It has been noted that most of our communication does not take place with words, but rather through other medium which does not involve talking! This is so true when it comes to meeting new people especially at work where one has to stick together over a long period of time. How many unsaid words are there! We might dislike a new person, or we might like so much. How does the other person perceive our non-verbal communication?

The same goes for a priest-woman relationship. How many unsaid words! Is the woman looking for love? Is the priest unsteady with a deep relationship? Is the priest venturing to get to know a woman for the very first time? Is the priest passing through a crisis? Attraction seems to be part of nature. But how can one be sure if the most important words are never said out loud? Is it daydreaming or wishful thinking than? Let’s read our last contribution by one of our readers. Please do comment.

I am in love with my priest in my parish. My relationship with my priest began when I moved into my current parish a year ago.

At that time I was discerning my call to become a religious sister and I was also desiring to volunteer for the new parish as an altar server. I contacted my priest for help in my discernment process and our discernment meeting naturally evolved into a regular spiritual direction sessions. The same priest also trained my as an altar server and he was happy to have me assist during the mass. I really loved my new parish, met lots of new people etc. It was October of last year when my relationship with my priest had a turning point.

After a spiritual direction session with my priest, I remember feeling really good because we had a really good talk at a deep level. After the session I remember thinking that I wish I was a close friend of my priest so that we can share more spiritual talks each other. The day after that spiritual direction session was Sunday and I went to the chapel to altar serve. On that day, I noticed some things from the priest. He acted shy towards me and during mass when I turned my face towards the lector during the reading, his face turned red and he quickly turned his face away from me as to not to see my face. The shyness continued for some period of time, and although he didn’t make any strong move to make a conversation with me, I could clearly sense that he was attracted to me.

At that time I didn’t know what to do and I was trying to not to give him an impression that I was attracted towards him also. There was one time when I applied for a job back in my home town and I could have left my current parish. When I told the priest that I can possibly leave and stop altar serving, even though he tried his best to control his feeling I could clearly see that he was very sad about this and he refused to come to mass the next day. When I was having problem with the contract and told him that I was not going to take the job, smile came back to him and he was back to normal. He showed signs of attraction until February of this year. From March until now he rather remained very calm and he didn’t look like he was swayed by emotions that he had for me. When I talk to him he responds friendly, but there is a certain distance between the two of us. He had never initiated any conversation with me unless I walk up to him and talk to him. Over the time my feelings towards him grew, and I personally really wished that we could have had a chance to discuss about the attractions we had, but there was no progress in our relationship and I was at a point where I was doubting if he would have ever chosen me.

Lately, in September, I put some distance between myself and the priest and avoid talking to the priest or initiating any conversations with him as to protect myself and this does seem to impact him a little bit, although he never really shows or shares his feelings or his inner concerns. During the past week he tried to be more approachable by saying “hello, how are you?” and so on even though I don’t say hello to him.

I honestly don’t know how he feels about me at this point and what things are on his mind. Nothing is clear between us as I was trying to fake my own feelings that I have for him and I am sure that it shouldn’t be clear for him as to how I truly feel about him. At the same time he was trying to hide his feelings as well and because he always look so calm and keeps a distance between the two of us, I don’t know how he feels about me.

Would it be a good idea for me to tell him plainly that I am attracted to him? This is not to pressure him or anything but I am getting very sick and tired of hiding my own feeling. I feel like nothing can get resolved unless one of us (likely me) are being honest about the feelings. Maybe the priest doesn’t feel for me any more, and if it is his decision that he shouldn’t get involved in the relationship, I have to respect him. But the way I feel about this relationship is that by being perfectly honest about what is going on, I can completely leave this relationship for God and him to decide how it will progress in future. I don’t want this relationship to simply die out simply due to the misunderstandings. Whatever this relationship may entail in future, I want my relationship to grow rather than forever distancing each other.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking time to read this post,

D

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