Tag Archive: Can priests love a woman?

Facing Opposition

When facing some opposing factions in the church, one of the known weapons is the one to put the opponents way of thinking to ridicule! If we are promoting married priesthood, expect them to say that married priests will now solve all the problems in the church, obviously, ironically! [See link]

One expects that they will mention the challenge of divorce plus the challenge of having atheist teens etc…Besides they will mention ad nauseam the fact that there will be less time for the church once the priest has to take care of the family too!

We shouldn’t be afraid to put forward our ideas. Just let’s start preparing for the Advent season especially when the Pope’s final report about the Amazon synod will be published around Christmas. In the festive season of Christmas we will be celebrating the greatest mystery of them all – God the all powerful chooses to become a small, fragile baby born in the most poor and risky areas of them all. Couldn’t we debate why God become so small and risked everything? Yes, if we just see things with human minds. I could imagine security people nervously running around looking for possible trouble outlets or suspicious people around. Yet this was the will of God, the most powerful! Pope Francis too would like to mingle with common people and hear what they have to say. He does not live in an ivory tower!

Married priesthood, like Christmas, would like to bring to one common meeting point both the priest and all the married people by suggesting married priests. It will surely be a testimony to all married Christians as to how live the gospel in today’s life. It’s another help in the life of the priest to preach a more contemporary Christ to the listeners of today’s life! He won’t be simply preaching to others how to maintain a stable relationship in love, nor how to educate young people, because he would have his own personal challenges!

We are not dreaming because if we study the beginning of the Catholic church, that’s how it started. Most of the apostles were married and had children! (see the Gospel according to Matthew: 8:14-15) Somehow along the way we decided not to follow the apostles example! How can we justify that?

Promoting married priesthood in the Catholic church we know that it will create a lot of tension. Some people can’t handle it just because they have been brainwashed for quite a long time. They can’t escape their long years of repetitive teaching! Others will feel at a loss as to how react. Their implant that sex cannot mix with spirituality has been radically rooted in their spiritual welfare! They feel that the church is going down the hill and maybe all will be lost! Some of them might go all out to lash out on people their misogynist trends!

All believers should strengthen their faith that Our Lord is never going to leave His church alone to succumb to fatal injuries or sins! It’s His church. It will stand the test of time plus other challenges. Whether we see God’s writing in the history of today or not, we firmly believe that nothing happens without His Will. Many times it’s us that we can’t see his weaving of today’s new church emerging from the previous old skin! As humans we are accustomed to compare with what we have witnessed years ago when we received the first holy communion! Well our bodies have changed too. We have lived change not only to what concerns our outside image, but all our inside, including our spiritual experience. If we don’t grow we can’t live!

Whatever happened since that faithful day, we have progressed to become adults who have to face new challenging situations. Now it’s up to us to answer in a mature way. We can’t copy our past life when we were so young. Life has changed. Not just our lives but that of other people too. We have to find new answers for today’s challenges. We are presenting the married priest as a new way forward!

Hello! My name is Laura. I want to share with you my relationship with my priest.

I’m a separated woman. I had to leave my husband of 5 years. He had betrayed me and now has another family, though we are still not divorced officially.

First of all let me be very clear: The priest is the one who started the relationship. I knew him for over 6 years at that time. Because of our mutual friendship, we got closer. Once after dinner, we went for a walk. Suddenly he held me and kissed me. He did admit of having feelings for me. At that time I was still struggling, but he told me that he wasn’t going to force me to have a loving relationship. He just wanted to stay close. After around 2 months he showed that he cared for me a lot. At that time I had some feelings too towards him. He told me I could trust him. He showed many signs that he really loved me. Time passed by and we became closer and knowing each other more. I fell in love deeply. He introduced me to his mother and to his family

Then sex happened. It has been going on for these last 2 years, till a few months ago. I got pregnant. As soon as I gave him the wonderful news, he astonished me by saying that we couldn’t keep this baby. I was so depressed hearing him say such a thing. I plainly told him that I couldn’t accept. At last he changed his mind. He considered to keep the baby. However I had a miscarriage. Could we keep our relationship I pondered silently…?? We had some serious arguments.

He suddenly said that maybe it was God’s sign to stop having sex outside marriage! We needed to stop having sex and keep our friendship platonic. He told me that he had confessed already, and that he loved me so much. His wish was to stop having sex. Consequently we couldn’t sin any more.

We could keep our love relationship but just without sex…. I asked point blank: Why not leave priesthood and get married? It’s so weird…He emphasized that he loved me so much, but that he couldn’t leave priesthood.

Since last January, something happened. We keep arguing about something trivial. We argue about some family affairs about his sister..?? He has now turned to be an emotionless person, with less hugs, kisses and less dating with me. I try to talk to him, but he says that everything is fine. He gives the excuse of too much work and that he feels tired. He continues to say that he still loves me. He just brushes me aside with the expression that he loves me so much. He urges me not to worry.

On the other hand he thinks that the fighting is God’s sign to show him that he is wrong, but he does feel his love for me. The priest thinks that he needs to follow his vow of celibacy, because he did promise to God that he will be faithful to his promise. But celibacy is not a divine law, it’s a human law after all!

I don’t understand…I feel so confused. What can I do? I really love him and I cannot live without him. What should I do? What should I tell him???

I would like to write about a whole book about this story but I prefer to let the readers air their views. Please let’s not blame the person who was/is in a frail situation. Let’s walk in her shoes.

We wish to make it clear that every love story between a priest and a woman is unique. We cannot generalize about what happens. Today we are sort of thinking about so many women who although they love their priest from a truly holistic point of view, yet the priest never commits himself. It’s very difficult to tell the woman involved that she is being taken for a ride as she loves him thoroughly. Yet we wish to help these women to see reality and not their romantic point of view.

Some of our readers have been in a relationship (including sex) for an incredible number of years….yet they are still enjoying one per cent of their relationship as they cannot walk hands in hands in public. They cannot raise kids together, they cannot simply be together for a long time, without pressure or fear of someone seeing them. They cannot spend significant time together or just be together.  Some would ask: how could a woman tolerate such conditions in her love life? Well, we repeat, we are NOT judges. We understand (=does not mean we agree), because when one is in love, it’s not easy to see reality. On one hand it’s a blind process. On the other hand it makes it crystal clear that one needs to talk about such a relationship with another person in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now the problem is that this situation is already very delicate. Some of our readers are afraid of publishing their stories because other readers may become very harsh in their judgement and simply call for an end to this relationship. Maybe this tradition has been present in our church for many centuries where we were used to condemn all those who had a different opinion. We firmly believe that by stopping the relationship the challenge won’t go away, for both persons. Love is not simply a button/switch to turn it off or on at will. Those who speak about stopping a relationship there and then, surely need to go to the kindergarten’s school of love!

In some cases it could be just an adventure from the part of the priest to have a sexual one and experiment. Some might call it ‘the attraction of the prohibited’. Afterwards, he does not want to be committed in a relationship. Although it hurts, because nobody would like to be used in that way, yet it’s better to wake up to reality now, than later on!

On the part of the woman it could be that in her fantasy the man is Mr Right of whom she has been dreaming for many years. As we have written in earlier blogs, he fulfills all her needs. In many cases, although she might not be thinking about sex, yet she is preparing the way to have a unique and intimate relationship. Now if sex happens or not is not important as there is already a close and unique bond between the two. Sex, in many cases, would the last step in their building up of a relationship. Although we do not wish to put all the emphasis on sex, yet it could be the first wake up for the woman and the priest….wow what’s happening? Where do we go from here? What is our future?

The priest’s most common game would be to justify all that he does…but when it comes to sex, that would be a little bit difficult. In some cases, he would simply disappear never to come back again. Otherwise he would simply find any kind of excuse just to have sex. Some stories written in our email box included: it’s not me, it’s God who is loving you! I love you, there is no sin in loving a person; I can’t live without sex etc……Some priests, in order to escape the judgement of their conscience they might blame the woman! “You tempted me!” Well it takes two to tango.

What interests the woman is: when are we going to start living together as a couple? Well the priest has a lot of excuses such as: just let me think it over… I need to think…..I have to talk to my superiors/confessor/friend….I have to go for a retreat……I need to get to know myself first……….All in all they are good comments. Yet the time frame is the tool which classifies these statements as false or true. Why? Because life is short. We cannot keep procrastinating forever!! OK. Think it over till next year (for example). So please women, it’s better to give a time limit which you think is practical. After that stick to your guns and just leave. Otherwise your priest will become an expert on lies and keeps you hanging on forever. Is that the life you want to live ?

Another practical step would be to stop seeing him after an agreed time frame. A good statement would be: don’t call me or write to me unless you have decided to leave the parish. I don’t wish to waste my time in a useless relationship. We know from experience that this is a very hard decision to stick to as we some women prefer to listen to their heart rather than to their mind, yet not taking drastic action may actually give more power to the priest to keep her hanging on.

What surprises most women is that the priest keeps procrastinating on leaving active priesthood to live with the love of his life. Maybe because he is being served. He is having the cake and can eat it too. We, as married priests would never agree with priests having a clandestine relationship and abusing women. We are of the opinion to come clean and show everybody that the priest loves a woman and according to the bible he wishes to be a priest too. Although not everybody agrees with married priesthood, yet most of them admire us for the courage to take the plunge and to live sincerely without hiding anything. We are coherent with our teachings. We don’t hide anything. We wish to have the bible as our inspiration.

In a way that’s what we are campaigning for: married priesthood. It’s not just a woman that is ‘tempting the priest’ (sorry for borrowing such a horrible expression), but rather many of the priests are not living their celibate call as proved by scientific investigations. Hence we need to see the big picture: can we make celibacy optional? It’s not simply because we want to have sex but rather to witness to the people of God how to live in a normal family life and testify God’s world. Most of us work full time in a different job to earn our living. We work part-timers in the Church. When we work outside the church, we are not on a podium, but that could be the best way to witness our beliefs. Surely the world needs witnesses rather than teachers when it comes to preaching the word of God.