Tag Archive: emotional abuse

When we were young we were submitted to various teachings. Most of the time, we read books. We tried to assimilate as much as we could. Then years passed by and somehow we re-connected to what teachers/parents/guardians had told us. Most probably what we’ve been thought was good. Yet in real life it seems that it is a different kind of fish. It’s what we call the gap between the theory and real life!

We were thought to look up to priests for friendship, counselling, ideas etc…Obviously in theory everything is in order. Yet each every human being is formed not only through teaching, but through personal experience, chemicals present in his genes etc…All this will make it highly improbable to foretell his future life as each person has a different outcome, which is based on millions of variables.

The first step is when one is asking for help. It brings the baptised person close to a priest. This is the work of the priest after all! But what happens when most of the priests feel all alone, neglected, alienated, disappointed and put aside? A normal kind of friendship (obviously there is nothing wrong), could be a tempting one for the priest. Instead of listening and comforting the person, the priest fulfils his needs for friendship, attention, love etc…within the counselling sessions. A counsellor has to listen to the client and not vice-versa, at least he can’t talk for a long period of time. The fact that the priest starts talking about his life means automatically that the sessions are taking a different path!

On the part of the person who is seeking the priest’s help, things start moving differently when they view the priest not as a counsellor but as the one who is fulfilling their dream of the ideal man! Obviously when one meets another person for a few hours weekly, it’s very easy to idolise that person! Remember that most people as viewed at work, might seem to be the ideal person. It’s when one lives with the person that one sees the complete picture! Yet, when one is hungry for love, recognition, attention and self affirmation, all other things will occupy a less important place in their lives! They just want to cling to somebody no matter what! It could be that we’re living in anonymous cities (Western part of the world), hence we desperately need friends!

We’ve been saying for quite some time now that priests who explain the word of God every Sunday (plus maybe other public meetings), are practically revealing their inner self to the general public. He is the one who speaks about a lot of values where no one speaks anymore (or at least not that often!). Speaking about such values will put more fire on a woman’s heart who is burning with desire to have a loving partner.

The priest in most cases, has all the time of the world to meet, listen and talk with parishioners. He is the one who makes his own timetable hence, he is easily available! The priest has no one to report to for his day to day running. Hence he can postpone last minute meetings without giving any real reason or hiding behind superficial reasons!

We don’t wish to give the message that it’s impossible, yet in the present circumstances, it’s getting more difficult to be a good friend to a priest. When a person is not complete (in many senses), it could lead to trouble, whether he is a priest, bishop, Pope, woman etc…In mathematics they used to teach us that a minus ( – ) with a minus ( – ), make a plus!

Our wish to have married priests will help the church to have a better system where priests are living in a relationship which will help them understand better the need for attention, love, affirmation etc…We’re not saying that it’s foolproof. There is nothing perfect. Yet on the human side of the argument, it will help them to be better prepared to work in today’s church.

Second Class Priests!

In the absence of love stories between priests and women, we are sharing our reflections regarding the latest news in the Catholic church.

In a March 2017 interview with German newspaper Die Zeit, Pope Francis used the term viri probati – in this context, religious married men of proven character – in saying he was open to the idea of a married priesthood, as is allowed for deacons, in remote areas where the priest shortage is particularly serious.

We are still not 100% sure of the outcome of married priests as we are still receiving conflicting news! Read this article

In any case it seems that all newspapers are agreeing that married priesthood is again in the news. Mulling all kind of news to look for positive news, we see some troubling ones. In the quoted statement made above, we have one single question: So are married priests just fillers? That is: are they being allowed as if they are necessary evil? Are they being allowed simply to fill in the blanks? Are we sort of second class priests who are allowed to work as priests simply because there is lack of?

Many people point to married priests because they think that will stop sexual abuse of children. People focus on sex because for news agencies it sells a lot of money! We do notice many priests who are living a solitary life. They are practically moving bodies but dead in their minds. Others who travel most of the time. Some who embrace luxuries. Others who are simply walking study books which amply shows the negative effects of forced celibacy. The list goes on and on.

Our main point of view has remained the same. Most of the apostles were married. Are we going to follow the bible or are we going against it? They do quote the bible profusely in other moral matters, yet about this one they are so silent! Why? If the apostles did it, why not the priests of today? Or are we like a supermarket: we pick up what we like in the church?!

Having married priests we hope it will bring the focus of the church on new challenges. One might be the complete overhaul of the relationship teaching (and not sex!). Strong and stable relationship calls for consequences which will help the priest to mature as he faces different challenges in life. One glaring example would be children. Taking care of your own children will bring a new insight in the life of the priest. Married priesthood will help the priest to reconnect with normal life with all its challenges. Consequently, the whole church will change. This is the revolution which we are looking forward to experience. In the end there will be winners all the way. All would feel much nearer to God. Everybody will experience the Emmanuel – God is with us! It would be interesting to visit a priest who has kids crying, eating and dirtying all the house whilst he is trying to communicate with God! It would be a good example of how to keep God in the centre of all activity!

It’s up to our readers to continue our reflection.

We are becoming conscious that most women are caught unawares about priests’ unspoken and true wishes about their opposite sex. As the subject about women and priests is still a taboo, it’s not surprising that most women surrender to a priest’s ‘pastoral’ work and care!

Where does the problem start? Well, most priests have never had a truly adult relationship with a woman. So meeting a woman on a regular basis puts the priest on a shaky ground. Secondly, in most cases, the relationship with his mother, was in many cases that of servitude where his mother was happy to provide him with everything. Unknowingly, he might be looking for a second mum!


This is the word which should set an alarm: why is he meeting the woman in secrecy? Because deep down he knows that he is not living according to what he preaches! He is being a hypocrite! Talking with others about the clandestine relationship would help the woman to overcome the priest’s power.


He is the one who is presented as a model, teacher, counsellor etc… so the woman goes to him hoping that he would listen to her problems and to help her to face her challenges.. He is an available man in the sense that she sees one who gives her time and attention. These are two qualities which are so important for any human being. The priest knows that he is at an advantage so he abuses the role of the model.

Roles are reversed

Normally after some time in a relationship, the priest would start speaking about his loneliness and other issues. This would be the first step in creating a special bond with the woman. The woman, unsuspectingly, feels compassion for her hero. Indirectly, she would like to show affection and gratitude. It is during these moments that the priest would try to pass on to touching (hugging, embrace, kiss etc…).

Body Language

Once it becomes a habit to embrace his parishioner, the priest might pass on to something else. The woman at first feels in heaven because after bonding with a man, she feels natural to use her body language to feel one with the person. The priest, having no adequate training, and feeling the pressure of no sex life, would simply climb the ladder….

Guilt feeling vs No feeling at all

The woman feels at a loss. The is another case of abuse. Whilst the priest knows the rules, the woman on one hand feels true affection for her man-priest but on the other hand the guilt feeling starts to make her feel sick. Many woman have to face really hard questions in order to take a decision. The priest on the other hand celebrates mass with no problem whatsoever!!! The priest being knowledgeable in theology would justify his actions immediately. In fact there is a big moral difference between a layman’s problem and that of a priest. The recent sexual abuse scandal amply proves that priests are able to cover any type of immoral or criminal activity.

Panic attack

If the woman involved with a priest is still not convinced that he is abusing her, she would soon realise in the case of an unplanned pregnancy. The priest’s mask falls down as he would like to force her to terminate her pregnancy, obviously contrary to his beliefs. Some propose to the woman to go very far away to where he is in order to avoid a ‘scandal’. Surprisingly all the loving words mentioned earlier in counselling the woman, would vanish away.

We are eagerly awaiting our readers’ response. Women who have been involved with a priest please look back. At what point do you think the priest abused your trust and friendship? What makes a woman vulnerable to a priest’s sexual advances? What could be the solution? We would like to give space to our readers in order to make this website YOUR website. Please remember that there aren’t many spaces on the internet who discuss these issues. Secondly, your priest might get transferred so he might abuse another woman. If you don’t speak up, another woman could fall into the trap.