I met M in the summer of 2010 on an online dating site. Of course, he didn’t tell me (or anyone) that he was an ordained Roman Catholic Priest at that time. We struck up a conversation and within 2 weeks decided to meet for coffee.
I knew I liked him immediately and he seemed to be drawn to me as well. On our second date, after pressing for a little more information about him, other than what he’d told me (he was currently in graduate school), he finally revealed his “profession.” I was definitely shocked, but it didn’t bother me.
I was raised Jewish and live a very open-minded type of life. I think people deserve to be happy and I believe that God would want us to be. I don’t think I had ever met a priest before and I knew nothing about Catholicism other than whatever I had garnered from news and popular culture. Anyway, M’s profession didn’t stop me from wanting to get to know him more, although he warned me that he was a year away from finishing school and wouldn’t be able to maintain a relationship after that.
At first, I was alright with the idea of a short-term fling. I really liked him and was attracted to him. He obviously felt the same about me, but he did maintain some boundaries to the physical side of the relationship, at least at first. A few months in was when the problem really started. I was definitely falling in love with him and I knew he was doing the same, even though he kept insisting this relationship had a very definite end-date when he graduated. Nevertheless, we kept seeing one another. It was probably both the dumbest thing and the smartest thing I have ever done. While he was in school (thousands of miles from his hometown) getting further education in a specialized area for his future job, we maintained relative anonymity. My friends didn’t question what he “did” outside of being a grad student and no one in his world knew about me.
After a year, we were definitely in too deep to stop but the time came for him to go back to his hometown. I couldn’t drop everything and follow him, so we maintained a long-distance relationship for 2 more years. We did try to end it at one point but neither of us wanted that. We would visit every few months but we wrote and talked on the phone daily. Throughout this time, he continued to insist that he could never leave the priesthood but I continued to love him despite that and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.
Around the 3-year mark, I decided I wanted a change of pace (and careers) and I moved out to be closer to him. We ended up buying a house about 20 minutes away from his home and parish, but over state lines so that I lived in a different diocese and he could come visit on the weekends, fairly anonymously. We lived this secret and double life quite well, even though it was hard on me both to see him so little – as you know, his job as a priest was very demanding – and to have to hide myself and our relationship from others who knew him. One of the hardest parts was not being able to spend holidays together. He had church and family obligations and I was alone, thousands of miles away from my family. Over time, I urged him to consider leaving active ministry, even to just take a break and figure things out, but it just wasn’t the right time and I felt in my heart that if I didn’t pressure him, he’d eventually come around. I had no doubt he loved me very much. The question was just always, did he love me “enough?”
Another question was “how long can we keep this up?” We had a few close calls with being found out but we managed to keep our relationship a secret, even while living so close and spending so much time together. Until the Spring of 2016. That’s when everything changed. His Associate Pastor lived next door and had been noticing my car around regularly when I would come over for dinner or to visit M. Around April or May of 2016, almost 3 years after I had moved out there to live near M, and nearly 6 years into our relationship, this man decided to voice his concern to M’s church superiors. We don’t think he suspected the full truth of what was going on but he said he was concerned that M was becoming too close to a woman.
In June of 2016, M was called to speak to his Vicar General, second in charge after the Bishop. The Vicar General relayed the concerns that had been brought to him by the Associate Pastor and M recalls having the realization that this was “it.” His moment of truth. He could easily have talked his way out of the situation and reassured his superior that nothing was happening, but he decided to come clean and reveal our long-time relationship and his choice to continue it.
A few more conversations later, within about a week’s time, M was relieved of his duties and moved his few belongings into the house we owned across town. We lived together for a year before having our civil wedding and it took one more year for all of M’s paperwork to get fully completed to allow him to marry in the church. We had our Catholic wedding in the summer of 2018, almost exactly 8 years from our first date.
Despite our happy ending, I don’t want to downplay how hard the entire thing was.
The relationship had very high highs and very low lows. There was nothing fun or exciting about being a secret. I often worried that M didn’t love me enough to make our relationship real, but I did have some deep faith or intuition that he did and I just had to be patient. I would never recommend this type of relationship to anyone else. I could have just as easily been heartbroken and shattered if M were not as good of a person as he is. If you are reading this and are in love with a priest, don’t ever be fooled into thinking that he will easily give up his vocation to be with you. I know the reality is that most never will.
We are approaching our 2nd wedding anniversary and 9th anniversary of being together and I still love him as much as ever (possibly more). So I have no regrets, only gratitude that I get to tell a story that ends in our happiness. M is a braver and stronger person than he ever thought, and over the past couple of years we have made an amazing life for ourselves. I truly believe that God brought us together and I’m grateful to have found my soulmate, despite how difficult it was to get to this point.
So similar to Fr Cutie’ who is currently an Episcopalian minister.
There are other choices to serve God and and allow his precious give of love to transform lives.
Many Blessings.
And, such a beautiful family they make!
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, endearing journey.
And, thank you for expressing the risk of being involved with a priest~ that is if a woman wants marriage or even a transparent and unbridled relationship.
Best of love and happiness for both of you!
~Marshmallow
Thank you for your comments and I’m glad you enjoed the story. Since our life is no longer a secret, I don’t mind commenting as my actual self.
Why do you say you wont recommend this relationship to anyone if at the end you are together?
I am so happy for you that your story had a happy ending, many blessings!
It’s so wonderful to hear a happy story for a change, one with a beautiful ending. I’m sure it wasn’t easy on either of you throughout, though. I also admire and thank you for your honesty about the challenges and difficulties in loving a priest. I know mine will never leave the priesthood, but I love him nonetheless.
May God continue to fill both your lives with love & many blessings. Thank you for sharing!
MA 111
May God Bless your life together
So happy for your Happy Ending !
I am happy for you that you have a happy ending. I just wonder though, if your priest would have just continued to see you on the side if he didn’t get found out. It took being found out to push him to make the commitment to you.
But he admitted his devotion to the *powers* when confronted. Sometimes I believe it is an easier cut for the priest when he is terminated for loving a woman!
God writes straight with crooked lines!
~Marshmallow
He was getting to the point where he was ready to come forward no matter what. We were starting to make a plan of what that would look like and how the transition would go. It just happened a lot sooner than expected, at a time that wasn’t of his choosing. If he had not taken the opportunity to come clean when he was confronted, that would have probably been the end of it for me.
Well not to be a Debbie Downer here but until we come to the end of our lives, none of us knows what the future we will hold. Their story is still being written, there is no ending yet.
This language of “happy” ending, is right out fairy tales, where the prince and princess endure all obstacles to get marry, and then they live happily ever after.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for you that your priest did choose to bring your love into the light instead of denying it– and I am even more happy the two of you are together. Loving each other freely out in open where all can see and benefit from the witness of your married life.
I am sadden the RCC put the two of you in the position of fear, when all you were doing was loving each other– hardly the kind of thing the RCC should be ashamed about.
It is my deepest prayer both of you will actively love each other every day of your life, so upon either of your deaths, you can say you were happy until the end
“Happy Ending”? Just a pleasant cliché… A warm acknowledgement of our featured commenter’s authentic life with her *priest*.
Music to my years… especially to hear how they continue to grow together in love!
Thanks for sharing, M’s lady!
~Marshmallow
I am certain what your point is because if you read my whole comment I did acknowledge her authentic life with her husband and I expressed my joy they can live their love openly.
I never said her “happy ending” was a cliche, just dangerous in it’s assumption that just because one marries their priest that this is the end of their story together.
Their marriage was a chapter, not an ending– so what’s wrong with pointing that out?
Also, to women who love priests, where marriage is not possible or unwanted that does not mean your love has no meaning, no value, no purpose– there are many ways to experience joy in love that doesn’t have to end with marriage vows. And marriage vows do not guarantee a life time of happiness.
If you ladies or gentlemen ever sense frustration in my comments it is never with you, it is with the RCC and with the deceiving spirits of this world that perpetuate certain myths about about love but mostly with myself for being so inadequate with my words that I sometimes make things worse rather than my intention to help.
+ that should have said– I am not certain what you point is
Promise Can~
I wasn’t ascribing the cliché as you having said it; I said it to describe “happy ending” as a common phrase.
We hear it often, “this or that” has a happy ending~ I don’t think too many people take it as a definitive future.
And her *authentic* life had nothing to do with your note~ I was merely acknowledging their *outed* life as opposed to many clergy relationships that are kept behind the altar.
~Marshmallow
Thanks for your thoughts. I know that there’s no guarantees in life, but I believe we have gotten both a happy ending and a new beginning together. I am very lucky to have been given that chance with M.
Did he ever tell you why he was on an on- line dating site to begin with? Was he lonely for a friend or female company? Glad it worked out for you.Its hard loving a man who is a priest isn’t it.
I agree to you Ellen , i am wondering also why is the priest in the online dating site.
The same reason priests running parishes hit on their parishioners! At least he kept his searching out of his parish!
~Marshmallow
Of course, he told me this a few dates into the relationship, when he also told me about his current “job.” He was lonely, unfulfilled, and longed for something of an intimate friendship – never thinking it would or could evolve into something more than a close (non-physical) friendship.
Happy to hear your story. I had an ex who is a priest also, we´ve been for almost 2 years but during our first year our relationship was so intimate and we really love each other with no secrets.I once asked him , if he could see his life away from the church his response is NO. You are right sender, not all priest are like your priest . Happy for you .
I know that feeling of having a relationship with no Freedom. So sad and heartbreaking , but that is our choice we need to do some sacrifices.
Lovie~
Please be proud of yourself for moving on to healthier choices. No woman should ever be second place, and when a priest keeps ministering he is putting the woman in second place.
Another difficult reality when one is deeply invested, but we all deserve more than scraps from a priest leading a double life and doing nothing to change it.
Be Blessed, Lovie!
~Marshmallow
Halo 🙂
Your story is beautiful. I am too in a relationship with a priest and monk for 10 years now. Well I do not think he will ever leave monastery, also because of his age. But I believe him being also my soulmate and that God brought us together. Also I have to develop in this relationship towards God.
It is very very hard I agree when you feel you are maybe not loved “enough” and still keep on hoping that maybe this man is good enough because God brought you together.
Somehow I have to become less egoistic and to be patient with him not having time for me. I try to focus on my own life. But there were very hurtful weeks and months, I am to sensible in my heart to not suffer when he has no time for me. It seems egoistic from me but it is not, it is only very much hurt!
Some moments show he is not as close with me as he should. He seems to be ill now for two weeks he is not even serving mass. But he does not reply for two weeks now, he does not even care to tell me he is ill. He said he has something with his eyes again and than he keeps silent for two weeks now. I just let him go, let him be, and focus on me. But still I can’t resist thinking that if he would trust me he would have the desire to speak with me because of his suffering and despite of his suffering.
I am happy that you two found each other!!!
We always make time for people and things that truly matter; a difficult reality to accept when one’s heart is invested.
~Marshmallow
What is sad though, is that the celibacy law makes priests have to be deceitful with their parishioners and kind of lie to them The parishioners are thinking that their pastor is trustworthy and living his vows, while the priest is living another life behind their backs.
I am enclosing a link to another woman story, who also married her priest- and got her “happy ending”– her story illustrates my point about getting ahead of ourselves and believing we can know the future– her story will not be everyone’s — but it would be unwise to think it can’t be — you don’t know, until you know—
Hello, Mrs M~
You are a woman of strong, Jewish roots~ roots that surely anchored you during the many years with *M* prior to his leaving the priesthood.
I hold Judaism in high regard, and I am connected to the Jewish community in my city. Long-time, deep friendships…a remarkable people who suffered~ suffering for which there are no adequate words.
My Jewish friends have all lost family to the Holocaust, several of them are the children of a parent’s *second* life. It takes my breath away at how they have assimilated these enormous losses into positive, pro-active justice for all our brothers and sisters. They are my inspiration.
I have a very Jewish surname and frequently assumed to be; oh how I wish! My hope is you find comfort and a meaningful faith in Jesus by way of the Catholic road… as I secretly wish you will one day return to Judaism 🙂
Thank you, still, for sharing… you will become a legend here!
God Bless You~
Marshmallow
So if you “have strong Jewish roots , that anchor you “ ,one is able to endure and sustain a secret relationship with a priest?
This is stark contradiction to your other stances with women here involved with priests
I feel compelled to be forthright in saying that your stated desire she returns to Judaism , would be in direct contrast to being committed to our One and Only Savior.
If I’ve learned anything along this most blessed journey , it is that Jesus truly is ‘the way , truth and life’. And I must give all the glory to Him.
Nikki~
I gave absolutely no indication of supporting their relationship while he was priesting; I was merely commenting on the strength of Jewish roots~ almost typical of our Jewish brothers and sisters.
As for her return to Judaism, I was speaking of cultural Judaism~ it is more than a religion; it is a way-of-life~ many levels of Judaism that I hold in very high esteem. Would it have made my comment more palatable had I suggested Mrs M joining “Jews for Jesus” as well? But that wouldn’t have been my point. *Cultural* Judaism was the point.
Nor did my comment have anything to do with her forsaking the path of Christ~ none of us know for certain if Mrs M has converted to Christianity~ to a Christ who would want us to encourage His strong Jewish roots!
America has erupted with a new, dangerous and loud wave of anti-Semitism unlike our nation has ever experienced. I hope your comment was not generated in that spirit.
~Marshmallow
@ Marshmallow
You have crossed the line with your accusations.
Because I stand united with the New Covenant in the death and Resurrection of my Savior does in no way make me a proponent of antisemitism.
Do not ever address me again.
“I have a very Jewish surname and frequently assumed to be; oh how I wish! My hope is you find comfort and a meaningful faith in Jesus by way of the Catholic road… as I secretly wish you will one day return to Judaism”
Um, what?
I am neither ever going to become Catholic, nor (most likely) return to traditional Judaism. I’m not sure how or why you are wishing me to do both at the same time. Seems contradictory.
I later corrected “…by way of the Catholic road” after realizing I did not know~ none of us knew~ that you were converting. I also corrected the traditional Judaism~ I was being misunderstood as an anti-Christ when I meant cultural Judaism, and its rich tradition in the arts,~music, theatre, film; science, medicine, witness to social justice for all people. Not necessarily the religious aspect.
Thanks again for sharing your life~
~Marshmallow
Thanks for clarifying. I am not converting (just to be clear). I do love Judaism as a culture. The food, music, and traditions are very comforting to me. But the religion itself is more oppressive than most people know. When taken literally and practiced orthodoxically. I prefer a much more non-theistic version of the religion.
You know what makes me mad? All these priests stringing these women along with no intention of ever marrying them. You would think that they would be better men than that, considering that they are priests. They are using these women and leading them on and it’s just not right. That is a lot worse than leaving the priesthood.
Yep.
When I began posting here a year and a half ago, I wrote about all the discrepancies of being partnered to an active priest, I discouraged secret liaisons and I stood by women who were being abused encouraging them on to new horizons. ~ opinions that had not been brought onto the blog.
I merely expressed the dead-end reality of loving a priest.
It took courage to keep posting my beliefs under such duress; but I did. And today, women are coming here and speaking the truth about priests who cheat.
And that’s what a priest is who keeps a woman behind the altar~ a cheat. And a priest who is baiting women into their infidelity and other forms of deceit including adultery is creating mortal sin.
~Marshmallow
I am so glad that your story has a happy ending. So nice that you were able to overcome the challenges.
Blessings to you both.
@ Cat
On the last thread I explained to S why I reacted like I did to your comment to me, on that thread in my explanation I said, I hope you would forgive me for lashing out at you like that.
If you like you can read the whole comment — dated Feb.3 5:43 pm– in the thread Your soul mate a priest.
But I will take this moment to apologize to you directly– as I explained to S, I do my best never just react to a comment, but in your case I did not and if I had I might have been able to craft an more meaningful response— it would take too long to explain– but please know as stung as you felt by my words, I felt stung by yours– it wasn’t about you disagreeing with me– but the attitude in which you were doing it– yet based on the reply I saw you give loveasfire to my comment– you have no interest in understanding your role. I have forgiven you and I hope you will forgive me, for not finding a better way to express my hurt other than to hurt you back. This was not love and I regret my choice. And going forward all I can do out of love for you is never reply to any of your comments again.
Promise CAN,
I am truly sorry that my words hurt you. I apologize. That was definitely not my intention. I realize my error and will be more careful from now on.
Now that you know that I am sincerely remorseful for unintentionally hurting you, I hope there will be no misunderstanding or misinterpreting my intentions moving forward.
I believe that there is a major difference between “I hope she will forgive me” and “I am sorry that I hurt you”. I will not try to justify anything that I said anymore. In my opinion repeatedly justifying one’s actions only negates the sincerity of an apology, if in fact there was one. As you can see, in my case, there was a sincere apology as opposed to another justification of my hurtful (although unintentionally so) actions. Also, I apologized despite of that fact that my hurting you was unintentional, because in the end it only matters that I hurt you, not whether it was intentional or not.
Regardless, I forgive you and am moving on.
I won’t be reading any of your comments in the future either. I won’t pretend it is out of love for you – I don’t even know you. I won’t be reading your comments because I am saddened and disappointed. I truly enjoyed reading your comments when you first started commenting here, as they were inspiring and insightful. Lately, FOR ME, they come across with a *holier than thou* and *I know all about relationships with God* attitude.
I prefer to get my preaching and lessons about God from people with expertise and training in that area.
Despite having resigned myself to the fact that we will not see eye to eye, I wish you nothing but Blessings in your future.
please excuse mi english no so good cat too hard on promise when you say love for you and priest was good by god is like salt on sore for many of us who do not have this promise sounds sad love priest much may be mad at god not you for not giving same to her you happy may be makes her sad worse she yells at god at you you sad too priest in heaven to much sad god crys
Thank you Cat
L,
Thanks for your comment L. I hope I understood you correctly. Please let me know if I did not.
You may be right that some are jealous of the love that my priest and I shared. But that is no excuse for hurtfully lashing out at me. And that is their issue, not mine.
I don’t write here in an attempt to make people jealous. (Also, If you knew of my life experiences, there are many, many things that people are definitely not envious of). I write here because I hope that my experiences may change peoples views of relationships with priests, in that people will realize that you CAN have a true lasting reciprocal love with a priest even if he isn’t able to leave the priesthood. Fortunately we are hearing about more and more of these kinds of relationships. But ironically, sometimes on this blog the people who claim to be (but are the least interested in) promoting married priesthood often seem to have the most forceful and loud voices against relationships of any kind with a priest.
I also hope that by sharing what my priest was like, people will stop focusing on the abusive priests and start seeing the good loving priests as human beings worthy of love from a woman. Only then can we begin to make a real push for married priesthood.
You will never see me talking about Catholic priests raping, sodomizing and torturing children and abusing women. I will only promote the loving, kind priests that I have had the pleasure to know. I will NOT give the opponents to married priesthood any ammunition or allow them to take away focus from the crucial need for married priesthood.
If people don’t like me talking about my loving positive relationship, they always have the option to not read my comments. I have heard from several readers that they are happy that I write here. I try to make sure my comments are respectful, relevant, supportive and non-judgmental, so if my comments help even one person, then I will continue to write.
Thanks again L. You sound like a very kind person who wants everyone to be safe and happy. I appreciate that very much.
Blessings to you.
You’re welcome B.
Oh Holy Father keep that fire burning in Cat.
Hallelujah sister!
Dear B. Your comments always brighten my day. May God bless you and your beloved B. ❤
@Cat
I am so sorry you had such a traumatic past and I want to repeat that your journey with God and your experience with God is yours. Not that of others. Nobody can judge your belief as something believing in a wrong God. You do not need teachment in this case. I also do not, I know what I experience. But maybe you should not give so much private things open to a public blog. People are nasty maybe you should ask to delete this passages. You can say in common words that you had a traumatic past, like I was saying, without speaking in details.
@Promise Can
I very much appreciated your prayer you wrote for broken heart. It shows you are somehow a wise person. I do not know why other opinions who did not judge you make you so upset. You should look at yourself if you believe to much you could teach others in ANY case, that can’t be true!
It is also no need to stop commenting to someones comments. Don’t be radical 😉
Just look inside yourself. What made you so upset Me and Cat have another opinion? Don’t you respect we have our own journey with God? You think this is a wrong God? That would be your judgment to us not our judgment to you. So keep cool and don’t get upset that fast. Glad you apologized.
I read the comment of cat, and I can’t see there any role. She talkes about her experience that is different from your teaching that you choose to love yourself, to maintain this love. Also it is obvious what you say, that you choose again and again and how you treat your beloved and how you involve God. There is nothing wrong about what you write but it is obvious, self-evident. Also Cat mentioned that she agrees with you(!) that you chosse how you deal with the beloved and the case loving him, this is your choose. She talked about her experience, there is nothing in it that provokes. In fact Cat clearly agreed that you choose how you deal with it, but she has another experience weather love is pure choice. And so is mine.
Even the video about holy Myrna who is spealing with God regularly shows that God IS forcing her. He is forcing her to give the messages he gives her to the people, he is forcing her to travel, and he is forcing her to give herself to him. “The bearing of the cross is inevitable”, says God. Because he knows best for her. We did not even speak about God forcing us, it was you who mentioned this like it feels as if God would force. But we did not even call it forcing, you said God does not force. God knows best for us. Peace!
Thank you LoveasFire. You are right, I shouln’t give up so many details of my experiences. I sometimes don’t think about that when I’m upset. I really appreciate you pointing it out to me. I know it’s because you don’t want me to be hurt any more than I already have and for that I am truly grateful.
Thank you also for seeing things the way I meant them. 🙏❤
Congratulations!!! to the happy couple. Yes,,you were so blessed by God that your priest had the courage to leave the priesthood and marry you. That is so awesome!!! But,,really this stupidity of man made mandatory celibacy needs to end and fast!!! It’s way past time. Like you said,,it is terrible living a love life in secret!! Man made mandatory celibacy was introduced in the year 900 so priests’ children could not touch church money. When priests past away they would have to leave all their pocessions to the church. Mandatory Celibacy was put in for” control and power” over priests. Now we just heard pope francis has decided not to make celibacy optional. He was all for it back in 2013..i bet he has been threatened by the few shark bishops who are not in favor of optional celibacy..they still want the power and control and the politics in the church. But,,they will be out numbered..there are so many german bishops,,irish bishops,,australian bishops,,american bishops and many priests themselves who are planning to fight hard to still bring in optional celibacy. They will be having an optional celibacy work shop this spring,,then they will be headed to fight it at the amazon synod in rome this coming october 2019…God willing. At the end..pope francis will have no choice but,,to sign in with his ”great white papal pen” in favor of ”the church’s original roots of…”optional celibacy.” Amen!! So all you women out there..or should i say..all of us who are in love with priests..to keep hanging in there..our stories will have a happy ending just as this one did. Amen and blessings to all!!!!
Hi Maria!
You have been missed! Happy you returned and with your optimism… you are sunshine to this blog.
~Marshmallow
Thank you!!! Marshy!!!! my older nice brother,,bought me an airline ticket to go spend christmas in california..but,,i’m so happy i have returned to my beloved italy again!!! I have returned last tuesday evening. I love this blog!!!! Yes,,that is how God works and helps us..through our optimism!!!! You will see,,soon we will all be celebrating the church’s ”original roots” of….”optional celibacy.” Enjoy your day!!!!!
I am going through a very difficult time in my life right now, so I will no longer have the time to post comments on this blog.
But before I go I do have some closing thoughts I would like to share, and I offer them with all the love the Lord gives me.
It was never my intention to tell anyone what they feel for their priest is not real, or that they should move on. My only intention based on 18 years of loving a man who is a priest is this— know what you truly want, why you want it, and what expectations you have- should you get it.
We are all born knowing we were meant to be love. No one has to teach us this, even a baby, who doesn’t understand or who is unable to communicate other than crying, knows they need love. In fact studies have shown babies who are not loved, will not thrive, and even die in extreme cases. This drive to be loved is so powerful, often anything that remotely seems to meet this need, especially for those of us who we not loved well as children and beyond we will cling to it, even when it is shown the relationship in which this love is expressed is not a healthy or life giving.
This drive to be loved was designed for God, like God designed hunger to motivate us to eat, so our bodies would not die, God designed our souls to be motivate to seek love. With hunger we can met the drive by eating anything we want, but not everything we eat will be good for us, yet we cannot fault a starving person for eating garbage if that is the only source of food they can find.
Likewise with love, the good and wholesome source of love is from God Himself. Once we have met our need for love in Him first and foremost, only then can our hearts be really be free to love, not out of need or want, but out of abundance.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my posts– I wish time and space would permit me to address you each individually– Maria your optimism for change gives me hope. Marshmallow your wisdom gave me much to think about. Paula the voice of common sense, the reality check we all need at times. But most all to Cat–my only regret is that in one moment of selfishness, I lash out for something you did not intend to convey- your prayers for peace will be most welcome. Finally to Fr. Daniel for giving me a voice for this short time– I truly hope the day is near when the RCC will embrace you back into its service, and accept a married priesthood as a gift as much as they believe celibate priesthood to be.
For those so inclined please continue to pray for me, and I will continue to pray for you.
Yours in Christ
Promise
Hello Promise Can~
I hope your respite from this blog provides you peace~ I am sorry to read of the turbulence in your life. One thing I have learned from this blog is the need to be very well-grounded if yo come into this blog~ this is just not a safe place for women.
Much of the differences here might come from a generation gap… there is just a few of us it seems who were the women who knew and lived in a world where women were side-lined; higher education and careers restricted, and women were chattel.
But we were also the generation who lived, loved and protested freely~ we consolidated in an advocacy to change the position of women throughout America~ to gain our rights in a world that shut women out. Made possible by or bonds of sisterhood. And, nearly five decades later, we are seeing women in even the harshest of nations find freedom to reach their potential and become all they were meant to be.
Please know, I have enormous respect and regard for your faith, spirituality, your extraordinary scriptural acumen, amazing intellect and most of all, the gentle kindness your writing exudes. Qualities I do not have.
You are an extraordinary woman, Promise Can~ I am pleased to say our paths have met. I, too, am taking a break from this blog. The lack of sisterhood and the veritable shows of disrespect for alternative beliefs is staggering.
God Bless You, Friend!
~Marshmallow
I am taking a break from this blog too. God bless you all.
The truth is than deep in my hearth I wish that my story will finish like this.
I say that I have to see another guys, I have accounts in online dating sites. I flirt with my coworkers.
But in my dreams I wish He could have a good Job out of the Church and that he wont worried anymore for money. And that we will get married someday. That’s my truth.
Thanks for sharing your happy ending.
God bless you.
Broken Heart…
Where are you? Did you and the *P* elope?
~Marshmallow
Hello Marsh Mallow, I’m still here but have been dealing with death in family, funeral arrangements, getting exhausted. Way behind on answering emails from friends. Every day I say the prayer PromiseCAN wrote for me. I typed it out and put it in plastic and carry it with me to Adoration and Mass. I hope Promise and Cat do not leave this blog as they have both been tremendous in helping me understand the journey I am on, as have you Marsh and the others on this blog. Please everyone, don’t leave us!
Brokenheart
Thanks for the update, Broken Heart~ death in the family, planning, emotions are exhausting! Especially so if completely unexpected. Take time for yourself!
Good news, that you are finding comfort in PC’s custom-created prayer…and yes, Promise has a beautiful spirituality and faith woven into her writings.. I have appreciated the immense amount of time she spent on sharing her thoughts.
And, thank you for your kind words, Broken; you are a special lady! And, you have brought much light to my journey. I will continue to pray for you and your priest.
But, for now, I am moving on. There are people here who take cheap shots at or about others, and then take offense when they get some clap-back. All wrapped in religiosity! I have had eighteen months of it, and il est fini!
God Bless You, Southern Belle!
~Marshmallow
Too much drama, Ladies! Self control !!
You’re correct Paula.
And also too much passive aggressive behaviour, I find it negative and toxic
Blessings
It seems that the computer has helped some particular people to hurt others. I’ve been repeating the same old message: there is no need to hurt people simply by giving your opinion! Respect the opinion of others even if you disagree completely! Don’t be a know it all!
Let’s pray for all those who disagree with our opinions!
I’m in agreement with this.
However I will draw the line at insinuating someone is anti Semitic, when their former spouse happens to be Jewish.
We have no concepts of readers current and former lives , so such institutions are uncalled for.
Everybody is free to say her opinion, right? How could a pure opinion hurt? We are here to share opinions. So there is no need for drama, from my point of view.
Just to let you know–Men absolutely hate drama.
Promise Can~
I forgot to mention, the *cliché* comment was not attributed to you~ “happily ending, happily ever after” are just trite regards, and I don’t think people mean it as literally afforded. Same for authentic~ I only her married life as compared to the life dating her priest. It was just a choice of word and nothing to do with your comment. My apology if my note was misleading.
Also, I loved the idea you suggested about why you love the man, would you love him if he were in a different career… it was good advice. I often use that strategy when I *want* to purchase some-thing and then wait thirty days. It is amazing how often that *need* was forgotten!
Blessings, again, Promise!
~Marshmallow
Thank you for sharing your story.
I am really happy for you and M. I will keep you in my prayer intentions. I am so very happy for you.
I hope that my beloved and I can reach this point. HOPE. ❤
It is too bad that RCC has created this culture within itself. The culture of hiding. By obstinately denying celibacy does not work for some -or is not working for some.
Your story is so very very important. Please do not allow the comments in this thread to distract from that fact.
I am sorry to see the disagreements pop up again after a hiatus and several of you leaving the blog. Friends, we are all in this together, fighting and praying for optional celibacy and helping each other deal with what seems to be impossible love. Can’t we all just get along? So many of you have been very, very helpful to me over the past couple of years, helping me spiritually and emotionally. I will greatly miss each one of you who leaves this blog. Please reconsider!
Brokenheart
In a way it’s a sign that we’re growing up. I mean, any relationship (online or not) that continues to grow has to meet some hard challenges. It’s up to us how to deal with them. After so many years I’ve come to realise that not all people are truly grown ups. Others are carrying a luggage full of past experiences and they cannot be liberated from their tragic past. Others are suspicious of others, the least disagreement is turned into a war! A few think that it’s a persecution if others don’t share the same ideas! Some are classic examples of a psycho personality.
Let’s see the big picture! Let’s unite to promote our idea of married priesthood!
Well, I have been a reader of this blog for some years now. Each member here is important, gives their contribution and unknowingly becomes an emotional support for another. At times our opinions may be different but that’s OK. I feel each should voice their opinion without specify anyone’s name. Just speak in general about ur opinion. And if someone is expressed what they feel please do not consider it as a personal attack on u. It just may not be intended. We all know why we are here. We know what we are going through we cannot express to others in our day to day lives. Let’s stand together for each other in strong friendship and support.
This year is crucial for us. We have a small ray of hope for the discussions that would happen in the Synod. We have to pray A LOT. Where it highly seems impossible…but who knows prayers could almost change the situation. We know our prayer request is not wrong. And we are at least on a little fortunate side that Celibacy was never a dogma but just a discipline.
I love the Divine Mercy prayer especially the concluding prayer which states..
Eternal God, in Whom mercy is Endless and the treasury of Compassion Inexhaustible, look
kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments, we might not despair, nor become despondent, but with great confidence, submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself. Yes, our GOD is Love and Mercy. He is the ultimate source of Love… Be it between a woman and a priest. And I believe he will show his Mercy on us.
I pray for each one of these couples here and all over. What I’m trying to say is let’s me united. Let’s spend maximum time in prayer for this intention. Before considering married priesthood or optional celibacy don’t we feel that the Vatican would reconsider cases, and make a thorough study. Possibly they could troll these pages. So I feel we women here have to set a good example of how the wives of priest would contribute their support in Parishes..it starts by living in peace unity n harmony.
Each member here is been valuable…
Love & prayers for each one of you!
Let’s remain United!
😘❤
Seems like a lot of immature women on this blog. Many still believing in fairytales involving their priests. And addicted to romantic feelings and fantasies. And not in control of their emotions and feelings.
This week my six little grand boys were with me~ and at a break in little boy fun~ I went to my laptop and read the latest posting. Little Matthew, age 6, peaked in and said, “Grammie, that looks dark and scary what you’re reading.” I paused, and replied: It is, Matthew and shut it down.” From the mouth of babes.
Matthew was my clarion call~ to switch courses and get involved in advocacies and service that are aligned to my beliefs~ mobilized to bring change to those who are hurting. Mrs M’s story would be a delightful end to this blog journey.
*A post that quickly shifted in tone and was taken over by veteran writers.* Just sad.
I came here believing this was a place where women would bond in their Catholic sisterhood and develop an effective and persuasive movement to support the return of Catholic clergy who are now married. A movement that would expand and promote optional Celibacy for priesthood candidates as well as currently-ministering diocesan priests. (I do not know much about Order priests to include here.)
But not the case! How fast I discovered this to be a support group for women engaged in affairs with clergy. Which is fine, but those in search will be better served if Daniel changes the optics to “Women Who Love Priests.”
It would be disingenuous of me to say I was ever a proponent of women having affairs with active priests. And, I expressed that from the earliest of my comments eighteen months ago. At that time, a number of women were *also* being clearly used and abused. I supported them with the encouragement that they deserved more. The mantra, “men who love us do not patronize us.”
I stood firm~ as I do yet today~ that any relationship in secrecy is a red light and having a personal/romantic relationship with Catholic clergy defies the honesty and integrity of the Holy Orders and a woman’s reputation; a relationship that creates immeasurable damage to our parishes and all those to whom a priest is avowed in a fiduciary relationship. Relationships that empower priests to cheat and use women~ relationships that are emotionally, psychologically and often physically damaging or abusive. This not my opining: physicians, psychiatrists, counselors, attorneys, educators are held to these same standards and laws.
But, holy smokes! My comments became an overnight battlefield sensation, and an alliance of four other commenters took up their swords against me. I was systematically picked and pecked at like roadkill on the autobahn~ to the extent of providing me writing lessons! Women who were all kept behind an altar.
While the blog has now evolved into the open sharing, it yet maintains a platform for normalizing infidelity and using faith and our Lord to justify it. One’s love for Christ is difficult to understand when we are using it as a garment to cover relationships that have no place within a parish and are harmful to countless others. Especially the woman.
Admittedly, I do not have the gift to write in a spiritual sense~ gifts I have admired in a few of the writers, most recently Promise Can. But even her soft presentation came under attack~ including attacks to her very person. She essentially shared my same beliefs, presented them in the gentlest of spirit, and yet she was attacked. Under the guise of faith-mongering.
I love my Catholic sisters, and I believe oh so strongly that we are “Made For More”~ more than a cheap fling suspended in abhorrent disregard and mind-games.
But so it is, a blog spirit that is well-defined, but the blog belongs to Daniel, not me. I suggested to him that he should call us out by name when we are offensive; I am willing to take it. But he did not publish that request.
Instead, a classification system (8 February2019; 6:14a)~ mocking our humanity. I am disappointed to say the least. Perhaps, the acrimony and unfaithfulness sell better! Oh well~ what would a *psycho persona* know?
The light went on, so long!
~Marshmallow
Thank you, Daniel, and others for redirecting us to what this blog was intended for.
I noticed many people who have belonged to the site for a lot longer than I have, leaving.
Although I didn’t announce it, my intentions were the same.
I didn’t tell my story to be met with anything other than constructive criticism. Instead, I’ve been told that I have psychological issues because I don’t want to get married or have children & that’s why I’m in love with a priest. Or I’m acting immature or my reactions are inappropriate. There were other passive-aggressive comments, but I’m not going to get specific. I also came here because I wanted to lend support to others as well. I don’t feel free doing that when everything I say is met with an attack.
Bottom line: we all came here for support because loving a priest is hard enough; we should all be uniting & supporting one another–in the end, we all want the same thing.
We need to stop and act like the faithful, beautiful, unique adult women we are.
Many blessings to us all on our journeys.
Maybe there is the need to repeat another old message: Falling in love cannot be controlled at will! All those who do not agree, need to do a refresher course about human beings and how they behave! The world is not simply black or white. There is the grey colour which means all those actions which cannot be easily put into any section. That was the old moral system of the church (which crushed many human beings!!) which used to see sin everywhere!
We are not here to judge but simply to support other people in their unique journeys! Let’s not play God and write who is right and who is not. May God Bless all our readers!
Please dont leave MA111,
You write with a good balance of passion and compassion. You write without making veiled accusations, judgments or priest bashing. You have helped me more than you know and I really value your opinion. We need more like you.
I think this is a great opportunity for this blog to refocus and to finally put a stop to the hurtful comments. Maybe now we can help others by supporting them in their relationships instead of criticising every move they make. That is why I originally came here.
I have been reading this blog for years and have seen the comments degrade steadily over the last 18 months.
We need people like you to feel safe here and I am both saddened and angry that you were not treated with respect. Sadly you are not alone.
Please stay. We need you.
Hopefully from now on it will be better. I will pray that you remain here with us. 💟
*** should be That is why I came here…for support not criticism
Brokenheart– just to be clear I am not leaving because of disagreements– I really just don’t have the time anymore– some days I start composing my comment at 6 am my time- and do not finish it until 11 or so at night my time– a lot of effort go into my posts. I was able to do that because I had free time– but that is no longer the case.
I am in my 60’s. At this stage of life I know it is impossible for everyone to like me and I certainly don’t expect them to agree with everything I say. I never claim to know it all, but I know what I do know and I shared that as best I could.
We are not snowflakes that we need to melt under the heat of debate.
There is a saying that at parties we don’t discuss religion or politics– mainly because some our deepest values are express in these areas– so it hard to have a discussion about religion or politics without offending someone or them taking it personally because of this reason.
Most women here are women of faith, in love with men who are men of faith, so it is almost impossible not to bring God into the mix but our understanding of God is different based on our experiences– I did my best to be mindful of that and not step on toes when someone else’s understanding of God did not fit with mine– I wasn’t always successful.
.I learned a lot about myself being on this blog– some of it I liked, some of it I didn’t– but I did grow from being here.
One the things I liked, was how useful the prayer I shared was for you, in fact I am going to start making it my prayer as well. Right now, my priest is also freezing me out, and I don’t like it when he uses silence to express displeasure. So I think the prayer I gave you will be useful for me too right now.
See I started this reply an hour and half ago, and I am still working on it– this is what I mean– I lose all sense of time when I am writing– and this is why I am leaving right now–not because of disagreements.
But I am glad I had chance to thank you directly for blessing me with your encouraging words. I know there is no such thing as soul mates, but I do know, our souls are meant to be loved and to love. Ideally these two things should be happening at the same time– but as our Lord said, if you only love those who love you, what are you doing different than the non believers do? I was only trying to encourage women, who like me knew their priest was never going to love them in the way they wanted, that it is possible to continue to love your priest, by adjusting your ideas of love from man made ideas and embracing God’s way of loving– and His way, love doesn’t depend on what what everyone else does for you, or how they make you feel — if offering this path made me sound like a self righteous jerk or I was preaching– so be it, God knows my heart, and I believe those my message was meant for, heard it.
I look forward to meeting you in the Kingdom to come Brokenheart– I hope you too might consider changing your name–something like Tender Heart– that seems to fit you
God bless
Hello PromiseCAN, your prayer has been a blessing to me more than I can explain, as it has been grounding me in what it is to listen for God’s answer for me and for my priest. Not MY answer, not MY desires and wants, but God’s answers. I will always treasure this prayer you wrote for me.
And continue to pray for you. We are in the same age group and have been through the ups and downs of life. And despite everything that has happened over the years to me, I did not fully comprehend “waiting on God for His answers” to my prayers, wishes and desires. Your prayer shows me that this is what I need to do from now on. I pray it several times a day. And thanks to you, dear sister, I now have peace in my soul.
I’ll keep my name of Brokenheart for the time being, until I see what God’s answer for me and my priest is.
May Our Father in Heaven bless you and keep you close to Him always!
Cat-
I left you a comment this past week to thank you for your kind words, but now I don’t see it. Grrr …I probably didn’t hit “post comment” or it didn’t go through. I’m still trying to get the hang of the threads and finding the proper “reply” button.
At any rate, I didn’t want you to think I didn’t respond. I don’t exactly remember what I wrote, but it was to thank you. I will be staying with the group, especially right now. I’m currently lacking energy to tell the story over again, but you’ll see it somewhere in the thread. I found out J. is with someone. I’m hurting terribly. And trying to make decisions as to what I’ll do and where I’ll go to mass.
I’m asking everyone to pray for me while I try to discern what’s right and heal.
Blessings,
MA 111
Thank you MA111.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for healing for you.
I vote for “Tender Heart”!
jesus truth can’t change god can’t change truth jesus truth white devil lies black world grey wheat weeds together jesus comes back world no more grey only white
We can’t understand exactly your opinion. You can try to write in your mother tongue and then using a translation service to write it in understandable English.
I took your idea. I hope I make better sense now.
You said the world is not simply black or white, but grey too.
Jesus said he is the truth (white).
Jesus said devil is the father of lies (black).
God never changes, so truth never changes.
The world is grey because truth (white) and lies (black) mix together.
Jesus said the wheat (truth) and weeds (lies ) will live together until he comes back and then all lies (black) will be removed and only truth (white) will remain.
Yes L
Jesus is the King of Kings.
Blessings
Wanted to share this article :
https://www.irishpost.com/news/dying-irish-priest-dubs-celibacy-a-sin-164291?fbclid=IwAR2oTbdncC1CD91Oaqd3MtL5TOv_cVD4dEWxvxfOlPTrp_3EIcULDDv6fzQ
MA111~
I need to send this off to you before taking off: My apology for being part of the hurt you have experienced here. I became so self-absorbed in my own beliefs that I did not reach out to you. There were a couple other women here as well that I ignored, and I am sorry to them as well.
I wish all of you well, and please know I want the best for all of you~ “a best” that will not rupture your integrity nor tarnish your reputation… the priest will always be protected. But, not us women.
This blog is not a healthy place for me~ out of no one’s fault but mine for staying. I have spent my entire career tenderly caring for people you are suffering. But, while I am here I become a woman I do not like.
God’s best to you, and the other young women attracted to clergy. Please remember, you are “Made For More” … much more than what most of these priests choose to offer us which is nothing but raging hormones!
~Marshmallow
Marshmallow,
Please know I don’t hold you personally responsible for my hurt. I have definitely felt supported by you!
If I may allow my psychological “expertise” come into play here, I think here’s what may be happening: this unique situation we’ve all found ourselves in is a very personal, often heartbreaking experience. It can play on our fears, our childhoods (which have been painful for some as described), our view on what love is and how it’s uniquely defined for each person. Last, but never least, because being involved with a priest can been such a painful experience, we are all very passionate! We want to spare others from feeling the pain we have, so we encourage them to see certain things to help them try to avoid them.
In my field, there’s the old adage: “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!” Oh, how many times I have sat in front of a client, knowing they’re about to walk into a pile of crap, but I have to respect their personal journey. It’s beyond frustrating and frankly, annoying sometimes, especially when I’m tasked with trying to help them pick up the pieces after. However, I’ve found it’s the only the way they learn. And some never learn… **sigh**
I guess that’s probably what’s happening here on the blog, on some level. I know personally, I’ve often needed to hear what you’ve said: “I’m made for more.” What’s scary is I KNOW that you are correct! I don’t deserve the mind games, the constant up and down emotional roller coaster, or a love where I’m a “dirty hidden secret.” The frustration comes in when I recognize and agree with this sentiment, but can’t seem to turn my feelings off for this man. Many people say: “just leave, find a new church” or “ignore him.” It’s been 16 years of feelings that just can’t go away overnight. I’m trying to process this whole thing as a lesson learned, while also trying to keep my faith a separate entity, if that makes sense.
I truly believe everyone here has something unique to contribute. They all want to support and be supported. We all want the same thing in the end, even though it might be for different reasons.
Everyone means well, I’m sure of that, but sometimes the delivery could be better. I’m even guilty of that myself! It’s also difficult to gauge someone’s tone, meaning, and intention on a blog. Which is why I’m not a fan of texting or email. I can assure you that if we were all sitting in a group in person, the differences in communication would be truly astounding!
It would be a shame to see anyone leave this blog, but as always you must do what is best for you!
I will continue to pray for you and am grateful to have “met” you at any rate 💖
Blessings,
MA 111
thank you that was very helpful
Thank you for being astute to the *long view*~ loving a priest is difficult under the best circumstances, but the pain and humiliation, and the G A M E S are staggering!
I hope your *J* returns to man you fell in love with~ you and Broken Heart have unique positions having both know your priest before their ordination. Making these trials all the more challenging. (Broken Heart has lots of great faith and wisdom to tap; she is well-grounded in life and faith. A real mentor.)
Again, my sadness and apology for not being as attentive to your *share* as I should have been.
Know God is with you, and He will provide.
~Marshmallow
A TWO-CAMP BLOG:
My thinking is this: There are two distinct camps here; one who promote attractions/relationships with actively ministering Catholic clergy, and the other camp discouraging them on several levels~ the least not being the woman maintaining her reputation and integrity.
I am thinking that as long as the blog is titled “Maltese Married Catholic Priest’s Blog” there will remain these two polarized camps with each its own nuances. Nuances that collide. One group who want to *FACILITATE* a woman’s attraction/relationship to a priest but yet do not provide tangible advice. The other camp looking at these attractions/relationships as the kiss-of-death, typically with personal experience. A kiss-of-death that erodes a concerted posture working together for an optional, celibate Catholic clergy.
This polarization at times brings out the worst of us~ speaking about myself. And at times, the other camp exposes the unattractive and demeaning “kept woman” state.
Of course, this is Daniel’s blog, but I believe if it were titled “Women Who Love Priests”, you would see this blog providing an aligned audience to what this blog is truly about.
And those who are dedicated to an optional celibate Catholic clergy could start another blog ~ developing an intentional and authentic movement. A movement that might encourage priests who are in favor of change, might not be involved nor even interested in a relationship, but who are looking for a platform that will offer them opportunity to speak of optional celibacy from a theological, moral and positive transformation for Catholic priesthood.
As Paula aptly wrote, “Men absolutely hate drama.” Probably why so few men come here!
~Marshmallow
AUTHENTIC SUPPORT:
A change in the tone of this blog requires changes from veteran writers who support clergy relationships; the two-camp voice did not happen from one side~ among them is for commenters who have had a God-honoring relationship with a priest provide*authentic* support to other women who love priests.
The ongoing validating of negative behavior as acceptable to loving a priest plays no small part in the negative tone of this blog~ particularly when the “other camp” finds these behaviors demeaning to the woman. This authentic support should be more than a declaration of one’s love for a priest, and it should be coming from those who have had a meaningful, dignified relationship to a priest. Here might be some pointers:
_ Tell your story, certainly. But don’t make your success the center piece of your *support* without offering tangible advice. Merely saying, “he loved me, and I loved him” repeatedly is not helpful.
_ Provide a summary of the transitions you and the priest experienced~ focusing on the shift from the priest-penitent professional relationship to the personal, mutual love and affection.
_ Share the *markers* of growth~ those markers unique to being emotionally invested in a priest; clues to gauge her affection for an avowed celibate; draw a picture in words of an emotionally-invested priest. Not just sugar-coating the mind games and negatives etc~ but the positive moves of your *shared* growth and transformation. Beyond a wink in the hand-shaking line.
_ Be helpful by describing how you and the priest transitioned from seeing one another at parish events to being alone together ~ going out in public~ navigating the dating dance~ introducing him to your life, and him bringing you into his life, ie family and friends.
_ How you handled parishioner controversy.
Without sharing the growth stages and the fully-embodied life of a meaningful relationship with a priest and how one got there, we are not providing support. The repeated “he loved me and I loved him” lacks the foundation for developing a sustainable relationship in any instance let alone one with Catholic clergy.
~Marshmallow
Sometimes it’s not reality but how we perceive it! Why do we need to divide all readers into 2 sections? Reality is more complex than that! I repeat: falling in love for most people happens all of a sudden. It doesn’t mean that they are weak. It doesn’t mean that they have to abandon the loved one. There are hundreds of stories which prove that people tried to move away and forget all about the loved person….and found out that it was impossible to forget the loved person! Falling in love is not the pressing of buttons!!!!! or switching on and off!
I did not *randomly or haphazardly* divide all readers into two camps~ that is the very distinct reality here: There are women who support *ongoing* clandestine relationships with priests, and those who do not see any value for the woman being kept in a secret second-place~ a posture that is also an obstacle in promoting a credible move for optional celibacy. One cannot have a secret relationship with a priest and expect that to be a serious future for her *or* actionable support for optional celibacy/married clergy.
Nor did I say a single word about how love develops or that it is a reflection of weakness; I like most every human being know love is random and capricious. I did not even remotely hint at abandoning or moving away to forget someone.
And at 66 years, I am well-beyond knowing there are no on/off love buttons. Being in love demands appropriate behavior and is especially heightened when it is a public figure whose career is shaping morals and ethics of untold numbers. It is called civility.
Love needs to be healthy, responsible and God-honoring. And, for us who are trying to promote respectful relationships for *all* women (no matter who they love) and married priesthood, it requires all of us to conduct ourselves transparently.
Daniel, please help me understand how you have garnered this hellacious retort because what I am reading from you is clearly not what I typed.
~Marshmallow
Maybe sometimes it’s good to listen to what others write about your writings then….
Yes Fr. Daniel. You are right. Why is anyone trying to cause division? Why aren’t we working together for our common cause? I suspect it is because some are not interested in uniting or supporting our cause – just causing division and contraversy and keeping themselves as the centre of attention. We need to stop allowing this hijacking of this blog.
THE SOUND OF THIS BLOG BELONGS TO EVERYONE:
One thing I think would have been helpful for my commenting is the old “type it, sleep on it, review it, proceed by either edit or trash it!
We women tend to be emotional creatures~ I know my emotional intelligence is too often bottomed-out by impulse~ impulse driven by initial, emotionally-charged reactions. Not the best side of me.
After this weekend, and a hiatus from this blog, this will be my new path to posting: Write, save, sleep, return to review~ then mend it or send it.
And, we all need to remember the sound of this blog is the responsibility of each and every person who comes here.
God Bless You, Sisters!
~Marshmallow
I do agree that maybe some people need to make a draft – go to sleep – read again the following day – then decide to post it or not or else make arrangements. Most of the time, the anger would be gone or good. May God Bless you all!
I know I wish I had done that, because I am fully aware this recent dust up is mainly my fault. Sometimes I can be like a dog with a bone when I am trying to make a point.
Some blogs I follow have an edit feature, meaning while the comment is waiting moderation or even after the poster has the option of editing or even deleting their comment. I don’t know if WordPress offers their bloggers that option– but maybe you can look into it.
L is wrong, I am not sad and I am not jealous of anyone But I did find the lack of support by some to be hurtful It seems only those who have romantic relationships and want them are supported. I chose to see love differently, doesn’t mean I don’t love as deeply.
But in the end we are strangers hiding behind fake names all trying to make sense of something that the RCC put into motion by refusing to accept, deal and correct the error of forced celibacy. If there is a sin to be judged, I think it is that one
Yes I have the edit feature. Maybe because your writings were always above standard and very spiritual! Others did have some of their messages withheld! Besides, I hate that I have to stop some people from writing because I believe in educating people. I have to be patient with people. They take time to understand their faults and to admit of having committed a mistake!!!
Fr. Daniel. That is excellent advice for most people, but everyone else is doing this already.
In that case taking time to consider what some people write is not going to help when some have no regard for the feelings of others and are offending and antagonising other writers on a regular basis.
You were spot on when you said “psycho persona”.
Thanks for trying to keep the peace Fr. Daniel. This is not your fault.
I don’t think any of the other commenters are the problem either. There are plenty of people on here who comment frequently without conflict.
But another just cant seem to comment without being offensive or hurtful. In my view that is the problem,. If you want to criticize these people for their “illicit” relationship with a priest, in my opinion you should consider that you are on the wrong blog.
We will do just fine without judgment, condemnation and hatred thank you very much!
It’s ridiculous when people come here for support and are judged, criticised and offended. And just be honest, the ones writing about their love for a priest aren’t the ones doing that. It’s those who have said they are against ANY relationship with a priest (remind me why youre even here!) and then when they are called out on it they say “I didn’t say that”. (Just like the homophobic rant and then “Some of my best friends are gay”. )
I for one am tired of this drama from one particular person.
And its ridiculous to think that repeatedly “saying he loves me and I love him” is the problem. Thats not what people are hurt or offended by. It’s the one commenters inability to be consistently respectful.
Hi all,
I know there has been tension lately on the blog, but despite it all, I wanted to reassure Fr.
Daniel and you ALL, that this blog IS doing what it is intended for. I saw that last night…
Last night, I was in tears after mass. I called one of my closest girlfriends & God bless her, she tried to make me feel better. However, I found myself wanting to talk to my “sisters” on this blog, the ones who know how very hard it is to endure this unique situation of loving a priest (no matter their personal past experiences or beliefs)!! Despite everything, I yearned for support from this very special group of ladies. I hope, no matter what, we can continue to band together to lend support when it’s needed and unite together to go against the RCC: we ALL want to see celibacy optional. No women or priests should have to endure the pain and heartbreak we have. My hope is that those after us can openly and freely celebrate their love without the shame and guilt. I know I may never see it in my lifetime, but I pray it happens.
That being said, I’ve found myself wondering if anyone else has found themselves regressing when dealing with their priest. What I mean by that is: I feel like I’m allowing myself to meet J’s maturity level lately. I, like so many people here, have faced much adversity in my life; I feel like its forced me to grow up more quickly than others my age.
I am currently dealing with major health issues, undergoing tests (where they can’t seem to find anything), and I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me. My faith and church has never been more important; I obviously don’t want to put that at risk.
However, lately, J has been unbearable. He seems to be up to the same mind games, but now in front of others. People are starting to talk. He acts one way publicly with me (he seems very flirtatious), but when I’m alone with him, he seems guarded and almost rude! Last night is a perfect example: upon leaving mass, he basically elbowed me and winked and said: “what’s up sister? Stay safe, ok?” He asked me whether I was attending the dinner party the church was having next month. He also told me he thought of me the night my team won the Superbowl. By the way, I have never had a man I’m attracted to call me “sister” in my life; it was odd to me. It was also super physical, almost if he was body slamming me. What am I–one of his soccer buddies?!
About a half hour later, I needed to ask him questions about a doctor he recommended to me years ago, one who basically helped save my life at that point. We were outside, completely alone, and after watching J laughing with another female parishioner and joking with many others, he seemed put out by my stopping him to talk. He seemed as if he couldn’t wait until the conversation was over and couldn’t maintain eye contact. I was met with a lot of “I don’t knows” and ” just do what I’m saying!” There seems to be frustration and resentment on his part towards me. It seemed as if I was talking to a completely different human being than I had a half hour earlier!
He went into the rectory and I went to my car, called my friend, and fell apart. I know he saw me (I saw him looking out the windows several times) & despite my being an extremely emotionally guarded person, I didn’t care if he saw me crying. It was truly a humiliating experience for me!
I feel like I’m back in middle school, having to interpret whatever this man says. I want to go to the dinner party, but will I be like those girls who were crying in the bathrooms at the 7th grade dance because they couldn’t dance with their crush? I feel like I’m dealing with a boy who teases you and is mean, pulling your ponytail because they have a crush on you but don’t know how to maturely express it. I feel I’m being reduced to his maturity level & I dont like it.
This is not the J I knew and loved. He was always there for me. He was someone I looked up to. I admired his spirituality and desire to be a priest. Now I’m wondering if I even know who this man is anymore. I miss seeing the smile that could light up a room. Do priests really change THAT much when they become a pastor–is that part of it? I know there is brain washing…
And for the love of God, why would he be flirty in front of others but be cold while we’re alone? Seems it should be opposite.
I’m beginning to think I’m doing something wrong, resenting the RCC, and questioning if I’m putting my faith at risk by caring about this man. I also think he doesn’t like me for some reason. Why else is he care free with others but not me?
Have any of you ever felt this way and what did you do to cope with it, especially where your spirituality was concerned?! I don’t want this man to come between me and God. Not now, not ever.
Blessings & may you all have a great week 😊
MA 111
I am sorry to hear about your health issues, and I will add you to my intercession prayers for healing
I have been battling for 3 years a very severe depression, which is why I am not working at the moment, and had time to be on this blog– and right now I am in one my low points which why I don’t feel I have the time or the strength to help anyone else right now.
.My love for Peter ( my priest) is not the cause of my depression, but loving someone who is unwilling to express his love for me in a healthy normal way, was a factor.
What you said earlier about everyone needing to walk their path, was correct. When you first mentioned your story here, I only suggested changing parishes, for own well being– not to forget about J– I haven’t seen Peter much in last 18 years, so I know, physical distance isn’t going change your heart. But your parish home should be a safe haven for you, for you to solely focus on God– and if you believe you can do that at this your parish where the priest is the man you love who is struggling to understand his own heart toward you- loving you in one moment, acting like he hates you in the next– that is fine– my concern was for your emotional and spiritual well being that’s all. Because this back and forth takes a toll on you and I don’t want to see you end up where I am– so just be careful
You are very wise to know your relationship with God comes first–keep trusting God
I have been in love with men before meeting Peter my priest– some of them I carried a torch for a while after the relationship ended, but eventually those feelings of love, that sense of being in love fades and one moves on. But I know the love I have for Peter is God’s love for Peter and because God will not choose to stop loving Peter I will never stop loving Peter. But weather or not I can have a relationship with, even a spiritual friendship like we developed over 18 years– can I do this for the rest of my life?- this is what I struggle with daily and work on with God and my therapist.
Anyway that has been my experience–and you are right, no one understands how you felt in that moment, better those us that have been in that moment, and still do at times.
MA 111, Telling out of my own experience, and what has been studied, the ONLY way to get over someone is the “no contact” rule . It hurts at first, and seems impossible in the beginning, but later on, it works. Day by day, it gets better. No seeing the person, no calling, emailing, texting. Complete cut off. It’s really the only way. And the way your priest is acting very unattractively, may be God making you not like him as much? I would be completely turned off by a man acting that way. Let yourself be “turned off,” and even repulsed by him, along with no contact. That should really work to get over him. Time to make a change. Can’t keep doing the same old things and expecting things to be different.
If you want to lose weight, you don’t eat the cake. If you want to get over a man, do the things that will get you over him.
It is Sunday, so I have some time. Marshmallow when Fr. Daniel spoke about those of us who don’t understand how people fall in love, I think he was thinking about me and the belief I share with many that love is a choice. Even though I stated many times I am full aware there is such a thing as falling in love and being in love, because I have experienced both many times- yet for love to be sustain, to be the life giving gift God wanted us to have with Him and others– at some point it has to evolved into something more than just feelings–but I have beaten that horse to death– so I am switching gears and only commenting on what I came to this site to comment about – the RCC
The RCC ordains men telling them by virtue of Holy Orders they are now blessed with the great gift of celibacy, then send them out in the world, burying their head in the sand, that many priests are out there are lonely and horny without any option to met their need for connection and sex in the way God designed it– in a committed relationship with one person, where sex is about giving something to the other, not taking something from them. By forcing celibacy, a priest has no outlet but the imperfect ways the world offers rather than experiencing the best way God created. And as St. Paul himself, the man who proclaim his celibate state to be the “better” way– fully admitted if you cannot live without sex, then it is better to marry than to use sex imperfectly.
But really makes my blood boil is the RCC even after forcing a promise of never to marry from a man in order for them to be a priest– they make no allowance for the fact no one can promise never to fall in love- and the poor priest who does fall in love– has the whole weight of the RCC on one side and his love for his beloved on the other side. And when this happens, there is no real compassion or support for them and all priests know this
So some priests when they know they are in love will take time away to discern whether God is leading them to a new vocation, and many will embrace a new vocation and choose to be married.
Some priests like M’s priest in her story, will try to keep the relationship a secret. But as M pointed out this has drawbacks to it — hers ended well, but others do not.
Other priests like my priest want to stay a priest yet accepts the love he has for me by elevating it to a spiritual level. But as I shared that too is a difficult path.
And then there are priests who just want to use women or men for their own needs, and when the woman/man gets too serious or they (the priest) lose interest then they can hide behind the celibate rule– and because most priests are not honest with their own feelings the woman or man is always left in doubt, about the priest’s true heart. Is he rejecting me because he doesn’t love me, or is rejecting me because he does?
And all this could be avoided or at least lessen if the RCC would take responsibility for their choices. If you going to force celibacy there has to be more tools in place to deal with a priest’s emotional needs–their sexual needs– their whole being– and they need something better than telling a priest in love their only options are to cut the person they love out their life or leave the priesthood.
If anyone thinks love is a button you can turn on and off at will it is the RCC.
Paula,
You are absolutely right! My grandmother, who was the one I used to go to about my romantic issues, (she was a hoot even at 88!) used to tell me after a breal up: “be like a surgeon, cut it off with a knife!” Basically, saying exactly what you are, in different words. You’ll never heal when he’s still around.
After I left that night, I was starting to feel, priest or not, this man is not even someone I would normally LIKE, never mind love. I don’t deserve to be treated like this at all.
Without getting into too much detail, I found out yesterday J. has a “girlfriend,” a married parishioner & the very same one who had been searching my social media profiles recently. Knowing J. the way I do, I can place bets he told her about me to rile her up, games I saw played in middle school. Not to mention this woman has been giving him money hand over fist and all the parishioners are well aware.
This is certainly not the J. I fell in love with! I’m beginning to wonder if he was always like this and because I basically had no standards, I found his behavior & mind games acceptable. I’m in my 40’s now and a lot wiser than when we met in my 20’s.
My heart is hurting, I won’t lie. However, it’s more out of disappointment and anger than anything else. What happened to this man? I think it’s partially the result of the RCC feeding him the BS they do: that he’s entitled to do what he wants, because he has power, “abilities,” no other human has. I do think J’s ego has blown up and that is why he has the audacity to act out openly with this woman in front of his parishioners. I can only blame the RCC so much though; he’s an adult with free will.
I’m in the process of figuring out (with assistance), what my next step is. One thing is certain: I won’t allow this man (or anyone else, for that matter) to get in the way of my faith or relationship with God. I promised this to myself after an abusive ex (who had also been a seminary drop out prior to knowing me) kept throwing the RCC and their practices “down my throat.”
So, much like I was warned by all of you, my story is ending in pain. Not all priests are as mature as Daniel, or Cat’s, where they are brave and strong enough to admit the RCC is no longer in line with what they want for themselves and their lives and take action. It really burns me up, because J couldn’t say enough negative things about a close mutual friend of ours who left his ministry for a woman (he’s happily married with children now). At least he did the honorable thing! I do believe what’s done in darkness will come to light and it’ll blow up in J’s face. Good luck to him when it does.
Right now, I am taking time to nurture myself so that I can heal, let the anger and disappointment subside, and make the proper decisions regarding my faith and its practice. I have never felt a pain this intense, one where it is so bad, it physically hurts. I have been through some hard break ups in my time, but this is just brutal. It’s prob because when a priest breaks your heart, it’s about so much more than just your friendship or relationship; it brings up a whole host of other things. Ladies, guard your hearts; I know you will do what you feel you have to, but I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. I now know why people so passionately tried to warn me what was coming!
Whether I will talk to J and let him know I’m aware of what’s going on, I don’t know. At this point in time, I don’t even want to see his face.
I ask you all to pray for me while I try to discern what’s right for me.
Blessings,
MA 111
You have my prayers MA111
May God give you the strength and peace and His comfort to get through this
Oh, MA111~
I am so sorry about this unravelling…there are not words enough to describe the agony. We love these men, and by virtue of their vocation, we believe they are above hurting us~ by keeping us in the dark, playing with our hearts rather than honesty.
His new flame is a story that will soon catch fire~ it will not take long for his Bishop to hear.
The pain of this is so very crushing~ I was there. Embrace the love of those who love you. And I have now just read you have health issues~ please do your best to prioritize you.
Thinking of you and prayers, MA111.
~Marshmallow
You dodged a bullet. Thank God you know what kind of man he is now. Time to move on. Cut him out of your life today. No more excuses!!!
I wouldn’t talk to J. I would just cut it off, RIGHT NOW. No turning back. Don’t waste one minute more on him.
Promise CAN,
First, I’m sorry that you are battling depression. It can be a horrible, all consuming experience. In addition to my health issues, I battle anxiety and post-traumatic disorder, so I understand on some level the daily, sometimes hourly, battle. Like you said, loving a priest didn’t cause my issues, but it’s certainly a trigger and not helping matters.
I appreciate your prayers more than I could say.
I AM in the process of switching parishes. If you read this thread, somewhere toward the end I explain that yesterday I found out J. is involved with a married parishioner, the one he was rumored to be. I must say, I had a gut feeling it was happening all along. It is no longer just a rumor; I saw things with my own 2 eyes. I am hurting terribly, but I’m more aghast at who J. has become and, on some odd level, thankful; God saved me when I walked away a decade ago and made the decision not to get intimately involved with J.
I refuse to let this man play games with my heart, all the while being involved with a married woman, and hiding behind the safety of the pulpit. What a hypocrite.
I’m in the process of healing and making some crucial decisions, so I ask you all to bear with me and pray for me.
Blessings,
MA111
My eyes are filling with tears, as I read your words. Perhaps technology will eventually find a way so we are able to give hugs via the internet but all I can do is pray for you which I will do and anyone would like to add their amen to this prayer, please feel free to do so.
Lord Jesus
please be a refuge for this woman we know as MA111, you know her by her real name, you know her heart, you know the number of hairs on her head, You were there when she has being fashioned in her mother’s womb. You have counted every tear she has every shed and store them close to your heart.
. She needs you more than ever, so lead her Jesus, our great Comforter, the Prince Peace to seek healing under you wing of Grace– show her how to rest her burden to your strong arms. You knew this day was coming you prepared her, by leading her to this website where she could find understanding from women who know her journey by loving a priest. Remind her Lord she did nothing wrong to love, remind her Lord, this is not her doing, but j. We commit him too to you Lord– humble this man, who needs to be reminded there are consequences for his action, and his collar doesn’t give him protection from Your Righteous Judgement. We trust you to do this correctly for you love j too and his actions are breaking your heart as much as did MA111, so share your sorrow with her , so knows she is not alone this sorrow. We ask this in your most Precious Name
Amen
MA111, I wrote a comment earlier, don’t see it, so I don’t think it will get posted, so I will try again, but if the first one is posted, know much of what I am saying now is a repeat of that.
I had tears in my eyes when I read of what has happened.
What you said to Paula is true– this kind of behavior would be difficult for anyone with any man, but it wounds more when it is a priest. Although we know they are men, yet they claim by their Holy Orders to be servants of our Lord, and treat others as Jesus would– and we know Jesus would never act as he is doing– and this is disappointing because as Catholics we were all raise to hope our priest is at least trying to live up to their calling.
Just know our Lord is not j– our Lord knows your heart, he has every hair on your head numbered, he collects all your tears and keeps them close to his heart and I believe is weeping with you. He is our great consolation and comforter. You can go to him directly if it is too difficult to express your faith via the RCC at the moment
I will pray for you and others will too– and I believe those prayers will sustain you as you journey through your hurt and grief
I am glad you have supports in place– and you give great advice even in your sorrow–trust your gut– if something seems off, it probably is
I am so sorry this has happened to you– I always hope for the best outcome for every story told– I remember the day I realized Peter my priest wasn’t the man I thought he was– it was so confusing– I too wouldn’t wish that on anyone– I wish I was there in person so I could you a hug—
Okay my first comment did get through
to clarify
the line should read j actions are breaking our Lord’s heart as much as j’s action are breaking MA111– I missed a word, so it sounds like I think MA111 broke our Lords’ heart and this definitely not what I meant– I am so sorry for that error–
Okay now both of my comments went through but I don’t see my correction to my 1st comment–
it should read the Lord heart is breaking about what j has done as much as what j did to MA111– but it sounds like I saying the Lord heart was breaking over something she did– this is not what I intended– I apologize for the error– and this might be my second apology if my first one goes through after all.
MA111~
Do you think this *married woman* could be just parish gossip?
Are you able to connect with him to feel-out things? Chat after maybe a weekday Mass when there is more opportunity for time and less parishioners?
I have been thinking about you and wondering if you need more affirmation about the woman in question?
I feel horrible for you~ glitches in these relationships are so much more difficult to ferret out. These priests are *professional* communicators but often not *personal* communicators. The absolute pits!
Lots of women here rooting for you!
Prayers For You
~Marshmallow
Marsh Mallow~
I wanted to give J. the benefit of the doubt because as we all well know, there is always a lot of gossip that floats around the church. So you made a good point…
Unfortunately, though, I saw something with my own 2 eyes. I’m sure the bishop will find out about it at some point, but they’re quick to cover up things (whether that be abuse of a child or an illicit relationship). In addition, J. is one of the “golden boys,” especially close to our bishop and close to him.
Here’s where I’ve finally gotten to in my mind: if the RCC doesn’t even give a crap about their own men supposedly “working” for God, why should I? I’ve wasted way too much energy on this “man” and I’m beginning to realize that ultimately, God blessed me; I dodged one huge bullet.
I’m finally free to open my heart to a man that’s deserving of my love. No more mind games or stooping to his level. J. loses in this situation all around, especially since he won’t even have my friendship anymore.
I’m happy to report that after much prayer, I actually went back to church this AM and it was fine, as if nothing ever happened. I’m not sure exactly what happened in me, lol, but I’m so glad. I’m the type of person that will give the shirt off my back, give 2nd, 3rd, even 4th chances, but will ultimately just turn off on someone after a while. I think that’s what happened here. I won’t try to psychoanalyze it, but I’m sure my prayer life and faith have a lot to do with it. I also know many others have been kind enough to pray for me.
Honestly, now the hardest thing has been my not wanting to financially support J. and fund his church by contributing to the weekly collection. There are always 2 Eucharistic ministers and a Deacon, so I don’t have to receive communion from J. I’ve basically found a way around everything that would make me uncomfortable except for the financial part, but God knows my heart. So for right now, I’m okay, even relieved in a weird kind of way.
I thank you all for your continued support!
Blessings,
MA 111
You are free to call me by my name, Cat; my name is Marshmallow.
This really does not bear repeating because we are all of free will, and others here will freely interpret my comments as they do.
TO BE CLEAR: I am not ashamed of my position that I have taken here, it is not about hurting anyone; it is all about wanting more for women who love a priest or any other man. God created us to love, and He wanted a woman to be loved and cherished as He designed. And sometimes the most loving gestures are the most off-putting.
I want that Godly love for all the women who love a priest and who want a *forever* life with him; I want our clergy be to free to love and marry. And, I want the Church to see us as proud and noble women.
I am so sorry my *opinions* have caused such distress for you. And, I hope one day you are able to fully help the women who come here by sharing the life you had with your priest.
And, I hope you can find peace *and* find a place where the opinions of others are moot and pale to the truth and love you seemingly shared with your priest.
As for others here who I have offended, I send my apology to each of you as well~ my intentions are the same as expressed above.
The blog has reached an all-time low today with name-calling. Nothing I have written stooped to such depths *or* warranted such a “mouth”.
So long, sweet Sisters~
~Marshmallow
Rev Daniel & Cat~
I am not perfect, and I certainly did not mean to ever present myself as such… my positions are based on the Lord’s teachings for love between a man and a woman. And, my ancient Catholic teachings.
But I am committed to always take responsibility for my transgressions; it makes life so much easier to live with our authentic self~ despite its brokenness~ than pretending to be someone we are not.
Qualities you both could benefit by doing some soul-searching~ one of those “examinations of conscience” you once preached about, Daniel?
~Marshmallow
Promise CAN,
Thank you for the beautiful prayer. It really touched me & brought tears to my eyes. It’s funny that you specifically brought up how J’s actions are not only hurting me, but God as well. After the initial shock and hurt, it was one of the first things I thought: “poor Jesus. His heart must be so saddened when he sees the very men who were given the amazing gift of evangelizing and consecrating him acting this way.”
I have so much more to say to you, S., Paula, and all the others who have been wonderfully supportive, but I’m exhausted so I will be back at it tomorrow. I just wanted you to know I greatly appreciate your support & your prayers more than you can know.
Btw, I believe God sends us “signs,” messages of sorts, and if we’re still enough to quiet our mind, He will guide us to the next steps we need to take or the lessons he wants us to learn. He comforts us in our time of need.
It could be something as small as seeing a butterfly just when we need to be reminded of the beauty of His creations or a passed loved one, a message we needed to hear that comes in the form of a friend, or a song.
This AM, I went to Google to do a search and this link popped up on my phone:
epicpew.com/video-priesthood-sabins-studio/
It was just what I needed to see to be reminded that not all priests are selfish and most are committed to their vows. I thought it had a beautiful message. I hope you all can watch it and it might be encouraging and resonate with you. Hopefully, the link works correctly. We all know I’m not tech savvy 😊
In addition, I have been singing since I was a little girl and music plays a huge role in my life. I often will ask for God to speak to me through song. That day I left church after seeing J. with her, I heard a song that brought tears to my eyes. It was the first time I had ever heard the song in my life. It ended up being Avril Lavigne’s “Head Above Water.” What I also didn’t know at the time, was it was written about Avril’s battle with advanced Lyme Disease, the very illness they are testing me for. Eerily, J. was the one who initially encouraged me to get tested for Lyme and because of a specialist he knew, I was able to get treated quickly and my health basically spared.
Coincidence? I think not. How it all came full circle! And how magnificent and powerful He is!
Check out the song if you can; I think it’s beautiful for any type of adversity.
Again, thank you for your support & prayers!
Blessings,
MA 111
The link worked, and I am glad you were inspire by it. I do believe this was God’s way of saying do not give up on the Catholic Church because there are priests out there who truly love God and want to serve Him.
Personally I had some issues with this Bishop’s speech, but I won’t share them because you are getting the message God wants you to have, and that is what counts.
Again to go back to what I told you when you first shared your story. God is hurt more for us, rather than by us. Jesus is heart broken because j choices are hurting j– but j’s choices do not come as a surprise– the day j took his Holy Orders, Jesus already knew j would be making these choices. In fact Jesus knew the day He went to the cross, j would make these choices, and Jesus still decided to die for j– He is heart broken for us but his broken heart does not stop His heart from loving us.
I don’t mean to sound like I am preaching, but just remember there is nothing you can do to them that God hasn’t already did to them through our Lord’s Passion. when I want to call someone vile names- God has already done that. When I want someone to be shamed in public and humiliated to their souls- God has already done that. When I want to beat the living day lights out of someone- God already did it– When I wished someone was dead– God did that. Anything I can think I want to do to those who harmed me even only in my thoughts– God did that to them– but if Jesus wanted to take their place– well I am glad he took my place- so I don’t begrudge them the same mercy.
My point is the Cross works both ways, it dealt with the choices I made that harm others, but it also gives me freedom to release those who harm me by their choices– and being free of that burden to get justice, is another great gift of love God gave us in Christ.
And for me, being reminded of this gift of love, on Valentine’s Day, seems fitting.
For anyone happy and at peace with their priest and the relationship they have- even with the unique challenges– this comment is not for you
But for those struggling when to let go– this article may help in your discerning process. I know this article is about relationships with just men in general– but it is a quick way to figure out what you want and need– and if you want and need what is mentioned in this article– realistically ask if a man staying a priest can give you these things– or how long you are willing to wait to see if he does.
Not telling anyone what to do, just offering another tool that might help them make a choice for themselves – consider it a parting gift
Peace be with you all
http://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/living-forward/201712/4-signs-its-time-get-out-your-relationship
All those things were true when I broke off with my priest. Everything was always about him, his needs, his wants, his schedule, his vocation.
Marshmallow~
Thank you so much for your kind words and support! While I’m relieved to have people like you and the other wonderful gals on this blog who truly understand my situation, it saddens me too. The fact you can relate means you’ve experienced the same pain and I’m sorry you (and others) have had to go through that.
I’m starting to realize this situation is FAR too common!!! These men should not be allowed to play with people’s hearts this way!
What really burns me up is the hypocrisy. We are sold this “story” of authority by the RCC where a priest is infallible, untouchable, almost supernatural in his abilities & power. He is a man to be revered, because he is close to God. A priest’s role is to help bring us closer to Him & and act as a guide of sorts, a mentor. At least that’s what I was taught throughout the years.
Personally, I never bought into the whole thing. As a result, I’ve treated priests just as I would anyone else I’ve come across in positions of authority (doctors, police officers, etc.); with respect. It’s too bad some of them can’t reciprocate with their parishioners. Classic case of “the wolf in sheep’s clothing” I guess.
Thank you for your concerns & prayers about my health. I have been trying to practice self-care and nurture my broken heart these past few days. Surprisingly, I’m handling it better than I thought, but I’m guessing that is because I haven’t been to daily mass since and am somewhat removed from the situation. Plus, the support I have gotten is astounding.
In addition, J’s choosing this specific woman speaks to what kind of man he is. Truthfully, this woman has every characteristic and personality trait that I despise.
I’m sure you all will be able to relate, because every church has the one, classic parishioner like her: the one who talks the talk (at the pulpit, nonetheless–she’s a lector) but doesn’t walk the walk. She was the ONLY one of the daily mass regulars (there are about 12 of us), who never cared to introduce herself, or even inquire about me. She feels she has power since her “family literally built the church” and routinely makes large monetary donations. She’s bossy, brags about her finances & reputation in the community (her husband holds an important position within and is highly respected), competitive, snobby, and territorial. She thinks nothing of continously reminding others of her “power.” The parishioners are nice to her face, but are scared of her; anyone who slights her is reported.
On several occasions when I was talking to J. she came up to us and stood with her arms crossed in front of her, listening and asserting herself until I would retreat. J. never once said: “I’ll be right with you, but I’m speaking with someone.” That was the beginning of my questioning his integrity. Yes, you might have no duty to me as a prior “friend,” but I’m also a parishioner. Frankly, I’m angry that I allowed myself to be intimidated by her. J. has thought nothing of disappearing into the rectory with her for hours, getting into a car with her, or flirting with her, even in the presence of her husband or other parishioners.
Basically, over the past few days I’ve come to realize: if J. finds this woman attractive, it’s actually a compliment that he doesn’t like me; I couldn’t be more opposite!
I can finally stop wondering “what if?” about the decision I made years ago not to pursue J. I’m proud that I chose my integrity and in my mind, my relationship with God, over J. Please understand I’m not saying that a woman who chooses a relationship with a priest has lesser values or no integrity; that’s not the case at all! But for me 10 yrs ago, when I was propositioned, it was all about intention. Do I buy I’m going to go to Hell if I fall in love or become intimate with a priest? No! (btw, a priest who I went to confess about J. told me that I was a “seductive temptress ” and I would surely wind up in Hell if I didn’t immediately cut off all contact with J; that was the last time I went to confession). However, I felt that if I remained at that church, it was because my true intention was to pursue J. and turn our friendship into a relationship. I was certain that would most definitely hurt God, so I left. It’s always about intention for me.
Seeking out J. at his current church was not done with the intention to pursue any relationship with him, other than to have a compassionate, non judgmental priest (Ha! joke’s on me, hindsight is always 20/20!). I truly thought there were no feelings left for J.; if I did think this was a possibility, I wouldn’t have dared seeing him again.
I don’t regret my choice of returning to J’s church a decade later or seeing him again. I feel as if God has been placing certain folks in my life so I can “cleanse” my heart of them and finally let them go. I’m learning what I want and need from the men in my life and what I will/will not tolerate. It’s freeing to have my past choices finally validated.
I know some about your priest, but you said you could relate to me bevause you’ve been there. I’d love to hear your experience if you’d feel comfortable sharing. I’m interested to know if anyone else found our their priest was involved with someone else & how they dealt with it. I’m actually shocked that it doesn’t happen more to be honest, since some of these priests seem to be “players” lol.
Many blessings,
MA 111
MA 111, it’s important to get all this hurt out of your system, and to heal. But then you have to “let it go.” The more you think about J and the situation, the more agonized you will feel. When they talk about “no contact,” that also means trying not to think of the man. Some things will never be understood about the whole thing. You will go crazy trying to figure it all out. Don’t let him get into your thoughts so much, or then he is still affecting your life. You don’t want him to steal one more minute of your life anymore. You have given enough of your life and time to him. Put a stop to that.
I think it’s kind of not good for a man to be a priest–getting all that special attention, being honored, obeyed, treated as a king, fawned over etc. It must go to their heads somewhat and play games with their minds. Especially after many many years. And they don’t have a wife to keep them straight, haha. And I am sure the devil also tempts them more than the average person.
Paula,
I agree! Any type of job that lends itself to that much power is not a good thing.
I also agree with what you said about not thinking about J. I actually went back to church this AM and was fine. I think I just turned off on J. because of who I found out he is & how unethical he acts. Right now, with my health and other issues, I have much bigger “fish to fry;” I need all the energy I can to fight for my life and health.
But you are right! Not worth the energy for sure.
Blessings,
MA 111
Hi MA111~
Thank you for your letter~ and at a time when you are hurt.
Oh, yes~ “been there, done that” route. Even though each of us has our own pain, we all share a unique *betrayal* that comes with romantic involvement with a priest. I wish I could wave a wand and your pain would be gone instantly… the Mom in me who wants to make it all better!
Here is a thought I forgot to share: A down-side to a priest’s profession is molly-coddling the big donors; it is a fact in parish operations. Of course, many generous donors give without strings attached, but many others do not. Leaving the priest obligated to be at her beck-and-call. (I say her because contributions are typically determined by the woman in a household.)
Do you think perhaps this is what could be distracting/consuming J? And as for an affair, that could be parish gossip because catering to her could very easily be mistaken for him having a romantic interest in her.
Two things to think about, MA, but you know best since you are there. What makes me think there are other reasons for his distractedness toward you is that he sounded invested/interested in you~ by virtue of his skittishness when he is alone with you. Getting flustered is often a product of attraction 🙂
I am praying for you to heal, but I am also praying you will do a little more investigating 🙂 .
Oh, the other piece is~ the *other* woman isn’t too secure with him if she is checking you out! Ha, a jealous woman she is, yes?
Take care, Sister~
~Marshmallow
Nikki,
I truly hope you haven’t left this blog too. You didn’t deserve that. No one does.
You are In my prayers. 🙏❤
Cat~
And, I did not deserve the initial and mistaken implication that I was an anti-Christ~ accusing me of steering Mrs M away from Christianity in a condescending tone toward Judaism when none of us knew she was converting!
You are continuing to make untruthful about whatever I post~ despite others here who share my very same beliefs. You have been doing this since my first post taking statements out-of-context to fuel your anger toward me. And, so YOU know, I have more priests as friends, professional associates and fellow advocates on several boards of directors than you have fingers and toes. They are all admirable men who I hold in high esteem, and not only drive the Church with passion and integrity, but they are men all dedicated to and serve the many faces of social justice. As do I.
Most of us~ if not all of us are healing~ a path that is not perfect, but a healing that requires us to be responsible and share the many risks that being involved with these priests presents. Is that the catalyst that has made you so very angry with me? Is it residual pain from your priest, and assuaging it is easier by lashing-out at me? My opinions are opinions that serve the well-being of women and promoting optional celibacy. If you don’t like those opinions, stop reading my posts.
But FYI: I will continue to dissuade women from becoming *romantically* involved with a priest who is actively ministering~ it’s a dead-end and nearly without exception, it is harmful to everyone except the priest!
Now, please stop harassing me!
~Marshmallow
I’m allowing this just for the sake of the right of reply. I do repeat this blog is not for arguing between ourselves. Let’s truly believe that we don’t hold the truth and that other readers can take an opposite side of the argument without calling them names or trying to degrade them! If you take that path, than go and create a blog for yourselves and spend the rest of our lives bickering!!! We need to focus on married priesthood to make it available for present and future priests!
May God Bless you All!
Hi Cat,
I feel you and I are bonded , in that we’ve both experienced mutually loving relationships with our priests , and have no bitterness or malice.
Thanks for your support, I will not be intimidated by anyone and I stand by my convictions in the praise of Our Savior, which is rooted in the Word , not from a dictionary.
For me , no response is a response amongst all this toxicity.
Proverbs 26:4 resonates with me well.
Many Blessings to you.
Nikki,
Once again, as with all of your comments, you have proven that you are a woman of integrity and wisdom.
I appreciate your kind words. I am honoured that you feel we are bonded by our similarities. I feel that way too.
Proverbs 26:4 – I really needed today. Thank you so much.
I am just glad you are okay and haven’t left.
You are in my prayers.
Blog Friends~
How about we all declare a *cease fire*, celebrate our Catholic Sisterhood, and offer each other a prayer and *forgiveness*?
And celebrate all kinds of love, not just love for our men.
I’m in.
A good weekend to everyone! Remember each other and those we love at Sabbath Mass.
~Marshmallow
Paula, how do we get them out of our heads when our hearts continue to love them??? I beg God, please free me. Nothing happens. I dream about him, wake up thinking about him. No contact in real life. Yes, I have that part down pat thanks to him going into the deep freeze. BUT, my mind? He won’t leave my mind. What is your secret for cleansing the mind of all thoughts of him? If you know how to do this, please tell us, as I’m not the only one here who probably needs to do this, thinking of MA111 and others as well.
There are a lot of articles on the Internet about controlling your thoughts. And books too. I think it comes down to getting busy and occupied with other things that fill your mind. Also, if a thought about your priest comes to your mind, you don’t fight it. You just look at the thought with disinterest, and acknowledge it, but then just think about something else. Don’t get upset with the thoughts. That makes them powerful. It could be a mental stronghold you have too, with those thoughts. You can find articles about spiritual strongholds on the internet too. It could be the devil tempting you too. Just because we can’t stop thinking about the priest, doesn’t mean it is real love. Remember, we CAN control our thoughts. It just takes practice. Learn to dismiss thoughts and replace them. You do have self control.
Here is something that might help– at least it is worth a read
http://stephaniemaywilson.com/2016/08/30/how-do-i-get-over-someone/
Promise and Paula and MA111, thank you for your advice and the link. This is very helpful. Now I have to figure out how to learn mindfulness. The article written by Stephanie gives a lot of good suggestions. And she’s right. With my priest in the deep freeze but still occupying all the real estate in my heart, there’s no room for me to be open to love with anyone else. So, do I remain in this miserable state or do I try to cleanse him out of my heart and mind? Not sure yet what to do, but I’ll head over to the Adoration Chapel tomorrow and try to get some answers from Our Lord.
Brokenheart,
I think you answered your own question when you said: “Do I remain in this miserable state…” I think you already know the answer. What would you say to someone else if they said that? You are allowed to be happy!!!!!!!!! You really don’t need to remain in this miserable state.
Brokenheart & others-
A thought just crossed my mind reading these last few comments. Honestly, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of this earlier.
Forgive my analytic psychology brain, but it’s obviously how I’m wired:
But is it possible that the reason there have been so many differences in how we see things on this blog because: there are folks here who have had real, long-term, intimate relationships with their priests, where others (like me), were just parishioners or friends and they never progressed into a formal relationship with their priest? I know that at first, I was hesitant to even join this blog because I felt like everyone else had actual relationships with their priests, whereas mine was just a friendship marked with tension and potentially hidden romantic feelings. I’ve never been physically intimate with him. Right now, were not even intimate in an emotional sense.
Obviously, those experiences are two, very different things. I almost wish I could get really angry with J., as I would with someone I’ve actually dated and grown to dislike, because there is a “formal” breakup and the anger is more personal. But as you all know, I can’t get myself to feel that way. Yes, I don’t like how J. is behaving or acting, but that’s got nothing to do with me personally.
My hunch is it’s a lot different trying to get over someone who you were actually with, where the relationship ended because it just ran its course, or you both decided it wasn’t best for you, etc. You know what was challenging about your relationship & what behaviors were toxic. There’s something to be resentful & angry about there. There’s also somethinh substantial to mourn.
In my situation (or others who weren’t “with” their priests), I’m left trying to forget someone I’m not even sure loved me back or had any romantic feelings for me to begin with. I can’t find a justification for feeling angry, resentful, or passionate. How do you completely disregard someone who you’re not even sure what they did to you?
I see Paula’s point definitely. There’s this great concept called “mindfulness,” where you allow yourself to be aware & just sit with your feelings, but don’t place judgement on them.
It’s great in theory & it does work for some people. However, it just doesn’t work for me. Lol.
We all cope with things differently, so it’s impossible to say what constitutes “moving on” for each of us. Let’s face it: we may move onto other relationships, but do we ever TRULY forget another person we cared so deeply for?
Believe me, I wish I (or someone!) could manufacture a pill that you could just take to instantaneously forget about anything or anyone that’s caused us pain in life; I’d certainly be a billionaire 😊 ….But life just doesn’t work that way. You can’t just wake up one AM and disregard years of history with someone. Love (or any feeling) do not have “knobs” that can be switched on and off.
That being said, yesterday was not only V-Day but J’s birthday and I was somewhat sad, but overall I was okay. I plan on going to mass this weekend as usual. Someone else may have chosen to deal with my situation in a different way; that doesn’t make you right or me wrong, or vice versa.
Marshmallow– l love the term you used for the big donors “molly-coddling” …it gave me a good chuckle. I will think of that term whenever I see the woman in question, which makes the experience lighter for me–thank you! 😊
And yes, she’s obviously either threatened by me or jealous, but not sure why. It’s a little unsettling since she doesn’t even know my name…that means J. told her something I would guess. Now why he would be so dumb, lol, I’m not sure. The soap operas have nothing on the drama at church!
Wishing you all a peaceful & restful weekend!
MA 111
There are many different kinds of relationships but one does not have to be in a sexual relationship to be in love, nor do all sexual relationships involve love.
A perfect example is j– he may be sleeping with the parishioner you spoke of, but that doesn’t mean he loves her.
So yes, you and j were not in a committed relationship that was sexually exclusive so in reality he never cheated on you- but that doesn’t mean the idea of him being intimate with someone else will not be painful– I was once in love with my roommate who had a girlfriend and every time she spent the night I had to leave the apartment because it was too difficult to lay in bed and heard the sounds of their lovemaking
It has been my experience when relationships end– platonic friendships with either sex, romantically relationships at various stages, whether things just ran their course, or through death– there is a mourning process– we grieve for what once was, and we grieve for what might have been. So depending on the length and time of the relationship we might be mourning one area more than other.
I think those who love a priest and never had a conventional relationship where they could consider him their “boyfriend”—- they will mourn more over what could have been if only- if only he wasn’t a priest, if only he would leave the priesthood, if only the RCC would allow for marriage, if only he could express his love for me openly, if only we had sex — a sea of if only’s
I personally think it is harder to get over the what could have been’s than what was– because with what was at least it happened, and one can have memories to hold onto- that time cannot change, but with what might have been– we only see this idealized state— that probably would have never existed, but in our mind would have existed. This is hard to let go of.
As for the differences on the blog– I think different experiences are a treasure- so that those in a committed relationships with their priests should not be threatened by those who relationships didn’t work out– and those whose relationships are not working out shouldn’t be encouraged to stay just because it worked out for some.
We must remember both sides of the story need to be told in order to promote a married priesthood– the positive stories to show how a priest fulfilled in love in a committed relationship can be an asset to the RCC– and the negative stories to show, how the RCC by refusing to deal with a man’s emotional and sexual needs realistically is causing harm, not only to their priests but all the lives his live affects.
It is like Fr. Daniel stated unity does not mean conformity– we don’t all have to think a like to stand together — religion teaches we need to be like Jesus– a relationship with Jesus motivates us to love others as if they were Jesus– it is a subtle difference– a difference I am still learning to embrace
This should be my last post for a while– I will be moving soon, so I will be very busy. I am moving to a city, which will bring me closer to Peter and he is already excited we will be seeing more of each other– but I will keep your story in the back of my mind— I am not moving for Peter yet I am both happy and concern what might happen when I am closer to him.
I will when time permits continue to read this blog, I like to keep up with everyone and continue to pray for them
God be with you in your journey
Promise CAN~
Wishing you lots of luck and praying that your move goes smoothly. Although you didn’t move to be closer to Peter, I pray that by being nearby your friendship/relationship will continue to grow and things will become clearer for the both of you. I can understand why you said you’re excited but concerned at the same time. I will continue to think of you. Thank you, also, for validating what I was trying to say (you put it much more eloquently 😊) ; how an almost relationship is sometimes harder to mourn than an actual relationship. You made many good points.
Paula, yes, some may construe what I say as “overanalyzing,” but to me it’s more about self-reflection. It’s what makes me good at my job and more empathic and mindful of others’ needs. By thinking things through completely, I have lived life with little to no regrets because my decisions are always well thought out.
Lack of insight cannot only be harmful to yourself, but others, as well. You know what else is hurtful? Pretending that things are okay and “moving on” without truthfully processing emotions or mourning the loss of a friendship/relationship, which is why some cannot just snap their fingers and “just move on.” Those who do that often end up disgruntled and angry. So, yes, overanalyzing may be a fault to some, but I find it a personality strength.
Moving on to what I’m really here to discuss: whether anyone feels there is a huge double standard with their priests. As I mentioned, J. has a gf and I’ve been doing okay with that fact; I have just accepted it. J. has the right to choose what he wants to do with his life and I respect that he did not choose me. As far as “punishing” him, I will do no such thing as God will be his judge in the end; being a priest does not exempt him from His judgment. As someone on here said (Promise CAN I think): there is nothing I can do to J. than will be more powerful than what God finds fit.
That being said, if I have come to accept J’s decisions and choices, why can’t he respect mine?
Petfect example: tonight I bought two tickets for the upcoming parish party. I was not surprised to see his gf was the one selling them (and believe me, when she realized I was purchasing tickets, she did not seem happy about it). Remember: she has been prying into my personal life via social media and I still don’t know why.
But what’s worse is how J. treated me when HE found out I was attending; he looked crestfallen: “oh, you’re actually coming? And look at that –2 tickets too?” He certainly didn’t look happy, even though he has been encouraging me to participate in parish activities for a whole year! Now I’m going to something & he’s clearly uncomfortable with it? If he’s truly is in a satisfying relationship with this woman, why does he care if I got 2 tickets? Why did he get “thrown” because I didn’t go up to receive communion?
This is my parish now. My faith is a huge and important part of my life and because of that, I may want to share that with my loved ones (be it a close friend or significant other). I have every right to bring whoever I want.
So it seems a double standard exists–I have to accept J’s faults, his behavior, and relationship with this woman, but when it comes to me. J. doesn’t seem to be able to return the “favor. ” I think he might struggle with my bringing a man.
I obviously don’t condone what he’s currently doing, but it has nothing to do with me; his life is his business. Why can’t he extend that same courtesy to me however?
I have every right to participate in parish life. So frustrating, especially when I’ve been nothing but respectful to him, even when I feel like he doesn’t deserve it.
I plan on going to the party, continuing to forge relationships with new parishioners, and enjoying the company of those I’ve already have met.
I’ve done well coping with all of this (I think and so do my professional “guides”), but struggle deeply with the double standard J. seems to have set for me.
Has anyone else experienced this with their priest & how did you handle it?
P.S. Thank you for those who have posted articles recently. They have been informative & helpful.
Blessings,
MA 111
You may be analyzing it all too much. Just let it go. There is no need to try to figure every thing out and over think it all. It’s over. Thank God He protected you from this priest. Focus on other things and other people now. Start a new hobby. That part of your life is over. Say goodbye to it now and don’t look back. Look forward to a new, better life and future now. Don’t waste one more second thinking about this priest. Life is too short.
Brokenheart~
My thoughts are with you. I hope you were able to spend quality time with our Lord & that He might’ve placed peace in your heart. That’s all I wish for everyone on here no matter what their particular circumstances: peace.
I do know how tough this whole thing can be, especially when you’ve known your priest before they were even in seminary. You got to see the real person they were, when they were somewhat naive & innocent, not yet fully brainwashed. I feel you and I connect on that level bc we both knew our priests before. I must say, I
miss the old J. so badly.
You might’ve read about my current situation (J. has a girlfriend, a parishioner). I don’t exactly condone what he’s doing and of course, I feel like he chose her over me; that’s his right though. However, I’m realistic enough to know that just because someone is in a sexual relationship w/someone, that doesn’t mean they are in love with them.
That’s why, surprisingly, the hardest part of this whole situation for me has been mourning the “friendship” I thought I had for many years. I’m beginning to question whether J. ever really ever cared about me all, or was he just using me? Was I just someone he needed to vent to, all the while trying to get me to be physically intimate with him? Or was this the real J. all along and I was just wearing my “rose colored glasses” and blind to it? I was in my 20’s and so naive…
What’s annoying is he seems to be able to do whatever he wants, but doesn’t want to see me move on & be happy.
I ask that you pray for me. I pray for you often. I feel uniquely bonded to you because of our similar situations & I’m hoping that you find some answers and guidance.
Blessings,
MA111
We all know what the RCC tells priests — but here is something a priest said when he was dying– when we are most likely to tell the truth– I know it is just one priest’s opinion– but it is based on real life and think his perspective has a lot more weight to it looking back then all the spiritual sounding words the RCC like to shroud forced celibacy in
.https://www.irishcentral.com/news/dying-irish-priest-celibacy-sin-against-god
Friends,
Let it be.
Life is too short.
If someone wants to stop reading the blog. Let them. Let it be.
If someone has offended you, you have spoken your Peace? * then.. Let it be.
If your priest is not giving you the attention you need. Go to Christ. Let it be.
Have you called your mother today? (Mother Mary)
Talk to her. I am sure she has had man problems. I am sure she know the man you love as HER son. Then…let it be.
Peace be with you ❤
I wrote a response on February 16th after MA’s comment, but it’s not showing up yet….
Meanwhile, I would like to share with you an a homeli on love made by a bishop. I find it awesome. Click on the link, then look for the audiio.
https://www.wordonfire.org/resources/homily/the-primacy-of-love/990/
Please try to post again.
Seriously?!? 😦 😦 😦 Ohhhh… what a disappointment. What happened? Was there a glitch with the website?
I can’t try ‘posting’ again, Daniel. It took me a few hours to compose that post… I no longer have a few hours to spare.. I now have to get ready for my workweek… 😦 Funny that for everything else in my life, especially work life, I have a draft I make and keep on file (or I double-print everything) in case I need to refer to it later, but for this blog, I never think it is needed. It’s now a lesson learned for me: From this moment on, I will write in Word Document first instead of only writing directly on here…
My long post in a tiny format: Everyone is different, with different age group and life experiences, ways we were raised, etc, all this shape our mindset and ways to see life and situations, so it is normal that we view things differently.
Enjoy your week Daniel and everyone! Keeping everyone in my prayers.
God bless.
Maybe next time don’t write your message directly on the blog. Write it in a word processor and then copy it onto the blog. In case something goes wrong, you only have to copy it again from your word processor.
I don’t know if this is the issue, but I noticed starting Feb 13, I have to log in to this site every time I post something– before my email and name were always there, – so if someone posted something thinking their information was there, but wasn’t -their post would not have been accepted– I don’t use a third party to sign in, so I don’t know if there are issues with that– but I know the minute I leave this site, my log in info is gone- and my comment is gone from my computer– where in the past, I could see my comment, as it was waiting moderation– I was on another Word press blog that the same thing happened– if this is the issue, you might need to check with Word press about how to fix it. In the meanwhile those posting should just double check to see if their log in info is there or not before pressing post comment.
Most probably your security settings are to blame. If you install some addons with your browser, in order to protect your pc, they would wipe your cache (remembered passwords etc..).
I don’t think it’s a problem though. If one goes for security, then he/she has to act accordingly.
Original A-
I’m interested in what you had to say & so appreciare everyone’s guidance, so I hope if you have some time, you can post again. I had that happen too, where I went to post, but then it never showed up. I thought it was me not being tech savvy. Lol.
Thanks for the link too…it was truly awesome!
MA 111
I can’t promise, MA, but we’ll see. Glad you liked the link! 🙂
Hi A,
It’s been a while. I’ve missed you. Thanks for the link.
I’ve had posts not show up as well.
Anyway, so glad you’re back.
thanks, Cat, for your kind words. Life is often busy for me, but I sometimes read (or skim) on here, even if I comment rarely now. I hope you’ve been keeping well. 🙂
Hi A,
Yes, I am doing much better. My divorce is final at last and my ex doesn’t know where I am (I’m in Poland with my priest’s family) other than that he knows I have left Canada. I am loving it here and am building a new life with my new family who have welcomed me with open arms. I am even working with them.
I have learned so much from them about my priest’s childhood and from reading his journals as well. What a lovely writer he was. His writing was so expressive, it’s like reading a novel. It’s fascinating. His family speaks English but I am taking lessons in Polish anyway. My second language is mutually-intelligible with Polish so that has not been too difficult so far.
All in all I am content. I still have very difficult days, but mostly I am just grateful for having had him in my life and now being so close to his family.
I still hear from his priest friends from time to time. One of them has confided that he is in love, and has asked for my opinion. My goodness, the heartache that celibacy rule causes!
How are you doing? Have you had any contact with your priest at all?
Hi Cat,
I can’t be as open as you are, but I can say without going into much detail that yes, we still see each other but not as often as before. It’s hard when there is much love between us. I am happy to hear you are content in life, and have memories to look on through readings and conversations with his family and friends. God bless.
I am not going to post here anymore. I am moving on. God bless you all. Just don’t let your priests ruin your lives.