, if not, we do vote with our feet.

In the church and in our spiritual lives things tend to be different. The changes sometimes are too subtle to notice. Most of the time they take ages to see. Besides that, for many years it seems that nothing has been happening at all! We tend to lose faith. We tend to find comfort in other matters as we resign ourselves to the status quo in the church. We are a little bit impatient!

The life of prayer tends to make us familiar with how God sees things. It changes us to God’s image. In the real prayer we let God melt us to a unique image. God is not in a hurry. He gives enough time to all. This time could be our learning curve. We take time to realise who is a good friend to us. We take time to understand how God works in our lives. We take time to grow in our relationships. We take time to see how our children are growing and changing.

These days, sort of an insignificant event took place. In a parish, a nun was authorised to conduct a wedding. It was a glimpse of how things could change. The pope himself knows that the age of the priests is already a time bomb. If most of them are of a certain age, then a future pope won’t have the luxury to mull over a decision. He has to take action immediately if he wants the survival of the faith communities!

Reading some comments of our readers, it seems that some of them have given up all hope that the Catholic Church will ever change! We wish to bolster the faith of all. Yes the Catholic Church changes according to God’s wishes. But we are confident that married priests will be included some time in the future. The church will become more beautiful with married priests although there will always be unmarried priests. The church is a community where different people, with different attitudes can live side by side, next to each other in a peaceful way.

Let’s hope that our blog besides showing the face of the future church, will also inspire many christians not to wait but to start the change themselves by supporting married priests. Let’s hope that the faith of our readers will increase and not decrease when faced with centuries of still, malodorous water!

The wife of the Pastor

We spoke a lot about the priest who is side by side next to his woman but what about his wife? What does she think about all this? What does it mean for her to pick up a man of God as her husband?

Today we’re addressing ourselves to a small percentage of women who encourage their husband-priest to continue his work as a pastor to the flock. Why does a woman would go for all this trouble after being judged and labelled by other Christians?

We wish to emphasize that no priest, who left active priesthood, is being forced to continue working as a priest. We always believe in the free will. Nobody could force you to do anything in life. Otherwise it would be counterproductive. Besides, if we criticise the church for being forceful with celibacy, we don’t want to be pharisaic by forcing any priest to do something against his will!!

Most of the women realise that a priest cannot cancel his past (and present one too) ! Most of the priests who leave the parish are not immature. Most of them are sincere and honest. In fact this is one of the reasons they had left: they can’t live double lives. They chose sincerity. Now most of them were used to be very social and help other people. Priesthood was not a 5 to 8 job for them. It was his vocation. He is that way: kind, helpful, understanding, caring and sociable.

As the woman gives him all the attention, love, understanding and one million other useful things…she comes to realise that her man is richer. He can’t live without giving a part of his life not only to his family but also to other people. Now in some cases, the woman becomes extremely jealous of his time spent elsewhere…..but in these cases, the personality, charisma or talents of her husband, like a plant in the hot and dry summer months, will slowly but surely die. Would she like a husband who becomes an introvert without talking or communicating anything? No she doesn’t. So as time passes by, she realises that the best cure for her husband is to become his old self by serving the people of God.

Now obviously, most Catholic priests, either have to convert to any other religion which allow married priests, or else start their own parish with all it’s pros and cons. It would be quite difficult at the beginning but it’s quite rewarding in the long run.

On the other hand, one cannot dismiss one big stumbling block: being involved in the building of a community, does it mean that she is going to have less time with her husband? There are several ways to face this challenge. Here are some of them: a very good way is to share the work of her husband. In fact the advantage of having married priesthood is that there is an extra pair of eyes to help her husband (unlike the unmarried priest). In this way, when he is ‘at work’, she would be next to him most of the time. Another solution would be to teach people to respect the working schedule of the parish unless there are emergencies. Some people tend to be egoistic expecting service 24/7 even for simple things such as filling up of some papers!!!

One solution would be to delegate some of the work to others such as a council or panel. The involvement means that the parish is owned by all and not by the pastor’s family! This has the advantage that if they own it, the parishioners might work hard for its maintenance.

A method which I found quite interesting is to have the family day where the pastor is away for a day or for some hours, depending on the situation. This ensures that there is enough time and care for the pastor’s family.

Finally being the wife of the pastor and having a family (including shrilling kids!!!), might not mean of having a perfect family (where is the perfect family?). So the wife needs to combat the idea of having a perfect family. It’s a normal family with all its ups and downs. They would be facing the same challenges other families are facing!! This is not a disadvantage but rather a big advantage because they can speak from experience. People would listen more to their family experience.

If you’re interested in this area, we are referring to a book written by the wife of a pastor! Here is the link! Let’s receive the feedback of many of our readers! Please we would like to read your responses as this is what keeps this blog alive!

Priest: the advantage of having teenager sons and daughters

Recently, in what is considered a large parish, I asked about which activities were being organised for young people. Surprisingly the answer was practically none. Now in this parish, the population growth is incredible. Its truly increasing by leaps and bounds. The number of young people is immense…yet there were no activities in the parish, targeting such tender age. If one were to attend mass in this parish, unsurprisingly there are only people with silver hair!! Obviously the young people do go out and have fun…but there is no one to guide them. They do not come to church. Consequently there is no such uniting factor such as the church, in today’s society.

As a parent I know about the headaches of summer….the young people do not know how to spend their free time. There is the temptation of online games for boys and the watching of films or TV series for girls..not just for a few hours but for endless days. In some countries, there are summer camps which are a blessing. Yet there is no direct reference to their spiritual growth.

Besides, just walking with some young people and listening to their conversations, their kind of language..one sees that most of them, although they still yearn for a good quality life, the discourse of God and their personal spiritual growth is far away or maybe none at all.

Some years ago, we had the introduction of divorce and the resultant discussion. Practically in all countries (including Catholic Malta!!) it has been introduced with large majorities. Now, in some countries, the issue of gay marriage has surfaced and people have shown that they do care about such people and they do not want any discrimination. Again they have voted with large majorities. The issue of the contraceptives is considered to be buried once for all as the people are using them left, right and centre, although surprisingly there has been no change from Pope Francis. This brings a fundamental question: what about the church? Does it question it’s own teachings? Are ‘we right’ and them ‘wrong?’ The pope Francis himself said: Who am I to judge a gay person?

The friars in this parish are all cosy in their rooms happy of performing the miracle of mass everyday. Yet, do they realise that in most western countries, the people need to be evangelised about the basic things of religion? Just ask some basic questions (which we were supposed to learn by heart in our age), and you’ll be surprised with the quality of answers received! Do they believe that if we don’t care about our young people, there will be no church in the future?

This brings me to one fundamental choice: let married people become priests and they will change the church as they already have experience with most the daily conflicts, trials, debates and faith issues they face in their family. They already have the knack of approaching and directing young people. Let’s make use of them so that the church can benefit from such expertise.

All readers are welcome to continue the debate.

The role of a double life in a priest

One question which baffles most women is that of a double life. How can a priest: who is so near God; breathes God; thinks about God; prays to God; speaks about God etc…can lead a double life? He tells others what to do and how to avoid sin, yet he breaks his promise (or vow) and makes love to a woman and feels ok!!! To make matters worse, in some cases, he has more than one woman! That’s why some people call priests womanizers.

One has to remember that a priest is a public person. It’s so difficult for normal men to have a hidden lover let alone a priest. Yet some of them are most successful in having a hidden lover.

Let’s try to understand the mindset of a priest. Before we proceed let’s make it clear that we are in no way condoning such behaviour. We do not agree with such attitude and bad use of a woman friend.

The priest is feeling lonely. He feels the need to be loved. He needs somebody who knows him directly and in a personal way (remember he is always talking to crowds and when in confession he is dealing with problems of other people). Most of the parishes cannot afford two priests. Hence there is no comfort in sharing his daily experience of parishioners with another colleague. He is to be strong in front of other people especially his congregation. On the inside he feels that he is going to fall one day or another as he feels so weak.

As we have mentioned several times, it’s not easy to leave priesthood, for various reasons (maybe the most important one is the financial one plus housing). Besides, the gossip of the parishioners terrifies him. Hence the logical conclusion would be to open up to a person and to expose his real self. This might not be done immediately or on a conscious level, yet the deeper needs of a man win in the long run.

Priests, notwithstanding speaking badly about women (owing to the brainwashing experienced during the initial formative years), yet he feels the urge to experience a woman directly. He does see many woman and the many sacrifices they perform both in family and at work. Indirectly he does admire such people but he cannot admit it as it goes against all his previous teaching.

God works in mysterious ways. We do believe that everything that happens is not simply by chance. The encounter with his special person will bring about a new level of understanding and intimacy. It’s up to the priest and the woman, if they let such friendship grow and multiply. In most cases, it’s the priest who pushes forward such a relationship. Most women feel a lot of empathy for their hero priest. In most cases, the women will get to know the church and priesthood for the first time (in such a direct and personal way). They do suffer for their priests. They feel the need to provide an emotional shelter for their friend. They feel the urge to show empathy.

When sex takes place, obviously there is a unique intimacy between the two even though sex is viewed in a different way from both sexes. Most of the women are so happy that they’ll start to dream about the couple’s future. But disaster will soon strike as the female will realise that their priest does not want to leave his former wife (the church) even though he keeps procrastinating. In that case, it’s up to the female to either let go their relationship or else let herself being taking for a ride, as the priest will keep her hanging on for infinity!

One of the tactics employed by priests is that they force their woman to remain silent. The woman involved in such a clandestine relationship complies as she realises that she would be the victim if a word about their relationship comes out! Hence, unknowingly she would be the sacrificial lamb in the priest’s hands. In our experience it’s so hard to convince the woman to report the priest to authorities or at least to leave him, as the love link with the priest is so strong. Most of the women would still feel guilty even though their priest maybe disciplined by higher authorities for their own good.

Let’s make our blog alive by receiving the readers’ reaction. We are waiting for your response. May God Bless you all!

Understanding the Pope

One can find it difficult to understand himself/herself sometimes. It could become more complicated when one has to understand another person. But how about understanding a public person….such as the Pope? Well the journalists are all the time trying to decipher the Pope’s character and believes through public speaking and when he interrelates with people.

One knows that a public person is always very attentive in what one does and says. Indirectly one uses a camouflage so as to protect some of his/her thoughts from being divulged into the general public. The Pope carries a lot of moral weight, hence he is more cautious than a normal prime minister or president.

All Catholics, in one way or another they look up to the Pope to strengthen their faith. They look for consolation and hope. The Pope answers questions on a particular question. Now there is always the fear of being misinterpreted or given the wrong meaning (sometimes on purpose!!) by listeners. Well, all those trained in communication know really well that if there is a group of ten people, most probably there will be ten different interpretations for the same event. That is because we are not neutral to information especially when it comes from a Pope. The so called Catholics who belong to the ‘progressive’ or ‘conservative’ groups might give totally different interpretations to what they see and hear from the Pope’s mouth! Others let their emotions run wild as soon as they see the man in white clothes! There are some with a hidden political agenda, ready to kill their opponents by quoting the Pope’s message!!

The Pope himself might give different reactions to some issues which leaves readers more perplexed! With all these fears, we too try to give you the right picture although it’s not that easy. Obviously it regards married priesthood.

One one hand, the Pope is hinting for more participation from the laity (those who are not priests) as when it comes to selecting the bishop for a diocese. Yet when a priest needs to get married he does not propose to get married and stay as a priest!
In the selection of a bishop, we already have the parish councils. How is he thinking of consulting the laity? Is he going to make use of the parish councils or does he have in mind something completely different? Or plus the parish councils, is he going to include other people? Some people expert in politics would immediately point out some games people play in order to get elected. Yet in today’s world how can one appoint a new bishop without consulting the general public?

So how can one interpret this action vis-a-vis married priests? Is he in favour of married priests, yes or no? Or is he hinting that those who leave are ‘traitors’ (sorry for the harsh word) ? Does he prefer to select already married people (but not priests), in order to train them for priesthood? Which is the way to go? Why no bishop have asked for married priests publicly? Is it just the Pope who mentioned this idea? Or is it still too far away project? How is the church going to survive when we have so many parishes without a resident priest??!!

This is the reason why we as married priests, help other people. We cannot let the church be ruined just because of a man made law which is leaving many people without the Eucharist and any other ecclesial activity including reading of the bible etc…Deep in our conscience, we cannot say no to people who ask for our services. We are priests forever because once a priest is always a priest. This is true theology (the science which focuses on God). We cannot simply delete our priesthood!

Pentecost and Married Priests

We have just celebrated Pentecost. In lay terms it’s the birth of the church. The apostles were all behind closed doors and windows afraid of what might happen to them. On Pentecost day, the Holy Spirit descended upon all apostles and they left all their fears, doubts, jealousy and lack of faith behind, went out and started to talk in the name of Jesus. It was a big transformation.

In Europe in these last days, it seems that we are electing several governments. Our mentality is that we elect people to represent us whilst we continue with our lives. Is that a similar attitude in the church? How many people leave the church for one thousand and one reasons? Yet who is going to remain ‘in’ to bring about the change? It is an appropriate reflection on Pentecost’s day. Are we just young children who are happy to play with the toys whilst the other adults take care of us in the church? Pentecost was so transforming because the apostles realised that it was their turn to start speaking in the name of Jesus Christ. Do we have so many lay people available in the church?

Married priesthood is important because married people should be considered as a great asset for the church. It could be the building block for the whole church. It’s up to the people to ask their local bishops for married priesthood. How many of our readers are ready to pester their bishops to call for married priesthood?
This does not mean that it’s going to be that easy. Some bishops (example in the UK), are already too silent about it. But that does mean that we stop doing our part of speaking to them?

In most of our cases, we continued practising priesthood because people did ask us for our services. We saw many local areas where priests do not go. Lay people are left all alone. Who is going to attend to their needs? This is like an emergency. All people who can help are obliged to do so.

Emergency or not, Married priests feel that they have a special charisma for today’s people to bring God’s message. It’s the sign of the times. People who read between the lines should come to the same conclusion: we need married people to bridge the distance between priests and married people. Married people will look upon their priests in order to look for concrete examples on how to live the gospel in today’s world.

Baptised person: you are going to run the parish from this day onwards!

Who gives birth? Who is side by side with a new born baby? Who breasts feed the baby? Who answers the child’s questions? Who teaches him about God? The answer is usually (although there are some exceptions) a woman. Women, whether we acknowledge it or not, are the apostles who speak about God to their child. They are the ones who facilitate the relationship between God and the new born child. This continues for several years. Most probably during the teen’s years, existential questions may be asked by the young teenager which leaves some parents with their mouths wide open, in awkward silence.

Women are already acting like priests in their own families because they bring God to their family. What’s missing? It’s their input in the parish. We all know that more priests and bishops are becoming aware of the lack of priests in parishes (in Europe and North America). The first response is being that of amalgamating parishes. This is contrary to what people expect, because today we look for a sense of belonging in our parish. Now if the parish becomes bigger, that sense of community disappears. If that disappears, most probably church attendance will go down too. If that happens, what happens to Christianity if we don’t meet every Sunday? How are people going to learn how to find God in their busy lives?

One German bishop, is proposing a different path (finally). Yes lay people (those who are not priests), can manage a parish! Can you understand the meaning and the implications of it? Yes women too can manage a parish. The Holy Spirit always moves in hidden areas. There are many people out there who think that the Catholic Church will never change (it’s against our faith!!). Yet surprises will never stop in our life. The main problem is always the same. We have our own agenda and we want God to obey our ‘orders’. God will move his church when he deems fit. Obviously some of us who wish to hurry, will feel disappointed. Yet, as Catholics we have to bow to God’s will as we daily pray through our Father.

Now what does this mean? We need to prepare many lay people in order to take over our parishes. Obviously, they need preparation. When it comes to managing people, I do believe that some people are already highly qualified to do such job. The same goes for accounts and other daily running schedules. Yet the most important one (ie implying for married priests), they need to be trained in theological studies. This week I posted a link to a preacher who emphasized the role of women deacons in the early church. Now how many women know about that? Very few. If more lay people go to such courses, we could manage the church much better. Trained people is the best answer for tomorrow’s church because as we have seen in Germany, lay people one day will take over (with or without the consent of some priests!). Statistically this is beyond any doubt as future numbers will force the church to change path. The important thing is that we’ll have a good number of lay people who are prepared to take over as otherwise, unprepared and unqualified people will do more harm than good.

Let’s start thinking about the future, today or right now! May God Bless you all!

Please don’t publish my story

I was happy editing the latest story I had for publication……..I received an email where the person concerned tells me NOT to publish her story. This has been happening quite a long time. Why are victims afraid to have their story published?

This is common for all victims of criminal activity. We consider the fact that a priest who abuses his position of authority and trust, on the same level as that of a policeman who forces his victims to commit any illegal act under coercion.

One of the first steps is make the victim aware of what kind of action is she victim of. Victims, because of various reasons, cannot comprehend the seriousness of the act committed. As a defence mechanism in fact, in many cases they blame themselves rather than blame the man of God. Maybe it will be more devastating to their faith to admit that the man of God commits such criminal acts!!! Some of them try to camouflage it as ‘love’. In most cases the priest might be called a serial abuser of women. In most cases these women are in a vulnerable position (most probably emotional one) who simply cannot refuse some form of attention/cuddling/kisses etc.

The priest knows that as a public person he is at a very high risk if his story comes out. Living such high risk cannot be tolerated so he turns the tables by turning the abused person into a terrorised one. This game cannot be understood by the abused person as in her situation she feels too weak to react. She tries to console herself (mistakenly) by thinking that he is the only one who pays attention to her. In some cases the priest allures the victim by buying some expensive gifts.

The abuser, ie the priest, inflicts a sense of guilt or that of fear in his victim in order NOT to talk (like all criminal people), or write. The victim most probably lives in a highly inflated sense of fear. She is enslaved with this sense of fear. Maybe she feels sorry for him. In most cases it’s true that the congregation, again because the truth is too hard to handle, they might opt in for labelling the woman as a great sinner (they use another much stronger word!), when rumours start to surface. But this is another proof that a relationship based on fear is no relationship at all and there is no sign of love at all. How can we speak clearly to so many women who fell victims to their pastor?

We are all for support and education to ALL our victims. We need to make them aware of the game being played by their priest. We need to empower them to take action. Obviously, it’s easier said than done. But this is an important part of our pastoral outreach to such victims. We are not here to judge but rather to accompany these people in their spiritual walk of life.

We are all in favour of publishing such stories (although changing of names, places etc. might take place), because the people attending churches need to know what kind of priest do they have mingling with their families. They have the right to know. We cannot take away rights. Nothing to add nor delete. Secondly, it would be an eye opener for many others including some who are already passing through such experience. Thirdly, it would help our cause to press for married priests. Most of the priests, because of the celibacy promise, have become sexually dysfunctional. We have to make it very clear though that we don’t intend to push all priests to get married. We do acknowledge that not all people should be married, for various reasons. But married priests are a welcome change in the church in order to bring subsequent changes in the parish.

Finally let’s all remember that when one is doing a journey there are people at the beginning, half way through and those who are at the very end of it. In the spiritual world we’re in a journey. It doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. It means everyone is on different levels. Let’s remember that maybe before passing through a love experience with a priest, most of the readers would have condemned such women. Now after a personal experience they have walked further in their spiritual growth. Now they see a lot of hidden aspects that were hidden previously from their understanding. Let’s realise that everybody is progressing through such spiritual walk. Nobody is perfect. Nobody can feel superior to anybody. Let’s welcome everybody on our blog without the fear of being judged or labelled.