Tag Archive: falling in love with a priest

Persa has written in her own beautiful style. She poses a lot of interesting questions. Shall we start discussing? This is your blog. I expect and encourage readers to have their say. Believe me, it’s not easy to have such space in the Catholic Church. Let’s participate on our blog. We don’t want to publish articles and stop there. We would like to have your feedback.

I am Persa. Those of us who are reading this blog are truly blessed that Fr. Daniel made it available to us. Technology can be an aspect of modern life that we need to be constantly on guard against, but as usual, this is not a simple good v. evil, black v. white. The internet allowed many of us to find a place where we were able to see that we are not alone. Without it, because of the insularity of clerical culture, many of us would have been further hurt, but worse, thought ourselves crazy
with no one to show us otherwise!

I was in a relationship with a priest that had many of the elements of others we have read about
on this blog. The details are unique, but the outline is the same – repeated approach and
unexpected retreat, love expressed and then fearfully withdrawn. But, once again, this entire
issue is not black and white, but very gray, very nuanced. I am reading about how non-dualistic
thinking is the hallmark of a more complex, evolved spirituality. I have become so aware of this
in general, but especially in this case. While I was hurt and sometimes diminished by this
priest and unkindly categorized, gossiped about by the parishioners and laity (who are just as
caught up in and responsible for perpetuating clerical culture) – at the same time, I have had two
of the most profound and loving (platonic) relationships in my life with two priests and known
several others who can only be said to be incredibly beautiful human beings. How can this
be? The very system that is causing the problem also sowed the seeds of something
miraculous. Non-dualistic thinking. Both/and. I think it applies well to questioning why either/
or, instead, seems to be the paradigm when a man has a vocation to the priesthood.

Often we women are told or made to feel that we are the problem for being drawn to a priest.
Really!! What is wrong with us?? I’m sure we are endlessly psychoanalyzed. Why are we
wasting our time with an unavailable man? We clearly have no self-esteem! Well, maybe. But
that could be said of many people in relationship. Non-dualistic thinking. Many possible angles,
no? Personally, I find a man , who at some point, turned his back on what (especially western)
society defines as “success” to serve people very attractive. I find a man whose life at least
partly entails trying to be kind, trying to really listen, trying to BE with another human being of
any gender, very attractive. I find a man who spends time – a little or a lot – trying to follow our
Lord very attractive. Priest or not. But this is how it starts. If a priest, understandably, desires
more intimacy (of which sexual expression is only one part) than a celibate life allows and he
communicates this, women respond as they do with any man – not out of pathology, but from a
sense of attraction. This is normal human experience initially on both sides. But the
unreasonable expectation of enforced celibacy eventually twists it into pain for both people, not
transformative love.

We must move past our own particular sadness. We – and the entire church – must look at the
larger question of whether a celibate, clerical culture is relevant any longer. Our stories are only
one indication of the existence of a problem. Did celibacy ever have anything to do with being
closer to God and doing his work? I doubt it. And if it did at one time, no excuse can be made
in this day and age. The argument that the priest is free to love ALL people because he is not
committed to one in particular is insulting to rabbis, imams, orthodox priests, ministers of all
persuasions. Are these religious people inferior to celibate Catholic priests?? Of course not.
One could argue that loving everyone and loving someone teach very different things and
provide very different challenges and joys. I can’t imagine that someone who resists one or the
other is superior in any way, nor can I imagine that Jesus meant that loving in only one way is
following “the greatest commandment”. OK. We all struggle with this. But the particular
craziness of the Catholic church is that it elevates those who are consciously avoiding one facet
of love. James Martin, in his defensive NYTimes op ed piece as a counterpoint to a beautiful
and thoughtful editorial by Bill Keller, said self-righteously that celibacy allows for loving
differently. Uh, yes. Exactly. Differently and incompletely – and simultaneously being much
admired for it! Isn’t that convenient?!

Then there is the argument that having a deep relationship with one person drains one’s
energies and focus on the wider group and wider accomplishments, a balancing act that is hard
to achieve. Well, women – who are often not valued by the church – have been doing this since
time began. A woman can have a calling to be an artist or dancer, ESL teacher or immigration
lawyer, AND to be a wife and mother. The constant struggle is to do both and not be defeated
when it all seems impossible, to integrate the two and understand that they each inform the
other and make life richer. This requires compromise and hard choices to be made! Even
today. Are the priests of the Catholic church so limited and delicate that they may be crushed
by these very human demands, that they need to be protected from having to experience this,
that they can only honor one vocation at a time? If so, then they are not to be admired. They
are to be pitied!

And the argument that not having significant others in one’s life allows one the freedom to go
anywhere at any time to do God’s work? From where I sit, no matter where one is today, one
can do God’s work! And if there is a special need, well, we now have such a thing as airlines,
as inconvenient as they have become. Were all the medical personnel with MSF who went to
West Africa celibate?? Did they need to take this vow to do their dangerous , but necessary
work? Of course not. And they are admired for their courage. Catholic priests , though, are
often first admired and respected and considered to be “special” for their celibate lives,
regardless of their other contributions, even if there are few . This is, as I written, as much the
responsibility of the laity for responding this way. The church, however, is built on this

There are probably more arguments for the necessity of celibacy that in most cases, are merely
clever justifications for the status quo. Any intelligent and sensitive person who is living in the
“real world” would, most likely, be able to address and refute them. Celibacy may never have
served a purpose beyond clerical self-preservation, but on an individual basis, the world has
seen how it has been destructive, for the Catholic priests and the people they try to love in the
way in which they have been forbidden. There will always be a need for priests. But it is
becoming more obvious that there is not, and never has been, a need for exclusively celibate

In our blog we wish to write what others are thinking deeply in their minds…can I have a friendship with a priest? We wish to let the readers express their opinions. Let’s hear what YOU have to say.

I’m Clarice. Well, as I searched almost the same thread, I also tag myself among you but quite different. I happened to be very close to many priests. Actually, I used to enjoy the fatherly love and affection. But, there is a priest with whom I’m very different. He is Rev Silas. We studied together and I was always like a shadow to the Reverend. Of course, I liked him and it’s been almost seven long years now. But, last year I started to doubt my love when I heard he might get a transfer to a foreign nation, until then I was happy and blissful the relationship I have with him.

Well, it’s not a romantic relationship. I was comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to hug him and kiss him as I used to be with my Dad. And I used to say how much I do love him, and he knows that. I never had a second thought or fantasy on it. I used to tell each and everything to him. One time, we shared the same bed with not even a single touch. There was nothing called romance or anything. We used to fight a lot and everyone knows how much we do care for each other. Twice in a year we met all these last six and half years. Even his fellow priests know. Until he left to another country, I didn’t realize that it was going to be that difficult for me to live without him.

Last year, I started to recognize that I loved him so much that I could forget my boy friend that I wanted to get married to.
I started to dig why do I love him so much, I found no reason. In fact, I started to love him when I met him for the first time in the university campus. And, it’s not just I liked, I loved him even from the first time that we met, I’m sure. I didn’t find anything special about him to like so much. But, I felt relived and happy whenever he smiled at me. And, the happiest days become crabby when he used silence as weapon. Everyone get pissed off with my stories about him.

Well, I used to keep a distance between us even though I’m a possessive type of person. But, he could easily break all those barriers. He is someone who can guess how far I can move without him. He never deleted not even one single message that I had sent to him.

I was really having a beautiful life, amidst of all tragedies I walked through, because I knew his smiles can make me the happiest. All my folks know how much I care for him. I don’t care if they tease me with his name. But after the fight we had last time, I didn’t talk to him for almost six months and then, I started to fall sick almost every week. Finally, I couldn’t try too hard to ignore him, I was sorry about the fight I had started… he too never tried to reconcile with me. Finally, before he left he came just to meet me… That was the day I realized how much I’m going to miss him and how much we love each other. I couldn’t keep my tears any longer, and he hugged me. Almost three four hours we were in hug. Even then, I didn’t realize it’s going to be something I have been feared. Well, it was not a romantic scene though. Our intentions were not impure. But, finally he said he is getting some other thoughts and it made me broken.

Now, when I think back to the past, I feel it is that ‘love’ which happened between us. I might not be matured enough to know this or I didn’t want it to be like this. Now, I’m really a mess. Because I know it’s very difficult for me to live without him and I know he loves me a lot. Even if we didn’t confess to each other. We both know this is what it is. I was someone who always prayed for his saintly priesthood. Now, I became someone who partly wish that he could have married me. My friends started to force me to confess this to him. But, I love him so much to realize I’ll be putting him in trouble. The scenario in my place is too different if a priest leaves his priesthood. Rumours, hatred, social struggles, family problems, and it will cause him to lose his comfortable life.

But, now, I have to act as I don’t realize what love we feel each other. And I should irritate him and fight with him as I used to be. Otherwise, he may lose his self-esteem thinking that I knew what his love was. He started to avoid communicating with me. I tried to move on ignoring him too. But, if I don’t send an ‘I love you’ message to him, I feel as if I don’t want to do anything at all in life. These last three days, I forgot to take care of myself as I tried not to communicate with him.
Please suggest to me how can I come out of this disordered love. It kills me day & night.

When a priest looks at a woman

This is our latest email we received some days ago. It tells the story of how a priest looks for something else rather than friendship…than all of a sudden he stops immediately his friendship to leave the woman hanging on. There is a lack of clear and understandable communication from the part of the priest. Is it on purpose? Is it because of lack of communicative skills? Is it because they are afraid of admitting the truth? Is it because they feel vulnerable?

Let’s encourage more women to come forward and write their story. Writing could be part of the healing process. Writing will give extra strength to other women out there who are suffering in silence. Readers please be active! Comment and write what you think. 

How do you know when a priest loves or hates a woman at the same time? Ok let me tell you my story. I am Lily. It has been a year since a priest (Rev Leno), at my church has been looking at me.

Have you ever spoken to each other? Have you ever embraced, kissed (etc….) him? Why do you think he started to look at you?

The priest began by being friendly to me in public, cracking jokes. For example, one day I was sitting in the back of the church joining a prayer group when he looked at me and said, “I don’t look too bad, you can come and sit closer.” Some people showed that they were not too pleased with that joke, based on their facial expressions. You can tell when people are uncomfortable with things. And since that day I can feel some tension each time I go to that prayer group. I can also tell by the look that those people give to me. They never gave me that look before and I’ve been going to that group for years. One week later after he had made the joke, I went to a morning service where there’s only a hand full of people. He looked at me and stopped while he was doing the service.

For his protection and for my own reputation, I would rather keep a distance. I have had men looking at me the way, exactly as he does, and those men always tell me that they have feelings for me. I know when a man has feelings for me. A girl can tell those things.

That is is all he does, he looks at me in particular way. To be honest I really like the way he looks at me. That is one of the reasons why I started developing feelings for him. But the people who serve at the church have been furious since that day. It is like they have a really big problem with the way he looks at me. They treat me as if I did something wrong. I had to leave my prayer group because someone from the group said in public that a priest cannot give you what you want.

Why did you take it personally? Maybe that person was referring to something else…I mean are you assuming things or did somebody speak to you in a very clear way?

The man looked right at me and said that a priest has everything and doesn’t need anything else. And that a priest cannot give you what you want. So why can’t you give another man that favour? Ok everybody could see how the priest was looking at me during the service that morning. And the unusual look for the people started right after that day. Yes people are talking behind my back but I don’t know what they are saying because I chose not to pay attention to.

Why can’t you give another guy a favour. He was speaking freely, but I know he was talking to me. Since then I have been avoiding making eye contact with the priest. He has been preaching in a way that shows that he is trying to express his feelings. Is that wrong for him to do? Yes people at my church are big on sharing feelings in public. Sometime I wish that he would stop expressing his feelings in public. The past week I posted a message to another priest on Facebook.

What’s his name? So let’s assume that this priest has a soft spot for you…why did you communicate with another priest?

The other priest’s name is Ben. I only sent a message that said, “Were are you now? Do you still go to the same church?” He came back started looking at me across the church and as I was leaving the church he wanted to come and talk to me. I walked fast, just to avoid him.

I was just trying to be kind to the other priest because the other priest has left the church. He was only there because he was done with school and was at the church for training. Since that time he completely avoided making eye contact with me, pretended like I wasn’t there.

When he looks at me at a distance, he looks at me as if I’m hurting him. He hasn’t been smiling, has a depressed look, preaches about humiliation and when a woman leaves a man for someone else, because she wants to explore something else. He also preaches about friends betraying other friends. He spoke as if he was really depressed. I sent him a message and wrote some things that could make him feel good about himself and he has not answered. I think I have created another problem. The other priest…started coming back to the church and is now looking at me. I do not want to hurt people. The priest I have feelings for really draws me to him but I really want that to stop. I cannot believe that I am attracting two unavailable men. I am an introvert person, calm and sits at the back of the church. How am I able to attract two unavailable men? I really have feelings for the first priest. He is such an amazing priest. He has a really attractive personality. But I just want to enjoy his services and enjoy him as my priest for I know nothing can ever happen romantically between us. I only want him to be my priest.

What’s an update?

One of the fascinating words today is update. It means to bring up-to-date! We want to update several areas in our life and that of material things. This applies to religion. We were once very young children. We had our first ideas about God and the church. We grew up, we made experience, attended courses..so on and so forth. We continued to update our idea of God, church etc……It means that we are understanding more about religious themes. Everybody understands better as one grows older. Not updating it means to remain with the same childish ideas, in other words being left behind or not learning at all.

Why are we focusing on the word update? Because of the wonderful call of the Pope for the church to do outreaching i.e. to go out of the temple and look for the man/woman of today. But the multi million dollar question is: how can one call for an outreach if one does not update? i.e. the church needs to update its teaching about sexuality; justice; work; rights; environment; relationships etc…..We firmly believe that outreaching without updating the present teaching would sooner or later backfire. The initial enthusiasm may soon die.

The priests (those responsible for updating and preaching the contents of the Catholic religion), have been brainwashed that the teachings of the church do not change!! So whilst people do change in many areas, in the area of the Catholic religion they have to make an exception!

This is quite insulting as it means throwing into the trash what other people have experienced about God! God speaks in everyday experience. We cannot discard what other people experience about God. The mentality that the priest knows it all in the area of religion has to stop. Adults in faith (according to the updated teaching of the church) have the right to seek God in other ways! They are Adults in faith not children to be lectured at!!

Why does this happen in the church? We firmly believe that the unmarried priest does not have a family of their own. Hence they have to make an extra effort to understand the world of today. Most of them spend most of the time closed between the protective walls during the initial formation period. They are expected to study on books. Most of them are very young. Non married priests have the most strange ideas about women where most of them still see them as a devil in disguise. Most of them had never a real and deep relationship with an adult! How can they have a healthy relationship with their parishioners? We are not surprised by some of the stories shared on this blog as it amply shows the lack of preparation of unmarried priests to meet the society of today. Consequently it will effect their ‘handling’ of people in parishes and their explanation of the teaching of the church. It will effect their focus in their parishes.

The married priest is the one who is living the married experience which in itself is part of a chain of many other experiences….a deep relationship with an adult; understanding the opposite sex; loving an adult; taking care of children; interacting with his own sons and/or daughter; taking care of his house; being a parent 24/7 for all his life…….

The married priest is at an advantage over other priests because he has his own sons and/or daughters where it’s not so easy to educate and he has to respect this often contradictory attitudes/opinion/clothes etc…..Yet they are his sons and or daughters so he has to forgive and love. He is the one who has to understand their journey in life and their right to choose the wrong path or maybe the joy of running on a ‘greener grass’. The spirit of teenagers who feel like grown ups only if they say no to their parents!!! I remember one episode where my son and I used to go shopping for clothes. He used to ask for my opinion about the choice of clothes. He used to select the clothes that I hated most!

All this experience might help him to approach people who have left the church. Surprisingly, some of the married priests too have people in their family who do not wish to go to church. Below we publishing part of the


47. The Church is called to be the house of the Father, with doors always wide open. One concrete sign of such openness is that our church doors should always be open, so that if someone, moved by the Spirit, comes there looking for God, he or she will not find a closed door. There are other doors that should not be closed either. Everyone can share in some way in the life of the Church; everyone can be part of the community, nor should the doors of the sacraments be closed for simply any reason. This is especially true of the sacrament which is itself “the door”: baptism. The Eucharist, although it is the fullness of sacramental life, is not a prize for the perfect but a powerful medicine and nourishment for the weak.[51] These convictions have pastoral consequences that we are called to consider with prudence and boldness. Frequently, we act as arbiters of grace rather than its facilitators. But the Church is not a toll house; it is the house of the Father, where there is a place for everyone, with all their problems. (published on the 24th November 2013)

This is another love story with a man who is unavailable. With every story we can imagine the pain, frustration, anger, disbelief, numbness etc.. that one feels. It’s not another story. When the human heart is involved, there is a lot of energy, attention, will……….We firmly believe that the situation of so many priests who are not married is damaging in many ways for the Catholic Church. One can easily see the difference in married priests who don’t have to ‘hide’ their true love. The women next to these priests serve to animate and give energy to priesthood. The happy couple is the best witness to the gospel in today’s life.

We cannot judge anybody yet we feel sorry that the priests come out winners in the sense that the women feel victimized before and during the process. We wish the best of luck to Mary in her legal proceedings.

My name is Mary. I’m a 27-year-old girl and I had a relationship with a priest (Father Saviour), who is about 7 years older than me. He’s my type of man, but I always repressed my attraction just because he is a priest. Let’s say that if he would be a lay person, it would have been a normal couple.

I knew him personally but he started to talk to me very frequently on social network and at last he invited me to meet him. One evening we were chatting and he told me that he wanted to meet him, just to talk. That evening I was free. So he just ran and in 10 minutes he was already at the point where we decided to meet.

He than began to tell me about some other women that he had, even during his formation and I was just astonished, almost shocked because I didn’t think that of a priest. It seemed as I was the “confessor”. Long story short, we continued to meet and we ended up making love. At the beginning he was very sweet and very caring. He was even cooking for me and giving me presents. We often prayed together and he was very present in my life, calling me many times a day and texting me. He pampered me and cared for me…….I ended up falling in love with him. It was not just sexual attraction but I just loved him. But even if I was in love with him, I just kept on feeling bad for committing this sin and for making love with a priest. He instead was trying to convince me that there was nothing bad about it. Then sometimes during our meetings I noticed he was trying to devalue me with words wrapped in a joking context. Sometimes he used nice words towards me and some other times he was using deprecating expressions like “you are a frustrated, you are crazy, no one loves you etc…”. One day he came telling that “yes, I like you but I made another choice in life”…and there the hell started. I discovered he had (and I think he still has) a harem of women, mostly married, who have relationships with him. One day I discovered a conversation on Facebook between him and one of these women where they were talking negatively about me and when I told him that I had discovered everything, he broke down and started slapping me on my face. Then he asked me for forgiveness but with the excuse that it was me who induced him to beat me…however you turn it, the fault was always mine.

Then he kept just giving me the “hot/cold”, one day being him sweet and kind, and the day after a complete detached person. That drove me crazy, it was very nerve-racking and I couldn’t help to keep myself from contacting him and begging for explanations. Then he told me I had to find another guy to have a normal relationship and told me to stop contacting him. But I couldn’t manage. So he ended up denouncing me for stalking actions, omitting that he was the one who started the relationship and then drove me crazy. Now I’m in the middle of legal actions to solve this injustice. The bishop knows everything but he is still practising his priestly ministry and of course, I am sure he is continuing to abuse women or having sex for fun with them. He is a very crazy person, very unclear and fading. I guess almost with certainty that he has narcissistic personality disorder. This person has 3 parishes under him and I still wonder what benefits he can bring to his parishioners. For me, I spent the last 5 months grieving and wandering around with no more certainties. These people are very dangerous and are everywhere but when they hide behind the priestly clothing it’s very scary and traumatizing. I still didn’t understand what he wanted from me, if he wanted only sex, or if he wanted true love. I don’t know if he loved me or not. Maybe he doesn’t know anything because he is just obeying his instincts. Probably he doesn’t know even if he is dead or alive. He needs help but he has to seek it with his own free will. I still love him because he is not a totally negative person. But he is not trustworthy. I decided with all my will that I have to see him as a priest.

I suggest to women that when loving priests, they’ll have to verify what kind of person the priest is. Some aspects of a love story with a priest can be even good and new because you can participate in their lifestyle which is quite different from the one of a lay man. But you have to keep in mind that sometimes the priest can hide some other personalities. And the one who gets into trouble is always the woman, because the priest is more powerful. Please be careful and don’t fall under their abusive position of power.

Thanks a lot for your attention. Hope this story helps some other women in trouble with priests. God bless you all and please don’t lose your faith in our Jesus Christ!

This is a unique story. We mean that this is not a hidden relationship between a woman and a priest. But it’s between a very young and innocent girl and a middle aged priest. It amply shows that priests are not mature in their sexuality and that they are ‘broken’. Unfortunately they make use of their powerful position in society to abuse young girls. They twist around the principles and they truly show no scruples when it comes to satisfying one of the basic needs of humanity: to share physical love with another human being.

The girl is very young to understand the consequences and meaning of such acts. It’s the first experience which obviously makes it extra difficult to stop such abuses. There is the eternal dilemma: I want to stop. But the priest is much stronger (both physically and emotionally). We can’t be judgemental or try to blame her for what happened. We should focus on stopping such people in abusing innocent ones.

We wish to thank Tamara publicly for the courage of coming forward to tell her story. There are many more. We receive many stories but we can’t publish any story unless we have the consent of the author. Please remember that your stories might help other people who are facing the same deadly situation. Tamara has been a ‘sex slave’ for quite a long time… until she had the courage to tell us the story. Now we anxiously wait for readers’ comments.

I am Tamara. I met a priest named Michael. He was a station priest at my Church and was the one to celebrate the mass at my first holy communion. From then on he started socialising with my family members, obviously now I realise his true intention was to ask about me. He’d come for every one of my birthdays, bringing with him amazing gifts for me and I thought he was the Angel I had prayed for. I was so happy at that time. It was his tactic of attracting my attention. Things started getting a little steamy by the time I was 12/13.. We’d text each other every night, he’d tell me that he loved me and so on. Knowingly he was already abusing me. Then one day when he came to see my family after church, he hugged and greeted the people in the house and by the time he wanted to hug me there were very few people left. He hugged me but his hands went down to my bum and squeezed them. I really didn’t understand what that meant and I kept making excuses in my head for his action. It’s the mentality that priests are always right notwithstanding what you feel or think!

Sometime after, he came over when no one was around. There was the maid and myself. He came in, greeted the maid before she went into her room, then we sat talking. Barely into a conversation he told me to stand up, as I stood up, he started hugging me then kissing my neck and squeezing my butt telling me he loves me. Pressing me so tightly to him I felt something I wasn’t supposed to. The maid came back in and he backed off. I felt really bad that day because I felt used and cheap but that didn’t stop me from refusing him.

The next time, he came over when absolutely no one was home but my mum was at the church which was opposite our house. Immediately upon entering, he started touching me, kissing me and putting his finger where it isn’t supposed to be, I didn’t resist.

We carried on with this relationship and honestly, I didn’t realise how wrong it was but I thought it was love, true love. Although he was 32yrs older than me, I didn’t care. Age was just a number now. Time went by and next thing I knew, he was being transferred. I was happy and sad at the same time. My family still kept on visiting him even when he was transferred and I guess our relationship grew.

Eventually, one day I told him I couldn’t do it any more because I wanted to be close to God and not sin against him. He accused me of not knowing what I was saying & communication between him and I was brought to a halt. I was sad because I actually did love him and care about him and was in some way attached to him. For a split of a second I thought I was wrong and that I came up with all of this. Unfortunately, later I found out that he was ‘seeing’ other girls in the church and that made me feel useless and unimportant so I confronted him and he apologised for what he did after denying it several times. Later on, he came to report me to my father that I had been sending inappropriate messages to him and all of that. I got really mad, though I wanted to confront him I held myself. When I finally did, I realised he blocked my number from reaching his so I stopped.

Recently, I texted him apologising for what I did wrong to him and he said he had forgiven me a long time ago. It’s four years later and I still have positive feelings after all this abuse. I’ve tried but I just can’t stop caring about him I guess. It’s quite tragic after all.

Some people are trained to follow the rules. They wait for higher authorities in order to move one step forward. Well even the most antagonists against married priesthood have to bow to the Pope’s wish. Actually we are NOT inventing anything new but rather following the old example of the apostles. Most of them were married after all!

We are following the bible. We are not re-inventing the church. We are being more honest with the bible. We are not at the supermarket choosing what we like (as some Catholics describe us!). We are being faithful to the original message which unfortunately has been changed owing to superficial reasons (like not passing the financial gain of the church to the priest’s family!!).

We are happy for various reasons but there are two main ones:

ONE: the fact that in many parts of the world there are no priests to celebrate the Eucharist. This is no joke. Baptised people need to be taught. They need the sacrament to nourish their soul. They need someone to guide their community. They need spiritual assistance. They need to know more about the bible and about the teaching of the church; they need to be taught how to pray; they need strength when facing the cross in their own private lives.

There could be many spiritual people but nobody can take away the role of a priest in a community. With such a lack of priests we are risking the annihilation of the Catholic church from many communities. The loss would a great disservice to humanity because the church’s role in the world has become more urgent. Who could talk about peace if not the church?

TWO: A married priest is closer to the people. This effects his way of working with people. The priest has been working in a comfortable zone. He is well served and protected within a powerful institution. In many societies he has become an untouchable. In most cases he preaches from the ‘theoretical’ point of view.

Being a married priest, he is well embedded in today’s world. Most probably he has children so he is not simply preaching to others what to do, but he himself is living the message that he preaches to others.  He is not afraid of living 24/7 next to his wife and facing all challenges. Most of all, in his congregation, there is a public witness by having a family alongside his ministerial role. People can see the way he animates his family. It’s a kind of preaching by example rather than by the word. This is essential in today’s world.

Just click on this line for the good news!

Last week the famous author of the Thorn Birds died. It brought many memories to most of our readers! Well this is another true and sincere story which came out just a few hours ago!

I felt a small tug of personal loss when author Colleen McCullough passed away last week. She was the author of a book that, in some ways, read like the story of my life. I fell in love with my priest and later married him — the same torrid forbidden love story that fuels McCullough’s classic novel. But in other ways, my story was nothing like that romance. It was more like a nightmare.

I was in the middle of a breakup from an abusive, drug-addicted boyfriend when I first went to Father W — for counselling. He was the most caring, compassionate man in the world. He was so tender, so concerned, and our intimate nightly telephone talks quickly became the highlight of my day. I was in the process of joining the church through the adult conversion program, and in my weekly class, I saw how beloved he was by the community. How powerful. I prayed daily my thanksgiving for such a wonderful priest.

In our evening calls, he revealed to me that he cared for me more than I could ever know. After the abuse and horror of my recent relationship, such kindness was irresistible. We went for dinner one night and ended up in the rectory, passionately making out. We continued to speak or see each other often, pushing boundaries further, until the very night I was welcomed into the church at Easter. After giving me my First Communion, he took me into his private rooms in the rectory and we made love.

Then the full-fledged affair began. He came over every night, staying later each time, until he was creeping away at dawn. When I wondered about the future of the relationship, and how guilty I felt, he made me promise to love only him, and to recite the wedding vows with him one night to bind us. He told me afterwards that we were both technically excommunicated by that private act – but that our love was bigger than the church or any rules of mankind. It was something God had given us. It was, as if by McCullough’s own pen, our own “Thorn Birds” story.

Of course, we were discovered. The bishop heard rumours, confronted Father W —. He was moved from my parish to another church in another town but continued to drive back to my apartment to stay all night anyway. He eventually took a leave of absence and looked for a job in the private sector. As soon as he found it, he left the priesthood.

If you want to continue reading the story then go to: The Thorn Birds.

The second part of our blog today we dedicate to encourage our readers to be more pro-effective in our drive to make married priesthood possible under Pope Francis. We urge you to take part in an open letter to the Pope.

The association of Catholic Priests, with a strong membership of 1100 priests, has written a letter to the Pope.

“Please take advantage of the opportunity that Pope Francis provides for the sake of the church in the United States: accept the offer of Pope Francis to consider the possibility of ordaining married viri probati as priests,” says the letter sent to every U.S. archbishop, bishop, auxiliary bishop, and retired bishop.

The Eastern Catholics, who already have married priests and who form part of the same Catholic Church, rejoices in the restoration of married priests. They firmly believe that one can’t be a good pastor if one is a lousy dad or a lousy husband!!! If you want information about Eastern Catholics, you can simply google Eastern Catholics.

Important weblinks for our readers

We firmly believe that the word of God is not simply enclosed in the bible but it spreads everywhere. One of them is in the daily news. As adults in faith, we try to see God’s marvellous works every day. We are giving you some links to other websites which we think are useful in order to grow in a spiritual way.

One of this was the news coming from the Philippines. There were some married priests who had their children baptised. People were happy to have them as the priests’ shortage was being felt in that area. The beauty of it is, that the authorities know about them and they let them work in the field of the Lord!

In Europe, England, one in ten of every diocesan priest, had converted from the Anglican religion. Most of them were married! Incredibly in some cases, the priest left the parish to get married and was replaced by another married priest! Calls from Latin America, Africa, Asia and Europe are being heard in order to let priests get married. The shortage of priests is being described as God’s way of telling us to change! We need to change our perspective for future priests. The Pope himself has said that the Catholic church has married priests!

One of the most famous theologians of this century (ex Franciscan!), has simply made a very clear call: the church is more than just the Pope. What’s the use of having Pope Francis if a visit to a local parish would give a completely different idea of the church?

In other parts of the world, there has been many clandestine relationships between priests and women. This blog can testify about numerous similar stories.

Incredibly some people who think of defending the church by insisting that celibacy has nothing to do with sexual abuse. Their main line of defence is the proof that married people too abuse their own children. Well there has been more scientific study which shows that unmarried people do abuse children for some specific reasons. Married people abuse children for different type of reasons but both kind of reasons cannot be mixed up together! In other words, one is not a proof of the other!

Lastly we are producing a citation about a brief history of celibacy…it might come handy for most of our readers! We ask our new readers to come forward with their stories. Your experience is invaluable! Please share in order to enrich the internet with unique stories. May God Bless all our readers throughout 2015.

Second step, let’s support our married priests in their work. If we have a bigger support group, we might apply the right pressure in order to expect the necessary changes in the Catholic Church. If we remain silent and mostly non-proactive, things would never change. Let’s face others and explain our reasons. Let’s expand and broadcast our message. Please pass on this website to others. You might never know who is in a secret relationship with a priest, or others who might think about the possibility of having married priests.

My name is Alana. I fell in love with Jonathan – a Roman Catholic Priest. We met online on a popular social media website. We asked Alana some questions. The questions are for our readers too. Please do reflect on some of the answers. You are invited to write and comment.

How did you meet? I mean there are millions of people online, why did you pick up this guy?
I met him on a social network. He started communicating with me. I had the impression he was lonely. He actually chased me, pretty forward about his attraction towards me. I thought,”He is just a harmless flirt.”

Did he show that he was a priest or maybe he was camouflaged? If the latter is the answer, when did he tell you that he was a priest?

His social network name and handle clearly indicated that he was a priest, with his parishes’ website linked up. I did some research and found he was indeed legitimate.

What made you click together? (was it his language, listening.…) Please explain fully.

He figured out my real name based on my handle name. He was trained in Rome and was fluent in Italian and correctly guessed my real name. What made us click is that we have similar work issues, political games/problems at work, issues with favouritism etc. He told me his pastor thought he was lazy. In hindsight I believe he was an arrogant academic, but I mistook that for being intelligent and very well spoken as I’m a sucker for intelligent men. He asked me to pray for him a lot due to work struggles and I did. I would pray rosaries for him at night and he would always tell me my prayers helped him. Everyday he asked for prayers. I sympathized with him. Oh, and he even said that he had dreams about me, about us together doing things. He lives in another state about two time zones away. We first messaged each other and the conversation seemed good.

In general, what was the content of the messages?

In general we talked about life, work, family problems. We had a lot in common as far as addictive issues that run in our families. Travel and vacations, not with each other, but places, etc. It always flowed. He is very intelligent but much younger than myself, about 12 years younger, so I didn’t think anything of it. I thought myself too old for him even though I don’t look my age and I am very attractive. He then asked me for my phone number. I didn’t have an issue with this because it seemed harmless. It seemed as if we were friends.

Please allow me to ask you this question: Before you give your cellphone number…do you have any safety rules..ie in case he is psychopath, what would you do? Or maybe did you take it for granted that priests don’t do the bad things other guys do?

I simply thought that since he is a priest that there would be no harm. I didn’t even give it a second thought. See, he follows my sister on a social network too, and my sister noticed when he started following me and she said that he was a nice guy that seemed to work a lot and asked for prayers. I firmly believe my sister would be honest with me, but now I don’t know if he did the same to her! He mentioned that he followed her too and that she was very religious, which she is, more so than myself. I started hearing from him daily via text messaging. I heard from him morning and night. He would always call before bed and tell me that he missed me. It was so exciting to hear from him. I was starting to like him!! He always text messaged me and called me saying he was thinking of me.

Would it cross your mind that at this stage he is crossing from a simple and natural friendship to something else?

Yes, it did. It crossed my mind a lot. Every time I heard from him I thought about it. I thought about it after hours, before bed, during day. Thinking,”I think this guy is into me.” I kept thinking,”This can’t be! A priest? May God forgive me/us.”

In our earlier conversations he said that he could never marry. He also said he wanted something from me that was more along the lines of between a man a woman than priest and woman. I tried to slow things down when I started developing feelings. I never chased him, but he kept up with text messages and loving phone calls. He was acting totally opposite of what he was saying, so I followed my heart. I allowed him to get closer to me and I fell in love even though we never met. We would use the webcam and then things became sexual in nature. We saw each other naked; he never saw me fully naked but I did see him and was a bit surprised at how easy it was for him. There were times when would be on online chatting via web-cam I would hear his phone text messaging going off repeatedly! What little time we had to talk would be distracted by his phone. I thought only another woman would text him repeatedly in this manner.

Again, please allow me to ask you the question in the name of our readers: are are there any safety measures before revealing yourself to somebody online? I don’t know your level of understanding of today’s technology but a web-cam could be easily used for recording. Without sending you into a panic attack, did you consider this possibility?

I never thought about that. He had gained my trust almost 99.9%. I thought,”This guy is a priest. He has much more to lose than myself.” I even thought, “I must be the exception to the rule.” Silly me! With your question I now am very concerned and I will press charges should anything ever be published without my consent. Actually, it was done on Facetime via Iphone. I’m pretty new to Facetime and I don’t know if there is a record feature there, but still I am VERY worried. I TRUSTED him and I am little panicked but trying to keep my composure. This is not what I typically do. I’m being honest here. I’m usually very much reserved.
We also had an agreement that I would never call him Father, just by his name. I was okay with that and so was he as he said since he was not my parish priest. He even advised me what to say in confession, to say ‘a priest’. He said he didn’t mention me or his involvement in his confessions, but used a different word, like to skirt it.

Don’t you think that he is indirectly admitting that he is using your relationship for his own motivations?

Yes, I did. This is why I ended whatever we had about a week later. This conversation stuck in my head like no other conversations. I analyse everything and I couldn’t let this subject go. It was like my soul telling me,”Listen! Pay attention. Run! Now!” He couldn’t even say my name in confession! What a slap in the face!

He kept thanking me for my ‘friendship’. He said he was grateful for me and he was so thankful that he had me that he could talk to regularly about anything and everything. We were growing close and this scared me as he said he could never marry me.

Being concerned about my feelings deepening and wasting my time I confronted him. I asked, ‘What if I fell in love with you?” He panicked and said, “I told you early on I could never marry you.”The fact is that I was already in love with him but didn’t tell him. I kept that to myself. On his part it amply proves that most priests don’t want a full relationship which involves responsibilities. They just want the ‘easy’ or the ‘attractive’ parts of a relationship!!

When cornered he folded up like a lawn chair under pressure. He wanted the fun and games but no commitment. End of story. If any woman wants to know just ask, be bold, be upfront and get the answers you deserve! Don’t be scared! I firmly believe that people always tell you who they are without ever realizing it. Like when he mentioned about addictions in his family and food as his; I believe now he was addicted to food and sex. Addictions come in threes and who knows what the third one is! I went to a face to face confession and my parish priest believed that he was deviant and used his power. It’s been one of the toughest confessions I have ever been to and I don’t wish this on anyone. If I can help any woman or man for that matter, please listen to me,”Don’t do it.” Your soul will thank you. He asked if I thought I was used and I said,”Yes.” My parish priest used the words, “exploit” and “predatory” and “using his authority and power” and that he hoped he would see his errors soon. My priest asked me if this guy ever gave me absolution and if I am in contact with him in any form. I said no to both, which is the truth. My priest said any confessions given to him would be null and void and I would need to do any of those confessions over and seek penance.

Just a simple question for the benefit of our readers: how would you know that it’s true love and not infatuation, loneliness etc……?

I believe now it was loneliness that got me sucked in. I take care of sick family member a lot and most of my time is spent doing that and whatever time I have left is for myself on my studies, work, my dogs and at the gym. Most men don’t approach me because I am an attractive woman. Most men tell me that are intimidated, so I don’t have very many confident men around. Even women tell me, “You are beautiful, but I bet no one ever tells you that.” So yes, I am lonely and a total bookworm.

I then told him that he was more than happy to use me but not marry me and it would be best to cut off all contact. He panicked and wanted to be friends still in regular contact, that he needed me and my friendship, he said he needed the contact. I told him no, that he sent out too many mixed signals and I’m not going down that road of being used. He kept apologizing saying he was so sorry. He asked that I continue praying for him and I didn’t answer. I even explained to him that I saw him connecting with other younger girls on the social media website and this proves to me realistically that even if he left the priesthood he would pick the younger girls anyway for something for traditional. He was silent. He asked for a Hail Mary at the end of the conversation. I said,”No, I need to get back to work.” We hung up and never spoke again after that Christmas Eve.

Luckily, I only spent about two months of my time on this relationship, but it was something I had never intended; to fall in love with a priest. I felt an enormous amount of guilt for getting involved and I pray that God forgives me. I’ll always love him deep down, but I’ll never tell him that. I should have known to never get involved. I do still miss him.

Just a personal comment, not for Alana but for our readers: somebody once said that’s it better to be all alone that in an abusive relationship. In this context do we miss being in a relationship or do we miss a particular person?


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