Tag Archive: looking for a priest

Secret Relationships with priests

Relationships are common like air. Everybody is in a kind of relationship: at home; at work or with neighbours. The surprise is, that like parenthood, very few receive any kind of instructions or training. When things go wrong, people realise that something important is missing. People are aware of the importance to cultivate free, positive, healthy and educational relationships.

The relationship between a woman and a priest is no exception although it has its own peculiarities. Several of the readers who write about their hidden love, seems to be unaware of some basic needs/information about relationships. We are trying to make some people aware of some pitfalls before undergoing or letting go into such relationships.

Any relationship needs some basic things to survive. Let’s try to write about some of them.

Communication: Each one of us needs to tell our significant other about our daily events, the pros and the cons of our life etc… the fact that for most of our woman, the priest does not communicate or else communicates in a very strange way, is an indication that the relationship has already some major problems. Communication is a thermometer which indicates the level of strength or weakness of a relationship. No communication is equal to no relationship at all.

Mr Evasive: Any relationship involves two persons. Now maybe one is already dreaming of the priest as a future husband, plus children etc.. but does the priest think in the same way? It’s incredible how some women run really fast in a relationship whilst the priest may simply be, first having fun or else, emptying his reproductive sacks! Did some of our women check what the priest really wants from such a relationship? Is he going to be committed to you? People have a habit of procrastination or be very evasive when faced with deep questions. As we amply wrote last time, one cannot be evasive for too long. A time frame makes sure that beyond a certain time frame, one needs to let go and forget all about the priest. If not, one is letting himself become abused by the priest.

Secrecy: We understand that most loving relationships are not born by choice involving a woman and a priest. We understand the need for secrecy at the beginning of a clandestine relationship and for a certain period of time. But would you like to live all your life in secrecy? Would you accept that you can never walk hand in hand with him in public? Would you accept the fact that you can never have your own house where to live twenty four hours with your loved one? If she doesn’t have a problem with secrecy than surely she is going to hit the wall at an incredible speed. The pain will surely be unbearable at that very moment.

The significant other: the beauty of a relationship is that one comes close to another person and sees his/her personal life. Priests have a knack of preaching to others and hide behind several masks. Incredibly you might not get to know the real person. Please forget what the priest might tell you. Remember that priests are very good, persuasive talkers. They might chat about many subjects yet avoid to tell you how they really feel. They might emphasize about how bad his superiors are and/or other situations in the church, yet he does not share with you how is he going to face the situation nor does he mention any concrete steps how to come out of it. For a change look at facts! They speak louder. Does he flirt with other women? Is he just experimenting with your body? Priests lack physical and intimate contact, hence if you give him permission to touch you, he might be just releasing some physical and sexual tensions.

Loneliness: Is the priest just passing through a middle age crisis or is he just feeling lonely? In some cases the priest might look at you, first as a close friend (maybe with sexual benefits), but nothing less and nothing more! He might use you for some weeks or months, never to be seen again. This is because he is using your relationship just to fill his empty and lonely soul. If you listen to him with your mind rather than with your heart, you might get the hidden message. Homilies indirectly reveal a lot about his psychological being. One needs to listen attentively and connect the missing dots. When you read between the lines, what is he trying to say (the unsaid words)?

Daydreaming: This sounds sinister and odd yet very true. Some women incredibly make up a whole story just because the priest paid some special attention in just one occasion! Fantasies or thoughts do not constitute a real and true relationship! It has to be real. One cannot exchange just a few glances with a real relationship. How can one be sure of a relationship if there has never been a real dialogue? It’s just a waste of time and energy which will definitely lead to a great depression. One cannot live his whole life imagining what if…..

The Real One: We might have given the impression that all relationships with priests will fail. No it’s not true. There is the priest who has taken the necessary time for reflection and he has definitely decided to leave the parish. He faces the big decision on his own. Separately he has thought a lot about having a full relationship with a woman. These two great decisions should never be mixed up together. Each one of them should be examined carefully and separately. The priest should take a decision after a long time of reflection and discernment. This applies especially to the case when his woman is pregnant. The priest, although he has to accept his paternal responsibilities, must not be forced to marry. He needs to take one step at a time.

In many cases, the married priest, if all decisions were taken in a mature way, should have a wonderful relationship with his future wife. It proves that in a mature relationship, the priest can lead a healthy, spiritual life where he could be of a better service to the whole community. One can easily google the many cases where the priests live happily with their wives. The community can testify that in most cases, one can notice the positive change in the priest leading their parish in a married state. The number of married priests is increasing all the time in the Catholic Church. This is a positive seed which might grow bigger and give more bountiful results.

The late cardinal Martini has said the final truth in an interview recently. As usual the normal news reports in the Catholic church ignored completely this message and instead portrayed an obedient Martini who never said a word against the church! They accuse the media then of manipulating and expanding some negative comments about the church!! How cheeky for the man who lives in a glass house, to start throwing stones!! Well, Martini was a cardinal, or a prince of the church! Can we say more? Well for us it is no surprise. Everybody receives criticism in his work. The church is still so sensitive when it receives the criticism! Consequently it is never going to do some soul searching exercise. The result would be a total disaster as many people are leaving the church…..we are talking with some Catholic countries in mind where the numbers are dwindling drastically. Imagine in other countries where no one is preaching etc…..

The Catholic church is 200 years behind the times'

The Catholic church is 200 years behind the times’

The Catholic church is 200 years behind the times’

We are not the type of people who criticize and be happy about it. We wish to give a helping hand. We know how to deal with problems mentioned by the common people (mostly sexual phobia which the church, did not eliminate completely). The priorities of the common man and woman are not that of the unmarried males who wish to go around in particular type of clothes and conducting liturgy (public prayers), which are more near the middle ages than the life of today!

We have repeated many times on this website that priests who leave the parish can still celebrate masses and all the sacraments. Some people, obviously owing to lack of information, still have the idea that the priest is doing something wrong. Well a priest is forever! Nobody can take away his gift. People need priests. Most of the married priests were and are still valid priests not only owing the sacrament they received but as well the life they lead. They are family models for others. They are not simply fillers because in many parishes there is the lack of priests.

Sister Margaret and Rev Richard has each outlined the plan for the church when it comes to convey a true message about sexuality. Yet those at the top how do they react? They simply dismiss these people as unorthodox and not catholic!!! Well what they said is being lived by Catholics all around the word. The living word of God is NOT just a book but rather the living testimony of Catholics today. How the Catholics live today is very important as it is telling us the progress of the living community of the believers.

A Question of Rights
By James E. Biechler

“A recent article in a Catholic paper reported how a midwest parish, closed by its bishop, successfully persuaded a married priest to celebrate the Eucharist there each week. An adjacent story told of a Catholic woman who has produced a brochure advising Catholics of the procedures they can follow in obtaining the services of married priests. The article claims there are nineteen canons which ‘give married priests the continued power to minister the sacraments and lay people the right to receive them.’ Are these people anarchists or can a serious case be made in canon law for their actions?”

–P.M.B., Lisle, IL

I think I read the same stories you did and am not at all surprised by your question. In the story I read, the reporter did not go on to cite any of the canons which allegedly legitimate public ecclesiastical ministry by married priests. The clear assumption of the articles is that the priests in question either have lost the clerical state by laicization or have been suspended (prohibited from exercising sacramental ministry) by their “attempting” marriage. These two categories would include nearly all of the 110,000 “former” priests in the world.

It is generally understood that the Code of Canon Law prohibits resigned priests, even those who remained unmarried, from exercising the normal ministerial functions reserved to priests. Since the sacramental priesthood cannot be lost–a priest cannot be “unordained”–those sacraments which require only Holy Orders for their validity, i.e., Holy Eucharist and the Anointing of the Sick, can be validly performed even by resigned or “non-clerical” priests. When sacramental validity depends upon jurisdiction in addition to Holy Orders, then the sacraments of Reconciliation and Confirmation for those in danger of death can be added to the list. Canon 976 specifically allows a suspended priest to grant absolution to a person in danger of death and Canon 883, n. 3 does the same for Confirmation. Canon 1335 goes even further in permitting those suspended from the exercise of the priestly ministry, as long as their suspension has not been juridically declared (an extremely rare procedure), to celebrate the sacraments, sacramentals and acts of governance whenever requested by a member of the faithful “for any just cause whatsoever.”

Thus we see how the Code of Canon Law implements its general rule given in Canon 213 which states that “the Christian faithful have the right to receive assistance from the sacred pastors out of the spiritual goods of the Church, especially the word of God and the sacraments.” The very last canon of the Code (1752) states that “the salvation of souls…is always the supreme law of the Church.” Canon 843 gives another general principle about the sacraments when it states that “the sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who ask for them at appropriate times, are properly disposed and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.” The clear intent of canon law is to insure that no one is denied any of the resources of spiritual ministry.

We must conclude that not only may a priestless parish request the services of a married priest, the priest himself ought to respond in a positive way if he is able. A Catholic group need not wait until the situation is dire before taking steps to find a suitable Eucharistic minister. In matters of this kind the broadest interpretation of the law should be used. In fact, there are good theological arguments supporting a priestless group’s right and duty to simply designate one of its members to preside over the celebration of its Eucharistic meal. The grace of God cannot be confined by the laws of men.

Dr. Biechler, an emeritus professor of religion, is a member of ARCC’s board of directors. He also holds a licentiate in canon law and is a longtime member of the Canon Law Society of America.

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