We had some technical problems so we couldn’t publish this story yesterday. Thank God we have solved our problems and we are again publishing regularly.

My name is Lucy! My heart aches when I read all this stories.. First of all please note that English is not my first/native Language, so I apologize if I make a grammar mistake.

I received Catholic Education in Private Schools all my life until High School, Nuns/Priests schools which in my country are very common since we are a Majority of Catholics.. so I found myself a very caring/respectful person towards a Priest. Actually I’ve been sending money monthly to the Seminary of my city for about… I do not know more than a decade every month.

I just met this priest around 6 months ago, this is actually his 2nd or 3rd year as a priest. He is 10 years younger than I am.
I’ve been married for 15 years, I started thinking about him since I first met him… it was basically pure attraction and I now I am not certain if its just attraction, I just cannot get him out of my mind..

When I realised about this feelings I thought…. Really God? Is this a bad joke? I’ve been helping the Seminary of my city for 15 years and now I am falling in love with a Priest? Is this a temptation? Am I crazy? What am I thinking? Guilt, Sin etc…I am married and he is a man of God bla bla…… all this words crossing my mind.. I was educated so as to always pray for Priests, to always respect Priests etc.,

How did all this start? Well my boys started going to the catechism in the Parish.. both go with him and both just love him and he loves them too. I started getting involved in the activities in which moms were needed so I helped a little bit during some important celebrations.

I do not know if he likes me, but sometimes I think.. yes.. We started getting together from time to time, not alone, but always with some people but he looks at me in a way I can hardly stand, I turn all red, I say non-sense things, I can’t talk,… when he looks at me my legs shake, all inside of me shakes.

When he says Hi, he gives me a kiss on the cheek and he holds my hand longer than a normal Hi takes… sometimes he tells me you are cold… or whatever my temperature is.. haha!! or he just holds it like if he doesn’t want to let it go…or let it go very very softly and slow..

He is always looking for physical contact, he rubs my arm, my elbow, my back, once he even rubbed my leg, (I have to confess I almost died) all this for a few seconds, but I think he doesn’t know the effect his touch has on me… when I am with my kids he can’t stop looking at me, as if we are “kind of alone” he behaves very affectionate, but if we are with a lot of people he doesn’t even talk to me… he hardly says hi, and he becomes sometimes cold, distant.. or he turns to the opposite side..

During celebrations, not properly the mass, (but sometimes even there), in other celebrations or activities I see him looking at me… smiling at me in a very discrete way, but never never says hi until people would have just left… He stands up close to me.. and he rubs my arm… and how can I forget one time I was alone and he came and stood up right in front of me..with his guitar singing God knows what because 1st, he was singing very low.. and 2nd.. I just could not pay attention because I got so nervous that I just got deaf.. after all this or when something “important” happens he just goes away, he just stops talking to me or tries not to even look at me… sometimes he even adopts this “I am a priest position.”

He has never said anything to me… not one single thing… all he does is just what I told you… and I have never said anything to him either… but I think he knows… Obviously I do not confess with him but I do it with another priest of the same Parrish but I do not speak about my situation with him. I have told the priest that my friend-priest is someone I know from work.. anybody else knows because once I tried to speak about this with my friends but nobody understood what I was going through and all they thought was that he was a bad priest…

I started going to Therapy, my Psychologist said I should tell him in confession… or just ask him what was going on, why all this touching? But then I asked for spiritual advice from a priest and he said no way I should say anything, that I should live with it and change my feelings and move on… continue with my marriage.

Of course I understand this leads me to nothing.. I am married, he is a man of God, which I do not really try to disturb, even when I know I might be doing it already… I already feel terrible for being in this terrible sin, sometimes I do not even participate in communion specially if he is giving it because I just can’t look at him that close… I feel ashamed and not deserving it because of all this feelings and thoughts I have in my mind…

I would be very very glad if you can just give me an advice..!

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