Hi, my name is June and ever since I’ve grown emotionally attracted to my parochial vicar at my church, things at my parish have never felt the same. Since our parochial vicar came in 2013, after his ordination, I knew I had found him attractive, but at this point in time, I didn’t really pay too much mind to it. As I started to work in ministries again, I got to see him more and as a result we grew closer. He began to know my name and face, and he would lit up like a kid with a cookie when he saw me but of course I kept things very formal.

It wasn’t until his mother died, that he began to grow more affectionate. Since he was gone for over 2 months, I generally began to miss his presence. It was sad to not see him around and it had always given something to look forward to. But since we are friends on Facebook, I would write him and show my support and he greatly acknowledged and appreciated that. When he returned,
I had a conversation with him about college and my overall fear of the future and he assured me all would be fine, and extended his arm out to me, and he allowed me to lay on his shoulder for quite some time. He kept saying how he knew I would do something good and how much I cared for people since he said I was very supportive to him when his mom had passed.

It was strange at first but it felt like two teenagers in love, smiling at each other outside and hugging in front of the parish office since I had been there for a night catechist dinner gathering. From there the interaction grew more affectionate, he would compliment me by telling me I was holy and perfect and a saint. He would hug me tightly when I went to say hello after mass or at an event. When I told him once how much he inspired me to become a better catholic, he hugged me instantly and said he loved me. I was stunned since I had feelings for him and only dreamed he’d say those words. But initially I said I love you too. For a spiritual appointment, we were together for over an hour and after we finished, he said he was proud of me and that he loved me, so when he stalked towards me in his office, he took me in his arms and hugged me tightly.

He kept telling me that it would be ok and laid his head on mine while we held onto each other for well over a minute. I, of course, was dumbfounded and didn’t know what to make of the situation. I knew it was wrong to like my parochial vicar but I had never met such a good hearted man. Later that same day, after mass I apologized to him for everything at the appointment and told him I loved him too, which his response was “I love you too”. And we would smile at each other while saying this, like little kids with a crush. From there on moving forward, I reached a point of insecurity of his feelings for me and began to go up to him at wrong times and be too comfortable talking to him about things.

One day he snapped at me, and I was completely hurt by it because he was always so sweet and never crossed. When I went to see him for reconciliation he told me that I needed to set boundaries and told me I wasn’t the centre of his universe. It confused me because I had never said that I was. During the confession, I said I was happy we were still friends and that he doesn’t hate me, in which his response was that he didn’t and that he was my priest. Which I said I know but I meant part of my parish family, and he once again said “I’m your priest”. The situation puzzled me why he all of a sudden was being so hostile. We didn’t hug any more, and I tried to not interact with him for any reason. I was incredibly hurt.

For some weeks after, I served as a greeter and he said hello to me and after mass, he said thank you for serving. I had always sent him cards for Easter and his birthday and so I did, and he thanked me for those but yet when I invited him to my birthday dinner he never came even though he told me he received the email. I found it strange because even though I’m young, doesn’t mean we couldn’t be friends. He’s only 30 and went to two birthday events in the past for a woman turning 40 who was married and works at the church, and a 75 year old birthday for a parishioner, so I wondered why he never showed up to mine. But back at church, when I brought a drawing of Jesus that I had made, he approached me and he admired it, saying it was beautiful and asking if i drew it. Which I said yes and he continued to look at it with awe. I don’t know if he ever had feelings for me and set boundaries in general or because of me, since he deactivated his Facebook, he only hand shakes people now instead of quick hugs, and doesn’t seem to do anything that doesn’t have to do with church.

I wonder what inspired the sudden change and it makes me wish I knew If he had ever meant anything he told me, it is possible to believe he still cares for me at all? Now it’s almost as if we’re still able to talk but it still feels awkward and I’m beginning to wonder how he sees me. Am I someone he still believes to be perfect and a blessing? Did he mean what he said when he told me I looked gracious in my dress while I served? Should I still that the friendship we once had can be saved? What should I do?

We expect our readers to share their experience, knowledge and spirituality in dealing with loving a priest with June. May God Bless you all!

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