Tag Archive: falling in love with a priest

The answer is obviously no. Than why do you fall in love to a man who is unavailable? It seems very similar to falling from high above without using a parachute!!

What’s so surprising is that the priest makes it feel as if it’s ok to preach to the others while having an affair with a woman. The reasons given by some priests in order to justify their sexual intimacy have been astounding! Some have said that God is loving the woman! Others have said that they have been given such a gift by God himself! One priest said that he needs to explore God’s temple (= woman’s body). Another priest said to a prostitute: on a Sunday I’m the priest (=in church) but today I’m Mr……!!!

On the other hand, surprisingly, the woman too has been brainwashed because she seems to be convinced that it is a real relationship, which can blossom into a real family. This is not just a piece of information, but most of the woman belief it with all their heart, body and soul!

Is it because they think that nowadays the priest is going to leave priesthood and marry them to have a wonderful family? We have always insisted that we don’t support clandestine relationships. We are trying to explain to people that celibacy should be optional but in the meantime the priest has to decide: shall he continue with the relationship and leave the parish or forget about the woman and continue walking in the same direction? It’s not right to play with the emotional life of a woman or of any other significant other. One has to decide which way to go. We feel obliged in conscience to alert all women that a hidden relationship with a priest is a recipe for disaster. Please apply your mental brakes at the very beginning of the relationship!

The first part of the article seems to be written by somebody who wants the priest to stay at all costs in the parish. Well it’s not. After experiencing so much suffering from women who have been abused by priests, the call for justice takes an upper hand. We cannot hear so many stories and remain indifferent. It’s not because we want to keep the status-quo of forced celibacy. On the contrary we are trying to make our voice heard by the present Pope Francis to make celibacy optional.

On the other hand, listening to some women, we are reminded what somebody once said: that the heart has reasons, which the mind can never comprehend!! We have been insisting many times that relationships are not simply like an operation where one operates a series of buttons. It’s not an on and off action. We truly believe that some women can’t help it but fall in love. As we have repeatedly said, the priest speaks about a lot of virtues, values and principles plus being available to hear their stories, which consequently makes him so attractive, plus that, it fills them with awe and desire to stay alongside such a wonderful person.

Obviously, as a married priest, we cannot forget that in some occasions, the woman-priest relationship has blossomed into a real relationship and consequently into a happy family. The married priest has been confirmed as more happy and that he works more confidently in his pastoral care. He is in a better position to understand today’s challenges. We are all in favour of married priesthood, yet not all priests wish to let go of the riches, advantages and perks which come with a solitary life!

This is the message which we are willing to share with most of our readers. Beware that your handsome priest, might be a different person when challenged to live a family life! Maybe he wants to have the cake and eat it too! Please do write and give your honest opinion!

This is another true story by one of our readers. It clearly shows the manipulation which goes on the priest’s life as he is carefully kept away from the so called ‘normal’ experience of life for many years during his seminary (place of initial training) formation. At one moment, the priest grows up and the lid on his true feelings disappears! This is something not understood by those who claim that he knew what he promised to God (celibacy). In fact it’s not surprising that most priests have never received a kiss from a woman. It all boomerangs unto the priest when he grows up and starts to meet the normal world. Was his vow of celibacy valid when he was kept in the dark for such a long time?

The oldest of seven children, three brothers and three sisters, 10-year old John’s widowed mother sent him to a seminary in the hopes of giving him a good education. He grew up isolated from the rest of the world, following strict rules and regulations within the typical regimented spirit of a seminary or monastery. He was allowed to go home for brief annual holidays in his earlier years. He loved the contact with nature, the clean bubbly creeks, the snow-packed mountain peaks and the surrounding green pastures and hills.

It happened during one of those outings that he encountered a pretty 22-year old girl who, after several encounters and long conversations took matters in her own hand and planted a kiss on John’s lips. Startled by that demonstration of affection, he blushed and ran down the hill, towards home. Days later he returned to the seminary to continue his theological studies but never forgot the incident with Concetta, to the point that he felt compelled to approach his spiritual director who invariably avoided the subject claiming that “everything will get settled with time.” John did not know what to make of his very first kiss with a young woman. He had never before experienced that form of contact with a person of the opposite sex, so different and so pleasant.

Somehow he felt that something important and immensely beautiful had been left out of his life. Up until then there had been only prayers, time in church, more prayers and more time in church, day in and day out. Because of that kiss his mind and body were going through a series of questions never asked before; very challenging questions. Was he supposed to go through an entire life without those pleasant sensations experienced during that kiss? He was confused and dismissed all that reasoning as the wrong thoughts for a seminarian heading to the priesthood and a life devoted to helping in the Christian way of life, heading to a life of chastity, poverty and obedience. And he chased those thoughts as evil ones. The following four years of theology flew by quickly with a relative calm, mainly dedicated to the study and preparation for the apostolic and missionary life that had been chosen for him.

Having won a scholarship, John’s congregation sent him to the Catholic University in Washington, D.C., to obtain a master’s degree in Social Psychology and to prepare him for a life of teaching in Kenya. He dove into a life of studies between classes and libraries and endless hours poring over books and writing his thesis. Evenings were spent in the recital of the rosary and evening prayers, the reading of a spiritual book, the supper, some ping-pong until 9:00 p.m. when everyone retired to their single rooms to study some more, read or sleep. The routine continued for about two years.

As a priest John was sent to various parishes that needed help on Saturdays and Sundays with a Mass celebration or other activities. John noticed that there were great differences at the way they looked at things in Europe and how Americans looked and dealt with those same things. The seminarians lead a fairly liberal life and were able to travel independently back and forth to the university and other destination where they were needed.

Through his activities at the parish level, John got to meet new people and was often invited to spend time at a birthday party, a wedding or other celebrations. It was during that time period that he noticed to be the centre of attention, mainly from the female population that considered him to be cute and sexy. John naturally enjoyed the attention and the fuss most women bestowed upon him and at various times, he thought to be in love. He was young, inexperienced and fell like a sucker to the various seduction schemes. It was the beginning of a much deeper interest in the female gender and their presence in his life. Then one day it happened, and John wondered why was he having a love affair with a woman 15 years his senior? Where this need for physical contact with a woman came from? Was it merely boyish inexperience or was it the pressing urge to experience sex at 25?

During John’s second year of university he was assigned to help out with more parish duties and so the man-priest continued to be exposed to the possibility of interacting with the female population of the area. Those years could be defined as the awakening of his inner self, to that great physical love forbidden to a priest. Only God could be witness to the various experiences and dilemmas he went through. Probably his greatest sin was to love without being loved. That for him was a terrible experience that left him sour and mad. In a very short period of time, his duties as priest were reduced to the bare essentials, like celebrating Mass and saying the rosary at night with his fellow priests. He frequently dropped the reading of the breviary. On the other hand, his social life outside of the convent intensified to the point of foregoing the community duties. Picnics with his university friends, both boys and girls, with returns to the community house late at night became more frequent.

John tried to analyze and stigmatize his first contacts and subsequent pains and traumas arising from the discovery of the woman in his adult life. Four were the women that stood out in a special way in his memory, and it was due to these four experiences that made him wonder why the Catholic Church made celibacy a very important aspect of a man entering the priesthood. It namely took the priest further away from the actual life of his flock and turned him into an absurd figure in the society he lived in and worked for. Needless to say that since its inception, priesthood was never a life of chastity, except for a few of them. Through the history of the church, priests having one or more women in their lives were a common fact.

Once finished his studies, John was designated to start his missionary work in Kenya. No more easy life or daydreaming, but getting on with real life, facing his future with courage and especially with an open mind. If Kenya was to be his future, he had to dive into it wholeheartedly and with enthusiasm.
To John, Kenya was then an unknown bit of landscape in this huge earth, and he could even guess that he would fall in love with that exotic piece of earth and for the rest of his life, he would want to go back to it. At that time, he only knew he would be a teacher to secondary or high school students who had passed their Cambridge exams and wanted to become teachers. Needless to say that John’s life had always been and would be a roller coaster of sentimental journeys. The man-priest supposed to observe chastity was often taken over by the urgent need of an affective human link, characterized by a feminine presence.

Several years later, John was assigned a new position in Brazil. He fought this assignment initially as he could never get rid of the nostalgia of a great river, which had just run dry. Its waters would never again turn the big, noisy wheels of the mills which grounded so much work and happiness in the land of wilderness. John wanted to be an apostle as he once was. Would this new land be again a land of activity, of true loving activity? John longed for love and understanding. The love and understanding that would make his work possible and render his dedication absolute. He was in search of a challenge. He was hired as sociologist by a large, international welfare agency.

From behind a mountain of paperwork covering his desk, he discovered Annie, a spitfire, unquenchable, violent, and maddeningly sweet being. The young woman was about 24, although appearances made her out to be a little older. Perhaps it was due to her official look, the formal attire, the way of walking or the experience which lined every pore of her translucent skin. Flowers seemed to dance around her legs as she floated around the office, visiting each desk, leaving a task of love and dedication to each employee with a smile of invitation to accept the task lovingly.

John was fascinated and attracted to Annie and began wishing her good morning, a greeting that drew from her a grave, bashful answering smile. But her eyes never faltered. Those mirroring brown eyes never twitched nervously, but betrayed an absolute unblushing understanding of the hard mysteries of life, combined with an innocence that was sublime.

Informed about John’s background in psychology, Annie one day approached John asking him to analyse her crazy mind. To a certain extent, John was able to explain some of her idiosyncrasies, reactions, thoughts and emotional turmoil. He was also willing to help her understand some bewildering aspects of religion, its mysteries which had puzzled her and for which she had never gotten a satisfying answer from any of her priest friends. Not always one had to be a psychologist to grasp a friend’s state of mind and help him or her with simple gestures and words of comfort.

Day after day their friendship grew stronger. They always found some time to sit down for a beer and confide their problems to each other. Because of her restless nature and unpredictability, for sweeping through a room and through the hearts of people like a tempest, John gave her the nickname of Stormy. He enjoyed her company very much and even invited her to his parish to spend Saturday afternoons playing cards with him and the other confreres. Some other time Annie helped out at weddings by singing Ave Maria while John accompanied her at the organ. She had a beautiful contralto voice.

Annie had become an integral part of John’s life. At that point she was the only one he met who could understand his life and his story. She would treasure it and from her questions more important details would emerge. Piecing them together, Annie could help him understand himself and to make himself more useful, patient and understanding. Often John wondered why couldn’t they stay together forever and why couldn’t people around them understand and accept? People would just criticize, ridicule and try to break them apart. But neither would allow that to happen because day after day, their love for each other just grew stronger. The two were living a great adventure, the greatest adventure of the world, the adventure of true love and they wanted to live it in full and taste all the flavours of this unique adventure.

One evening, while walking along a secluded seaside cliff, John asked Annie if she wanted to become his wife.
“More than anything,” was Annie’s answer.
“We must find a way, faster,” John said.
“Well, you are the reverend,” Annie said, “you can celebrate our wedding right here, under the stars with only God as our witness.”
And so they did celebrate their wedding under a canopy of twinkling stars and with the indulgent complicity of God himself. From that moment forward they considered themselves husband and wife.

It was time to take action, John thought. If he could not openly continue his missionary work with Annie on his side as wife, then he had to decide which of the two to elect as his life purpose, no matter what the consequences. The first step, to return to his layman condition had to be requesting dispensation of his vows from the church authorities, which in itself was a lengthy, bureaucratic, complicated process, filled with countless obstacles, heart-breaking situations and decisions. Despite the many hurdles, however, the two lovers did not falter and faced all difficulties with courage and determination. A year and a half later they were joined in matrimony in the Duomo di Milano by the bishop himself

Not many priests have the necessary courage and endurance to fight for their right to happiness and love, and that is due to the fact that most become an outcast in the eyes of their own families first and then the world around them. Most cannot count on that much needed support to get through the transition, spiritual, emotional and psychological. Some are deeply troubled by a sense of futility, failure and even guilt because of the abrupt way they broke with the order and the priesthood. Yet there are many who have become successful businessmen, married and with children, who still keep in touch with their former superiors and continue to live within the Christian spirit of the Catholic Church and contributing better to their community through their practical experience within a family unit. It is their belief, and rightfully so, that the Lord does not love them any less than those who remained in their priestly activity.

The woman who falls in love with a priest must prepare herself to be most understanding, patient and forgiving. Sometimes it will require more giving than receiving. She must be strong to help, guide and assist him through difficult moments of depression and doubts because a priest, despite his outer austere shell, deep down, is extremely vulnerable and in need of all the support and love he can get.

Somebody who is new to our site would think that we’re encouraging women to fall in love with priests. Well, if they just read some of the experiences they would surely know that it is not true. Because many women are writing to show how heartbroken they are because their loved priest is so cold or not answering any kind of communication.

Well, as a husband and priest, I’ll try to bridge the gap. If I’m not successful please do not hesitate to write. Remember we’re always open to suggestions. This is your blog, so please do participate by making your voices heard!

A priest is living on his own for most of his time, notwithstanding that he is in contact with people all the time. This means that although he talks to people, he has to put on a mask. He preaches, he tells people what to do etc. But who knows his true feelings? Who knows what he really thinks about the church? Most of the time he is saying one thing to the others, but deep deep down he believes another.
Priests are trained not to be sincere!! In most cases the most popular reason would be that he has to be a rock for his people and not admit his failures on insecurities (!!).

One of the first alarm bells (or call it what you like), goes off when a priest finally lifts his mask and speaks his heart out, maybe for just a few minutes. Yet it’s enough to attract the other person to start looking beyond that tiny piece of sharing. Sharing always involves bonding. Bonding will call for more meetings in order to get to know the friendly person.

The priest is used to being transferred every now and then so as soon as he feels bonding, the urge to run away is sort of ‘normal’. Once a friend of mine, in a rare moment of openness, said: ‘I’ll never fall in love because practically every 3 years I change parish’!

Another philosophical/theological reason would be that a priest cannot have deep friendships as if he is not human at all! He has been urged to keep distance from other normal human beings. Nowadays priests duties are enormous, consequently in most cases they prefer to be alienated with more work! In that case they avoid becoming vulnerable in front of another human being!!

The woman = sex is the biggest hindrance. They have been told many times to avoid women (are they to blame for the need of openness, sharing, caring etc..??). So the fact that a priest may just spend a few minutes talking to a woman, deep deep down he feels that he has already gone beyond of what is expected of him!! This happens even on social media even though the conversation maybe totally private with no one watching, the priest still feels that he is doing something evil.

I do remember my time in the monastery. Most of my companions were seen with men, talking or going for a walk. Practically it was ok. But as soon as I was simply talking to a woman in an open space, all eyes were watching each and every action which took place. Obviously most gay priests pull the legs of other companions if they are seen talking to a woman!! Have you ever thought about hypocrisy?

Please do remember that priests have abandoned any form of relationships with other human beings (except in the parish, where they ask others to do 1001 odd jobs), for quite a long time. So one can imagine how the priest feels to be in a relationship. He is used to go anywhere with no ties and with no timetables. People are there to serve him.

Now all of a sudden he feels ‘trapped’ by one single woman! She just pretends that he listens to her and communicate. Do you think it’s easy for him just to give her some time for communication? Actually it’s not a time problem but more of the consequences involved. He is used to live like a king. Now all this is about to disappear if he says yes to one single woman.

Please excuse me for using this kind of language priests use to describe the ‘act of falling in love with a woman’. Maybe it sounds awful or disgusting for normal people who are used to having relationships, yet we did this as a service to make women aware of what they are fighting against.

People are not silent any more. They speak of changes in the church. The fact that the present Pope is so popular, is simply because of the aura of change that he has inspired up to now. Now all this has come to a crossroad: the meeting of some of the Catholic bishops in Rome (synod). They are going to discuss the family.

We are tired of listening of how important the family is for all society. We are fed up to listening to empty words where practically nothing changes. We want some kind of change where the family feels that it has a voice inside the meeting. They want to see that the challenges discussed; the vocabulary used; the proposed changes; reflect the reality of today and not that of the medieval ages!

We have a long list of proposed changes, as confirmed on the internet by several people who keep on harping the same points. Yet in our opinion, the most important of them all is that of optional celibacy or married priesthood. A married priest has an everyday experience with his own family. He faces challenges all the time. He is questioned by his own son or daughter. It’s not just listening to other families who have young/teenage/adult children, he has his own. His own children are growing up and they are questioning everything.

There is the phase of no faith where his own children might abandon faith for a short time (or forever). He has to struggle to keep his family united and praying together like all other families. He has to struggle with his own timetable and that of the family.

Maybe his own son or daughter might turn up to be a gay/lesbian person. Now it’s not a homily to unknown people but it’s his own son or daughter. Shall he move with the actual teaching of the church or shall he move forward?

There are priests who have experienced divorce. When it’s a personal experience, there is no deeper knowledge. The permanent mark is evident. Shall he preach from his own theological books or shall he preach from his heart?

The lack of married people, women, divorced people, gay/lesbian etc…will hamper the progress of real dialogue with the so called ‘world’ in this week’s synod. The winning mentality is that of the late Pope John XXIII where he saw the changes of society not as a threat but rather as the writing on the wall. The teaching of the Second Vatican Council (meeting for all Catholic bishops which took place between 1962-1965), does not start from theory but rather examines reality and looks for God’s message. It’s not an approach from high up to down below but rather reflecting on the here and now, looking for the hidden messiah.

Now unfortunately all the priests are practically brain washed that all teaching is already in their hands so they only need to water it down or present it in beautiful way. There are as well some of the laity (non-priests) who think same wise. They truly believe that’s the true teaching of the church. Well that’s not the teaching of the Second Vatican Council as already outlined above. We have read countless stories of how priests are not trained to nurture proper relationships (latest reflection comes from princess). That’s the psychological trauma on a priest who is not attached to anyone, and who is afraid of coming a little bit closer to a person. Shall we continue with a church like this? Surely not. The pope can handle the bull with his own hands. If not, it shall mean the departure of an unknown number of people from the church.

As usual, if the people leave the church, where will they go to? Well in that case we feel in conscience bound to take care of those people (as we are already providing such service including this blog).

The Pie in the Sky Syndrome

In days gone by, people used to wait for heaven to receive proper justice. They used to accept all sorts of abuses, wrong doings, injustices and all sorts of evil actions in order to have a heavenly price which was forever.

The Second Vatican Council (meeting for all bishops in the Catholic church 1962-1965), emphasized the fact that the kingdom of God starts here. We have to sow justice, love, good doings in this life and not wait for the after life. It was a change of perspective where Christians were called not to be passive but rather be more active in everyday life. We couldn’t wait for things to happen but rather instigate the action.

When it comes to married priesthood it seems that most people are waiting for the pie in the sky. Maybe because they lack knowledge and/or of some social actions, but surely they always expect somebody else to start the action. Other people feel inadequate to go for action. If one reads the Old Testament (in the Bible), one surely notes that God has never chosen the perfect person for any mission. He used to surprise people by choosing the non-expected candidate (Joseph and his brothers comes to our mind; David being the youngest…)

We have lots of followers from our blog. Now connecting to other people (who obviously don’t know that our blog exists), we form a much larger group. We are not expecting to have millions. But the apostles weren’t a lot, yet they did make a difference. So practically it’s not about numbers. It’s more about a few, but very effective number of people who are not afraid to speak about married priesthood. We acknowledge that the sexual abuse by priests has given us a lot of speed and direction in our aim. This notwithstanding the fact that many people try to defend the church by saying that sexual abuse takes place in families too.

Yes of course, but it does not exclude that unmarried priests who are sexually hungry abuse women just for the simple reason that they are not sexually satisfied! My granny who has never been to a university used to say: those who do not enter through the door, do so by going through the window. I admire her sense of understanding a complex thing and expressing it in such a simple way!

Most of our readers they still go to church. They can influence church going people. Others who are not attending any church might write letters to newspapers, radios, televisions. The important thing is to make our voice heard. Recently one reader was surprised that we published her/his comments. Yes, we do publish too the so called ‘conservative’ views because we long for freedom of thought in the church. We are careful not to blog out other opinions. Yet we do give the greatest space for people who are in favour of married priesthood just for the simple reason that’s not easy to publish our thoughts in other media spaces. We are the ones who are being treated like ‘sick people’ by other editors or journalists in the church. So we do have to fight to make ourselves heard. Otherwise people might think that there is no one in favour of married priesthood.

We started our blog because we firmly believed (and still believe), in the idea that at this moment in time we do need married priests for various reasons. If we continue to drag our feet, more people are going to leave the church and end up without sacraments and pastoral care. It is with this in mind that we started our work with people who are ‘unchurched’. We listened to their stories in the church. Most of them were hurt by unmarried priests. We never waited to see what others will do. As adults in faith, we saw the situation and we started to do something. We urge our readers to do the same. The church today is in an emergency situation. If someone is sinking, one doesn’t think of anything else except to save the person.

We hope to receive more stories concerning priests and woman in the coming future…

It has been noted that most of our communication does not take place with words, but rather through other medium which does not involve talking! This is so true when it comes to meeting new people especially at work where one has to stick together over a long period of time. How many unsaid words are there! We might dislike a new person, or we might like so much. How does the other person perceive our non-verbal communication?

The same goes for a priest-woman relationship. How many unsaid words! Is the woman looking for love? Is the priest unsteady with a deep relationship? Is the priest venturing to get to know a woman for the very first time? Is the priest passing through a crisis? Attraction seems to be part of nature. But how can one be sure if the most important words are never said out loud? Is it daydreaming or wishful thinking than? Let’s read our last contribution by one of our readers. Please do comment.

I am in love with my priest in my parish. My relationship with my priest began when I moved into my current parish a year ago.

At that time I was discerning my call to become a religious sister and I was also desiring to volunteer for the new parish as an altar server. I contacted my priest for help in my discernment process and our discernment meeting naturally evolved into a regular spiritual direction sessions. The same priest also trained my as an altar server and he was happy to have me assist during the mass. I really loved my new parish, met lots of new people etc. It was October of last year when my relationship with my priest had a turning point.

After a spiritual direction session with my priest, I remember feeling really good because we had a really good talk at a deep level. After the session I remember thinking that I wish I was a close friend of my priest so that we can share more spiritual talks each other. The day after that spiritual direction session was Sunday and I went to the chapel to altar serve. On that day, I noticed some things from the priest. He acted shy towards me and during mass when I turned my face towards the lector during the reading, his face turned red and he quickly turned his face away from me as to not to see my face. The shyness continued for some period of time, and although he didn’t make any strong move to make a conversation with me, I could clearly sense that he was attracted to me.

At that time I didn’t know what to do and I was trying to not to give him an impression that I was attracted towards him also. There was one time when I applied for a job back in my home town and I could have left my current parish. When I told the priest that I can possibly leave and stop altar serving, even though he tried his best to control his feeling I could clearly see that he was very sad about this and he refused to come to mass the next day. When I was having problem with the contract and told him that I was not going to take the job, smile came back to him and he was back to normal. He showed signs of attraction until February of this year. From March until now he rather remained very calm and he didn’t look like he was swayed by emotions that he had for me. When I talk to him he responds friendly, but there is a certain distance between the two of us. He had never initiated any conversation with me unless I walk up to him and talk to him. Over the time my feelings towards him grew, and I personally really wished that we could have had a chance to discuss about the attractions we had, but there was no progress in our relationship and I was at a point where I was doubting if he would have ever chosen me.

Lately, in September, I put some distance between myself and the priest and avoid talking to the priest or initiating any conversations with him as to protect myself and this does seem to impact him a little bit, although he never really shows or shares his feelings or his inner concerns. During the past week he tried to be more approachable by saying “hello, how are you?” and so on even though I don’t say hello to him.

I honestly don’t know how he feels about me at this point and what things are on his mind. Nothing is clear between us as I was trying to fake my own feelings that I have for him and I am sure that it shouldn’t be clear for him as to how I truly feel about him. At the same time he was trying to hide his feelings as well and because he always look so calm and keeps a distance between the two of us, I don’t know how he feels about me.

Would it be a good idea for me to tell him plainly that I am attracted to him? This is not to pressure him or anything but I am getting very sick and tired of hiding my own feeling. I feel like nothing can get resolved unless one of us (likely me) are being honest about the feelings. Maybe the priest doesn’t feel for me any more, and if it is his decision that he shouldn’t get involved in the relationship, I have to respect him. But the way I feel about this relationship is that by being perfectly honest about what is going on, I can completely leave this relationship for God and him to decide how it will progress in future. I don’t want this relationship to simply die out simply due to the misunderstandings. Whatever this relationship may entail in future, I want my relationship to grow rather than forever distancing each other.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking time to read this post,


A relationship starts immediately after our first hello. Whether we know it or not this is a basic fact which happens to all sorts of people. It’s up to us to be aware of it and to guide it according to our beliefs, thinking and desires. Now speaking about sharing of emotions or of any other significant experience makes the process of relationship building super fast. Besides it is kept together in the oven of attachment. It is the first real consequence of a special relationship. But this is not the only consequence. Most probably it’s the time to experiment with our bodies such as kissing, hugging, fondling each others intimate parts etc…

On the part of the priest, as he realises that he is becoming vulnerable and swimming in an unfamiliar water, he might be tempted to shut down all sorts of communication. It’s a ran fast and away approach. Most woman don’t understand this attitude because their cultural baggage is totally different. In the priest the moral part becomes really talkative. He is used to hear all sorts of bad things happening with sex or sexual experiments. So under the pressure of sin with all its paraphernalia, the priest tries to hide the problem by ignoring the woman and blaming her for all that had happened! But let’s hear this unique story of this month. Readers, you are more than welcome to send in your comments.

I started talking to some people online, just to make connections and friendships ’cause living alone can be lonely at times, even if you are a grown adult in late thirties. One day, I was talking to this man, in another country, and he told me from the start he was a priest, so having no negative experience with priests and seeing them only as ”special”, my guard was down. I really thought a priest was a spiritual being, and all his ”man thoughts and sexual energies” would be channelized through works, as nuns and brothers are trained to to. Little did I know, we were bonding closer and closer.

Because he is a priest, it was curiosity more than anything, that made me continue getting to know him. Curiosity on how far this would go, and actually not believe it would go far. I quickly realized he was just a man, under that title, with needs to talk and become ”liked” by women.

To make a long story short, I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back I can agree that I was actually having a long-distance man/woman relationship. We talked, talked, joked, flirted, for hours on end, very often, and then started making plans to meet.

I went to his country, we met, spent time together, and it was wonderful to finally meet in person and be ”together”, but it was his first time, so it wasn’t spectacular, but it was so special and will be remembered forever.

Now, turn of events after I came home a few weeks later. He suddenly goes silent, he deletes me from skype and facebook, and suddenly I am left alone in my pain. I cried on and off for many months. It felt like a break-up. No explanation on his part. Two months or so after I was home, I get an email from him, saying that he regrets having done ”it”, and basically he was blaming me for everything. Bunch of bull…. as he wanted to as much as I did. Maybe him being a priest was a way to get rid of the guilt.

Eventually, I wanted to say goodbye to him ’cause it was hurting too much to not only be ignored by him but to have him twist the story around. But soon after, he wrote back to apologize for his silence, for his twisting the story around, and that he would like for me to stay in his life, but that he is trying to be a good priest. It’s been four years now, and we still communicate, he will flirt at times, but I know, he told me he never wants this to happen again, and he never wants to see me in person again. I will never understand why he doesn’t want to meet in person again. I don’t know if he has feelings for me, ever loved me, and if ”never seeing me again” is because he is afraid we will fall again, but I wish he would express himself and open up about it, instead of just saying we will continue writing, but never meet in person or cam. I am sad ’cause I love him so much. Part of me is wondering if his communicating with me in writing has now become simply ”polite”, or if I mean something to him.

He has re-added me to fb, but things are not the same between us, even if we communicate often. My heart skips a beat every time I hear from him, but I will forever wonder what he feels in his heart: is it politeness, love, or just plain friendship? Were we together due to his curiosity of being the first time, or because he truly had feelings for me?

I keep him in my life now, regardless if I will ever find someone for me or not, ’cause it hurts more to have him out of my life than in my life. Sounds odd, but yeah, it is what it is. We don’t choose who we will love or hate. The heart has a mind of its own. It’s almost like we need each other. He wants to stay in contact with me, just like I want to stay in his life. Even if it hurts that he can’t be mine only. It also hurts me so much that he can write many times per week, sometimes per day, but then will ignore me totally for days, sometimes even more than a week and I don’t understand that.

I wrote to the pope in the past few years, asking if finally priests would be able to live a normal life with relationships, marriage, but unfortunately I never got a response from Pope Francis.

Well let’s make it very clear: we can never force anybody to get married. We are just giving out our general suggestions. It’s the priest himself who has to think it over, decide and then stick to his decision. Please remind yourself that this is no easy decision to take.

The decision depends on the development of the relationship. One cannot force such commitment if they have simply slept together one night. Secondly, sex should not the driving force to say yes, but rather the beauty of the two who feel and act like a couple.

On the part of the priest, he must feel that it’s not a threatening yes i.e. he is being forced to but rather an invitation to live a loving relationship to the full. Consequently he has to be shown that the woman next to him is there to help him. She will stand by him in all the circumstances no matter what.

The priest has to talk to his spiritual advisor (in this case below, to the priest who is his friend), in order to have any theological, spiritual or personal questions answered. This is not to be taken lightly. The priest was bombarded, preached and lived according to a certain set of values. Now passing on to become a husband he has to find a credible answer for his conscience.

If they are so committed, they have to look for a possible job training scheme. Please remember that the priest is passing from a very comfortable zone to a very threatening one. This might become the last test for their relationship.

The decision is not to be made in one single conversation. There might be a build up to it. The woman has to slowly show him his support and understanding and obviously no rush for the answer unless procrastination kicks in. This is the latest story we received. Enjoy reading it. Please be active readers by posting in your comments. Let’s pray for the couple.

I’m Georgette and my priest’s name is George. I am in a relationship with a priest. He and I are both in our mid 40s. I am divorcing, not because of him, however. I am in an abusive marriage and had made the decision to divorce, then sought counsel for coping with the emotions of a necessary but nevertheless painful divorce.

My priest entered the seminary at 14. He was a virgin, in fact he had never kissed a woman, when we met. We talked and enjoyed each other’s company. I quickly developed feelings for him, and told him as much. At first, he was very firm in explaining that he was tempted, too, but a relationship between us would not have a happy ending. I felt incredibly stupid. He said he was committed to a friendship, and he was, always, a good friend to me.

The fact that he continued to see me signalled to me an opening to greater involvement. When I found myself alone with him, I tried to kiss him. He resisted, but eventually gave in on that day, and we kissed. It was spectacular. We both resolved that it couldn’t happen again.

That didn’t work. We began a sexual relationship several months ago, and that continues. He says he loves me, and I love him, too. I am not naïve enough to think that he will leave the priesthood, but it would be my dream that he would. We have talked around the edges of what our relationship will become, and he frequently talks in a long term frame of mind. He also makes comments about what our relationship is “right now,” and is suggestive of change in the future.

My emotions range wildly from fear of hurt to hope. I consulted a different priest, and a friend of the priest I love, who told me that what I had experienced was not an evil woman tempting a man of God, but rather, a presentation of a different and equally beautiful sacrament (marriage, rather than holy orders) that my priest could choose without shame. The advising priest explained to me that the vow of celibacy and the choice of priesthood might have been right and genuine for my love, but now he is presented with another plan for his life. The advising priest made it clear to me that my relationship with the priest may and likely is as beautiful and filled with grace as my love’s role as priest. But the challenge is to BRING THE RELATIONSHIP TO LIGHT AND CHOOSE IT. In that regard, the advising priest told me to tell my love that I challenge him to position himself in such a way that we can love each other without guilt, shame or fear, or we say goodbye.
I am working up the nerve to have that conversation. I suspect that the priest I love will ultimately choose to remain a priest. It is all he has ever known of life. However, I plan to toss up what he thinks he knows about what is right for his life, and see where things land. I will be ok if he decides to remain a priest, but I certainly hope he will have the courage to confront his feelings before making his decision.

I don’t think he abused me in any way. I was certainly the one who pursued him, not the other way around. He did accept my love at a time when he knew I was very vulnerable emotionally, and that may have been unwise, but I do not believe he acted maliciously or with disregard for my feelings. I think we just fell in love.
I hope I can develop the strength to require from him what I deserve, or require him to make the choice to recommit himself to his priestly vows and live accordingly. At the end of the day, I do not want to love him outside the context of a sacramental marriage, so we will have to make choices. I believe that walking away from the relationship will be very, very painful for both of us.

Just my experience. I am not an expert.

Sometimes, some critics think that our idea of married priesthood is just an odd idea. Maybe they point out the possible teething problems that we might have. They always point out what might not work in married priesthood. Well, it’s not just married priesthood. We know that some people are really murderers of any new ideas. They resist change with all possible means. They always speak negatively about anything. The church, more than any other organisation tends to be more conservative as it strives to keep the old ideas alive.

We are not fanatics. We are not saying that married priesthood is going to solve all the problems. But surely when one puts all ideas on a weighing scale, there are many more advantages than disadvantages. One of them is surely the number of priests. We know for sure that there are many good people who would like to be a priest but owing to the celibacy challenge they shun priesthood. There are some priests who have left officially priesthood, but who would gladly return to the job of pastors. It would fulfill an emergency which is emerging in the world where lots of communities do not celebrate a Sunday Mass simply because there aren’t enough priests.

We obviously understand that for these people such a change would be too much for them, owing to the fact that they have been brainwashed for many years. But this week we want to tell our readers that no, this idea is not odd at all.

It has arrived at the Vatican’s doorstep. We know as well that this pope has had a friendly relationship with a particular woman (Clelia Luro), who was married to a bishop (top official in the church responsible for a geographical area). Needless to say that this bishop was shunned by nearly all the priests except the present pope. So there is no need to explain the goodness of a married priesthood to the present Pope Francis. The fact that he talked to her even when he was elected as Pope Francis, means a lot.

We firmly believe that Holy Spirit is moving the church towards a change. He chooses the time and the occasion to introduce such a change. Our job is to prepare people for it. We need married priests, especially those who have left officially the church, in order to bridge the gap between the priests and the laity. We need priests who are in today’s trenches, dealing with a normal family life with all its challenges, hopes and frustrations. We need to see priests living a normal life in order to witness the gospel in a sincere way. People need witnesses more than teachers according to the late Pope Paul VI. It’s so true!! Let’s have married priests in order to have a big change in the church’s teaching about the family.

I’m Q, a female. I’m Roman Catholic and I’m suppressing and repressing my emotions for a priest whom we will call X.

First Meeting, almost a year ago: A few notes after the opening song, X and I locked gaze where I felt embarrassed that I looked away and shifted my gaze at the image of Mother Mary in front of the altar. As X delivered his homily, he would glance at me every now and then and noticing that I wasn’t comfortable with it, he delivered the remainder of his homily with his eyes either cast down or closed. At the end of the mass, parishioners lined up to shake X’s hand. When my turn came, he looked away, withdrew his hand and patted me on the forehead instead. It would be a few more months before I approach him again.

In the next meetings, X and I would do the eye courtship thing with no one daring to hold the gaze.

Four months after the first meeting, something probably got the better of us. X decided to hold his gaze and I gazed back. We were eye to eye for not shorter than five seconds. Then he stopped at the middle of his homily, looked away, groped for words before he could continue. This happened again on the same mass during consecration. At this point, the embarrassment transformed into guilty feelings on my part. But still, something in me refused to acknowledge that X was looking at me and I caused him to buckle.

In the succeeding couple of weeks, we practised custody of the eyes. Glances minimized. Everything under control.

A month after the first uh-oh moment, I went to mass and I could feel that X, like me, was having a hard time practising custody of the eyes. At The Great Amen, we locked eyes and X raised his eyebrows to acknowledge my presence. I was so shocked I felt it was painted all over my face. Seeing how shocked I was, X looked away immediately and acknowledged the presence of another parishioner. I sensed he was embarrassed and sad about my reaction that I decided to approach him after mass to shake his hand and greet him. When I did, his hand was ice cold and he shook my hand while he was looking down, as he slightly shook his head.

I didn’t see X again until a month or so after that. When I saw him again, he openly glanced at me and held eye contact. Needless to say, he would lose thread of the mass and either stop or say the wrong words. This happened almost every time I attended mass with him being the celebrant. I felt guilty, but no longer that embarrassed. I thought it was cute, but a little scary. I noticed that he was warm to everyone, too, that I decided to start approaching him after mass to shake his hand. He welcomed it and shook my hand, while suppressing a smile.

There’s this memory with X I cherish. I attended one First Friday Mass and X was the celebrant. As he was about to deliver the Good News, he was suppressing his smile that it seemed puzzling for most of the parishioners. When he delivered his homily, he would glance at me every now and then and he would smile. It felt good afterwards that I also smiled with my head bowed during the Apostle’s Creed. When I looked at X during Prayers of the Faithful, he was smiling, too. After mass, I approached X and shook his hand. He shook mine, too, and he boldly squeezed it, rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand, and held on to it for a couple of seconds. It was raining hard that night that most parishioners were at the church doorstep, waiting for the rain to let out. X went out of the church and eased his way among the crowd to stand beside me. I struck a conversation by offering him my umbrella but he said nothing. He just stood there silently, but I caught him taking a quick glimpse at me every now and then.

I wrote the above story a few months ago. When is no longer important.

A lot of things happened to me after writing that, but it’s good that I delayed the publishing. I would also like to thank Fr. Daniel for not forcing me to publish.
Where are we now, X and I, after all those months?

The first thing is, there is no “we”. And I am not bitter about it. I will never find out if it was a case of mutual attraction or not, and I don’t need to. Sure, there are now more memories to cherish and smile about – wonderful, teenage-crush memories with X as we got a little comfortable with each other a few months after I first wrote that, not to mention this wonderful feeling I have for him that I have come to accept over time.

So what am I writing for?

I just want to share that we can feel something and not be guilty about it by not doing anything about it. Just accept it for what it is and not think about whether it’s being reciprocated or not, or even without the certainty that the other party feels the same way, too. I’m sure most of us will say that he probably has feelings for me, and sometimes I can’t help but consider that somehow he likes me as a man desires a woman, but truth is, we will not really find out unless he tells me or I ask him. But that will not happen. It’s not for me to know and that’s okay. He will not tell me because, aside from the fact that he has no chance, I know and feel how committed he is to his vocation and ministry that even if he might be feeling something, he, too, would not do anything about it.
And isn’t this the most beautiful thing in this world? To know what you must do for God in response to His immeasurable love even if it entails getting used to a cycle of death and resurrection – dying a little by forgoing something your heart wants and being reborn every time you feel so happy that you are in love, and yet making the same choice as you did when you decided to keep your faith?

While most of women here write sad stories about getting into relationships with priests and then having their heart broken, I hope you have a room for my story.

In this relationship, did you ever have some private space to talk and show your emotions for each other?

No private space to show emotions except after masses where I approach him to shake his hand. Often, he would squeeze my hand or hold on to it, especially when no one else was in line. Sometimes I squeeze back and when he holds on to my hand, I never let go. But that’s it.

We were given chances to talk but I just kept things business-like and left after the purpose was served.

We all know that eyes do ‘talk’, but how can you be sure about his real feelings?

As I’ve mentioned, I will never know if it was a case of mutual attraction and I don’t exactly know what you meant by being sure about his real feelings. Maybe eyes do talk, but how can I be so assuming when I haven’t even observed how he looks at other ladies in the other masses he celebrates. Rule #1. Until he says anything otherwise, those gestures were done out of compassion.

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