Tag Archive: Malta Local councild elections


The difficult art of dialogue.

Many people have different ideas about a relationship. They might read books, ask other people, attend seminars etc…but the real test starts when one enters a true and deep relationship with another person. At the beginning of a relationship everything is smooth sailing, until the first storm takes place. Then the true colours of some people come out, vigorously!

The same happened with our married priest argument. At the beginning many people were all united until different opinions have emerged. The situation, like in any other subject, has shown the need for people to become true dialogue practitioners!

Let me say clearly: this is not the end of it! It’s a common crisis where with the help of the Holy Spirit we will come out of it, more mature and more filled with faith! Obviously, everybody has to do his/her part.

First of all we have to admit that not all our readers like to express themselves in writing! So unfortunately, we are never going to read the opinion of all followers. Many others are still afraid to write, as if we’re going to tell their parish who is writing. To tell the truth I don’t know if one is writing from USA, South Africa, Chile, Canada, Europe or the Philippines! Let alone give away their secrets!! We’ll deal with them on a one-to-one basis. It takes a long time and it does not lead to success automatically!

A very small section are comfortable with writing. These are the ones who ‘make a lot of noise’ as we say in jargon. Yet this section does not reflect the opinion of all of our readers!

If we need to convince the rest of the population about married priesthood, we have to start practising dialogue skills between ourselves!

One enters a dialogue with the right mentality: ie I don’t have all the ideas or answers. I’m here to learn and maybe change my opinion. I do use a kind of prayer which helps me see the others not as an adversary but rather as the one who might make me see the hidden side of the argument. It’s not a question of who is right or wrong but rather seeing both sides of the same coin! It’s a question of seeing it from all sides, angles and possible consequences.

I do remember at the University where a lecturer used to listen to our opinion and used to put us in the opposite group (one which was totally opposite to our honest and personal choices!!). In this way we saw our ‘adversaries’ in a completely new light and she made sure that we would truly listen and understand their opinion!! In common English we would use the expression to walk in somebody’s shoes.

In the course of life’s experiences, one meets people who use the dialogue tactics simply to feel the power to manipulate people. Either by one’s nice way, or by other more brutal ones!! One common assumption used by the Catholic Church throughout the centuries was that of fear: either you accept or you’ll be condemned! We cannot use these tactics in the 21st century! Even if the others don’t accept our ideas, it doesn’t mean that they are going to be condemned! It doesn’t mean that we are better than others! In this light, we unfortunately admit that a church document published around 1965 is still largely unknown by many Christians (Gaudium et Spes – The Church in the world today).

In faith, we express differences in a slightly different way. It’s like starting a journey. One starts today, others have already started their journey and others are still at home, not thinking about starting a journey at all! The stage of the journey [beginning, halfway, end], puts us all in different positions but it doesn’t translate into who is better or worse!

Before deciding to embark on a dialogue on some hot potatoes, I would rather enquire about one’s journey of faith, because it makes all the difference before we start our dialogue! One is not expected to forgive one’s enemies if one has never experienced the love-without-conditions of God! This what we mean by a ‘journey in faith’!

We have to over emphasize once again: married priesthood is not going to solve all the problems in the church! It’s not suitable for all priests! It doesn’t mean that we throw away Celibacy.

We are simply indicating another way that it could be another important asset in the church today, taking into consideration what many people think and wish for!

One final condition: many church goers and other sections of society have only listened to one boring and repetitive answer to married priesthood: NO. They still need to hear our fresh and daring opinion: the married priest will find a practical and direct God in his relationship with his wife and children. As the document in the Church in the world today [mentioned earlier], it makes the church more near the people of today who live in the trenches of one’s life!

A very common expression used in these last years is that we have the whole world at our fingertips. It refers to the internet where one can use various electronic gadgets to keep updated about friends, news, articles and lots of other items.

Is it truly the whole world? Does somebody who stays inside all the time, enjoy life to the full? We know that the young of today are truly addicted to the internet. As they are connected 24/7, they wish to comment and read all the time. It’s not the first time in a restaurant to see a whole family busy texting on their mobile phone whilst not talking to each other!

Those working with the young people of today, know really well, that the virtual world, although it certainly has many advantages, it can never substitute 100% face to face relationships!

Why are we focusing on the digital world? There are some common points with our main issue: married priesthood. Like in the digital world, priests cannot discard relationships! The priest has been seen as a person who provides a service to the others. OK. But how about his need for an interactive relationship with another adult, who is not their ‘client’ to ask for his services but to be a companion in his journey of faith?

We have always insisted that when a woman falls in love with a priest, there is no carbon copy of how the story starts and unveils. Yet some common lines are found in all stories. Practically, if there is something missing in the formation of future priests is the attention given to the priest for his basic human need. Everybody needs : attention; love; personal interest; someone with whom they can interact.

God created us in this way. It’s not something to be ashamed of! We need others to be healthy from a human point of view. In other words, we are NOT islands!

Now obviously some people might explain the important use of celibacy in priesthood. Without neglecting its importance, one can theologically define that priesthood cannot be tied to celibacy. This has been written in the teaching of the church. In practical words, not every single priest has the necessary charisma to live it in his daily life! Now because celibacy has been practically imposed on all priests we tend to witness abuses of all types and sorts! This has been proved scientifically too! It’s no use to write that abuses happen in marriages too. Yes they do happen in marriages too but some priests have abused because they have never been prepared for celibacy. We can’t deny this. They have been stripped of a basic human need without their full knowledge.

Why do we insist on relationship building? Because it’s the concrete structure which builds the local parish. What makes a parish different from a large organisation if relationships disappear? If the priest lives a real relationship in a family, it is a big advantage to all the parishioners. This not only regards understanding human problems in everyday running, but as well the need to live a life to the full. A spiritually and humanly ‘charged’ priest will be in a better position to manage a parish.

A relationship is not a bed of roses! But this side of the married experience too will help the priest to face all challenges in the parish. It will help him understand a lot of aspects in a relationship where they would be otherwise left undiscovered!

We make an appeal so that new readers would publish their stories about falling in love with a priest. We promise to change name details and other aspect in order to hide one’s true identity.

This is another love story with a man who is unavailable. With every story we can imagine the pain, frustration, anger, disbelief, numbness etc.. that one feels. It’s not another story. When the human heart is involved, there is a lot of energy, attention, will……….We firmly believe that the situation of so many priests who are not married is damaging in many ways for the Catholic Church. One can easily see the difference in married priests who don’t have to ‘hide’ their true love. The women next to these priests serve to animate and give energy to priesthood. The happy couple is the best witness to the gospel in today’s life.

We cannot judge anybody yet we feel sorry that the priests come out winners in the sense that the women feel victimized before and during the process. We wish the best of luck to Mary in her legal proceedings.

My name is Mary. I’m a 27-year-old girl and I had a relationship with a priest (Father Saviour), who is about 7 years older than me. He’s my type of man, but I always repressed my attraction just because he is a priest. Let’s say that if he would be a lay person, it would have been a normal couple.

I knew him personally but he started to talk to me very frequently on social network and at last he invited me to meet him. One evening we were chatting and he told me that he wanted to meet him, just to talk. That evening I was free. So he just ran and in 10 minutes he was already at the point where we decided to meet.

He than began to tell me about some other women that he had, even during his formation and I was just astonished, almost shocked because I didn’t think that of a priest. It seemed as I was the “confessor”. Long story short, we continued to meet and we ended up making love. At the beginning he was very sweet and very caring. He was even cooking for me and giving me presents. We often prayed together and he was very present in my life, calling me many times a day and texting me. He pampered me and cared for me…….I ended up falling in love with him. It was not just sexual attraction but I just loved him. But even if I was in love with him, I just kept on feeling bad for committing this sin and for making love with a priest. He instead was trying to convince me that there was nothing bad about it. Then sometimes during our meetings I noticed he was trying to devalue me with words wrapped in a joking context. Sometimes he used nice words towards me and some other times he was using deprecating expressions like “you are a frustrated, you are crazy, no one loves you etc…”. One day he came telling that “yes, I like you but I made another choice in life”…and there the hell started. I discovered he had (and I think he still has) a harem of women, mostly married, who have relationships with him. One day I discovered a conversation on Facebook between him and one of these women where they were talking negatively about me and when I told him that I had discovered everything, he broke down and started slapping me on my face. Then he asked me for forgiveness but with the excuse that it was me who induced him to beat me…however you turn it, the fault was always mine.

Then he kept just giving me the “hot/cold”, one day being him sweet and kind, and the day after a complete detached person. That drove me crazy, it was very nerve-racking and I couldn’t help to keep myself from contacting him and begging for explanations. Then he told me I had to find another guy to have a normal relationship and told me to stop contacting him. But I couldn’t manage. So he ended up denouncing me for stalking actions, omitting that he was the one who started the relationship and then drove me crazy. Now I’m in the middle of legal actions to solve this injustice. The bishop knows everything but he is still practising his priestly ministry and of course, I am sure he is continuing to abuse women or having sex for fun with them. He is a very crazy person, very unclear and fading. I guess almost with certainty that he has narcissistic personality disorder. This person has 3 parishes under him and I still wonder what benefits he can bring to his parishioners. For me, I spent the last 5 months grieving and wandering around with no more certainties. These people are very dangerous and are everywhere but when they hide behind the priestly clothing it’s very scary and traumatizing. I still didn’t understand what he wanted from me, if he wanted only sex, or if he wanted true love. I don’t know if he loved me or not. Maybe he doesn’t know anything because he is just obeying his instincts. Probably he doesn’t know even if he is dead or alive. He needs help but he has to seek it with his own free will. I still love him because he is not a totally negative person. But he is not trustworthy. I decided with all my will that I have to see him as a priest.

I suggest to women that when loving priests, they’ll have to verify what kind of person the priest is. Some aspects of a love story with a priest can be even good and new because you can participate in their lifestyle which is quite different from the one of a lay man. But you have to keep in mind that sometimes the priest can hide some other personalities. And the one who gets into trouble is always the woman, because the priest is more powerful. Please be careful and don’t fall under their abusive position of power.

Thanks a lot for your attention. Hope this story helps some other women in trouble with priests. God bless you all and please don’t lose your faith in our Jesus Christ!