Tag Archive: Arcbishop Paul Cremona


When a priest looks at a woman

This is our latest email we received some days ago. It tells the story of how a priest looks for something else rather than friendship…than all of a sudden he stops immediately his friendship to leave the woman hanging on. There is a lack of clear and understandable communication from the part of the priest. Is it on purpose? Is it because of lack of communicative skills? Is it because they are afraid of admitting the truth? Is it because they feel vulnerable?

Let’s encourage more women to come forward and write their story. Writing could be part of the healing process. Writing will give extra strength to other women out there who are suffering in silence. Readers please be active! Comment and write what you think. 

How do you know when a priest loves or hates a woman at the same time? Ok let me tell you my story. I am Lily. It has been a year since a priest (Rev Leno), at my church has been looking at me.

Have you ever spoken to each other? Have you ever embraced, kissed (etc….) him? Why do you think he started to look at you?

The priest began by being friendly to me in public, cracking jokes. For example, one day I was sitting in the back of the church joining a prayer group when he looked at me and said, “I don’t look too bad, you can come and sit closer.” Some people showed that they were not too pleased with that joke, based on their facial expressions. You can tell when people are uncomfortable with things. And since that day I can feel some tension each time I go to that prayer group. I can also tell by the look that those people give to me. They never gave me that look before and I’ve been going to that group for years. One week later after he had made the joke, I went to a morning service where there’s only a hand full of people. He looked at me and stopped while he was doing the service.

For his protection and for my own reputation, I would rather keep a distance. I have had men looking at me the way, exactly as he does, and those men always tell me that they have feelings for me. I know when a man has feelings for me. A girl can tell those things.

That is is all he does, he looks at me in particular way. To be honest I really like the way he looks at me. That is one of the reasons why I started developing feelings for him. But the people who serve at the church have been furious since that day. It is like they have a really big problem with the way he looks at me. They treat me as if I did something wrong. I had to leave my prayer group because someone from the group said in public that a priest cannot give you what you want.

Why did you take it personally? Maybe that person was referring to something else…I mean are you assuming things or did somebody speak to you in a very clear way?

The man looked right at me and said that a priest has everything and doesn’t need anything else. And that a priest cannot give you what you want. So why can’t you give another man that favour? Ok everybody could see how the priest was looking at me during the service that morning. And the unusual look for the people started right after that day. Yes people are talking behind my back but I don’t know what they are saying because I chose not to pay attention to.

Why can’t you give another guy a favour. He was speaking freely, but I know he was talking to me. Since then I have been avoiding making eye contact with the priest. He has been preaching in a way that shows that he is trying to express his feelings. Is that wrong for him to do? Yes people at my church are big on sharing feelings in public. Sometime I wish that he would stop expressing his feelings in public. The past week I posted a message to another priest on Facebook.

What’s his name? So let’s assume that this priest has a soft spot for you…why did you communicate with another priest?

The other priest’s name is Ben. I only sent a message that said, “Were are you now? Do you still go to the same church?” He came back started looking at me across the church and as I was leaving the church he wanted to come and talk to me. I walked fast, just to avoid him.

I was just trying to be kind to the other priest because the other priest has left the church. He was only there because he was done with school and was at the church for training. Since that time he completely avoided making eye contact with me, pretended like I wasn’t there.

When he looks at me at a distance, he looks at me as if I’m hurting him. He hasn’t been smiling, has a depressed look, preaches about humiliation and when a woman leaves a man for someone else, because she wants to explore something else. He also preaches about friends betraying other friends. He spoke as if he was really depressed. I sent him a message and wrote some things that could make him feel good about himself and he has not answered. I think I have created another problem. The other priest…started coming back to the church and is now looking at me. I do not want to hurt people. The priest I have feelings for really draws me to him but I really want that to stop. I cannot believe that I am attracting two unavailable men. I am an introvert person, calm and sits at the back of the church. How am I able to attract two unavailable men? I really have feelings for the first priest. He is such an amazing priest. He has a really attractive personality. But I just want to enjoy his services and enjoy him as my priest for I know nothing can ever happen romantically between us. I only want him to be my priest.

Secret Relationships with priests

Relationships are common like air. Everybody is in a kind of relationship: at home; at work or with neighbours. The surprise is, that like parenthood, very few receive any kind of instructions or training. When things go wrong, people realise that something important is missing. People are aware of the importance to cultivate free, positive, healthy and educational relationships.

The relationship between a woman and a priest is no exception although it has its own peculiarities. Several of the readers who write about their hidden love, seems to be unaware of some basic needs/information about relationships. We are trying to make some people aware of some pitfalls before undergoing or letting go into such relationships.

Any relationship needs some basic things to survive. Let’s try to write about some of them.

Communication: Each one of us needs to tell our significant other about our daily events, the pros and the cons of our life etc… the fact that for most of our woman, the priest does not communicate or else communicates in a very strange way, is an indication that the relationship has already some major problems. Communication is a thermometer which indicates the level of strength or weakness of a relationship. No communication is equal to no relationship at all.

Mr Evasive: Any relationship involves two persons. Now maybe one is already dreaming of the priest as a future husband, plus children etc.. but does the priest think in the same way? It’s incredible how some women run really fast in a relationship whilst the priest may simply be, first having fun or else, emptying his reproductive sacks! Did some of our women check what the priest really wants from such a relationship? Is he going to be committed to you? People have a habit of procrastination or be very evasive when faced with deep questions. As we amply wrote last time, one cannot be evasive for too long. A time frame makes sure that beyond a certain time frame, one needs to let go and forget all about the priest. If not, one is letting himself become abused by the priest.

Secrecy: We understand that most loving relationships are not born by choice involving a woman and a priest. We understand the need for secrecy at the beginning of a clandestine relationship and for a certain period of time. But would you like to live all your life in secrecy? Would you accept that you can never walk hand in hand with him in public? Would you accept the fact that you can never have your own house where to live twenty four hours with your loved one? If she doesn’t have a problem with secrecy than surely she is going to hit the wall at an incredible speed. The pain will surely be unbearable at that very moment.

The significant other: the beauty of a relationship is that one comes close to another person and sees his/her personal life. Priests have a knack of preaching to others and hide behind several masks. Incredibly you might not get to know the real person. Please forget what the priest might tell you. Remember that priests are very good, persuasive talkers. They might chat about many subjects yet avoid to tell you how they really feel. They might emphasize about how bad his superiors are and/or other situations in the church, yet he does not share with you how is he going to face the situation nor does he mention any concrete steps how to come out of it. For a change look at facts! They speak louder. Does he flirt with other women? Is he just experimenting with your body? Priests lack physical and intimate contact, hence if you give him permission to touch you, he might be just releasing some physical and sexual tensions.

Loneliness: Is the priest just passing through a middle age crisis or is he just feeling lonely? In some cases the priest might look at you, first as a close friend (maybe with sexual benefits), but nothing less and nothing more! He might use you for some weeks or months, never to be seen again. This is because he is using your relationship just to fill his empty and lonely soul. If you listen to him with your mind rather than with your heart, you might get the hidden message. Homilies indirectly reveal a lot about his psychological being. One needs to listen attentively and connect the missing dots. When you read between the lines, what is he trying to say (the unsaid words)?

Daydreaming: This sounds sinister and odd yet very true. Some women incredibly make up a whole story just because the priest paid some special attention in just one occasion! Fantasies or thoughts do not constitute a real and true relationship! It has to be real. One cannot exchange just a few glances with a real relationship. How can one be sure of a relationship if there has never been a real dialogue? It’s just a waste of time and energy which will definitely lead to a great depression. One cannot live his whole life imagining what if…..

The Real One: We might have given the impression that all relationships with priests will fail. No it’s not true. There is the priest who has taken the necessary time for reflection and he has definitely decided to leave the parish. He faces the big decision on his own. Separately he has thought a lot about having a full relationship with a woman. These two great decisions should never be mixed up together. Each one of them should be examined carefully and separately. The priest should take a decision after a long time of reflection and discernment. This applies especially to the case when his woman is pregnant. The priest, although he has to accept his paternal responsibilities, must not be forced to marry. He needs to take one step at a time.

In many cases, the married priest, if all decisions were taken in a mature way, should have a wonderful relationship with his future wife. It proves that in a mature relationship, the priest can lead a healthy, spiritual life where he could be of a better service to the whole community. One can easily google the many cases where the priests live happily with their wives. The community can testify that in most cases, one can notice the positive change in the priest leading their parish in a married state. The number of married priests is increasing all the time in the Catholic Church. This is a positive seed which might grow bigger and give more bountiful results.