My name is Rev Daniel Bartolo. I am a true catholic priest. I left the Franciscan Order on the 1st of June 1997. But since a priest is forever (once a priest always a priest!), since then I’ve been doing pastoral work with all those who seek my guidance in spiritual matters. I have my own family: wife and three children. The family is the place where I have to preach not with words but with daily actions involving small things. Sometimes it calls for big decisions too.
Daniel,
Congratulations on your website/blog. Nice. Louise Haggett
Louise,
Thanks for your encouraging comments. I should thank you publicly for encouraging married priests to serve the people, wherever they are.
You are both heroes in my world! Keep up the great work!
Father Daniel, I left a reply on one of your comments, I am looking for advice please help me…
I’ve sent you a private reply. Please check your inbox and your spam folder too. May God Bless you!
Informative and insightful website. God Bless you and your family!
Thanks Rosalie for your nice comments. You are cordially invited to write your comments about catholic married priesthood.
May God bless you too.
Powerful website..I commend you for the work you’ve done. I would like to share my love for a priest with you but I’m a bit ashamed and embarrassed. It happened a few years ago but I can’t seem to forget about him.
I sent you a private email. Thanks for writing.
Greetings Daniel. Interesting topic. I think i am in a situation right now and would like to seek your kind advise/point of view.
you can write here or to my private email address.
Hi Daniel,
I have spent the afternoon reading your blog and if you would like, I can share my personal story for you to publish here (changing names perhaps). I’d like to think that the many other women in this situation may find some help in my experience. How can I contact you via email? I can’t find an email address on the page. Thanks 🙂
sent you a private message. Thanks for sharing.
i also want to share my story
Sent you a private email. Please answer.
Good day,
Question for you please: Is a celebate relationship with a priest sinful? What does the celebacy vow prohibit? Yesterday my priest (Peter) told me that it is not sinful if we are in love as long as we don’t sleep together. He said it’s allowed and it is understood that a priest helps people with their relationship better if he understands what they are going through by experiencing it himself. He said celebacy only forbids sex. If we are not having sex then we are not doing anything wrong. I asked him why do we have to keep it a secret then if it’s not sinful, why are we not open about our relationship and just assert that we are celebate. He says the reason for the secrecy is because people always assume that if you are in a relationship then you are having sex – they will never believe that we spend so much time together and not have sex. Please clarify.
Well it’s a very distorted interpretation of celibacy. Yes celibacy is not only about sex but about relationships too. If he is celibate (in the full sense of the word), then he shouldn’t be in a relationship at all! It’s like a married person who does not have sex with another friend, yet one shares everything with his/her friend (secrets too), so why is one married if one needs to confide to other persons?
Thank you for that clarification on what is and is not celibacy. I’ve been going around this issue with him for nearly 2 years, I hate to admit the time it’s taken, but he keeps insisting that as long as we aren’t sexually intimate, it’s allowed. I’ve grown weary of the entire relationship, but due to my own damaged soul struggle to end it. Guilt seems to be the leading feeling, then fear of abandonment and reject. I wish I had been more healthy of an individual with much stronger boundaries before embarking upon this hellish life. And I pray daily for the strength to end it, but is interpretation of celibacy IS distorted and trips me up constantly. Asking for prayers for clarity, strength and the ability to break free. Thank you fro having this forum. God Bless You.
Priests like all other human beings need friends and especially best friends. There is nothing wrong here. Yet if he specifies that they are not sexually active, the common sense might suggest that hugging, kissing etc…might be present. In this case celibacy is being put aside because these actions are not compatible with it. It’s not true that sex is the line which divides two boundaries (non-sexual and sexual friendship). Body language is very powerful and the couple might have already reached a certain intimacy which is contrary to the celibacy objective. But let’s imagine that there is no body language involved, how can one justify the constant attention and messaging to one person when he/she is supposed to be a celibate person?
In any relationship, the golden rule is: if one is not ok or feeling discomfort, one should feel at home to disclose his feelings. If the other insists in not discussing the issue in a mature way but instead insists in continuing the relationship, than something is wrong with that relationship.
Obviously this one of the most grey areas where many readers ask for information. Some of them wish to know where and what is sin….that’s why we are happy to share such stories because it clears things up. Obviously we need more information to help our reader. It’s up to the person if she wants to share or not. We always respect our readers’ wish: to publish or not to publish. We gently encourage people to share their stories as they might help many others. We can always change names of people and places in order to avoid some problems…..
We wish to make it clear one more time that we are not against celibacy. We never said that it’s not possible to live out the evangelical way. We are against the imposition of celibacy to every priest. Priesthood could easily be seperated from celibacy (as it was amply said by Popes). Celibacy takes for granted a particular type of spirituality which cannot be present in all priests or lay people. It’s God’s gift to some people. Some does not mean all, even if we are speaking about priests.
So it would equate to what they call in marriage “emotional cheating”?
Now what I am wondering is – does he really understand celibacy to mean “sex only”, or is he fooling me just to keep me! I really don’t want to believe that he would be that conniving as to consciously lead me into sin just to fulfil his own desires….I shudder at the thought.
I don’t know his intentions but you have found the write expression: it’s emotional cheating. Celibate priests have a habit of going round the rules to satisfy their inner yearnings….they have and need to justify their odd behaviour….at the same time they keep the bar so high for other people!!!
Merry Xmas and a prosperous New Year 2014 to you Henry and your readers. May the new year bring hope and heal the wounds of the women who have been used and abused by priests in the name of “love”. May the married priests movement move from strength to strength and be a beacon of hope for those honest priests who wish to get married but are still stuck in limbo due to fear. Thanks for your support – we love your blog.
Ow my gosh – my apologies Daniel, I was thinking of Henry who also has a blog. Merry Xmas Daniel.
Happy Christmas to you too.
Can I share my story with you please?
Just run into this: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/roman-catholic-bishops-from-england-and-wales-call-for-church-to-allow-priests-to-marry-9268453.html
many thanks!
Rev Daniel
I just found your site and wanted to thank you for having it. I am a woman who has been in a relationship with a priest for over 4 years. I am happier than I have ever been and I know he is too but it’s not always easy living with the secrecy. Once in a while I search for people who understand and until tonight, never found such a site.
Thanks and welcome aboard! How about publishing your story? Many of our readers want real life stories….We can omit some details if you don’t want to share all the information but it will surely help other people who look into this site to find out how others are coping with this challenge. Obviously you are totally free to say yes or no.
May God bless you!
Yes, I would be happy to write about our story (names and places changed of course). Do you want me to email it to you?
Sent you a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God bless you!
Thanks so much for your very helpful website ! I am in love with a priest and need advice on how to handle the situation. This is one of the most confusing but best things that has ever happened to me. Would love it if you would communicate privately. . Thanks!
Sent you a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God bless you!
Need ur help email me xxxxxxxxana@gmail.com
Sent you an email. Please check your spam folder too. May God Bless you!
hello there if you could please help me
I’ve sent you a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God Bless you!
Hello Daniel. I have read many of the posts here with great interest and have commented on a few. My main reason for interest is that the topic of clerical relationships with adults has been the focus of my recently released thesis entitled “Clerical Sexual Misconduct Involving Adults in the Roman Catholic Church” which can be found here: https://eprints.qut.edu.au/96038/
I realise that especially for many of the contributors to this forum that this whole topic is a very personal and sensitive one but I do hope that my research, should you wish to include this post, can help shed some light on particularly the more devious side of clerical misconduct. I personally know a number of people, men and women, who have been victims of such misconduct and who have struggled so much as result. There are so many aspects to this behaviour that people need to be aware of. I am glad that this forum exists as a place where people can openly discuss their experiences and learn from each other.
Thank you.
Sephen
You’re very welcome Stephen. It would be of great help if you publish your scientific work because it gives more strength to our argument in favour of married priests.
Thank you Daniel. Yes, I believe that celibacy should be optional and that this would allow many good men and their partners and families to be included in the everyday life of the church and to add a whole new flavour to that church, one it desperately needs. However, I also do not see this purely as a celibacy issue – as I am sure you would realise, sexual deception and exploitation happens everywhere regardless of one’s married status or human institution. This is more about personal/psychological honesty, ethics and the unwillingness to abuse power, or, to use one’s positional and personal power as a professional/cleric for the good of all. Such power should never be used to target, most often, positional and personal vulnerable people for one’s own selfish desires, or, even as part of a cleric’s personal psycho/spiritual ‘journey’, and ‘experimenting’. I have seen to many women and men become just collateral damage in the clerical journey – it always seems that the problems of the cleric are more important, more ‘valuable’ than the problems that that priest creates in the lives of others. So, this is the reason for my study – to open up the other side; to explore the often ignored aspects; to dispel the myth of both clerical celibacy, and, that these ‘relationships’ are merely affairs; to hopefully start generating a momentum for justice for the victims/survivors of such misconduct.
Stephen
I assume you are aware of how difficult for the Catholic Church is to admit that celibacy is causing great trouble in the church. We keep harping on celibacy because it’s a man made law. On abuse by married men of which we are aware, should be dealt with in other blogs.
We are focusing on unmarried priests because we firmly believe that the state of forced celibacy has been proven by scientific methods as hightly damaging. Yet even with ‘progressive’ Pope Francis, change in this direction seems to be far away! We’ve had many promises, but significant ones, no.
Unfortunately I did not find a possibility to contact you privately. I do not want to publish my Email. How do I do that?
Hi! I am moved by the articles here. I also wish the celibacy of priest turns to be a free choice, even though sometimes I thought to be a real decision of celibacy as some Saints is a true grace as well as marriage as holy things in our life. I also confront this problem now. My close friend becomes a deacon last year and he turns to be another person sometimes. He worried to be touched close with me as a woman and I also worried him since he told me that there are many years before he becomes a deacon he felt the struggle, he also would like to marry indeed. He is sweet and attractive and I worried whether or not it’s really his way to become a priest of celibacy.Anyway, let’s pray for the day Vatican could reconsider the celibacy issues.
How do I contact you. I need some advice or rather counseling
I’ve written a private email. Please check your spam folder too.
May God Bless you!
Hi Fr. Daniel,
I have been reading articles from your site since last year, as I am one of the many women who can relate to these situations. Before, I was already contented to read and learn that I am not alone in my experience and feeling towards a priest. But now, I need help already. I am lost. I thought I can handle this since it has been years already, but the longer the time, the more it hurts. I can tell my story in private and you can post it for the benefit of others who are in the same situation as mine. I hope to hear from you soon, Fr. Daniel. Thank you!
I have sent you a private email. Please check your spam folder too.
May God Bless you!
Rev Daniel and family.
I fell in love with a priest. I wish there were a way for us to go to therapy, our relationship was intense. I feel like he has got counseling for himself in the church but I’ve been left alone.
Unfortunately most of the love stories between women and priests end up tragically (for the women) as the priests are transferred to another location never to be seen again!
I’ve written a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God Bless you!
Halo,
I do not know how to contact you privately. I do not want to publish my email here in the comments. How do I do that?
Your email will never appear to the general public except to the editor! So don’t worry, you’re safe! Welcome on board!
I have written a private email address. Please check your spam folder too! May God Bless you!
Hello!
I am a mom of two children, whose father is a priest. So far, all solutions have only damaged our children’s, my partner’s and my lives. We’ve had a 16 years long relationship but the Order’s decison was – not to release him. He became an alcoholic and is close to death now. I believe – the opinion that a priest doesn’t have to leave the ministry if he has a longtime relationship and children, promotes only bigger lies and will continue to stigmatize and humiliate women and family as value. Of course, the best solution would be the optional celibacy.
I think it’s time to stop be silent.
FYI: Marisa Iati works on a story for The Washington Post about priests’ children and the mothers of those children. If any children or mothers (with any opinion on this question) would be willing to talk with Marisa:
marisa.iati@student.american.edu or 908-616-6756.
P.S. Mr.Bartolo, Ms.Quellet sent to you greetings 🙂
I’ve sent you a private email. Please check your spam folder too.
Dear Father Daniel,
Would it be possible to communicate with you to seek your advice? Your response would be be greatly appreciated.
I have written a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God Bless you!
Hi,
I don’t know where to go or who to talk to about me falling in love with a priest. I’m scared of what people would say if they found out. Would it be okay to contact you to seek some advice during this lonely and trying moment. I really need someone to pour out my heart to. I hope to hear from you soon.
I’ve sent a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God Bless you.
Dear Father Daniel, I am sorry for the loss of your position. There will always be another job and I know the Lord will put you where He wants you to be. I love your last entry…I’m not afraid of anything. I’m an Army veteran and I’m in love with a priest and we are happy. I would love to run right to the Bishop and tell him all about it. I don’t do this because I’m not afraid of what he might do or say or what the parish would think, I don’t do this because I love him. He has to stop living in his fear…fear of being homeless, no insurance…who cares? I have a big ol’ House and a good job….I would help him in anyway I could but it would have to come from him. We could face it together. We’ve been together for three years and he’s never had someone tell him that there is no vocation in celibacy and everything I have read here, I pass it along to him. I love seeing him get uncomfortable with what I share because it means I am getting to him and it is sinking in. For now, I provide love and support when he needs to get away to disconnect. I sense the burnout. God bless, Horsiegal
I truly admire your courage and love. You’re facing a good challenge but you stay there. It shows your fighting spirit which is excellent. From the point of view [this is my personal opinion on which you might disagree] of the priest, maybe he feels that it is not right to find everything. I mean for some men, not having a job is like taking off the meaning in life. I do remember my situation where thanks to my wife I was fed and clothed. But that was for a brief moment…maybe I would have run away if it were for a much longer period [mine was 6 months]. I needed some time to settle down (with or without a job as it involved a big change].
You wrote about him and explained that he is afraid. Can you talk to him, heart to heart to see what’s troubling him? Try to see what he is NOT telling you, I mean like in every conversation, the unsaid words might be so important.
He might need a career advice where he can find a job which makes use of his past one….Please remember that a job is not only to earn money but for other reasons too such as feeling important and contributing to society.
May God Bless you! We are all praying for you and for your priest.
Hi Laura,
While I can’t tell you what to do, I can understand your position and it took mine 6 years before he was ready to come clean and leave to be with me. We’re now married and have been together 9 years total. Mine told me that he could “never leave” but I knew our love was real and I just kept sticking it out. It was really rough and I could never find other women in my position to talk to. A few people who knew (both online and realtime) told me I was wasting my time or he was using me. If he had not left when he did, when the chance arose as a perfect opportunity to be honest about our relationship, then I probably would have concluded he was not the person I thought and had to end the relationship. Despite it taking 6 years, it was all worth it and I wouldn’t change anything. I hope you get to where you want to be and I hope he realizes he “can” leave. Reach out if you or he need someone to talk to. My husband can email with him if he wants someone with that experience.
Dear Reverend Daniel Bartolo
I have a personal matter Id like to write to you about concerning the Catholic church( it isn’t a matter of abuse) is this email address a safe place to post it? I have received your emails from maltesemarriedpriest and. would like to hear what you have to say.
Peace
I have written a personal email. Please check your spam folder too. May God Bless you!
Dear Fr. Daniel,
I’m wondering if I have offended you because I have left two small and insignificant posts and both have been removed. Please let me know if this is the case and I forever will not participate again in the conversation. Thank you.
Hi,
What posts are you referring too? Try to post them again…
May God Bless you.
Fr. Daniel, this blog is an important source of perspective and support. Thank you for all you do. I have been following for some time now as I have been struggling with a situation. May I seek your counsel and advice? Thank you
I’ve sent you a private email. Please check your spam folder too. May God bless you!