Tag Archive: a catholic priest is in love with me

Let’s make it crystal clear at the very beginning: we never force any adult to take any decision. It’s up to the person to walk in the direction he wishes to discover. On the other hand, we are never going to promote clandestine relationships between priests and women. We firmly believe that the amount of stress, risks and guilt feelings are too much for both the woman and the priest in order to lead a hidden life. It is not ethical that while the priest preaches to others what to do, he himself lives a lie.

On the hand, let’s discuss openly and give some common directions to priests who are walking in this unique and particular journey. Falling in love is not a sin. Can we put it into the priest’s soul? We know that the priest has been brainwashed for many years with the mentality that love and priesthood are not compatible. Talking with other priests seem to be worse as most of them will force the priest to abandon the golden relationship with this special friend. It seems that they don’t have any doubts or second thoughts. It’s another alarm which sounds quite aloud as some persons seem to have all the answers in the world…for others! Yet some simple questions will paint the situation rather accurate: did they ever experience love? Did they ever communicate with another person on a special level? Most of them find refuge behind a wall of denial and copied truths which were handed down without ever being questioned.

What is this sudden love urge for one single person? Why is this person so special? Why did it enter into his locked up heart? How was the priest living his relationship with God? Was he successful in building mature relationships with other adults? What is God trying to say to the priest? It’s a wake up call. Obviously these questions have to be answered individually and personally. We cannot photocopy answers as each priest has to give his own particular answer!

The crisis in the spiritual life is not a negative experience. It’s the call for growth. God does not leave us in the same situation for long. Life itself changes many times. We have to face some new challenges. Sometimes the challenges will help us get out of a stagnant life.

The priest can decide that the challenge is too much. He might feel at odds with such challenge. In that case, one should at least be open and sincere with the woman concerned and not leave her hanging on for ever! It’s cruelty if one leaves the other partner in a permanent limbo! On the other hand, the fire that started to burn in his heart, should be listened to in order to start a fire in all his pastoral work. His out of the blues love relationship was not superficial. He has to translate the same enthusiasm and sparkle in his work.

In the case that the priest is doubtful about his work in the church or is at odds with the teaching of the church, he has to resolve the case. Either he believes in his work within the church, or else steps aside in order to find power, energy and spiritual growth in his life.

Stepping aside might lead to new, convincing answers ie. a mature growth in his faith. He might continue as a priest with a new energy. If not, he has to decide that he can’t live a lie and to walk in a different path.

What’s new in all our opinions, is that going for a married life does not mean that one has lost his faith and neither that he has acted like Judas who kissed Jesus for hidden motives! It means that one has to live his faith with a new pair of eyes: that of a married priest. It will help one to revise all the teaching one has received since childhood! We know that this is actually a revolution in one’s life. But this is what is needed in the church of today. If the experience of a married priest becomes worldwide, all the theological writings will have to be edited! Like a snake who has shed his old skin, all things will come alive in the new church.

It’s an old/new way to present priesthood. It’s old, because most of the apostles were married and so were some of the popes! New, because around 1000 years ago, Roman Catholic Priests stopped getting married!

Without being hurtful to the church, we do notice that most of the young people will never step inside a church unless they see the face of the humanity in it! Seeing the priests getting married and facing most common everyday challenges will help them realise that they are not far away from the kingdom of God! Let’s face it, in most European countries [with some exceptions), churches have become empty spaces! Are we happy to see the church die?

One final note. Christmas reminds us that a woman (Virgin Mary) brought the human and frail child to this world. Do we need women to revive our religion today? Married priests is another step which brings recognition to the hidden work done by many women who are the backbone of our religion, but who are not at the centre of publicity! Like Mary, they bring forth a new child to the world!

One makes unique decisions all the time: house; wife or husband; number of children; job; holiday etc….We are accustomed to think about decisions. We evaluate the situation to the best of our knowledge. We do sometimes ask for an opinion. We look back for any kind of experience which might help us. We look to the future. Finally we take a decision. As adults we know that there could be no photocopier to copy our decision from past ones or what other people might have decided. Each new significant moment will involve a new and unique decision. It is the moment where one feels all alone…..

What about the church? It’s been for many many centuries where other people will tell you what to do! Some of the hard fanatics of the old religion usually refer to rules. In actual fact they wish to have a life where everything you’ll do will be written in black and white so there is no need to think, but just to follow the rules. Is this what God really wants?

We celebrated the Second Vatican Council (teaching of the church) around 50 years ago (meeting for all Catholic bishops). Now one of the giant steps forward was the declaration of the conscience as the private and unique space where God and the individual meet….and one takes decisions (Dignitatis Humanae no. 7). No one has the right to force one to go against one’s beliefs!!!  Unfortunately, many baptized people do not know anything about these documents!!!

Reading some of the cases where a priest falls in love, or somebody falls in love with a priest surely is not the right place for people who have always followed somebody’s opinion or advice. They will never rise to the occasion as the sense of guilt will ruin everything. This type of relationship is for those who are really open to a new life or adventure in the Spirit. In life there are people who are busy doing their work with no time left to think about others……..there are other people who learn and accept new people and new situations as ‘God given’. They do not look on the inside or in a book but look outside to learn. The latter most likely never expect the perfect situation but see God’s writing on the wall. They are the kind of people who are close in touch with God as they never nag about the weather or the neighbour or the colleague. They seem to work in all seasons!!

These are the kind of people who see a new emerging church in today’s world. They see the fact of falling in love with a priest as a great blessing. One can see the life of a priest before and after falling in love. How many priests are just doing their work as part of a routine? How do they work afterwards? I’ve  seen countless of them. They are transformed. Surely priests do need the love of a woman to revolutionize all their work. Love does bring about great changes in people especially the priest.

Women shouldn’t feel at guilt but rather proud, as those who are bringing real and effective changes in the church. It’s the not the charismatic popes who bring about real changes as we have already seen in history, but rather communities who have thought, prayed and took bold decisions before the priests did. These people have one thing in common: they never waited for others to tell them what to do. They defined history by taking a new road. Are our Christians prepared to be adults in faith or do they wish to be taken by the hand and just be lead?

There are many communities around the world who are asking for married priests in the Catholic Church. Can we simply shut them off or label them as ‘wrong’?  We firmly believe that God uses the bible and other means to make us hear our message. It’s up to us to open our ears and listen attentively to His message. The Catholic married priest can bring about a new meaning for priesthood and the church. The church would become relevant to many people who have already voted with their feet by finding Christ elsewhere. It’s time for the laity (not priests or nuns) to start the revolution by showing the right way to the future. Those who still wait for the present hierarchy (bishops) to make the first step will surely be disappointed. It has been proved by history many many times.