This is a true love story between Lana and Carl (priest). We are not judgemental but we are compassionate. We know that a love feeling cannot be remotely switched on and off. We are happy of publishing another true story…when is the Catholic Church going to accept that love stories between priests and significant others take place? Please accept the fact that it’s simply NOT just a few of them! There are so many hidden stories. Half way through the story, I put forward some questions.

Readers it’s up to you to comment and make this blog truly interactive by commenting or asking questions.

We met in 2012 through a social medium. We exchanged messages but never met online at the same time. It went on for about a month, we were leaving messages for one another. Until finally, we decided to see each other. During our chats, he told me that he’s into family business. He must have felt guilty, so before we even met, he told me what he was. I was shocked and was so angry. I felt I was betrayed.

I stopped talking to him for a while, but realized that I could no longer hide my feelings. I was beginning to like him. That’s when I challenged him to proceed with our previous agreement for him to come and meet me. He was about 250 miles away and had to travel overnight. When I saw him for the first time, I knew I loved him.

From then on, we officially became a couple. For 6 consecutive months, he came to see me on a regular/monthly basis. I was the happiest whenever I was with him. He’s sweet then. Calls and text messages bound us when we’re apart. Despite our moments together, me asking about his plans to leave the church was a big no-no. If I would insist such topic, we’d end up fighting so to avoid this, I stopped talking about it.

When meet-ups became seldom, as he was ‘busy’ with his duties, I realized that I couldn’t live with this. I would come over and visit him. We’d normally stay in a place quite far from his parish to be a little discreet. When he was attending his church obligations, he would totally forget communicating with me. I would attempt to contact him and he usually reasoned out that he’s busy with ‘work’ and will get in touch when he’s free. I settled for this arrangement, but at times, I would demand his time and again, ended up fighting. As of this year, we met only twice. I went over his place last March and he came over last May. Quite a very long gap considering that he’s just 250 miles away.

When we’re ok, we’re really ok. But when we fight, it would last for 3 days, became a week, then a month and the last one is already running 1.5 months now. this last argument was about my text message that he failed to reply, allegedly due to his low mobile phone battery level. Sounds too petty for a fight this long.

I terribly miss him. I want to start the conversation so we can get back to what we used to be. I feel so sad. He hadn’t exerted any effort to contact me. It occurred to me almost everyday to think of making the first move so we can be back to normal and continue our relationship. However, what if he’s been waiting all along for this relationship to collapse so he can move on with his own life without me? What if I was not the only one? I tried telling him many times that if he wants to end our relationship, he can just tell me and I will oblige. But he would always tell me that he doesn’t want to lose me. He’s doing otherwise with the situation we have now.

FYI, there’s zero effort for him to start leaving the church to live a life with me.

At the beginning of your relationship, what kind of messages were they…(eg what’s your work? Are you single? etc….) Not to be intrusive but we need to add some details to your story. How did he present himself in the social medium?

Yes, Rev. basic question & answer for two strangers, our respective daily routines, career, family background, stuff like that. He started asking for my mobile phone number since day one of our conversation. I just preferred that we just get to know one another over instant messaging. This lasted for about a month. When I had to leave the city for some fieldwork where internet connection was intermittent, I gave him my twitter account.

What made you decide to meet face to face?

Even before he admitted his being a priest, we had already decided to meet, depending on his availability, as he’s the one coming over to my city. On my part, I am curious of course. I met the guy on the net. It’s instinct that one would want to personally meet the guy. Further, I was somehow challenged when I found out that he’s a priest. Why does he have to make moves of meeting women on internet for purposes of intimate relationships? Further, before he admitted his status, he told me that I had the right to know because he felt something for me and for me to accept him hundred per cent, I had to know who he really was. After his confession, my initial reaction was anger and the feeling of deceit. Then when I realized that I really liked him, that’s when I thought of meeting him as planned.

Why didn’t you stop there…what was so interesting about him?

Again, it’s curiosity and challenge of being romantically engaged to someone like him. Prior to him, my last relationship was 6 years ago. Somehow, I got excited with the idea of having a new relationship, this time a very different and risky one. I stopped talking to him for a while, but realized that I can no longer hide my feelings. I was beginning to like him.

What was so charming about him?

That’s when I challenged him to proceed with our previous agreement for him to come and meet me. He was about 250 miles away and had to travel overnight. When I saw him for the first time, I knew I loved him.

Why? Was there any physical contact between the two of you?

The fact that someone who’s meeting me for the first time and who had to travel for like 9 hours was right there, in front of me, left a lot from his hands and found time for me was in itself a big plus factor to like him and eventually, love him. Or it could have also been the fact that after a long time, finally, somebody came and made me feel important. As for physical contact, yes there was.

From then on, we officially became a couple. For 6 consecutive months, he came to see me on a regular/monthly basis. I was the happiest whenever I was with him. He was so sweet then. Calls and text messages bonded us when we’re apart. Despite our moments together, I couldn’t ask questions about his plans to leave the church. It was a big no-no. If I would insist such topic, we’d end up fighting so to avoid this, I stopped talking about it.

What makes a woman go against common sense? There was no way forward but you still continued to meet him……

Feelings and emotions had been invested. I must have been blinded by love. And for the longest time, that love gave me all the reasons to ignore what’s lacking in us. To thank for whatever he could give and control myself from asking what he couldn’t. When meet-ups became seldom, as he was ‘busy’ with his duties, I realized that I couldn’t live with this.

Why don’t you forget all about him and move forward? What’s holding you to this unavailable person?

I wanted to make the relationship work because I didn’t want to lose him, so if he couldn’t make it, then I felt that it was my obligation to do things in his favour. Somehow, I developed co-dependency issues with him along the way.

I would come over and visit him. We’d normally stay in a place quite far from his parish to be a little discreet. Just so you know, when he’s attending his church obligations, he would totally forget communicating with me. I would attempt to contact him and he usually reasoned out that he’s busy with ‘work’ and will get in touch when he’s free. I settled for this arrangement, but at times, I would demand his time and again, ended up fighting. As of this year, we met only twice. I went over his place last March and he came over last May. Quite a very long gap considering that he’s just 250 miles away.

When we’re ok, we’re really ok. But when we fight, it would last for 3 days, became a week, then a month and the last one is already running 1.5 months now. This last argument was about my text message that he failed to reply, allegedly due to his low mobile phone battery level. Sounds too petty for a fight this long.

I terribly miss him. I wanted to start the conversation so we can get back to what we used to be.

Do you realise that maybe it’s all over? Why do you keep contacting him when he showed you that he doesn’t care about you?

At first, I didn’t want to entertain the idea that it’s over. but looking back at how we went through the past 2 years, I realized that there was no turning back. The relationship was ending. Most of the time, I’m still in denial but at this point in time, I’m finally rationalizing. I had been too unfair to myself because I let him treat me like a doormat. After our last fight during mid-August, I never contacted him any more. I see him online most of the time on Facebook but I just ignore it. If he can manage not to worry for me, I’m sure, I can do it too no matter how hard it may be.

I feel so sad. He hadn’t exerted any effort to contact me. It occurred to me almost everyday to think of making the first move so we can be back to normal and continue our relationship. However, what if he’s been waiting all along for this relationship to collapse so he can move on with his own life without me? What if I’m not the only one? I tried telling him many times that if he wants to end our relationship, he could  just tell me and I would have obliged. But he would always tell me that he didn’t want to lose me. He’s doing otherwise with the situation we have now. Finally, there’s zero effort for him to start leaving the church to live a life with me.

On the priest’s part: If there is no effort to leave the church, than what’s the use of having a deep relationship with a woman?

Maybe he wanted to pass his time and I was unfortunately the one who got trapped in his bait. or he just wanted to satisfy his physiological needs. I don’t know. The only thing I was 100% sure of was that I truly loved him, but I was never loved back.

Thanks Rev Daniel for taking time for this story. I don’t know until when i’m gonna cry at night and remember his face and his unfair treatment to me. I know I still love him, but I’m trying to love myself more this time.

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