Does anybody remember the story of Noah’s ark? If you have forgotten it then go to Genesis chapter 6 and read it!
Why do we start with this story? Well, some of our readers have been following this blog for quite a long time. I wish to say a big thank you. I’m really happy about it. It’s never an easy job to start a new community let alone an online one. Online-community has more challenges. We only meet through writing! It’s obvious that writing does not tell the whole story yet it is very crucial to communicate with each other. The fact that some people stayed here through writing is another hidden miracle!
A community is compared to Noah’s ark because we have several types of characters which is easily represented by the different types of species mentioned in the Bible. Some of them could be: there is the bee (busy person); elephant (somebody who thinks that he/she is the most powerful); the eagle (the one who sees far away); the horse (one who runs fast); the snail (the one who walks very slowly); the cow (a very generous person); skunk (a person who stinks – literally); chameleon (one who changes opinion in front of others!); monkey (one who takes advantage of others by climbing on their ‘backs’); the mouse (the one who works in the dark when others are not suspecting anything at all); the donkey (one who works a lot but most probably never gets a simple thank you) and many other animals.
Familiarity breeds contempt. It means that if one knows someone or something very well, one can easily become bored with them and stop treating them with respect. In other words, instead of respecting another person, knowing his/her week points, makes one treat others with disrespect! This is our phase at the moment where some readers are playing the part of God by judging others and using words to judge others. One can refuse to accept homosexuals but one cannot call them names or treat them with disrespect (just to mention one example).
I can mention an infinite number of private emails where some readers actually wanted to impose their opinion or values on our blog. They have called me names, judged me, tried to persuade me to delete some of the articles written. A few others tried to threaten me! Well I can write a whole book about adults behaving worse than children. Well, as I have experience with education, I know from first hand experience, that not all people would like to be taught notwithstanding all the buzz about the importance of education!!
One has to value one’s experience. It is one’s practical bible. God is telling something to somebody through his/her own experience. Therefore one has to value his/her own experience. Yet, it doesn’t mean that everybody has to come to the same conclusion! We cannot conclude that all priests are simply pulling women’s legs (although a large number do exactly that). There could be a unique story where love takes the right path and they get married! Why do we paint reality with a black colour? Or is it because we are still bitter about our own experience and we don’t like the idea that others could be more successful? In other words, are we jealous?
Others, surprisingly, think that whatever is being written on the blog, it’s done simply to tease them or to make them angry!! They are truly suspicious! A word of advice is never to mention names of other readers so there won’t be a direct reference – at least! If they are too sensitive, they should never write on a public forum!
I know as well that some people are still suffering from a past love experience with a priest. One can easily become bitter and tries to ‘bite’ other people! Maybe it’s time for such people to admit of having a problem and calling a professional counsellor who helps them to externalise what’s troubling them in a safe and positive way!
In the meantime, the ‘old’ readers can nurture or take care of new followers. The new ones will follow if what they read is ‘spiritually fit’ and helps them see God’s call in their private own lives. Please remember that the written word unlike the word which is spoken, remains there forever…even after your death! So please think before your write. If you’re angry, don’t write. Wait for sometime or a day or two.
In this case, as an editor of the blog, I would like to give the example of a captain on a ship. A captain should listen to what the sailors are saying, but finally it’s only him who has to decide. In a community too, somebody should serve the community by taking tough decisions. Now taking decisions means (sometimes) that some people are lost. This could be for various reasons but one of the most common one is that not everybody is trained to come to one conclusion whether one likes it or not. I do remember when I was in the friary, that trying to give voice to the people at first created more problems. Parishioners were invited to select the best time for mass. Well everybody gave a different time. There was no agreement. So we had to decide. Obviously those disagreeing with our decision said all sorts of words, but a community needs a decisive line of management after all. It’s like parents versus teens. Somebody has to decide whether you like it or not.
In any case, in Noah’s ark, all sorts of animals lived together! I’m not asking anybody to change his/her character, but to see everything from a different perspective – that of Noah’s ark. I will never ask somebody to leave (unless something really bad happens), but I would ask everybody to put on God’s glasses. Together we can make it. Yes all animals can live together if they have a strong community awareness. Let’s show and be that kind of community.
Many on this blog know what is like when their priest gives them the silent treatment. During one such time with my priest I wrote a poem to him. I would like to share it, perhaps it might help those who know that treatment, but also for those who might be using the silent treatment, but most of all because the poem seems to fit the topic at hand.
Whose Eyes
When I looked thru my eyes
I saw your arrogance
When I look thru God’s eyes
I see your humility
When I looked thru my eyes
I saw your insensitivity
When I look thru God’s eyes
I see your vulnerability
When I looked thru my eyes
I saw your self-righteousness
When I look thru God’s eyes
I see your self-sacifrice
When I looked thru my eyes
I saw your sinfulness
When I look thru God’s eyes
I see your goodness
When I looked thru my eyes
I saw your stubborness
When I look thru God’s eyes
I see your repentance
Whose eyes would rather I keep
my own or his?
God sees more, I saw less
But what I saw can never undo God’s best
For we do not create ourselves,
We aren’t who we or they think we are
but who God knows us to be.
The only choice we are given is whether or not we will believe.
Therefore, for all the things thru you, God, to me could have given
Your silence, your unwillingness, it has all been forgiven
For whenever I look thru my eyes and see the end
I look thru God’s eyes and see my friend.
Promise 2007
This is the kind of writing which uplifts our blog. Super! Well done!
Yes!!!! Daniel..it sure is a very lovely poem. Promise is very talented and very understanding towards priests,,just as I am. I found a great article yesterday on internet..maybe you will want to print it here on the blog for hope for all these women. It’s ”portlincoln times”…september 17,,2018…by Joanne McCarthy…” ”Australian Priests will push for married priests and optional celibacy after catharatic royal commision. It is a great article..the synod of next october 2019 God willing will be a blast!!!!!! I hope you can find it on internet. I’m sure you will..fr.daniel. It goes on to say…they want the priests that left to get married to return to the church as married priests..just like you. Thanks and blessings. p.s. also Australia wants an end to sexual minor abuse. Amen!!!!
P.S. Another great article i found.. came out on August 22nd..2018,,last month..”IRISH MIRROR.” ”POPE IS WARNED CATHOLIC CHURCH IN IRELAND WILL DISSAPPEAR”….If they don’t change mandatory celibacy into optional celibacy. Also it talks about,,having priests that left to marry return to the catholic church as ”married priests.” Soon the church will change back to its’ ”original roots” of ”optional celibacy” for all Roman Catholic Priests. Otherwise the church is in great risk..of shutting down churches all over the world..not just Ireland due to shortage of priests. Blessings to all.
That is beautiful Promise and can I copy it and send it to someone who is giving me a long silent treatment?
yes, as long as it is credited that I wrote it I am fine with you sharing it
I don’t know–that poem kind of makes it like you are accepting the priest’s bad behavior. Isn’t it time to stop putting up with some things? Enough excuses for their unacceptable behavior!! Will you spend all your life caring too much for someone who doesn’t deserve you? Probably better to spend your life in more worthwhile ways.
Paula..Promise is not accepting the priests bad behavior..she is just understandable of it..just like i am. Try to understand these preists. When they hurt the women they love..is that deep down..they are the ones who are hurting.
Promise!!! Your peom above is just lovely!!! You are very talented in writing poems..i especially loved the story of the little bird you wrote to comfort wendy. I just finished reading Fr. Daniel’s new article..”NOAH’S ARK”. I guess..he is right. We all have to work together and stick together to help eachother out on this wonderful blog. None of us need to judge anyone. But,,some people do. We have to try to understand one another. We need eachother for support. I understand priests,,just like you do,,promise. When they hurt and give silent treatments to the women they love..is that deep down they are the ones who are hurting. Mandatory Celibacy needs to end..soon!! It’s really destroying priests. Blessings to you and fr.Daniel and to everyone on this wonderful blog.
Thank you Fr Daniel, for this blog and for persevering under pressure. This was a great comfort to me during some very difficult times.
Dear Promise Can
I understand the commitment you give/gave to your priest. These are not normal situation s so we are not going to get normal responses . I would have given that commitment to my priest,had it developed into relationship,but he chose not to. And thats ok.. The feelings are leaving me now for the first time since 2015.
Best Lucy.xx
It is sad you never got a chance to see how your love for him could have developed. It is a bit like a having a brand new car, looking forward to traveling to new wonderful places in it, only to discover the gas tank is closed, so it can never be filled with gas.
In the real world two people could date, explore their attraction, build on it, then either individually or together realize the relationship will not work out, or that it will, but with priests, one never can know.
For in the RCC the brotherhood of priests is not a community, but more like a collective, where conformity is more important than unity. So what a priest chooses to do, and what he wants to do are often two different things– and often even the priest doesn’t know what he wants only want he was told he should want.
Optional celibacy will not guarantee the car will get us from point A to point B, but at least we will would be allowed to put the gas in the tank to find out how far the car could go. I wish you had that chance.
Thank you for this forum Fr. Daniel.
I found even the heated exchanges and disagreements are invaluable in that if nothing else they reveal what we don’t want and who we don’t want to become.
Blessings
Promise Can
Thanks for the methphor about the car. Yes all that is true. There was something very strong there on my behalf anyway. I questioned how the love could leave me,but it was nurtured by him . Well maybe a little ,but it was mostly me. Just like a flower without water it dies. That’s what he wanted,so that’s the result. I’ve learned so much from the experience. Mostly how much I can truly love someone. I still care for him,but it’s definitely the last time I’ll ever contact him. Thanks to all on this blog…. We bear the brunt of celibacy as far as I can see.
Lucy.xx
If I am chopping vegetables and I cut my hand by accident, or whether someone cuts my hand on purpose, the body will heal itself in the same way, because it doesn’t matter to the body, why the cut is there only that there is one and it needs to heal.
The healing process takes time and during this time I could berate myself for being stupid because I was careless with the knife but that will not change the fact I have a wound and it has to heal. Or I can spend that time hating the person who cut me if it was done on purpose, but again that doesn’t change the reality of the wound and its need to heal.
I found with God, many of the principles we see in nature, apply to our souls, our hearts and things not so defined.
When we get wounded in our hearts God cares more about healing the wound than why the wound happened. If people wound us by “accident” meaning they do not realize what they are doing and saying is harming us, it doesn’t diminish the need to be healed. And if the wound was intentional then why they did it and the fact we didn’t deserve it, does not alter the healing process
Both Christianity and secular sources agree, these deep seated wounds in our spirit begin to heal best with forgiveness. It is not about letting the person off the hook or condoning bad behavior. It is about healing the wound.
In my case, if I did not forgive my priest for his silent treatment. If I stayed stuck in those emotions of grief, anger, frustration — if I used his choices to dictate who I love, myself, God or him, then I was giving away my power to him, and my wound would never heal.
It was by forgiving him, I was free to love him, not for what he could give me, but for what I could give him. Loving someone and having a relationship with them are two different things. In relationships if they become toxic or there isn’t mutual sense of needs being met, sometimes out of love we have to leave those relationships.
In my case with my priest, I knew his silence wasn’t based on lack of love or rejection. It was lack of trust. It took a long time for him to trust my love for him as a gift, but when he finally did, our love was free to express itself in a friendship based on deep love for God. It is not a better love than the love expressed romantically, nor is it a lesser love because it is not express in way. I found loving him in these relationship profoundly worthwhile. Do I deserve better? I am not sure what I deserve, but I am grateful for what I have– I will leave the rest to God.
Again I apologize for the length and any errors, for no matter how much I proofread I always miss something, I think it is God’s way to protect me from taking pride in my writing.
Excellent. Very well written fther Daniel. I like the analogy of Noah’s Ark.
I agree B. I especially like the animal’s personalities.
B, I am so glad that you are still here.
On June 11 you commented to me:
“Dear Cat, I am so sorry for your loss. God did not take your priest, love, he just went home ❤️ ……………………….. Your Priest IS protecting you the only way he can now, and that is through his loving and understanding family.
Much prayer and love to you.”
Your comment came just when I needed it most and struck me in a profound way. I was at a very low point in my life and your words helped lift me up. This may sound kind of crazy, but even now when I need to I go back and read that comment to remind me of what is really important.
Those simple words still mean more to me that I can express.
Love and blessings to you. ❤️
https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/world/europe/catholic-priest-in-slovakia-challenges-celibacy-rules/2018/09/21/ea75b94a-bd6c-11e8-8243-f3ae9c99658a_story.html?noredirect=on
Thanks for the link Nikki, the link worked fine for me.
Very interesting about the priest who fathered 3 sons and yet wasn’t recognized for saving 300 people during the war because his being a biological father overshadowed his heroism. That’s really sad.
I’m going to buy the book. I think it will be a very interesting read.
Happy it worked:)
A priest finally speaking truth , may shine a light for others.
It resonated with me when he wrote how priests have no everyday problems, but also are missing out on all the joys as well.
Sad ,unnecessary reality.
Ooops
Sorry, something went wrong with the link.
Maybe try googling it.