Tag Archive: falling in love with a priest


What’s an update?

One of the fascinating words today is update. It means to bring up-to-date! We want to update several areas in our life and that of material things. This applies to religion. We were once very young children. We had our first ideas about God and the church. We grew up, we made experience, attended courses..so on and so forth. We continued to update our idea of God, church etc……It means that we are understanding more about religious themes. Everybody understands better as one grows older. Not updating it means to remain with the same childish ideas, in other words being left behind or not learning at all.

Why are we focusing on the word update? Because of the wonderful call of the Pope for the church to do outreaching i.e. to go out of the temple and look for the man/woman of today. But the multi million dollar question is: how can one call for an outreach if one does not update? i.e. the church needs to update its teaching about sexuality; justice; work; rights; environment; relationships etc…..We firmly believe that outreaching without updating the present teaching would sooner or later backfire. The initial enthusiasm may soon die.

The priests (those responsible for updating and preaching the contents of the Catholic religion), have been brainwashed that the teachings of the church do not change!! So whilst people do change in many areas, in the area of the Catholic religion they have to make an exception!

This is quite insulting as it means throwing into the trash what other people have experienced about God! God speaks in everyday experience. We cannot discard what other people experience about God. The mentality that the priest knows it all in the area of religion has to stop. Adults in faith (according to the updated teaching of the church) have the right to seek God in other ways! They are Adults in faith not children to be lectured at!!

Why does this happen in the church? We firmly believe that the unmarried priest does not have a family of their own. Hence they have to make an extra effort to understand the world of today. Most of them spend most of the time closed between the protective walls during the initial formation period. They are expected to study on books. Most of them are very young. Non married priests have the most strange ideas about women where most of them still see them as a devil in disguise. Most of them had never a real and deep relationship with an adult! How can they have a healthy relationship with their parishioners? We are not surprised by some of the stories shared on this blog as it amply shows the lack of preparation of unmarried priests to meet the society of today. Consequently it will effect their ‘handling’ of people in parishes and their explanation of the teaching of the church. It will effect their focus in their parishes.

The married priest is the one who is living the married experience which in itself is part of a chain of many other experiences….a deep relationship with an adult; understanding the opposite sex; loving an adult; taking care of children; interacting with his own sons and/or daughter; taking care of his house; being a parent 24/7 for all his life…….

The married priest is at an advantage over other priests because he has his own sons and/or daughters where it’s not so easy to educate and he has to respect this often contradictory attitudes/opinion/clothes etc…..Yet they are his sons and or daughters so he has to forgive and love. He is the one who has to understand their journey in life and their right to choose the wrong path or maybe the joy of running on a ‘greener grass’. The spirit of teenagers who feel like grown ups only if they say no to their parents!!! I remember one episode where my son and I used to go shopping for clothes. He used to ask for my opinion about the choice of clothes. He used to select the clothes that I hated most!

All this experience might help him to approach people who have left the church. Surprisingly, some of the married priests too have people in their family who do not wish to go to church. Below we publishing part of the

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
EVANGELII GAUDIUM
OF THE HOLY FATHER
FRANCIS

47. The Church is called to be the house of the Father, with doors always wide open. One concrete sign of such openness is that our church doors should always be open, so that if someone, moved by the Spirit, comes there looking for God, he or she will not find a closed door. There are other doors that should not be closed either. Everyone can share in some way in the life of the Church; everyone can be part of the community, nor should the doors of the sacraments be closed for simply any reason. This is especially true of the sacrament which is itself “the door”: baptism. The Eucharist, although it is the fullness of sacramental life, is not a prize for the perfect but a powerful medicine and nourishment for the weak.[51] These convictions have pastoral consequences that we are called to consider with prudence and boldness. Frequently, we act as arbiters of grace rather than its facilitators. But the Church is not a toll house; it is the house of the Father, where there is a place for everyone, with all their problems. (published on the 24th November 2013)

This is another love story with a man who is unavailable. With every story we can imagine the pain, frustration, anger, disbelief, numbness etc.. that one feels. It’s not another story. When the human heart is involved, there is a lot of energy, attention, will……….We firmly believe that the situation of so many priests who are not married is damaging in many ways for the Catholic Church. One can easily see the difference in married priests who don’t have to ‘hide’ their true love. The women next to these priests serve to animate and give energy to priesthood. The happy couple is the best witness to the gospel in today’s life.

We cannot judge anybody yet we feel sorry that the priests come out winners in the sense that the women feel victimized before and during the process. We wish the best of luck to Mary in her legal proceedings.

My name is Mary. I’m a 27-year-old girl and I had a relationship with a priest (Father Saviour), who is about 7 years older than me. He’s my type of man, but I always repressed my attraction just because he is a priest. Let’s say that if he would be a lay person, it would have been a normal couple.

I knew him personally but he started to talk to me very frequently on social network and at last he invited me to meet him. One evening we were chatting and he told me that he wanted to meet him, just to talk. That evening I was free. So he just ran and in 10 minutes he was already at the point where we decided to meet.

He than began to tell me about some other women that he had, even during his formation and I was just astonished, almost shocked because I didn’t think that of a priest. It seemed as I was the “confessor”. Long story short, we continued to meet and we ended up making love. At the beginning he was very sweet and very caring. He was even cooking for me and giving me presents. We often prayed together and he was very present in my life, calling me many times a day and texting me. He pampered me and cared for me…….I ended up falling in love with him. It was not just sexual attraction but I just loved him. But even if I was in love with him, I just kept on feeling bad for committing this sin and for making love with a priest. He instead was trying to convince me that there was nothing bad about it. Then sometimes during our meetings I noticed he was trying to devalue me with words wrapped in a joking context. Sometimes he used nice words towards me and some other times he was using deprecating expressions like “you are a frustrated, you are crazy, no one loves you etc…”. One day he came telling that “yes, I like you but I made another choice in life”…and there the hell started. I discovered he had (and I think he still has) a harem of women, mostly married, who have relationships with him. One day I discovered a conversation on Facebook between him and one of these women where they were talking negatively about me and when I told him that I had discovered everything, he broke down and started slapping me on my face. Then he asked me for forgiveness but with the excuse that it was me who induced him to beat me…however you turn it, the fault was always mine.

Then he kept just giving me the “hot/cold”, one day being him sweet and kind, and the day after a complete detached person. That drove me crazy, it was very nerve-racking and I couldn’t help to keep myself from contacting him and begging for explanations. Then he told me I had to find another guy to have a normal relationship and told me to stop contacting him. But I couldn’t manage. So he ended up denouncing me for stalking actions, omitting that he was the one who started the relationship and then drove me crazy. Now I’m in the middle of legal actions to solve this injustice. The bishop knows everything but he is still practising his priestly ministry and of course, I am sure he is continuing to abuse women or having sex for fun with them. He is a very crazy person, very unclear and fading. I guess almost with certainty that he has narcissistic personality disorder. This person has 3 parishes under him and I still wonder what benefits he can bring to his parishioners. For me, I spent the last 5 months grieving and wandering around with no more certainties. These people are very dangerous and are everywhere but when they hide behind the priestly clothing it’s very scary and traumatizing. I still didn’t understand what he wanted from me, if he wanted only sex, or if he wanted true love. I don’t know if he loved me or not. Maybe he doesn’t know anything because he is just obeying his instincts. Probably he doesn’t know even if he is dead or alive. He needs help but he has to seek it with his own free will. I still love him because he is not a totally negative person. But he is not trustworthy. I decided with all my will that I have to see him as a priest.

I suggest to women that when loving priests, they’ll have to verify what kind of person the priest is. Some aspects of a love story with a priest can be even good and new because you can participate in their lifestyle which is quite different from the one of a lay man. But you have to keep in mind that sometimes the priest can hide some other personalities. And the one who gets into trouble is always the woman, because the priest is more powerful. Please be careful and don’t fall under their abusive position of power.

Thanks a lot for your attention. Hope this story helps some other women in trouble with priests. God bless you all and please don’t lose your faith in our Jesus Christ!

This is a unique story. We mean that this is not a hidden relationship between a woman and a priest. But it’s between a very young and innocent girl and a middle aged priest. It amply shows that priests are not mature in their sexuality and that they are ‘broken’. Unfortunately they make use of their powerful position in society to abuse young girls. They twist around the principles and they truly show no scruples when it comes to satisfying one of the basic needs of humanity: to share physical love with another human being.

The girl is very young to understand the consequences and meaning of such acts. It’s the first experience which obviously makes it extra difficult to stop such abuses. There is the eternal dilemma: I want to stop. But the priest is much stronger (both physically and emotionally). We can’t be judgemental or try to blame her for what happened. We should focus on stopping such people in abusing innocent ones.

We wish to thank Tamara publicly for the courage of coming forward to tell her story. There are many more. We receive many stories but we can’t publish any story unless we have the consent of the author. Please remember that your stories might help other people who are facing the same deadly situation. Tamara has been a ‘sex slave’ for quite a long time… until she had the courage to tell us the story. Now we anxiously wait for readers’ comments.

I am Tamara. I met a priest named Michael. He was a station priest at my Church and was the one to celebrate the mass at my first holy communion. From then on he started socialising with my family members, obviously now I realise his true intention was to ask about me. He’d come for every one of my birthdays, bringing with him amazing gifts for me and I thought he was the Angel I had prayed for. I was so happy at that time. It was his tactic of attracting my attention. Things started getting a little steamy by the time I was 12/13.. We’d text each other every night, he’d tell me that he loved me and so on. Knowingly he was already abusing me. Then one day when he came to see my family after church, he hugged and greeted the people in the house and by the time he wanted to hug me there were very few people left. He hugged me but his hands went down to my bum and squeezed them. I really didn’t understand what that meant and I kept making excuses in my head for his action. It’s the mentality that priests are always right notwithstanding what you feel or think!

Sometime after, he came over when no one was around. There was the maid and myself. He came in, greeted the maid before she went into her room, then we sat talking. Barely into a conversation he told me to stand up, as I stood up, he started hugging me then kissing my neck and squeezing my butt telling me he loves me. Pressing me so tightly to him I felt something I wasn’t supposed to. The maid came back in and he backed off. I felt really bad that day because I felt used and cheap but that didn’t stop me from refusing him.

The next time, he came over when absolutely no one was home but my mum was at the church which was opposite our house. Immediately upon entering, he started touching me, kissing me and putting his finger where it isn’t supposed to be, I didn’t resist.

We carried on with this relationship and honestly, I didn’t realise how wrong it was but I thought it was love, true love. Although he was 32yrs older than me, I didn’t care. Age was just a number now. Time went by and next thing I knew, he was being transferred. I was happy and sad at the same time. My family still kept on visiting him even when he was transferred and I guess our relationship grew.

Eventually, one day I told him I couldn’t do it any more because I wanted to be close to God and not sin against him. He accused me of not knowing what I was saying & communication between him and I was brought to a halt. I was sad because I actually did love him and care about him and was in some way attached to him. For a split of a second I thought I was wrong and that I came up with all of this. Unfortunately, later I found out that he was ‘seeing’ other girls in the church and that made me feel useless and unimportant so I confronted him and he apologised for what he did after denying it several times. Later on, he came to report me to my father that I had been sending inappropriate messages to him and all of that. I got really mad, though I wanted to confront him I held myself. When I finally did, I realised he blocked my number from reaching his so I stopped.

Recently, I texted him apologising for what I did wrong to him and he said he had forgiven me a long time ago. It’s four years later and I still have positive feelings after all this abuse. I’ve tried but I just can’t stop caring about him I guess. It’s quite tragic after all.

Some people are trained to follow the rules. They wait for higher authorities in order to move one step forward. Well even the most antagonists against married priesthood have to bow to the Pope’s wish. Actually we are NOT inventing anything new but rather following the old example of the apostles. Most of them were married after all!

We are following the bible. We are not re-inventing the church. We are being more honest with the bible. We are not at the supermarket choosing what we like (as some Catholics describe us!). We are being faithful to the original message which unfortunately has been changed owing to superficial reasons (like not passing the financial gain of the church to the priest’s family!!).

We are happy for various reasons but there are two main ones:

ONE: the fact that in many parts of the world there are no priests to celebrate the Eucharist. This is no joke. Baptised people need to be taught. They need the sacrament to nourish their soul. They need someone to guide their community. They need spiritual assistance. They need to know more about the bible and about the teaching of the church; they need to be taught how to pray; they need strength when facing the cross in their own private lives.

There could be many spiritual people but nobody can take away the role of a priest in a community. With such a lack of priests we are risking the annihilation of the Catholic church from many communities. The loss would a great disservice to humanity because the church’s role in the world has become more urgent. Who could talk about peace if not the church?

TWO: A married priest is closer to the people. This effects his way of working with people. The priest has been working in a comfortable zone. He is well served and protected within a powerful institution. In many societies he has become an untouchable. In most cases he preaches from the ‘theoretical’ point of view.

Being a married priest, he is well embedded in today’s world. Most probably he has children so he is not simply preaching to others what to do, but he himself is living the message that he preaches to others.  He is not afraid of living 24/7 next to his wife and facing all challenges. Most of all, in his congregation, there is a public witness by having a family alongside his ministerial role. People can see the way he animates his family. It’s a kind of preaching by example rather than by the word. This is essential in today’s world.

Just click on this line for the good news!

Last week the famous author of the Thorn Birds died. It brought many memories to most of our readers! Well this is another true and sincere story which came out just a few hours ago!

I felt a small tug of personal loss when author Colleen McCullough passed away last week. She was the author of a book that, in some ways, read like the story of my life. I fell in love with my priest and later married him — the same torrid forbidden love story that fuels McCullough’s classic novel. But in other ways, my story was nothing like that romance. It was more like a nightmare.

I was in the middle of a breakup from an abusive, drug-addicted boyfriend when I first went to Father W — for counselling. He was the most caring, compassionate man in the world. He was so tender, so concerned, and our intimate nightly telephone talks quickly became the highlight of my day. I was in the process of joining the church through the adult conversion program, and in my weekly class, I saw how beloved he was by the community. How powerful. I prayed daily my thanksgiving for such a wonderful priest.

In our evening calls, he revealed to me that he cared for me more than I could ever know. After the abuse and horror of my recent relationship, such kindness was irresistible. We went for dinner one night and ended up in the rectory, passionately making out. We continued to speak or see each other often, pushing boundaries further, until the very night I was welcomed into the church at Easter. After giving me my First Communion, he took me into his private rooms in the rectory and we made love.

Then the full-fledged affair began. He came over every night, staying later each time, until he was creeping away at dawn. When I wondered about the future of the relationship, and how guilty I felt, he made me promise to love only him, and to recite the wedding vows with him one night to bind us. He told me afterwards that we were both technically excommunicated by that private act – but that our love was bigger than the church or any rules of mankind. It was something God had given us. It was, as if by McCullough’s own pen, our own “Thorn Birds” story.

Of course, we were discovered. The bishop heard rumours, confronted Father W —. He was moved from my parish to another church in another town but continued to drive back to my apartment to stay all night anyway. He eventually took a leave of absence and looked for a job in the private sector. As soon as he found it, he left the priesthood.

If you want to continue reading the story then go to: The Thorn Birds.

The second part of our blog today we dedicate to encourage our readers to be more pro-effective in our drive to make married priesthood possible under Pope Francis. We urge you to take part in an open letter to the Pope.

The association of Catholic Priests, with a strong membership of 1100 priests, has written a letter to the Pope.

“Please take advantage of the opportunity that Pope Francis provides for the sake of the church in the United States: accept the offer of Pope Francis to consider the possibility of ordaining married viri probati as priests,” says the letter sent to every U.S. archbishop, bishop, auxiliary bishop, and retired bishop.

The Eastern Catholics, who already have married priests and who form part of the same Catholic Church, rejoices in the restoration of married priests. They firmly believe that one can’t be a good pastor if one is a lousy dad or a lousy husband!!! If you want information about Eastern Catholics, you can simply google Eastern Catholics.

Important weblinks for our readers

We firmly believe that the word of God is not simply enclosed in the bible but it spreads everywhere. One of them is in the daily news. As adults in faith, we try to see God’s marvellous works every day. We are giving you some links to other websites which we think are useful in order to grow in a spiritual way.

One of this was the news coming from the Philippines. There were some married priests who had their children baptised. People were happy to have them as the priests’ shortage was being felt in that area. The beauty of it is, that the authorities know about them and they let them work in the field of the Lord!

In Europe, England, one in ten of every diocesan priest, had converted from the Anglican religion. Most of them were married! Incredibly in some cases, the priest left the parish to get married and was replaced by another married priest! Calls from Latin America, Africa, Asia and Europe are being heard in order to let priests get married. The shortage of priests is being described as God’s way of telling us to change! We need to change our perspective for future priests. The Pope himself has said that the Catholic church has married priests!

One of the most famous theologians of this century (ex Franciscan!), has simply made a very clear call: the church is more than just the Pope. What’s the use of having Pope Francis if a visit to a local parish would give a completely different idea of the church?

In other parts of the world, there has been many clandestine relationships between priests and women. This blog can testify about numerous similar stories.

Incredibly some people who think of defending the church by insisting that celibacy has nothing to do with sexual abuse. Their main line of defence is the proof that married people too abuse their own children. Well there has been more scientific study which shows that unmarried people do abuse children for some specific reasons. Married people abuse children for different type of reasons but both kind of reasons cannot be mixed up together! In other words, one is not a proof of the other!

Lastly we are producing a citation about a brief history of celibacy…it might come handy for most of our readers! We ask our new readers to come forward with their stories. Your experience is invaluable! Please share in order to enrich the internet with unique stories. May God Bless all our readers throughout 2015.

Second step, let’s support our married priests in their work. If we have a bigger support group, we might apply the right pressure in order to expect the necessary changes in the Catholic Church. If we remain silent and mostly non-proactive, things would never change. Let’s face others and explain our reasons. Let’s expand and broadcast our message. Please pass on this website to others. You might never know who is in a secret relationship with a priest, or others who might think about the possibility of having married priests.

My name is Alana. I fell in love with Jonathan – a Roman Catholic Priest. We met online on a popular social media website. We asked Alana some questions. The questions are for our readers too. Please do reflect on some of the answers. You are invited to write and comment.

How did you meet? I mean there are millions of people online, why did you pick up this guy?
I met him on a social network. He started communicating with me. I had the impression he was lonely. He actually chased me, pretty forward about his attraction towards me. I thought,”He is just a harmless flirt.”

Did he show that he was a priest or maybe he was camouflaged? If the latter is the answer, when did he tell you that he was a priest?

His social network name and handle clearly indicated that he was a priest, with his parishes’ website linked up. I did some research and found he was indeed legitimate.

What made you click together? (was it his language, listening.…) Please explain fully.

He figured out my real name based on my handle name. He was trained in Rome and was fluent in Italian and correctly guessed my real name. What made us click is that we have similar work issues, political games/problems at work, issues with favouritism etc. He told me his pastor thought he was lazy. In hindsight I believe he was an arrogant academic, but I mistook that for being intelligent and very well spoken as I’m a sucker for intelligent men. He asked me to pray for him a lot due to work struggles and I did. I would pray rosaries for him at night and he would always tell me my prayers helped him. Everyday he asked for prayers. I sympathized with him. Oh, and he even said that he had dreams about me, about us together doing things. He lives in another state about two time zones away. We first messaged each other and the conversation seemed good.

In general, what was the content of the messages?

In general we talked about life, work, family problems. We had a lot in common as far as addictive issues that run in our families. Travel and vacations, not with each other, but places, etc. It always flowed. He is very intelligent but much younger than myself, about 12 years younger, so I didn’t think anything of it. I thought myself too old for him even though I don’t look my age and I am very attractive. He then asked me for my phone number. I didn’t have an issue with this because it seemed harmless. It seemed as if we were friends.

Please allow me to ask you this question: Before you give your cellphone number…do you have any safety rules..ie in case he is psychopath, what would you do? Or maybe did you take it for granted that priests don’t do the bad things other guys do?

I simply thought that since he is a priest that there would be no harm. I didn’t even give it a second thought. See, he follows my sister on a social network too, and my sister noticed when he started following me and she said that he was a nice guy that seemed to work a lot and asked for prayers. I firmly believe my sister would be honest with me, but now I don’t know if he did the same to her! He mentioned that he followed her too and that she was very religious, which she is, more so than myself. I started hearing from him daily via text messaging. I heard from him morning and night. He would always call before bed and tell me that he missed me. It was so exciting to hear from him. I was starting to like him!! He always text messaged me and called me saying he was thinking of me.

Would it cross your mind that at this stage he is crossing from a simple and natural friendship to something else?

Yes, it did. It crossed my mind a lot. Every time I heard from him I thought about it. I thought about it after hours, before bed, during day. Thinking,”I think this guy is into me.” I kept thinking,”This can’t be! A priest? May God forgive me/us.”

In our earlier conversations he said that he could never marry. He also said he wanted something from me that was more along the lines of between a man a woman than priest and woman. I tried to slow things down when I started developing feelings. I never chased him, but he kept up with text messages and loving phone calls. He was acting totally opposite of what he was saying, so I followed my heart. I allowed him to get closer to me and I fell in love even though we never met. We would use the webcam and then things became sexual in nature. We saw each other naked; he never saw me fully naked but I did see him and was a bit surprised at how easy it was for him. There were times when would be on online chatting via web-cam I would hear his phone text messaging going off repeatedly! What little time we had to talk would be distracted by his phone. I thought only another woman would text him repeatedly in this manner.

Again, please allow me to ask you the question in the name of our readers: are are there any safety measures before revealing yourself to somebody online? I don’t know your level of understanding of today’s technology but a web-cam could be easily used for recording. Without sending you into a panic attack, did you consider this possibility?

I never thought about that. He had gained my trust almost 99.9%. I thought,”This guy is a priest. He has much more to lose than myself.” I even thought, “I must be the exception to the rule.” Silly me! With your question I now am very concerned and I will press charges should anything ever be published without my consent. Actually, it was done on Facetime via Iphone. I’m pretty new to Facetime and I don’t know if there is a record feature there, but still I am VERY worried. I TRUSTED him and I am little panicked but trying to keep my composure. This is not what I typically do. I’m being honest here. I’m usually very much reserved.
We also had an agreement that I would never call him Father, just by his name. I was okay with that and so was he as he said since he was not my parish priest. He even advised me what to say in confession, to say ‘a priest’. He said he didn’t mention me or his involvement in his confessions, but used a different word, like to skirt it.

Don’t you think that he is indirectly admitting that he is using your relationship for his own motivations?

Yes, I did. This is why I ended whatever we had about a week later. This conversation stuck in my head like no other conversations. I analyse everything and I couldn’t let this subject go. It was like my soul telling me,”Listen! Pay attention. Run! Now!” He couldn’t even say my name in confession! What a slap in the face!

He kept thanking me for my ‘friendship’. He said he was grateful for me and he was so thankful that he had me that he could talk to regularly about anything and everything. We were growing close and this scared me as he said he could never marry me.

Being concerned about my feelings deepening and wasting my time I confronted him. I asked, ‘What if I fell in love with you?” He panicked and said, “I told you early on I could never marry you.”The fact is that I was already in love with him but didn’t tell him. I kept that to myself. On his part it amply proves that most priests don’t want a full relationship which involves responsibilities. They just want the ‘easy’ or the ‘attractive’ parts of a relationship!!

When cornered he folded up like a lawn chair under pressure. He wanted the fun and games but no commitment. End of story. If any woman wants to know just ask, be bold, be upfront and get the answers you deserve! Don’t be scared! I firmly believe that people always tell you who they are without ever realizing it. Like when he mentioned about addictions in his family and food as his; I believe now he was addicted to food and sex. Addictions come in threes and who knows what the third one is! I went to a face to face confession and my parish priest believed that he was deviant and used his power. It’s been one of the toughest confessions I have ever been to and I don’t wish this on anyone. If I can help any woman or man for that matter, please listen to me,”Don’t do it.” Your soul will thank you. He asked if I thought I was used and I said,”Yes.” My parish priest used the words, “exploit” and “predatory” and “using his authority and power” and that he hoped he would see his errors soon. My priest asked me if this guy ever gave me absolution and if I am in contact with him in any form. I said no to both, which is the truth. My priest said any confessions given to him would be null and void and I would need to do any of those confessions over and seek penance.

Just a simple question for the benefit of our readers: how would you know that it’s true love and not infatuation, loneliness etc……?

I believe now it was loneliness that got me sucked in. I take care of sick family member a lot and most of my time is spent doing that and whatever time I have left is for myself on my studies, work, my dogs and at the gym. Most men don’t approach me because I am an attractive woman. Most men tell me that are intimidated, so I don’t have very many confident men around. Even women tell me, “You are beautiful, but I bet no one ever tells you that.” So yes, I am lonely and a total bookworm.

I then told him that he was more than happy to use me but not marry me and it would be best to cut off all contact. He panicked and wanted to be friends still in regular contact, that he needed me and my friendship, he said he needed the contact. I told him no, that he sent out too many mixed signals and I’m not going down that road of being used. He kept apologizing saying he was so sorry. He asked that I continue praying for him and I didn’t answer. I even explained to him that I saw him connecting with other younger girls on the social media website and this proves to me realistically that even if he left the priesthood he would pick the younger girls anyway for something for traditional. He was silent. He asked for a Hail Mary at the end of the conversation. I said,”No, I need to get back to work.” We hung up and never spoke again after that Christmas Eve.

Luckily, I only spent about two months of my time on this relationship, but it was something I had never intended; to fall in love with a priest. I felt an enormous amount of guilt for getting involved and I pray that God forgives me. I’ll always love him deep down, but I’ll never tell him that. I should have known to never get involved. I do still miss him.

Just a personal comment, not for Alana but for our readers: somebody once said that’s it better to be all alone that in an abusive relationship. In this context do we miss being in a relationship or do we miss a particular person?

Oh come all ye faithful!

One of the reasons people don’t visit the church nowadays is because of the rules made by the church. How can a gay, lesbian, divorced, or those in love with a priest come to church when they hear all the time that they are sinners?! Some people in the church make sure that the others feel bad about it because they (the church going ones) are observing the law! It’s the better than thou mentality which is still rife in the church.

Now who has the authority to say that one is in sin? The pope himself expressed the same way of thinking by saying ‘Who am I to judge gay people’? Yet some Catholics feel that they have been given a divine mandate in order to judge people and to say who is Catholic and who is not Catholic.

Now one of the most basic teachings of the church is, that the whole church is full of sinners and is in repentance, and journeying towards heaven!

Recently I have witnessed such double standards when hearing the story of a friend of mine. He is living with a woman and they are not married in church (Wow!). Now the truth is that his partner has been through a terrible marriage. She wasn’t granted the annulment (a Catholic declaration that her marriage was null and void), so in Catholic laws, she is still married to her husband. This new husband has taken care of her and of her children. He has been paying all bills and has been present through all times……yet he is a sinner (because he is living with a wife without being married in the church!!!). So he wasn’t granted his request to be a godfather/godmother (any woman/man who serves as a sponsor for a child at baptism or confirmation) to another friend’s son. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the young guy, my friend is a truly father especially in his case where his biological father ran away years ago. In fact he often goes to him for counsel, company and sharing other vital information.

Being present for the ceremony I could see other godfathers/godmothers…….I don’t want to judge people because that’s God work, but knowing people in town one cannot hide his feelings when he sees others who were truly sinful playing the part of the godfather/godmother. I’m not going to write about their sins but in town everybody knows such people and the trouble they caused in certain past events. The godfather/godmother has the job of being a model to the person receiving the sacrament and has to be ready to help the person grow in its faith. Publicly one could say that they should have never been given the permission of doing that job in church if their public image is tarnished. Yet they were there playing the role of the glorified Catholics walking up the aisle in the church! So who decides who can be a good Catholic or not?

Surprisingly one sees that in some prisons, murderers do assist to a Catholic Mass (rightly so). Yet for those living outside the sacrament of marriage there is no way out. So does a murder make one less guilty than one living outside the sacrament of marriage? The murderer might have left a family without a dad forever, yet he is free to receive the Holy Communion but the other non-married couple no, where the new dad has accepted the responsibility of taking care of the children!!

Another case is that of a priest who refuses to give absolution (the condition of being formally forgiven by a priest in the sacrament of penance), to somebody who is living with a non married man. Believe it or not this same priest has a secret lover!!! To add insult to injury, this priest condemns another priest who lives openly with a woman. The married priest takes care of the woman and her five sons. He is always present, 24/7.

Well we can mention so many cases where the traditional teachings of what is a good Catholic person is in crisis! Now some of the Catholics who feel abused by the same system, unfortunately pack up and leave. They never put their feet in a church any more. Well we are making a very special invitation this Christmas: please feel part of the church, celebrate Christmas. The catholic church is a church of sinners. Jesus as a doctor visits the sick people (not those who think too highly of themselves!!). We do need the Eucharist for our spiritual nourishment, so let’s celebrate together. It would be helpful if you find a church or a house gathering, where the Eucharist is celebrated by a married priest. If somebody challenges you because of your ‘sin’, well just tell them that if they are without a sin, then they should cast the first stone. We need a different kind of christians who can see beyond the traditional box or way of reasoning. In other words we can’t expect a change from the hierarchy (governing body) of the Catholic Church if many people leave the church.

A happy Christmas to all and hopefully I’ll hear that you have celebrated it in a Eucharistic celebration!

The tricky word – Relationships

If there is a course which needs to be publicised, that of relationships should be a must for all people. We are human beings. We come into contact with other people all the time. We simply know the faces of some people. Others, their names. Some, we know where they live. A few we share some common interests. The preferred ones, are our friends. The best, become best friends.

Every time that we meet a new person, a new relationship is born. The person could be simply on a nodding acquaintance, but the fact that we notice the person or the person notices us, there is a common point which could remain at that level or be developed into something more friendlier.

In a church, relationships happen all the time. We go there frequently. Most probably we meet the same people all over again. In some churches, the congregation is becoming less and less. Consequently we get to know each other more because of the small number.

Now people carry their luggages all the time. Luggages mean all their emotional and intellectual and physical experiences. Some are looking for company, others are looking for attention. The list of colours of human needs is truly infinite. In any case, the people who go to church, like all other people have their own needs. It’s this hidden agenda which may give new life or kill/poison relationships. Unknowingly, people tend to see the outer layer (the body). But beneath that, there is a complex layer of humanity which includes several hidden assets or challenges.

Now coming to our main theme: that of a priest woman relationship, it has all this plus many more. The priest is the one who is supposed to listen. There aren’t many people who tend to listen outside the best friend ring. Consequently, unknowingly, he puts himself in a vulnerable position. In other jobs (in psychology), people are trained to deal with these issues. In most cases the priest has been trained in philosophy and theology, but rarely in emotional development (except the usual keep your distance approach!). He is already in a big disadvantage. In most cases he does not know how to deal with most of the cases he listens to, except for the fact that people bestow on him the power to speak about relationships with no professional training at all!!!

The woman who speaks to him, is seeing just one angle of the priest: obviously the most attractive which is the caring man who listens to her needs and who is no hurry. He might be physically very attractive too, which adds more fire to the burning heart. The more the woman shares about her personal life, the deeper their relationship becomes. Obviously, sharing fuels all great relationships.

Unknowingly, the fact that they speak in a private place adds more intimacy, which makes their relationship one step away from a truly deep one. Now in a professional setting, the professional person, although he/she listens to one’s personal stories, keeps the distance in a healthy way. In the case of the priest, who lacks professional training, and who passes through crisis and has no supporting wife or significant other, becomes more prone to fill up his life with such a relationship. It’s his inner suffering or emptiness which makes him call for help. The woman, in many cases is the only one who knows about his inner turmoil. When the priest, shares his own personal experience, he changes from a counsellor to a client. He needs a counsellor, where the woman, maybe out of pity, fulfils this job.

During such level of intimacy, in most cases, the promise of celibacy has already been broken, with or without sex. The personal attention and the level of sharing implies a very special friendship. Even married people at this point are in a very delicate situation. It’s very easy to slip over and from a deep relationship it turns out to be a romantic one. The fact that social media has brought many lives very near each other could mean that now relationships are put in a new light. People can share and get to know each other without physically meeting at all. Again this influences the woman-priest relationship, when in order to avoid gossip they prefer to meet online. Once there is a deep sharing from both sides, it’s a question of time when kissing, hugging and the rest becomes part of their story. In most cases, both of them feel the lack of important relationships. Hence their relationship is the only one which keeps them going.

Please do send in your comments. We would like our readers to have a great say in our blog by writing their views. Please remember that we are not going to judge you. In our case, sharing is important because it could be an eye opener for others or peace of mind for some.

I am Rose. I was reading the Maltese Married Priests website again, and one of the posts- the one on relationships, really helped me. Of course, all these simple logical things, such as communication seem so obvious – I would have seen all these things regarding other peoples relationships. With myself however, I’ve been pretty blind.

A couple of horribly painful events happened a couple months ago between the priest I’ve written to you about and myself. Ever since I’ve been healing – slowly, very slowly, but still feel caught in a cycle of frustration, anger and pain. It gets better, but then worse, and while I know it is necessary to give things time, I don’t want to fall into wasting any more time on grief or baseless hope than has actually been necessary. I usually try to keep everything as “bottom line up front” when I write to you, but unfortunately this time I doubt I’ll be able to with this article.

A couple months ago, I learned that the priest would be moved to a new parish. I expected it, and had been waiting for it with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I felt deep sadness and fear at him leaving – on the other, relief, that my activities at that parish wouldn’t any more chance running into him and I would have some peace at least.  But I won’t lie, the pain was stronger than the peace.  It made me think back to all those most painful times in my life, as all of us have, where I thought, “I don’t know what to do. How do I even ‘be’ in this?” It’s almost like falling between the cracks of existence, frozen. Here I was, almost having become a nun the year before, not having done so because of how my love for this man changed me, and he was about to be ripped out of my life. All the while, we’d said nothing about it to each other.  I could see and feel the intensity of the battle he was in – he would look at me as though I were an angel descending from heaven one minute and there was a lightness and joy about him, and then next he would become harsh and heavy and look at me as though I were a nuisance at best and poisonous snake at worst. I tried my best to be myself, while still concealing my feelings for him. The negative reactions increased, and one mass I attended that he happened to be celebrating, he saw me sneak in late in the back of the church, and his entire posture changed. He went from cool, collected and preachy, to frustrated and angry. During the consecration I could almost feel the heat of it burning my way. He didn’t have to say it or even look my way, I knew it was directed at me.  He was livid at my presence, and the intensity of it actually did frighten me.

At the young adult group I volunteered with – which he had been helping as well, I was scheduled to give a talk with another friend  on what would be his last day there. Other group leaders decided to make the night from being just talks to also a farewell and thank you for the priest. I thought that of all those days they could have scheduled me to speak that summer, I was scheduled as the very last person he would hear give a talk before he left. So strange, creepy almost  – no coincidences, right? Up to the morning before the talk, I literally made myself sick with worry over the whole situation between the two of us – especially the pain and fear of losing his presence in my life. I begged God, all day, for help. To be selfless – to give, even in this void of having nothing to give, and to in my power make the night the most encouraging and loving for him, and also for others who would hear my talk. I was terrified – of losing him, but also of giving a talk in front of  40 or so people. For a naturally shy person like myself, the latter alone is no small feat.

I decided to speak about “Healing our image of God”, prepared most of it that morning, and stopped at a friends request to pick up some snacks for the farewell. I pushed myself, to the deepest part of my core – to give, to remind myself that its times like this where giving really counts. I grabbed snacks I knew the priest in particular liked, and didn’t tell anyone about all the extra time and thought I was putting into making that night as best as I could for everyone.  I’d heard that the priest had wanted a group photo with the group a couple days before (even though they’d previously taken one), and decided immediately that I shouldn’t be in it. I don’t mean that in some kind of dramatized way – but that it left me unsettled – it felt off – like it was some kind of “trophy” to him, and I wanted no part of it. I assumed I’d be able to slip out after the night was done before they’d take the photo, and it would be no big deal.

The night began late – due to the farewell for the priest, and so my friend who was speaking before me started his talk late. As he began speaking, I realized how full the room was – there was at least 50 people. When it came time for me to speak, my friend introduced me with, “and Rose will be speaking on women’s spirituality..” I told him thank you, and then to the group that I would actually be speaking about a necessary base for both men’s and women’s spirituality, just from a woman’s perspective. I could hear the priest stifle a sarcastic laugh in the back of the room to someone, and they chuckled along. He’d kept a wide birth all evening, keeping far from me, and sitting himself as far back from me as he could. The laugh stung – “why would he act that way?” I thought. Was it “from the woman’s perspective?” that annoyed him? Was it issues with women? I was already so nervous speaking in front of the group, that I pushed it down in my mind and began the talk. To give a super short summary – I focused on how men and women must first and foremost have a healthy image of God before everything else, and it was deep. Emotionally, spiritually, it went straight to the core, and I could see the reactions in the group. In the back, the priest looked down most of the time – uncomfortably so. Especially when I said, “Until we make that 18 inch journey from our heads to our hearts, we’ll never be able to evangelize”. Towards the end of the talk, we were already running late, and I resolved to finish up as quickly as possible, so I could leave, and the others could all leave for the picture. Either way, previous talks have gone over by half an hour or more, so I didn’t think there to be a serious rush. I saw the priest sneak up the side of the room, and whisper to a group leader in the front of the room, and go back to his seat in the back. The leader soon afterwards said, “we’re going to have to leave soon, some people have to go and want to be in the picture.” I looked back and saw a couple people who had come together, looking ants. The priest said, “They have to leave soon but they want to be in the picture.”  I responded to the group, “Oh, OK, 60 seconds, I’ll wrap up with the conclusion quickly…” thinking it would be easiest for everyone, as no one would have to come back down to finish the talk up.  Another woman in the front, speaking harshly suddenly said, “Rose we need to go now.” I was surprised at her tone, she’d never spoken to me in that way before. It was actually mean – as another friend observing later told me. I tried to keep light, and responded with, “OK OK, wrapping up, seriously it will be super quick….” Before I could get another word in, the priest, without getting up, sat forward harshly in his chair, threw his arm forward towards the door and demanded, ordered, ” No, we’re going NOW.” I was shocked. It was really really rude.

The whole room was in a stunned kind of silence, and then everyone started getting out of their seats, zombie-like almost, and started walking out the door to the chapel. The same woman ordered me in that same tone, “Rose, come take the picture..” as she walked by and out the door. A good friend of mine, another woman who had been sitting in the front and who I’d confided in about my feelings for the priest, took my hand in hers and we walked out with the group. I almost went with the flow, numbed with pain, I was walking the same direction as everyone else, but split off into the women’s bathroom as we passed it by. I stood in there, and I prayed. I thought about just going up, thinking they’d think I was being difficult over the talk by not being in the photo or something, but I resolved not to, because it would have been from a place of fear. I had peace standing in there praying, so I stayed.

When people came back down, many wanted to hear the end of the talk. The priest hadn’t returned. Before I could get a word in, my other friend, the friend who had given the talk before me, cut across me, and said, “now we’ll have a question and answer session”.  As people asked me questions, and I responded, I could see this same friend looking at me in my peripheral vision, and he was fuming. Towards me. These “friends” all of sudden had this intense anger towards me since I’d begun the talk.  Afterwards, I spoke with others, who informed me that the priest would be celebrating a night mass before leaving in the morning. I decided to go – to not be afraid, even though I was racked with pain. At mass, he was mad. As he had been at the mass before, but now even more so. As he read the gospel, he accusingly spat out, “beware of false prophets, they come to you in sheep’s clothing, but really they are ravenous wolves..” – “my talk?”, I wondered. I almost cringed at his words, he sounded so angry. Then during the homily, he mentioned me by name, “…as Rose said in her talk…” – the whole thing, was just – a mess. “Why are you drawing more attention to me?” I wondered

The next day I spoke with my friend who I’d confided my feelings for the priest in, and she told me when everyone went up for the picture, the priest made an unnecessary point to “apologize for my absence” and hoped I hadn’t been offended by him cutting off the talk. He then proceeded to run out after the picture and write a long post to the group page on Facebook, making a particular note to “thank everyone who gave talks (including Rose tonight….) She told me, “Rose, last night should have told you everything you need to know about him, even if there are feelings there. You don’t need someone like that.” I could see at that point, how selfish he’d been that night, and then he tried to cover it all up, by dragging my name through the mud, publicly, three times.

I apologize….this is already so long, I’ll try to wrap it up here. But you know Rev, what was the worst thing? After the priest had done everything he’d done, others were accusing me of “not keeping time well”, and were angry towards me. My friend I’d confided in told me, “Rose, when you were speaking, it was like you were a pillar of peace, and around you, all these people erupted into a storm. The whole thing was surreal.” And when everything was all said and done, no one did anything to defend me, and many of the people who I’d been friends with before the talk, spoke to me differently afterwards. Cautiously, at a distance almost. My friend is right – it is surreal.

These are my conclusions, when all is said and done, and I wanted to run both them, and this story I’ve just recounted by you, because I don’t want to live in my head or in a fantasy, and waste any of this precious life that God has given me. I would love to hear any wisdom or insight you may have, if you think it sounds like I am in any way out of bounds or imagining things. Here goes:

I was drawn to the goodness in this priest, and especially his deep feelings for me. As time went on, and they grew, on his and then on my part, it was something I’d never imagined possible – euphoric, wonderful, and full of joy. Then, he felt himself “falling too far”, and has been stuffing the feelings down. Denying them. But it came to the point that my mere presence disturbed him, and like that last night after the picture, he literally had to run out. My talk disturbed him, and others, because so many need healing in the area of their images of God, and they reacted in some ways almost violently – if only in words.

This whole thing remains a mess, as I’ve said before, in my mind and heart. You’ve said it before, and the priests actions proved it – that he is immature – and indeed still far from real love. His good name and popularity that night was more important than me. Rev, I’ve been trying so so hard to end the feelings for him. But they persist. I’m not even at the point of hating having feelings for him still, after all he’s done and said. I feel like I should, but I don’t. And I still am reminded of him often in the day, and I hope he’s not unhappy. That he won’t be trapped in this forever. And yes, that small, stubborn part of me still wonders if he’ll wake up one day with new eyes to truly see, and that the strong intuition I had when I first met him will prove its meaning as something meant to happen between us.

Ah, I don’t want to waste time! Please, I don’t know how to navigate this whole thing, and how to let go, as I should. My friend told me, “Rose, he doesn’t deserve to know you loved him!” I read so many stories of train wrecks between women and priests, and how women hold on, despite all logic’s warning. This priest too, is caught up in that world – in this spiritual ego rat race, while “constantly dodging the fear of hell”. As you’ve said about other priests – still far from real love.

What happened to Catholics,  Christians for that matter who actually know Jesus? Where is that loving community? Don’t get me wrong, I know I sound a little gloomy at the moment, but I’m constantly searching for that church of the first Christians who were so on fire with Christ’s love. So many people are. If anyone searching saw how “Catholics” had treated me that night, and they were searching in earnest, they wouldn’t want anything to do with Jesus or His Church. 

I have hope….It just hurts, so much. Everything. And I know my share, is only a tiny fraction of the pain of this giant tumour in the Church.

Thank you, once again, for listening patiently, and for supporting those of us learning to love in some of the most difficult trials.

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