Tag Archive: falling in love with a priest

My name is Mary. My priest is Joe. I’m answering questions written by Rev Daniel.

Where did you meet?

l met him at my parish when he came to teach us music. We were preparing to record our album as a youth group, actually he was our producer.

What made him so attractive?

His voice attracted me because when he’s singing he’s so sweet!

How is he as a man?

He’s very good. I can’t even compare him with my boyfriend..he’s too good.

Who was the first to show any signs of affection?

He was the first to show signs of affection. He asked for my number indirectly, not knowingly. Looking back it seems that he had an agenda. In fact he started calling me many times and taking more than an hour for each call. He was telling me sweet things and how beautiful l was.

How did your relationship develop from that point onwards?

The relationship developed to an extent that l couldn’t go a day without talking to him, l felt loved when l was with him.

How many times did you meet?

We used to meet four times per week. l usually went to his place during the day or even spend the whole night with him, but now l have relocated, but l visit him whenever l have the chance.

Are you intimate with your priest?

Oh yes we are!

What makes you mad about this priest?

He’s so romantic and sweet. He’s just too good.

Does he run away or make himself unavailable sometimes?


Does your relationship have a future?

I don’t think it has a future because at one point l got pregnant and he asked me to abort. He said that his job doesn’t allow him to have kids!

How does he judge your relationship?

He’s so jealous, he doesn’t want me to have any kind of relationship with any another man.

Aren’t you afraid that one day, somebody will discover your relationship?

Some people know and some they suspect that there is something going on between the two of us. But the most painful thing is that I’m not the only woman for him because I have seen used condoms in his house. Unfortunately l find myself going back to him. He was the first man l slept with…in other words he took my virginity…l do love him but I wish he could marry me.

Dear readers, it’s up to you now to make our blog very lively by your comments, questions and writings!

We are meeting another woman who got to know a priest. Can you please introduce yourself?

I am Sharon and my priest’s name is Ignatius.

Can give us some more details about the first time you met?

We met when he got transferred to be our priest. I was in charge of youth programs.

What attracted you to his personality?

He had nothing special but he got interested into my projects but had never gotten involved into community work. I mentored him all through and we started working together. At times him running my project errands when I am at work because l have a full time job. In whenever he had functions, l would coordinate the activities on the ground during preparations and he takes care of the mass.

What made you assume that he had feelings for you?

He told me one evening on phone that he had fallen for me and wanted the relationship to move to the next level. I turned him down several times. One day, we were working on a big ordination for 20 priests. As usual we coordinated this together. Visitors were many and we didn’t have so many rooms. We gave out my room and there was no option. We shared one room for 3 days. One bed but he didn’t touch me. He respected me. After that, every time we worked on such project we could sleep on one bed. We did this several times without even moving next to each other. I trusted him. But one day he did and we had sex. The following day we broke up. But later, he apologised and we went back to our friendship. But after sometime l couldn’t resist him. He is charming, respects my opinion and is always there for me when l need him.

What do you call your relationship?

At the moment, we have been like lovers for a while and working together at the same time. Its not been a bed of roses.  We do argue and shout at one another like any other couple.  We do separate at times  and make out again. There are times we spend at my place, at times at his place, at times we take time off and go for holidays.

Were there any intimate moments?

There were many. Things have just slowed down and l feel its time to move on. He no longer calls. This holiday, he didn’t create any time for me. I am so disappointed and l think all of a sudden something is wrong. We haven’t talked about it but l think it is time to leave. I am not hurt because l didn’t expect much. Plus l know l have a modelled a man to become who he is. I enjoyed the moment he was in my life and am grateful for this. I have learnt a lot from him about men and love. More so he has taught me how to be patient with men.

What is the way forward?

I am looking for a chance to discuss this with him. I have made up my mind and l think its the right time to move on. If he agrees we can continue working together but l will slow down on this to pull us apart. It’s not easy on me either and I am aware that it’s a tough challenge waiting for me.

What do you think about priests vs women relationships?

l still don’t know what can be done about such relationships but l feel the catholic church does not have structures in place yet to support married priests. I miss him though and will miss him but l don’t think l am ready to have him leave the church for me. In that case then it’s me who has to leave this relationship.

Thank you Sharon for your time and for sharing your intimate story with our readers. May God Bless you! Readers are invited to comment. This is your blog so we are very eager to have your opinion on board!

Hope is part and parcel of our humanity. If we take away hope, than our faith shall be relegated to none at all. We all are aware of how the Catholic Church works, it takes a very long time to bring a about changes, yet changes are happening all the time. It’s not only with the election of Pope Francis but with the community at large. Many church going people are changing too. God works silently and unobtrusively everyday! The final work could be seen after a long time.

Let’s be positive about it. The sexual abuse scandal has brought about a lot of positive change in the people of God. They feel that the time has come for more transparency in the running of the church. It has emerged too that priests do not know it all and that they need the help of professional people. Theology is not the only science to which future priests should be subjected to. Other sciences are shedding light on the lonely life of a priest.

Relationships is what makes humans on a higher level. If the priest neglects relationships, he would be destroying his own humanity and consequently any chances of spirituality. It is in this area where the church needs to work more and more. Relationships do change the way a priest deals with his parishioners. He cannot simply barge into a parish and starts working on his own according to his wish and will! In a parish one is dealing with human beings. It’s really imperative that the pastor takes relationships seriously.

Many people do welcome the married priest and they see it as an asset nowadays. Only a few people still grumble that the priest won’t make it with a wife and a family. Instead of looking at a family as a hindrance, the Catholic Church should see it as a big help in the spirituality of the priest which makes him see and feel God everywhere. Many women have had a very important role in the teaching of young ones in the Catholic Faith. They can do the same professional job alongside the priest as wife: meaning as a friend; counsellor; parishioner; team partner etc…

In the coming year, together with the CCRI (Catholic Church Reform International), let us continue to work together toward those changes that will bring our Church into one that truly reflects what Jesus envisioned:

that divorced and remarried men and women will be welcomed to the Eucharistic table;
that women begin to be treated with dignity and given equal access to service roles in the Church;
that men who have left the priesthood to marry are no longer made to feel that they failed just because they wanted a partner and a family of their own;
that all who have suffered from sexual abuse in their youth find peace within themselves and justice from their perpetrators;
that members of the LGBT community are welcomed into the Church and no longer judged for whom they love;
that Church fathers recognize that the Spirit also speaks through the People of God and we are given the opportunity to have an influential voice in the governance of our church and in the election of our bishops.

We wish all this for the coming year to the Catholic Church. A happy New Year to all our readers and may they continue spreading the good news of married priests throughout the world.

How can a woman help a priest?

After a series of writing which point out the difficulties of a relationship between a priest and a woman, now it’s the turn to focus on the positive effects on the life of a priest and his work in the parish.

Having a relationship. Priests are used to being transferred/and/or facing a large crowd. A priest can hide his true feelings or else can put on a mask and play a particular role. He is an actor after all. In most cases they can easily hide their true feelings. Their protective cover is that they preach during a mass (liturgy) where most people are silent listeners (contrary to today’s radio/television/internet programs where people react immediately to what they listen!!). In counselling he is still obliged to follow the role of a priest where he has to solve problems or at least to give intelligent answers.

In a one to one relationships, the priest can be on his own with no obligation to follow the rules nor play the intelligent or holy one. He can speak about his personal life. A woman can be a very good listener. Besides, she can point various hidden aspects in the life of the priest.

Receiving compliments. A relationship is not only giving but receiving too. Most priests are NOT good at receiving compliments because they are not used to it, besides other factors. One has to remember that like all public figures, the priest can be critically wounded by criticism. A woman can be the missing catalyst in the priest’s life. She enriches the priest life by giving the necessary positive criticism plus affection. A hug from such a significant person can work wonders. Consequently the fact that there is at least one person who cares in the congregation, makes the priest work harder.

Understanding people. We always believed that four eyes are better than two. The priest meets many people and has to deal with many situations. The fact that he is single handed, it means a big disadvantage. Directing a whole parish means hundreds of people (if not thousands!). The woman helps him to understand better some of the situations that he encounters. She can make him aware of many things going on in the situations surrounding his life.

Becoming more sensitive. Not all priests are sensitive to people (!!) especially to children. Women traditionally have been nearer to children. They nurture a natural sensitivity towards children. The priest is trained differently. Hence the presence of a woman helps him understand children, teenagers and young adults. In many cases, woman have experienced the challenge of taking care of a family, in some cases all alone. So they are well prepared for hard jobs. They know the difficulty of pulling ahead with little or no money at all. They know how to unite the family when there is no common point!

Physical appearance. A woman takes care about the look of her priest too. Most priests (although not all), are not concerned with their look. She can open up his wardrobe and add the necessary clothes in order to make the priest look more respected and approachable. Most priests are not that keen on wearing ‘good’ clothes.

A woman can take a close look at what the priest is eating, exercising, resting etc…..she looks at the big picture and feel if the priest is healthy, happy or undergoing the latest identity crisis!

Black and white plus grey. Some priests view people from a very rigid point of view: that of obeying or not obeying the Lord’s rules. Hence they would see very few bridges to connect with people. A woman can help rejuvenate the priest’s view by adding a totally different criteria. Most women will stand by their own children even when caught red-handed. Most priests would need a new and radical way to approach others. A woman can be so instrumental in this sense.

Learning to face adversity. They experience as well the daily challenges of living under the same roof although having totally different opinions. They know how to sow seeds of quick and diplomatic words which might stop a fight from becoming a full fledged war! She can provide a well thought feedback together with the necessary training for facing similar situations in the larger family (ie parish).

Living true Love. The greatest asset is her focused love on the priest. Love is God. No theological book can explain the beauty of the God unless one falls in love. It is the most practical guide to get to know and experience God Himself! In this sense, a woman who falls in love with a priest is God’s greatest blessing as it brings the priest a new horizon and spirituality in his life.

Our wish, for those who are already in a relationship with a priest, is to love your priest in the way you know best in the present circumstances. Make him experience a new birth of Christ! This might include as well loving him from a distance or not having him at all. But once he feels your radiation of love, even from kilometres away, it changes his life completely to one where he can feel God thoroughly. A happy Christmas to all our readers with these kind of thoughts in our mind.

Please we did not write all the reasons how a woman can enrich a priest’s life. It’s up to our beloved readers to continue writing about this theme for the Christmas season!

The idea of a whistle blower has always caused a great discussion for governments. But having the same concept in the Catholic Church is much more difficult as most church attending people are still brainwashed that the church is a saintly one, and all those who challenge its authority must be nuts; desperately looking for money; or some other odd idea!

Obviously, the priest who sees all this imagines and feels how difficult it is to expose everything. As in other spheres of life, the one who talks, would bring about public attention and most probably he would lose his high esteem. He would be under suspicion. In this light we understand that most priests, especially those who have fallen in love, would prefer to keep everything under the carpet and remain silent as they would feel terrorised if their love story would be published! Now let’s go to East Africa.

Throngs of Roman Catholics greeted Pope Francis when he visited East Africa this week. But the Rev. Anthony Musaala wasn’t part of the official welcoming delegation.

Two years ago, Ugandan Archbishop Cyprian Lwanga suspended Musaala indefinitely – barring him from administering the sacraments- when Musaala wrote an open letter that challenged his priestly vows of celibacy, condemned sexual abusers among the clergy and criticized priests who father children and abandon them.

In practical terms it’s the same treatment received by a government who prefers to silence one whistle blower than facing reality and doing something about it. If what Musaala is saying is true, than what will happen to the church? It’s the same mistake which happened with sexual abuses where the general approach was that of putting everything under a nice carpet!!

The obvious question would be: is it right to shut up and let things as they are? Is silence ok in the conscience of a priest or an active Catholic in a parish? This is the right question to be asked to most of the clergymen who are ready to condemn divorced, gay etc… but not the criminal acts done by themselves! On what grounds did we allow a paedophile priest to celebrate and receive the Holy Communion but not a divorced person?

Since then, Musaala, a popular gospel singer and LGBT activist, has become a champion of efforts in Uganda to overturn church celibacy rules and oppose anti-gay laws.

“We will ensure the pope hears our voices on the issues of celibacy,” said Musaala before the Pope’s visit.

The petition drive advocating marriage for priests comes as the Ugandan Catholic Church has been cracking down on Musaala and his fellow activists. Last month, Lwanga suspended several other priests for suggesting that Catholic priests should marry.

Again: is suspension the right answer for people nowadays? Does it silence once for all the call for married priests?

By denying priests permission to marry, the church is rejecting thousands of young men who otherwise would heed the call to holy orders in Africa, home of the world’s fastest-growing Catholic population, Musaala is convinced. Meanwhile, he added, numerous Ugandan priests now live openly with wives and families anyway. Again, by turning a blind eye to these events, will it remain a secret or known to just a few?

At the shrine in Namugongo, where Francis addressed around 1,000 lay Catholics on his visit to Uganda, Vincent Ogalo elicited cheers as he spoke before a crowd of petition supporters.

“I prefer priests to marry to avoid cases of adultery in our churches,” he said. “My wife was snatched by one of the local priests after having stayed together in marriage for five years.”

Religious women are especially targeted by sexually frustrated priests, Ogalo continued. He believed the solution was properly satisfying the priests’ desires.

“We have always trusted them with our wives and daughters, who usually help them with various work in churches,” added Ogalo. “They’re not good people if allowed to stay without marrying. They are a threat to us.” He is the first one who puts forward this expression: that they are a threat to the rest of the parish!!!

Catholics in Africa hold on to traditional societal values that are at odds with some church doctrines, said Zacharia Wanakacha Samita, of the department of philosophy and religious studies at Kenyatta University in Nairobi, Kenya.

“People who choose not to marry, whether for religious reasons, as celibacy in the Catholic Church, or other practical reasons, do not easily find social acceptability in African society, largely because marriage and having children remains a core value,” he said. Now is it just Africa who sees the church in this light? What about European and world wide experience?

Are the women who have love/d a priest aware of their special role in the church by walking alongside a whistle blower?

The answer is obviously no. Than why do you fall in love to a man who is unavailable? It seems very similar to falling from high above without using a parachute!!

What’s so surprising is that the priest makes it feel as if it’s ok to preach to the others while having an affair with a woman. The reasons given by some priests in order to justify their sexual intimacy have been astounding! Some have said that God is loving the woman! Others have said that they have been given such a gift by God himself! One priest said that he needs to explore God’s temple (= woman’s body). Another priest said to a prostitute: on a Sunday I’m the priest (=in church) but today I’m Mr……!!!

On the other hand, surprisingly, the woman too has been brainwashed because she seems to be convinced that it is a real relationship, which can blossom into a real family. This is not just a piece of information, but most of the woman belief it with all their heart, body and soul!

Is it because they think that nowadays the priest is going to leave priesthood and marry them to have a wonderful family? We have always insisted that we don’t support clandestine relationships. We are trying to explain to people that celibacy should be optional but in the meantime the priest has to decide: shall he continue with the relationship and leave the parish or forget about the woman and continue walking in the same direction? It’s not right to play with the emotional life of a woman or of any other significant other. One has to decide which way to go. We feel obliged in conscience to alert all women that a hidden relationship with a priest is a recipe for disaster. Please apply your mental brakes at the very beginning of the relationship!

The first part of the article seems to be written by somebody who wants the priest to stay at all costs in the parish. Well it’s not. After experiencing so much suffering from women who have been abused by priests, the call for justice takes an upper hand. We cannot hear so many stories and remain indifferent. It’s not because we want to keep the status-quo of forced celibacy. On the contrary we are trying to make our voice heard by the present Pope Francis to make celibacy optional.

On the other hand, listening to some women, we are reminded what somebody once said: that the heart has reasons, which the mind can never comprehend!! We have been insisting many times that relationships are not simply like an operation where one operates a series of buttons. It’s not an on and off action. We truly believe that some women can’t help it but fall in love. As we have repeatedly said, the priest speaks about a lot of virtues, values and principles plus being available to hear their stories, which consequently makes him so attractive, plus that, it fills them with awe and desire to stay alongside such a wonderful person.

Obviously, as a married priest, we cannot forget that in some occasions, the woman-priest relationship has blossomed into a real relationship and consequently into a happy family. The married priest has been confirmed as more happy and that he works more confidently in his pastoral care. He is in a better position to understand today’s challenges. We are all in favour of married priesthood, yet not all priests wish to let go of the riches, advantages and perks which come with a solitary life!

This is the message which we are willing to share with most of our readers. Beware that your handsome priest, might be a different person when challenged to live a family life! Maybe he wants to have the cake and eat it too! Please do write and give your honest opinion!

This is another true story by one of our readers. It clearly shows the manipulation which goes on the priest’s life as he is carefully kept away from the so called ‘normal’ experience of life for many years during his seminary (place of initial training) formation. At one moment, the priest grows up and the lid on his true feelings disappears! This is something not understood by those who claim that he knew what he promised to God (celibacy). In fact it’s not surprising that most priests have never received a kiss from a woman. It all boomerangs unto the priest when he grows up and starts to meet the normal world. Was his vow of celibacy valid when he was kept in the dark for such a long time?

The oldest of seven children, three brothers and three sisters, 10-year old John’s widowed mother sent him to a seminary in the hopes of giving him a good education. He grew up isolated from the rest of the world, following strict rules and regulations within the typical regimented spirit of a seminary or monastery. He was allowed to go home for brief annual holidays in his earlier years. He loved the contact with nature, the clean bubbly creeks, the snow-packed mountain peaks and the surrounding green pastures and hills.

It happened during one of those outings that he encountered a pretty 22-year old girl who, after several encounters and long conversations took matters in her own hand and planted a kiss on John’s lips. Startled by that demonstration of affection, he blushed and ran down the hill, towards home. Days later he returned to the seminary to continue his theological studies but never forgot the incident with Concetta, to the point that he felt compelled to approach his spiritual director who invariably avoided the subject claiming that “everything will get settled with time.” John did not know what to make of his very first kiss with a young woman. He had never before experienced that form of contact with a person of the opposite sex, so different and so pleasant.

Somehow he felt that something important and immensely beautiful had been left out of his life. Up until then there had been only prayers, time in church, more prayers and more time in church, day in and day out. Because of that kiss his mind and body were going through a series of questions never asked before; very challenging questions. Was he supposed to go through an entire life without those pleasant sensations experienced during that kiss? He was confused and dismissed all that reasoning as the wrong thoughts for a seminarian heading to the priesthood and a life devoted to helping in the Christian way of life, heading to a life of chastity, poverty and obedience. And he chased those thoughts as evil ones. The following four years of theology flew by quickly with a relative calm, mainly dedicated to the study and preparation for the apostolic and missionary life that had been chosen for him.

Having won a scholarship, John’s congregation sent him to the Catholic University in Washington, D.C., to obtain a master’s degree in Social Psychology and to prepare him for a life of teaching in Kenya. He dove into a life of studies between classes and libraries and endless hours poring over books and writing his thesis. Evenings were spent in the recital of the rosary and evening prayers, the reading of a spiritual book, the supper, some ping-pong until 9:00 p.m. when everyone retired to their single rooms to study some more, read or sleep. The routine continued for about two years.

As a priest John was sent to various parishes that needed help on Saturdays and Sundays with a Mass celebration or other activities. John noticed that there were great differences at the way they looked at things in Europe and how Americans looked and dealt with those same things. The seminarians lead a fairly liberal life and were able to travel independently back and forth to the university and other destination where they were needed.

Through his activities at the parish level, John got to meet new people and was often invited to spend time at a birthday party, a wedding or other celebrations. It was during that time period that he noticed to be the centre of attention, mainly from the female population that considered him to be cute and sexy. John naturally enjoyed the attention and the fuss most women bestowed upon him and at various times, he thought to be in love. He was young, inexperienced and fell like a sucker to the various seduction schemes. It was the beginning of a much deeper interest in the female gender and their presence in his life. Then one day it happened, and John wondered why was he having a love affair with a woman 15 years his senior? Where this need for physical contact with a woman came from? Was it merely boyish inexperience or was it the pressing urge to experience sex at 25?

During John’s second year of university he was assigned to help out with more parish duties and so the man-priest continued to be exposed to the possibility of interacting with the female population of the area. Those years could be defined as the awakening of his inner self, to that great physical love forbidden to a priest. Only God could be witness to the various experiences and dilemmas he went through. Probably his greatest sin was to love without being loved. That for him was a terrible experience that left him sour and mad. In a very short period of time, his duties as priest were reduced to the bare essentials, like celebrating Mass and saying the rosary at night with his fellow priests. He frequently dropped the reading of the breviary. On the other hand, his social life outside of the convent intensified to the point of foregoing the community duties. Picnics with his university friends, both boys and girls, with returns to the community house late at night became more frequent.

John tried to analyze and stigmatize his first contacts and subsequent pains and traumas arising from the discovery of the woman in his adult life. Four were the women that stood out in a special way in his memory, and it was due to these four experiences that made him wonder why the Catholic Church made celibacy a very important aspect of a man entering the priesthood. It namely took the priest further away from the actual life of his flock and turned him into an absurd figure in the society he lived in and worked for. Needless to say that since its inception, priesthood was never a life of chastity, except for a few of them. Through the history of the church, priests having one or more women in their lives were a common fact.

Once finished his studies, John was designated to start his missionary work in Kenya. No more easy life or daydreaming, but getting on with real life, facing his future with courage and especially with an open mind. If Kenya was to be his future, he had to dive into it wholeheartedly and with enthusiasm.
To John, Kenya was then an unknown bit of landscape in this huge earth, and he could even guess that he would fall in love with that exotic piece of earth and for the rest of his life, he would want to go back to it. At that time, he only knew he would be a teacher to secondary or high school students who had passed their Cambridge exams and wanted to become teachers. Needless to say that John’s life had always been and would be a roller coaster of sentimental journeys. The man-priest supposed to observe chastity was often taken over by the urgent need of an affective human link, characterized by a feminine presence.

Several years later, John was assigned a new position in Brazil. He fought this assignment initially as he could never get rid of the nostalgia of a great river, which had just run dry. Its waters would never again turn the big, noisy wheels of the mills which grounded so much work and happiness in the land of wilderness. John wanted to be an apostle as he once was. Would this new land be again a land of activity, of true loving activity? John longed for love and understanding. The love and understanding that would make his work possible and render his dedication absolute. He was in search of a challenge. He was hired as sociologist by a large, international welfare agency.

From behind a mountain of paperwork covering his desk, he discovered Annie, a spitfire, unquenchable, violent, and maddeningly sweet being. The young woman was about 24, although appearances made her out to be a little older. Perhaps it was due to her official look, the formal attire, the way of walking or the experience which lined every pore of her translucent skin. Flowers seemed to dance around her legs as she floated around the office, visiting each desk, leaving a task of love and dedication to each employee with a smile of invitation to accept the task lovingly.

John was fascinated and attracted to Annie and began wishing her good morning, a greeting that drew from her a grave, bashful answering smile. But her eyes never faltered. Those mirroring brown eyes never twitched nervously, but betrayed an absolute unblushing understanding of the hard mysteries of life, combined with an innocence that was sublime.

Informed about John’s background in psychology, Annie one day approached John asking him to analyse her crazy mind. To a certain extent, John was able to explain some of her idiosyncrasies, reactions, thoughts and emotional turmoil. He was also willing to help her understand some bewildering aspects of religion, its mysteries which had puzzled her and for which she had never gotten a satisfying answer from any of her priest friends. Not always one had to be a psychologist to grasp a friend’s state of mind and help him or her with simple gestures and words of comfort.

Day after day their friendship grew stronger. They always found some time to sit down for a beer and confide their problems to each other. Because of her restless nature and unpredictability, for sweeping through a room and through the hearts of people like a tempest, John gave her the nickname of Stormy. He enjoyed her company very much and even invited her to his parish to spend Saturday afternoons playing cards with him and the other confreres. Some other time Annie helped out at weddings by singing Ave Maria while John accompanied her at the organ. She had a beautiful contralto voice.

Annie had become an integral part of John’s life. At that point she was the only one he met who could understand his life and his story. She would treasure it and from her questions more important details would emerge. Piecing them together, Annie could help him understand himself and to make himself more useful, patient and understanding. Often John wondered why couldn’t they stay together forever and why couldn’t people around them understand and accept? People would just criticize, ridicule and try to break them apart. But neither would allow that to happen because day after day, their love for each other just grew stronger. The two were living a great adventure, the greatest adventure of the world, the adventure of true love and they wanted to live it in full and taste all the flavours of this unique adventure.

One evening, while walking along a secluded seaside cliff, John asked Annie if she wanted to become his wife.
“More than anything,” was Annie’s answer.
“We must find a way, faster,” John said.
“Well, you are the reverend,” Annie said, “you can celebrate our wedding right here, under the stars with only God as our witness.”
And so they did celebrate their wedding under a canopy of twinkling stars and with the indulgent complicity of God himself. From that moment forward they considered themselves husband and wife.

It was time to take action, John thought. If he could not openly continue his missionary work with Annie on his side as wife, then he had to decide which of the two to elect as his life purpose, no matter what the consequences. The first step, to return to his layman condition had to be requesting dispensation of his vows from the church authorities, which in itself was a lengthy, bureaucratic, complicated process, filled with countless obstacles, heart-breaking situations and decisions. Despite the many hurdles, however, the two lovers did not falter and faced all difficulties with courage and determination. A year and a half later they were joined in matrimony in the Duomo di Milano by the bishop himself

Not many priests have the necessary courage and endurance to fight for their right to happiness and love, and that is due to the fact that most become an outcast in the eyes of their own families first and then the world around them. Most cannot count on that much needed support to get through the transition, spiritual, emotional and psychological. Some are deeply troubled by a sense of futility, failure and even guilt because of the abrupt way they broke with the order and the priesthood. Yet there are many who have become successful businessmen, married and with children, who still keep in touch with their former superiors and continue to live within the Christian spirit of the Catholic Church and contributing better to their community through their practical experience within a family unit. It is their belief, and rightfully so, that the Lord does not love them any less than those who remained in their priestly activity.

The woman who falls in love with a priest must prepare herself to be most understanding, patient and forgiving. Sometimes it will require more giving than receiving. She must be strong to help, guide and assist him through difficult moments of depression and doubts because a priest, despite his outer austere shell, deep down, is extremely vulnerable and in need of all the support and love he can get.

Somebody who is new to our site would think that we’re encouraging women to fall in love with priests. Well, if they just read some of the experiences they would surely know that it is not true. Because many women are writing to show how heartbroken they are because their loved priest is so cold or not answering any kind of communication.

Well, as a husband and priest, I’ll try to bridge the gap. If I’m not successful please do not hesitate to write. Remember we’re always open to suggestions. This is your blog, so please do participate by making your voices heard!

A priest is living on his own for most of his time, notwithstanding that he is in contact with people all the time. This means that although he talks to people, he has to put on a mask. He preaches, he tells people what to do etc. But who knows his true feelings? Who knows what he really thinks about the church? Most of the time he is saying one thing to the others, but deep deep down he believes another.
Priests are trained not to be sincere!! In most cases the most popular reason would be that he has to be a rock for his people and not admit his failures on insecurities (!!).

One of the first alarm bells (or call it what you like), goes off when a priest finally lifts his mask and speaks his heart out, maybe for just a few minutes. Yet it’s enough to attract the other person to start looking beyond that tiny piece of sharing. Sharing always involves bonding. Bonding will call for more meetings in order to get to know the friendly person.

The priest is used to being transferred every now and then so as soon as he feels bonding, the urge to run away is sort of ‘normal’. Once a friend of mine, in a rare moment of openness, said: ‘I’ll never fall in love because practically every 3 years I change parish’!

Another philosophical/theological reason would be that a priest cannot have deep friendships as if he is not human at all! He has been urged to keep distance from other normal human beings. Nowadays priests duties are enormous, consequently in most cases they prefer to be alienated with more work! In that case they avoid becoming vulnerable in front of another human being!!

The woman = sex is the biggest hindrance. They have been told many times to avoid women (are they to blame for the need of openness, sharing, caring etc..??). So the fact that a priest may just spend a few minutes talking to a woman, deep deep down he feels that he has already gone beyond of what is expected of him!! This happens even on social media even though the conversation maybe totally private with no one watching, the priest still feels that he is doing something evil.

I do remember my time in the monastery. Most of my companions were seen with men, talking or going for a walk. Practically it was ok. But as soon as I was simply talking to a woman in an open space, all eyes were watching each and every action which took place. Obviously most gay priests pull the legs of other companions if they are seen talking to a woman!! Have you ever thought about hypocrisy?

Please do remember that priests have abandoned any form of relationships with other human beings (except in the parish, where they ask others to do 1001 odd jobs), for quite a long time. So one can imagine how the priest feels to be in a relationship. He is used to go anywhere with no ties and with no timetables. People are there to serve him.

Now all of a sudden he feels ‘trapped’ by one single woman! She just pretends that he listens to her and communicate. Do you think it’s easy for him just to give her some time for communication? Actually it’s not a time problem but more of the consequences involved. He is used to live like a king. Now all this is about to disappear if he says yes to one single woman.

Please excuse me for using this kind of language priests use to describe the ‘act of falling in love with a woman’. Maybe it sounds awful or disgusting for normal people who are used to having relationships, yet we did this as a service to make women aware of what they are fighting against.

People are not silent any more. They speak of changes in the church. The fact that the present Pope is so popular, is simply because of the aura of change that he has inspired up to now. Now all this has come to a crossroad: the meeting of some of the Catholic bishops in Rome (synod). They are going to discuss the family.

We are tired of listening of how important the family is for all society. We are fed up to listening to empty words where practically nothing changes. We want some kind of change where the family feels that it has a voice inside the meeting. They want to see that the challenges discussed; the vocabulary used; the proposed changes; reflect the reality of today and not that of the medieval ages!

We have a long list of proposed changes, as confirmed on the internet by several people who keep on harping the same points. Yet in our opinion, the most important of them all is that of optional celibacy or married priesthood. A married priest has an everyday experience with his own family. He faces challenges all the time. He is questioned by his own son or daughter. It’s not just listening to other families who have young/teenage/adult children, he has his own. His own children are growing up and they are questioning everything.

There is the phase of no faith where his own children might abandon faith for a short time (or forever). He has to struggle to keep his family united and praying together like all other families. He has to struggle with his own timetable and that of the family.

Maybe his own son or daughter might turn up to be a gay/lesbian person. Now it’s not a homily to unknown people but it’s his own son or daughter. Shall he move with the actual teaching of the church or shall he move forward?

There are priests who have experienced divorce. When it’s a personal experience, there is no deeper knowledge. The permanent mark is evident. Shall he preach from his own theological books or shall he preach from his heart?

The lack of married people, women, divorced people, gay/lesbian etc…will hamper the progress of real dialogue with the so called ‘world’ in this week’s synod. The winning mentality is that of the late Pope John XXIII where he saw the changes of society not as a threat but rather as the writing on the wall. The teaching of the Second Vatican Council (meeting for all Catholic bishops which took place between 1962-1965), does not start from theory but rather examines reality and looks for God’s message. It’s not an approach from high up to down below but rather reflecting on the here and now, looking for the hidden messiah.

Now unfortunately all the priests are practically brain washed that all teaching is already in their hands so they only need to water it down or present it in beautiful way. There are as well some of the laity (non-priests) who think same wise. They truly believe that’s the true teaching of the church. Well that’s not the teaching of the Second Vatican Council as already outlined above. We have read countless stories of how priests are not trained to nurture proper relationships (latest reflection comes from princess). That’s the psychological trauma on a priest who is not attached to anyone, and who is afraid of coming a little bit closer to a person. Shall we continue with a church like this? Surely not. The pope can handle the bull with his own hands. If not, it shall mean the departure of an unknown number of people from the church.

As usual, if the people leave the church, where will they go to? Well in that case we feel in conscience bound to take care of those people (as we are already providing such service including this blog).

The Pie in the Sky Syndrome

In days gone by, people used to wait for heaven to receive proper justice. They used to accept all sorts of abuses, wrong doings, injustices and all sorts of evil actions in order to have a heavenly price which was forever.

The Second Vatican Council (meeting for all bishops in the Catholic church 1962-1965), emphasized the fact that the kingdom of God starts here. We have to sow justice, love, good doings in this life and not wait for the after life. It was a change of perspective where Christians were called not to be passive but rather be more active in everyday life. We couldn’t wait for things to happen but rather instigate the action.

When it comes to married priesthood it seems that most people are waiting for the pie in the sky. Maybe because they lack knowledge and/or of some social actions, but surely they always expect somebody else to start the action. Other people feel inadequate to go for action. If one reads the Old Testament (in the Bible), one surely notes that God has never chosen the perfect person for any mission. He used to surprise people by choosing the non-expected candidate (Joseph and his brothers comes to our mind; David being the youngest…)

We have lots of followers from our blog. Now connecting to other people (who obviously don’t know that our blog exists), we form a much larger group. We are not expecting to have millions. But the apostles weren’t a lot, yet they did make a difference. So practically it’s not about numbers. It’s more about a few, but very effective number of people who are not afraid to speak about married priesthood. We acknowledge that the sexual abuse by priests has given us a lot of speed and direction in our aim. This notwithstanding the fact that many people try to defend the church by saying that sexual abuse takes place in families too.

Yes of course, but it does not exclude that unmarried priests who are sexually hungry abuse women just for the simple reason that they are not sexually satisfied! My granny who has never been to a university used to say: those who do not enter through the door, do so by going through the window. I admire her sense of understanding a complex thing and expressing it in such a simple way!

Most of our readers they still go to church. They can influence church going people. Others who are not attending any church might write letters to newspapers, radios, televisions. The important thing is to make our voice heard. Recently one reader was surprised that we published her/his comments. Yes, we do publish too the so called ‘conservative’ views because we long for freedom of thought in the church. We are careful not to blog out other opinions. Yet we do give the greatest space for people who are in favour of married priesthood just for the simple reason that’s not easy to publish our thoughts in other media spaces. We are the ones who are being treated like ‘sick people’ by other editors or journalists in the church. So we do have to fight to make ourselves heard. Otherwise people might think that there is no one in favour of married priesthood.

We started our blog because we firmly believed (and still believe), in the idea that at this moment in time we do need married priests for various reasons. If we continue to drag our feet, more people are going to leave the church and end up without sacraments and pastoral care. It is with this in mind that we started our work with people who are ‘unchurched’. We listened to their stories in the church. Most of them were hurt by unmarried priests. We never waited to see what others will do. As adults in faith, we saw the situation and we started to do something. We urge our readers to do the same. The church today is in an emergency situation. If someone is sinking, one doesn’t think of anything else except to save the person.

We hope to receive more stories concerning priests and woman in the coming future…


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