Tag Archive: Can I date a priest?


Priests who are on a special journey.

Let’s make it crystal clear at the very beginning: we never force any adult to take any decision. It’s up to the person to walk in the direction he wishes to discover. On the other hand, we are never going to promote clandestine relationships between priests and women. We firmly believe that the amount of stress, risks and guilt feelings are too much for both the woman and the priest in order to lead a hidden life. It is not ethical that while the priest preaches to others what to do, he himself lives a lie.

On the hand, let’s discuss openly and give some common directions to priests who are walking in this unique and particular journey. Falling in love is not a sin. Can we put it into the priest’s soul? We know that the priest has been brainwashed for many years with the mentality that love and priesthood are not compatible. Talking with other priests seem to be worse as most of them will force the priest to abandon the golden relationship with this special friend. It seems that they don’t have any doubts or second thoughts. It’s another alarm which sounds quite aloud as some persons seem to have all the answers in the world…for others! Yet some simple questions will paint the situation rather accurate: did they ever experience love? Did they ever communicate with another person on a special level? Most of them find refuge behind a wall of denial and copied truths which were handed down without ever being questioned.

What is this sudden love urge for one single person? Why is this person so special? Why did it enter into his locked up heart? How was the priest living his relationship with God? Was he successful in building mature relationships with other adults? What is God trying to say to the priest? It’s a wake up call. Obviously these questions have to be answered individually and personally. We cannot photocopy answers as each priest has to give his own particular answer!

The crisis in the spiritual life is not a negative experience. It’s the call for growth. God does not leave us in the same situation for long. Life itself changes many times. We have to face some new challenges. Sometimes the challenges will help us get out of a stagnant life.

The priest can decide that the challenge is too much. He might feel at odds with such challenge. In that case, one should at least be open and sincere with the woman concerned and not leave her hanging on for ever! It’s cruelty if one leaves the other partner in a permanent limbo! On the other hand, the fire that started to burn in his heart, should be listened to in order to start a fire in all his pastoral work. His out of the blues love relationship was not superficial. He has to translate the same enthusiasm and sparkle in his work.

In the case that the priest is doubtful about his work in the church or is at odds with the teaching of the church, he has to resolve the case. Either he believes in his work within the church, or else steps aside in order to find power, energy and spiritual growth in his life.

Stepping aside might lead to new, convincing answers ie. a mature growth in his faith. He might continue as a priest with a new energy. If not, he has to decide that he can’t live a lie and to walk in a different path.

What’s new in all our opinions, is that going for a married life does not mean that one has lost his faith and neither that he has acted like Judas who kissed Jesus for hidden motives! It means that one has to live his faith with a new pair of eyes: that of a married priest. It will help one to revise all the teaching one has received since childhood! We know that this is actually a revolution in one’s life. But this is what is needed in the church of today. If the experience of a married priest becomes worldwide, all the theological writings will have to be edited! Like a snake who has shed his old skin, all things will come alive in the new church.

It’s an old/new way to present priesthood. It’s old, because most of the apostles were married and so were some of the popes! New, because around 1000 years ago, Roman Catholic Priests stopped getting married!

Without being hurtful to the church, we do notice that most of the young people will never step inside a church unless they see the face of the humanity in it! Seeing the priests getting married and facing most common everyday challenges will help them realise that they are not far away from the kingdom of God! Let’s face it, in most European countries [with some exceptions), churches have become empty spaces! Are we happy to see the church die?

One final note. Christmas reminds us that a woman (Virgin Mary) brought the human and frail child to this world. Do we need women to revive our religion today? Married priests is another step which brings recognition to the hidden work done by many women who are the backbone of our religion, but who are not at the centre of publicity! Like Mary, they bring forth a new child to the world!

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The signs of the times are calling for married priests in the Roman Catholic church. It’s not far fetched but we do feel that the wind is blowing in that direction. On the other hand, we are standing on the ground and not flying too high. It’s not going to be an easy change. This is because for various reasons. One of them is, that many people want progress but nobody wants to change.

If the church really wants married priests, how are they going to call for vocations with the present circumstances? The church calls itself the expert in humanity. Yet, do workers in the church have the best conditions of work? Is the church ready to preach by example? How many married men are going to join the church with the present conditions? What type of hindrance keeps married men from joining priesthood? Can we alter something in order to attract the best possible candidates? The financial package is not to be forgotten, plus spiritual, humanistic and intellectual formation.

On the part of the laity, are they prepared to study theology and other studies to give a professional service to their parish? Studying means many years of studies. On the other hand one can’t have a course similar to the one provided for non-married priests where they can afford 6 to 7 years without gaining money. How can they receive married ones while maintaining the responsibility of the family?

What about the general reflection about the family? Are the married ones expected just to obey? Are we prepared to re-write the whole ‘relationship’ chapter in the theological studies from the point of view of married priests? Are these married priests to be given their right to give a unique feedback to the general church?

One of interesting debates is when married priests have teens themselves. Even when they preach to the congregation their own teens will be there! That means somebody who is trying to live the gospel. This week I met some families who are complaining that there teens are abandoning the Sunday Mass!! That would already be a tough challenge for married ones. Yet, the challenge itself could prove to be a witness to many other families!

Speaking about the teens, what about the women. Is the wife of the pastor going to be a silent spectator? Or is she going to get a significant role in the running of the parish? After all, like many other women she is the silent supporter of her husband’s work! She is the one to help him going on. She could be the voice of many other women who are still living in the periphery of the parish!

With all this in mind, it makes sense to call back all those priests who have left. Why? Because they have something which new candidates don’t have: experience! Once they were at the centre of activity in the parish. In these last years, they have lived their most difficult time of their lives. They know how one feels when one is discarded in society. That makes them better candidates to look at those in society who feel not welcomed anymore. Those discarded have always been an important part of the church. It’s the new generation which will form up the new church. It’s not a surprise that most married priests welcome all kinds of people who are in different phases of faith!

Priests today have a dark cloud above their heads owing to the sexual abuse crisis. Yet married priests could prove vital to thwart that conception of priesthood. This is another hidden asset of married priesthood which could link the church with the outside world once again.

When people talk about married priests, it seems as if we are talking about the future such as when aliens will land on earth! Those hearing us discussing about married priesthood might jump into the conclusion that it’s still not being practiced in the Catholic Church. This assumption that we’re talking about future decisions might harm our reputation. Some might nickname us as rebels or people outside the church!

Well there are so many people out there that they don’t know that there are already married priests in the church! If one uses a search engine, one might encounter a lot of such cases. One particular story is found here. So please note that all those people who might start arguing that a married priest might not have enough time for his wife and children, it is already being done!

Obviously, the next question would be: why are Anglican priests allowed to become Catholic priests and bring their wives over whilst Catholic priests have to resign in order to get married?! In our opinion it is pure injustice.

We are of the opinion that people should start asking for married priests now in order that Pope Francis might say yes. He has already shown that he is moving slowly but surely in that direction. But he wants the people to ask for it in their diocese (the geographical place where a bishop and his priests/nuns etc..work together).

We, as a community, we have to understand that we cannot live in the catacombs afraid to mention such subject during our interaction with the rest of the parish! Somebody has to inform the rest of the parish. Somebody has to show the way. This is what it means to be an adult in faith. We cannot rely on others to do this kind of work. Most of the people who would call for married priests are unchurched (not going to church any more). It’s our duty to inform them of the latest changes in the Catholic church. Let’s take it as a challenge or if we wish to, as a lent exercise for this year!

Pope Francis is not a dictator. He wants to move with his flock. People now are experiencing the lack of priests in so many parishes (in the whole wide world except some countries in Africa). Now we either go for married priests or risk of loosing more parishes which would be without the Eucharist. The Eucharist is so central for the Catholic Faith.

    It is the time and place where the community meets (can we have a community if we never meet?).

    During the mass we hear the word of God (can we simply be brainwashed by the media not knowing what God really thinks?).

    We nourish our soul with the body and blood of Christ (can our body grow healthy without eating adequately? Now let’s focus about the food for our soul).

In other words the body and soul of the Catholic Church lies in the Eucharist. Shall we let more parishes die because of lack of priests or shall we move forward and allow more priests (married) to work in the vineyard of the Lord?

One of our readers has asked a few ‘outside the box’ questions. I believe that if our blog has to continue and increase readers, one of the key elements has to be honesty. Well I’m trying to be as honest as possible by answering her questions. It has to be one of the imperative motivations when working with adults in the church: no question could be discarded; nobody should feel embarrassed to ask any kind of question.

We are being told that the reason why women are not priests is because Jesus was a man, celibate, and his disciples were men, therefore to follow in his footsteps, a priest must be a man. Married priests, well, it has to do with money, and would cost the Church way too much to support not only the families, but in a case of divorce, it would be too costly for child support, etc. Everything has to do with money, and having more time to ”devote” to his church, therefore priests should remain celibate.

That’s another myth which says that married priests will cost more. Actually some of my priest-friends who are not Catholic are telling me that a single, unmarried priest in the Western world, costs much more when taking into account the whole picture. But let’s base our arguments on the bible. Yes it’s true that most of the apostles were married. Nobody can deny that. It’s true as well that celibacy has a biblical value. Again nobody can deny that. In our opinion the conflict is that they have tied celibacy with the priesthood. We are in favour of a well chosen celibacy and not a forced one as it is now, where every priest has to promise celibacy. Regarding the married priest not being available is a lie as most of them are more available more than non-married ones. Try to phone a non-married and see if you’ll get an answering machine. Phone the married one and you’ll be answered to, together with the sound of a happy family, children running, shouting etc….

Apparently, Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene? Apparently, proof of that, is that back in the day, a man was not allowed to ”preach” if he was single. Otherwise he would have been put to death. So, Jesus was married? She was referred to as the Holy Grail. Mary M followed him everywhere and was also in the painting of the Last Supper, right beside him. Apparently they also have a daughter.

Another point: Apparently in the past, there was one woman Pope, but the reason she had succeeded in becoming Pope was because she pretended to be a man. Evidence proved otherwise when she became pregnant.

Apparently the Church is hiding all this from us because it would cause a whole revolution in the catholic Church, starting with women justifying becoming priests, pope, etc. ??

I have now watched “Da Vinci Code”, and now, I admit, I am more confused than ever. Can you shed some light please…. and why if it is not true, are there so many documents and videos that talk about such stuff? (I have not watched the videos to confuse me even more, but saw that there are tons out there!)

Well thanks to the internet we are being exposed to more ideas in a shorter time! On the other hand we have to be very careful when it comes to believe who is saying the truth. We have seen it before in books and newspapers (not all that was published was true), and we are seeing it again on the internet. It’s ok to put your ears to the ground and hear what other people are saying. But in this camp we need people who have studied theology in order to digest everything with theological glasses. That’s why we need more laity (ie not priests, nuns or friars but baptised people), to go for theological studies, as in the future most parishes (maybe already!) are going to be run by laity whether Rome likes it or not.

Now regarding the special woman called Mary of Magdalene. We only share news and secrets with the most trusted friends or significant others. It’s a fact that when Jesus was resurrected he appeared first and foremost to her (Mary of Magdalene!!). The resurrection is central to our faith. Now that theologically means a lot. There surely was a very sound relationship spiritually. Why did he appear to her BEFORE the apostles??!!

Secondly, it wasn’t normal for a man in the Jewish mentality to let a woman touch him in public. She did when she washed his feet……now we can’t jump into conclusions. Other hearsay doesn’t mean it’s true, but neither can we discard that there was a truly good relationship between the two. Now we can never be sure of a marriage or of a daughter (to be truthful). This is like in court, we cannot condemn some body because we think he’s a criminal. Only one concrete proof condemns him to prison. In theology we need some kind of proof before we can accept it as true. Now we understand that it’s not easy to study about somebody who lived around 2000 years ago!

On the other hand, some cultural changes, makes us read the bible with new eyes. Women are not to be excluded from important decisions. Hence, whether we have proof or not from the bible, we can testify that today’s cultural vision (regarding women occupying important roles in society), is another way of God talking to us. We never believed that the bible is the ONLY vehicle through which God speaks to us! God cannot be closed in one single book! He goes beyond the bible. Besides, most of the theologians believe that there is not single sound theological reason why women can be excluded from priesthood!

Another important note is that all theologians teaching at a university need a permission from their local bishop. Hence if a theologian is studying (not simply hearsay or just reading a newspaper) and comes to a different conclusion, most probably he would have his licence to teach, withdrawn! This effects their studies, lectures etc…..We only hope of having one single university in the world, where theologians would be totally free to come forward with odd ideas!

We encourage all our readers to continue the debate…..