Tag Archive: marry a resigned priest?


Happy New Year!

We are very pleased that some of our readers have reached a very high level of maturity when it comes to discussing married priests. It is a clear sign that the Holy Spirit can steer the minds and souls of common people if the need arises! The Holy Spirit is God. The Holy Spirit can give flesh and blood to a whole cemetery! God is not a God because He performs normal procedures or work. He is God because He does best what others classify as ‘impossible’. In other words, nothing is impossible for God. If we are true believers, we should believe it 100%.

Let’s be more clear. Some of our readers are truly understanding how many stumbling blocks the priest has to face before or if, he decides to leave the parish or the monastery! In some cases, he is aware of hurting the woman, yet for some reasons he won’t succeed in jumping over the fence! Again, let’s not play the blaming game. It’s not a question of who is right or wrong but of creating awareness first. Secondly we need to help create the right structure so that it becomes easier for priests to make a mature choice.

This blog was created for this simple reason: let’s discuss the issue of celibacy in priesthood. Let’s not put it under the carpet. I still remember that initially some of the people that I knew in the parish accused me of creating confusion! Maybe they thought that if we don’t discuss the issue it will simply go away! Maybe they were hinting that they don’t like a different opinion on this matter as it will eliminate their unfair position in this debate (ie dominance). In any case, we feel very proud of our blog as it has gained quite a lot of popularity without using any publicity!

Let’s not feel defeated. On the other hand let’s remain with our feet on the ground. The blog on its own is still not enough. We still need to go out and meet other people and share our opinion. We can still write letters to newspapers, radios, televisions etc…We can write letters to the priests, bishops and the Pope himself. We need to be heard. Other people are behind us. They do support our issue. I know of many people, inside and outside the church who are truly believers in our cause.

We need to make some ‘noise’ in the public eye! No revolution started from the top people! It has always started from the base – the common people! Let’s be one solid group in order to make our voice heard from all parts of the world! In the meantime we urge new readers to come forward with their story. We promise to hide their identity, if they feel safer that way. Yet each and every story proves that celibacy is not the issue of a small group of priests!!! It reaches a much bigger and wider audience!

A Happy New Year 2019 to all our readers!

Secret Relationships with priests

Relationships are common like air. Everybody is in a kind of relationship: at home; at work or with neighbours. The surprise is, that like parenthood, very few receive any kind of instructions or training. When things go wrong, people realise that something important is missing. People are aware of the importance to cultivate free, positive, healthy and educational relationships.

The relationship between a woman and a priest is no exception although it has its own peculiarities. Several of the readers who write about their hidden love, seems to be unaware of some basic needs/information about relationships. We are trying to make some people aware of some pitfalls before undergoing or letting go into such relationships.

Any relationship needs some basic things to survive. Let’s try to write about some of them.

Communication: Each one of us needs to tell our significant other about our daily events, the pros and the cons of our life etc… the fact that for most of our woman, the priest does not communicate or else communicates in a very strange way, is an indication that the relationship has already some major problems. Communication is a thermometer which indicates the level of strength or weakness of a relationship. No communication is equal to no relationship at all.

Mr Evasive: Any relationship involves two persons. Now maybe one is already dreaming of the priest as a future husband, plus children etc.. but does the priest think in the same way? It’s incredible how some women run really fast in a relationship whilst the priest may simply be, first having fun or else, emptying his reproductive sacks! Did some of our women check what the priest really wants from such a relationship? Is he going to be committed to you? People have a habit of procrastination or be very evasive when faced with deep questions. As we amply wrote last time, one cannot be evasive for too long. A time frame makes sure that beyond a certain time frame, one needs to let go and forget all about the priest. If not, one is letting himself become abused by the priest.

Secrecy: We understand that most loving relationships are not born by choice involving a woman and a priest. We understand the need for secrecy at the beginning of a clandestine relationship and for a certain period of time. But would you like to live all your life in secrecy? Would you accept that you can never walk hand in hand with him in public? Would you accept the fact that you can never have your own house where to live twenty four hours with your loved one? If she doesn’t have a problem with secrecy than surely she is going to hit the wall at an incredible speed. The pain will surely be unbearable at that very moment.

The significant other: the beauty of a relationship is that one comes close to another person and sees his/her personal life. Priests have a knack of preaching to others and hide behind several masks. Incredibly you might not get to know the real person. Please forget what the priest might tell you. Remember that priests are very good, persuasive talkers. They might chat about many subjects yet avoid to tell you how they really feel. They might emphasize about how bad his superiors are and/or other situations in the church, yet he does not share with you how is he going to face the situation nor does he mention any concrete steps how to come out of it. For a change look at facts! They speak louder. Does he flirt with other women? Is he just experimenting with your body? Priests lack physical and intimate contact, hence if you give him permission to touch you, he might be just releasing some physical and sexual tensions.

Loneliness: Is the priest just passing through a middle age crisis or is he just feeling lonely? In some cases the priest might look at you, first as a close friend (maybe with sexual benefits), but nothing less and nothing more! He might use you for some weeks or months, never to be seen again. This is because he is using your relationship just to fill his empty and lonely soul. If you listen to him with your mind rather than with your heart, you might get the hidden message. Homilies indirectly reveal a lot about his psychological being. One needs to listen attentively and connect the missing dots. When you read between the lines, what is he trying to say (the unsaid words)?

Daydreaming: This sounds sinister and odd yet very true. Some women incredibly make up a whole story just because the priest paid some special attention in just one occasion! Fantasies or thoughts do not constitute a real and true relationship! It has to be real. One cannot exchange just a few glances with a real relationship. How can one be sure of a relationship if there has never been a real dialogue? It’s just a waste of time and energy which will definitely lead to a great depression. One cannot live his whole life imagining what if…..

The Real One: We might have given the impression that all relationships with priests will fail. No it’s not true. There is the priest who has taken the necessary time for reflection and he has definitely decided to leave the parish. He faces the big decision on his own. Separately he has thought a lot about having a full relationship with a woman. These two great decisions should never be mixed up together. Each one of them should be examined carefully and separately. The priest should take a decision after a long time of reflection and discernment. This applies especially to the case when his woman is pregnant. The priest, although he has to accept his paternal responsibilities, must not be forced to marry. He needs to take one step at a time.

In many cases, the married priest, if all decisions were taken in a mature way, should have a wonderful relationship with his future wife. It proves that in a mature relationship, the priest can lead a healthy, spiritual life where he could be of a better service to the whole community. One can easily google the many cases where the priests live happily with their wives. The community can testify that in most cases, one can notice the positive change in the priest leading their parish in a married state. The number of married priests is increasing all the time in the Catholic Church. This is a positive seed which might grow bigger and give more bountiful results.

What job for a resigned priest?

A priest besides facing a lot of difficulties before leaving the parish, he normally has one major challenge: how does he earn his living? Leaving the parish will deprive him of any financial gain. He is just penniless (especially if he comes from a monastery). Let’s forget all the sermons delivered to ordinary people about loving our neighbour (!!), where he has worked for free and now the church does turn its face in the opposite direction when he needs her most! Seriously, he has to face this reality once outside the normal comfort zone.

In some countries, the Catholic Church does not let others employ him!! Others, would not accept his new situation, so they make it extra difficult for him to find a job.

Besides all this, normally a priest in such a situation needs some time to adjust to new surroundings and situations, so ideally he needs to take some time off. In cases where he has a wife and children, or babies on the way, he has to interrupt his adaptation time in order to start gaining money. Now in normal cases, he cannot present his theological certificates as they are not valued outside the church. So it’s very important that he starts training in another area. Although there are no rules, ideally, the priest and his new family would be to move a little bit away from the old habitat. Some people can be really cruel! Others simply are not prepared to see the priest in a new role…especially some woman haters who can’t stand the fact that a priest could make love to a woman and celebrate the eucharist!

The priest himself needs to adapt himself to living in a real family (not the previous one living with other priests), where he needs to attend to daily, small, needs. Although he thought other couples to dialogue and listen to each other, most of the time, he starts his real exercises in real life. Children wouldn’t listen all the time and they ask for odd things, maybe at the wrong time!! Anyway with the help of his wife he might do some other practical courses such as cooking, looking after children etc…..In all this he starts to see God in the new surroundings. He starts a different theological course!

Notwithstanding these difficulties, there are other people who support him and who are ready, to have his services as a married priest!! This comes as a surprise because in the seminary, they used to refer to lay people as ignorant in religious matters. Yet the common people, having just a heart and some common sense, would realise and accept the new status of the resigned priest! Other priests, once out of the church, they don’t want to do anything related to the church. We respect their decision. After all, married priesthood is a calling so no one should force it unto others.

In some parts of the church they are ready to train lay people to start doing more work in the church but would not accept a resigned priest or a married priest!!

Other priests are afraid of making this big step forward, maybe because of what the people might say or because of very few job opportunities. But some of them are writing in a different way especially in Catholic Malta…..finally! Anyway prepare yourself because the Holy Spirit shows the way forward for the church in an unexpected way!

Homily (in Maltese)