Tag Archive: dating a priest

Let’s make it crystal clear at the very beginning: we never force any adult to take any decision. It’s up to the person to walk in the direction he wishes to discover. On the other hand, we are never going to promote clandestine relationships between priests and women. We firmly believe that the amount of stress, risks and guilt feelings are too much for both the woman and the priest in order to lead a hidden life. It is not ethical that while the priest preaches to others what to do, he himself lives a lie.

On the hand, let’s discuss openly and give some common directions to priests who are walking in this unique and particular journey. Falling in love is not a sin. Can we put it into the priest’s soul? We know that the priest has been brainwashed for many years with the mentality that love and priesthood are not compatible. Talking with other priests seem to be worse as most of them will force the priest to abandon the golden relationship with this special friend. It seems that they don’t have any doubts or second thoughts. It’s another alarm which sounds quite aloud as some persons seem to have all the answers in the world…for others! Yet some simple questions will paint the situation rather accurate: did they ever experience love? Did they ever communicate with another person on a special level? Most of them find refuge behind a wall of denial and copied truths which were handed down without ever being questioned.

What is this sudden love urge for one single person? Why is this person so special? Why did it enter into his locked up heart? How was the priest living his relationship with God? Was he successful in building mature relationships with other adults? What is God trying to say to the priest? It’s a wake up call. Obviously these questions have to be answered individually and personally. We cannot photocopy answers as each priest has to give his own particular answer!

The crisis in the spiritual life is not a negative experience. It’s the call for growth. God does not leave us in the same situation for long. Life itself changes many times. We have to face some new challenges. Sometimes the challenges will help us get out of a stagnant life.

The priest can decide that the challenge is too much. He might feel at odds with such challenge. In that case, one should at least be open and sincere with the woman concerned and not leave her hanging on for ever! It’s cruelty if one leaves the other partner in a permanent limbo! On the other hand, the fire that started to burn in his heart, should be listened to in order to start a fire in all his pastoral work. His out of the blues love relationship was not superficial. He has to translate the same enthusiasm and sparkle in his work.

In the case that the priest is doubtful about his work in the church or is at odds with the teaching of the church, he has to resolve the case. Either he believes in his work within the church, or else steps aside in order to find power, energy and spiritual growth in his life.

Stepping aside might lead to new, convincing answers ie. a mature growth in his faith. He might continue as a priest with a new energy. If not, he has to decide that he can’t live a lie and to walk in a different path.

What’s new in all our opinions, is that going for a married life does not mean that one has lost his faith and neither that he has acted like Judas who kissed Jesus for hidden motives! It means that one has to live his faith with a new pair of eyes: that of a married priest. It will help one to revise all the teaching one has received since childhood! We know that this is actually a revolution in one’s life. But this is what is needed in the church of today. If the experience of a married priest becomes worldwide, all the theological writings will have to be edited! Like a snake who has shed his old skin, all things will come alive in the new church.

It’s an old/new way to present priesthood. It’s old, because most of the apostles were married and so were some of the popes! New, because around 1000 years ago, Roman Catholic Priests stopped getting married!

Without being hurtful to the church, we do notice that most of the young people will never step inside a church unless they see the face of the humanity in it! Seeing the priests getting married and facing most common everyday challenges will help them realise that they are not far away from the kingdom of God! Let’s face it, in most European countries [with some exceptions), churches have become empty spaces! Are we happy to see the church die?

One final note. Christmas reminds us that a woman (Virgin Mary) brought the human and frail child to this world. Do we need women to revive our religion today? Married priests is another step which brings recognition to the hidden work done by many women who are the backbone of our religion, but who are not at the centre of publicity! Like Mary, they bring forth a new child to the world!

When we were young we were submitted to various teachings. Most of the time, we read books. We tried to assimilate as much as we could. Then years passed by and somehow we re-connected to what teachers/parents/guardians had told us. Most probably what we’ve been thought was good. Yet in real life it seems that it is a different kind of fish. It’s what we call the gap between the theory and real life!

We were thought to look up to priests for friendship, counselling, ideas etc…Obviously in theory everything is in order. Yet each every human being is formed not only through teaching, but through personal experience, chemicals present in his genes etc…All this will make it highly improbable to foretell his future life as each person has a different outcome, which is based on millions of variables.

The first step is when one is asking for help. It brings the baptised person close to a priest. This is the work of the priest after all! But what happens when most of the priests feel all alone, neglected, alienated, disappointed and put aside? A normal kind of friendship (obviously there is nothing wrong), could be a tempting one for the priest. Instead of listening and comforting the person, the priest fulfils his needs for friendship, attention, love etc…within the counselling sessions. A counsellor has to listen to the client and not vice-versa, at least he can’t talk for a long period of time. The fact that the priest starts talking about his life means automatically that the sessions are taking a different path!

On the part of the person who is seeking the priest’s help, things start moving differently when they view the priest not as a counsellor but as the one who is fulfilling their dream of the ideal man! Obviously when one meets another person for a few hours weekly, it’s very easy to idolise that person! Remember that most people as viewed at work, might seem to be the ideal person. It’s when one lives with the person that one sees the complete picture! Yet, when one is hungry for love, recognition, attention and self affirmation, all other things will occupy a less important place in their lives! They just want to cling to somebody no matter what! It could be that we’re living in anonymous cities (Western part of the world), hence we desperately need friends!

We’ve been saying for quite some time now that priests who explain the word of God every Sunday (plus maybe other public meetings), are practically revealing their inner self to the general public. He is the one who speaks about a lot of values where no one speaks anymore (or at least not that often!). Speaking about such values will put more fire on a woman’s heart who is burning with desire to have a loving partner.

The priest in most cases, has all the time of the world to meet, listen and talk with parishioners. He is the one who makes his own timetable hence, he is easily available! The priest has no one to report to for his day to day running. Hence he can postpone last minute meetings without giving any real reason or hiding behind superficial reasons!

We don’t wish to give the message that it’s impossible, yet in the present circumstances, it’s getting more difficult to be a good friend to a priest. When a person is not complete (in many senses), it could lead to trouble, whether he is a priest, bishop, Pope, woman etc…In mathematics they used to teach us that a minus ( – ) with a minus ( – ), make a plus!

Our wish to have married priests will help the church to have a better system where priests are living in a relationship which will help them understand better the need for attention, love, affirmation etc…We’re not saying that it’s foolproof. There is nothing perfect. Yet on the human side of the argument, it will help them to be better prepared to work in today’s church.

Second Class Priests!

In the absence of love stories between priests and women, we are sharing our reflections regarding the latest news in the Catholic church.

In a March 2017 interview with German newspaper Die Zeit, Pope Francis used the term viri probati – in this context, religious married men of proven character – in saying he was open to the idea of a married priesthood, as is allowed for deacons, in remote areas where the priest shortage is particularly serious.

We are still not 100% sure of the outcome of married priests as we are still receiving conflicting news! Read this article

In any case it seems that all newspapers are agreeing that married priesthood is again in the news. Mulling all kind of news to look for positive news, we see some troubling ones. In the quoted statement made above, we have one single question: So are married priests just fillers? That is: are they being allowed as if they are necessary evil? Are they being allowed simply to fill in the blanks? Are we sort of second class priests who are allowed to work as priests simply because there is lack of?

Many people point to married priests because they think that will stop sexual abuse of children. People focus on sex because for news agencies it sells a lot of money! We do notice many priests who are living a solitary life. They are practically moving bodies but dead in their minds. Others who travel most of the time. Some who embrace luxuries. Others who are simply walking study books which amply shows the negative effects of forced celibacy. The list goes on and on.

Our main point of view has remained the same. Most of the apostles were married. Are we going to follow the bible or are we going against it? They do quote the bible profusely in other moral matters, yet about this one they are so silent! Why? If the apostles did it, why not the priests of today? Or are we like a supermarket: we pick up what we like in the church?!

Having married priests we hope it will bring the focus of the church on new challenges. One might be the complete overhaul of the relationship teaching (and not sex!). Strong and stable relationship calls for consequences which will help the priest to mature as he faces different challenges in life. One glaring example would be children. Taking care of your own children will bring a new insight in the life of the priest. Married priesthood will help the priest to reconnect with normal life with all its challenges. Consequently, the whole church will change. This is the revolution which we are looking forward to experience. In the end there will be winners all the way. All would feel much nearer to God. Everybody will experience the Emmanuel – God is with us! It would be interesting to visit a priest who has kids crying, eating and dirtying all the house whilst he is trying to communicate with God! It would be a good example of how to keep God in the centre of all activity!

It’s up to our readers to continue our reflection.

The meaning of celibacy

It seems that many priests are experts when it comes to manipulating women or to please their inner desires. They preach to others what to do and what NOT to do, yet in their private personal lives they come up with any justification in order to excuse themselves for breaking the law.

People who know priests personally could testify about this. I do remember some priests who do not eat meat on Wednesdays and Fridays during lent as a sign of penitence and solidarity with the poor. During these two weekdays, they just go for some of the most expensive fish in town!!! But they tell their conscience that they are not eating meat! They tell others not to receive the Eucharistic sacrament when committing ‘grave’ sins. Yet they don’t find any problem of celebrating mass after a night of love making with a parishioner! They speak about justice, yet they expect their parishioners to help the parish for FREE. They like to be treated in a special way when waiting in a queue. They do dress differently in order to be treated on a red carpet although they preach to the others to be humble. They go on holidays many times yet they expect family people to do a lot of sacrifices…..the list is endless. We don’t wish to become a site for bashing of priests but sometimes we do notice certain patterns especially when priests do fool women.

Let’s focus on just one today: celibacy. The dictionary would explain it simply as the abstention from sexual relations. The spirit of the gospel is not playing and going around with rules about not having a sexual relationship but much more. In the gospel of Matthew chapter 5: “You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” This is just normal teaching for ordinary Catholics. Priests are expected to perform well above the bar expected for normal parishioners. A deep relationship with just one person was always looked upon as highly contrary to the spirit of celibacy. The celibate priest is there as a sign of the things to come in the next world.

One of our readers has expertly explained the meaning of celibacy. Celibacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about intimacy — emotional and spiritual intimacy being equal to the physical. This is where the problem is. There has been so much emphasis on the sexual abuse scandals (and there should be – where innocent children are involved!), but I think those priests who long for intimacy proceed in cultivating relationships that they are able to walk away from without guilt when things get too complicated because there was no physical expression of love. No sex. For some men, the physical is often, usually, the focus, so it’s natural for them to place so much importance on it. (Especially when they are supposed to deny it.) But if they had had experience with the journey of loving someone, they would know that intimacy is many things, the physical being only one of them and sometimes not even being the most important. Some women, I think, tend to experience the emotional part more intensely and more immediately at the start of a relationship. So the priest who thinks he is not betraying his vows or hurting anyone by falling in love and encouraging loving, albeit not sexual, responses from a woman and then walking away, is just as guilty as the lay man who picks up a woman for a one-night stand and never intends to contact her again. In some ways, for a woman- for THIS woman, anyway – the emotional rejection is worse, more painful and harder to recover from.

We expect the celibate person to be full of the Lord’s word and thinking. He listens to all people and the way he answers shows an intimate union with his God ONLY.

Celibacy was explained to us as the giving up of everything for the Lord. How can a priest be a prophetic sign when the parishioners know that he is a womaniser? The fact that most of the time such a relationship is hidden proves that notwithstanding what the priest says, it is an illegal act in the mind of the church. Surprisingly most of the woman don’t have this theological notion. It proves that as a website we still need to reach to many more people who are unaware of the teaching of the Catholic Church when it comes to the life of priests!

As married priests we are never going to banish celibacy. We only urge the church to make it optional because in many cases priests are deviating from the true meaning of celibacy. Let them get married and serve the Lord too! As married priests we don’t look for women just for pleasure or in order to use them. We look first and foremost for a companion in life and faith. Obviously we are aware of our sexual needs too but these are to be practised in a relationship which is not afraid of consequences and responsibilities. Finally it’s never hidden. Parishioners could easily deduct if such a relationship is detrimental or benevolent in the life of their pastor. There are obviously consequences on their parish.

Married priests never hide their relationship! People can testify if the family of the priest is witnessing to the gospel or not. The priest could never hide from his own congregation. They could see if the priest is just a good preacher or a truly a faith living person.

One of the mistakes committed by the women involved in a relationship with a priest is that although they are not happy about a clandestine relationship, yet they keep the relationship alive by corresponding or seeing the priest many times. If you are not happy with the relationship, talk with him face to face. Give him some time to make up his mind (but not forever). When the time is up, simply walk away and stop all kind of communication even if he comes kneeling in front of you, crying and asking simply to talk.

We know from experience that stopping a loving relationship is easier said than done. We understand the amorous feelings of the women involved but as they say it’s better to be safe than sorry. Look at the big picture. In many cases he is never going to leave priesthood. So you’re never going to have a husband next to you in life. You’ll never be able to walk hands in hands, play on the sand or have his child. You are going to be alienated all your life. Do you want to live like this? The answer is in your hands but remember action speaks louder than words. You are God’s being and you deserve a happy life.