People fall in love all the time. We do believe that love is the common language of all people. Nobody can live without love.  We were taught that God is love…so what is the fuss all about? It’s simply because a priest makes a life commitment of not loving one single woman but rather dedicate all his life to the church. On a more practical approach he is the prohibited prize: no one can fall in love with a Catholic priest.

The advantage of adults is that after so many years of learning and listening, they experience life. Now, not all the theories and good will, serve to solve or deal with challenges in life. This is true not only in religion but practically in all aspects of life. One can ask our parents: were you prepared for parenthood, or did you know beforehand all the challenges presented later in life ? The same goes for all working people. We remember our first day of work and compare it with today: were there any big changes?

The thing is that whilst in many sectors of life experience has helped one to grow and mature (example new products which were successful after so many years of hard work), in church the approach has been diametrically opposite. We base everything upon a book and we neglect our experience. Most of the times we give the impression that nobody could change anything about the church. It has been for many centuries like that in the Catholic Church, where we neglected or marked as sinful, our senses and emotions!

So please, readers, when you fall in love with a priest, you are practically going against all these long years of traditions! Believe me, you’ll realize all this when you’ll have the reaction of the parish or community. Most people will see religion from the point of view of a list of laws which are NOT to be broken in any circumstances. Others are happy to go to church and allow others to be guided.

Yet, when one falls in love, that person starts to see things differently. It’s not a question of sin or not, but rather of having a unique vision of priesthood. The woman would like to share her love life with a priest to encourage him and give the main missing part – a loving heart who makes him feel special to work in the field of the Lord. She has listened to many of his talks, homilies, meetings etc….she agrees so much with what he has to say that she sees him as her other half! She has tasted his care, guidance and help. She knows perfectly well that he’ll be a very good husband and father….It’s no wonder that they do fall in love with a priest!

She continues to dream about her future life with the priest….because whilst some men are obsessed with sex, she sees her ‘man’ speaking about other spiritual and human areas and caring for people. This is a big attraction for a woman who is observing her priest closely!

Finally one day, she has enough courage to speak to her priest privately to tell him how much she loves him in a unique and special way. The priest, which is trained not to speak about his emotions, feels the shock! He feels very vulnerable. He is afraid of speaking to his companions because he likes the relationship and is afraid that the traditional approach would be to stop seeing this woman. Some priests though do take this approach. It could be for many reasons, one of them being that they see themselves very week, so they abandon the relationship.

Although most priests do not feel comfortable to speak about their emotions but they already feel the difference the woman makes in their lives! How can they go forward without their woman?! Most probably, most would chose to continue to see the woman in a clandestine way. It’s a game of hide and seek where both of them have to hide their true emotions from others and they have to cover up every time they meet together.

Again, some couples (=woman + priest), do take this road. They are happy to stay in such a hidden relationship. Obviously they would be risking that one day, somebody sees them and reports them to the authorities….and then like an avalanche, the superiors come down both on the priest and the woman. In these circumstances both the priest and the woman will come under heavy fire! We don’t think that there would be any sign of a compromise. They would be asked to stop the relationship. Most probably the priest would be sent to a far away parish.

Some others, especially the woman, hate this approach as they  continue to live in hiding. Obviously, they’ll realize the no one can bring up a family in such a way (although in some rare cases it happens!). They would ask the priest to leave the parish and live together without hiding. She is sure of the man. He is her dream come true. The woman in love sees it as heaven on earth.

But what about the priest? The first problem in most cases is: what will the community say about me? The priest used to be a model to the others….now how is he going to face the community to whom he preached every Sunday? Most of the traditional Catholics would view it as a betrayal of the priest’s vows.

Some may invite the priest to bed in order to have a son, so as to force the priest to make  a decision. We are NOT judges, We respect all opinions. But common sense dictates that first they have to see themselves as a couple before adding a child and turning it into a family.

We’ll stop here for today. We’ll continue in a fortnight. Please do write to us. We need your opinions. We are here to serve you especially when living these secrets and you are afraid of discussing for fear of being condemned and judged! Our job is not to judge you or tell you what to do. We are trying to give you our experience and that of many others. Hopefully, before deciding, you’ll be informed about possible consequences of your personal choices.

 

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