Tag Archive: Marrying a priest

Happy New Year!

We are very pleased that some of our readers have reached a very high level of maturity when it comes to discussing married priests. It is a clear sign that the Holy Spirit can steer the minds and souls of common people if the need arises! The Holy Spirit is God. The Holy Spirit can give flesh and blood to a whole cemetery! God is not a God because He performs normal procedures or work. He is God because He does best what others classify as ‘impossible’. In other words, nothing is impossible for God. If we are true believers, we should believe it 100%.

Let’s be more clear. Some of our readers are truly understanding how many stumbling blocks the priest has to face before or if, he decides to leave the parish or the monastery! In some cases, he is aware of hurting the woman, yet for some reasons he won’t succeed in jumping over the fence! Again, let’s not play the blaming game. It’s not a question of who is right or wrong but of creating awareness first. Secondly we need to help create the right structure so that it becomes easier for priests to make a mature choice.

This blog was created for this simple reason: let’s discuss the issue of celibacy in priesthood. Let’s not put it under the carpet. I still remember that initially some of the people that I knew in the parish accused me of creating confusion! Maybe they thought that if we don’t discuss the issue it will simply go away! Maybe they were hinting that they don’t like a different opinion on this matter as it will eliminate their unfair position in this debate (ie dominance). In any case, we feel very proud of our blog as it has gained quite a lot of popularity without using any publicity!

Let’s not feel defeated. On the other hand let’s remain with our feet on the ground. The blog on its own is still not enough. We still need to go out and meet other people and share our opinion. We can still write letters to newspapers, radios, televisions etc…We can write letters to the priests, bishops and the Pope himself. We need to be heard. Other people are behind us. They do support our issue. I know of many people, inside and outside the church who are truly believers in our cause.

We need to make some ‘noise’ in the public eye! No revolution started from the top people! It has always started from the base – the common people! Let’s be one solid group in order to make our voice heard from all parts of the world! In the meantime we urge new readers to come forward with their story. We promise to hide their identity, if they feel safer that way. Yet each and every story proves that celibacy is not the issue of a small group of priests!!! It reaches a much bigger and wider audience!

A Happy New Year 2019 to all our readers!

When we were young we were submitted to various teachings. Most of the time, we read books. We tried to assimilate as much as we could. Then years passed by and somehow we re-connected to what teachers/parents/guardians had told us. Most probably what we’ve been thought was good. Yet in real life it seems that it is a different kind of fish. It’s what we call the gap between the theory and real life!

We were thought to look up to priests for friendship, counselling, ideas etc…Obviously in theory everything is in order. Yet each every human being is formed not only through teaching, but through personal experience, chemicals present in his genes etc…All this will make it highly improbable to foretell his future life as each person has a different outcome, which is based on millions of variables.

The first step is when one is asking for help. It brings the baptised person close to a priest. This is the work of the priest after all! But what happens when most of the priests feel all alone, neglected, alienated, disappointed and put aside? A normal kind of friendship (obviously there is nothing wrong), could be a tempting one for the priest. Instead of listening and comforting the person, the priest fulfils his needs for friendship, attention, love etc…within the counselling sessions. A counsellor has to listen to the client and not vice-versa, at least he can’t talk for a long period of time. The fact that the priest starts talking about his life means automatically that the sessions are taking a different path!

On the part of the person who is seeking the priest’s help, things start moving differently when they view the priest not as a counsellor but as the one who is fulfilling their dream of the ideal man! Obviously when one meets another person for a few hours weekly, it’s very easy to idolise that person! Remember that most people as viewed at work, might seem to be the ideal person. It’s when one lives with the person that one sees the complete picture! Yet, when one is hungry for love, recognition, attention and self affirmation, all other things will occupy a less important place in their lives! They just want to cling to somebody no matter what! It could be that we’re living in anonymous cities (Western part of the world), hence we desperately need friends!

We’ve been saying for quite some time now that priests who explain the word of God every Sunday (plus maybe other public meetings), are practically revealing their inner self to the general public. He is the one who speaks about a lot of values where no one speaks anymore (or at least not that often!). Speaking about such values will put more fire on a woman’s heart who is burning with desire to have a loving partner.

The priest in most cases, has all the time of the world to meet, listen and talk with parishioners. He is the one who makes his own timetable hence, he is easily available! The priest has no one to report to for his day to day running. Hence he can postpone last minute meetings without giving any real reason or hiding behind superficial reasons!

We don’t wish to give the message that it’s impossible, yet in the present circumstances, it’s getting more difficult to be a good friend to a priest. When a person is not complete (in many senses), it could lead to trouble, whether he is a priest, bishop, Pope, woman etc…In mathematics they used to teach us that a minus ( – ) with a minus ( – ), make a plus!

Our wish to have married priests will help the church to have a better system where priests are living in a relationship which will help them understand better the need for attention, love, affirmation etc…We’re not saying that it’s foolproof. There is nothing perfect. Yet on the human side of the argument, it will help them to be better prepared to work in today’s church.

Second Class Priests!

In the absence of love stories between priests and women, we are sharing our reflections regarding the latest news in the Catholic church.

In a March 2017 interview with German newspaper Die Zeit, Pope Francis used the term viri probati – in this context, religious married men of proven character – in saying he was open to the idea of a married priesthood, as is allowed for deacons, in remote areas where the priest shortage is particularly serious.

We are still not 100% sure of the outcome of married priests as we are still receiving conflicting news! Read this article

In any case it seems that all newspapers are agreeing that married priesthood is again in the news. Mulling all kind of news to look for positive news, we see some troubling ones. In the quoted statement made above, we have one single question: So are married priests just fillers? That is: are they being allowed as if they are necessary evil? Are they being allowed simply to fill in the blanks? Are we sort of second class priests who are allowed to work as priests simply because there is lack of?

Many people point to married priests because they think that will stop sexual abuse of children. People focus on sex because for news agencies it sells a lot of money! We do notice many priests who are living a solitary life. They are practically moving bodies but dead in their minds. Others who travel most of the time. Some who embrace luxuries. Others who are simply walking study books which amply shows the negative effects of forced celibacy. The list goes on and on.

Our main point of view has remained the same. Most of the apostles were married. Are we going to follow the bible or are we going against it? They do quote the bible profusely in other moral matters, yet about this one they are so silent! Why? If the apostles did it, why not the priests of today? Or are we like a supermarket: we pick up what we like in the church?!

Having married priests we hope it will bring the focus of the church on new challenges. One might be the complete overhaul of the relationship teaching (and not sex!). Strong and stable relationship calls for consequences which will help the priest to mature as he faces different challenges in life. One glaring example would be children. Taking care of your own children will bring a new insight in the life of the priest. Married priesthood will help the priest to reconnect with normal life with all its challenges. Consequently, the whole church will change. This is the revolution which we are looking forward to experience. In the end there will be winners all the way. All would feel much nearer to God. Everybody will experience the Emmanuel – God is with us! It would be interesting to visit a priest who has kids crying, eating and dirtying all the house whilst he is trying to communicate with God! It would be a good example of how to keep God in the centre of all activity!

It’s up to our readers to continue our reflection.

We wish to make it clear that every love story between a priest and a woman is unique. We cannot generalize about what happens. Today we are sort of thinking about so many women who although they love their priest from a truly holistic point of view, yet the priest never commits himself. It’s very difficult to tell the woman involved that she is being taken for a ride as she loves him thoroughly. Yet we wish to help these women to see reality and not their romantic point of view.

Some of our readers have been in a relationship (including sex) for an incredible number of years….yet they are still enjoying one per cent of their relationship as they cannot walk hands in hands in public. They cannot raise kids together, they cannot simply be together for a long time, without pressure or fear of someone seeing them. They cannot spend significant time together or just be together.  Some would ask: how could a woman tolerate such conditions in her love life? Well, we repeat, we are NOT judges. We understand (=does not mean we agree), because when one is in love, it’s not easy to see reality. On one hand it’s a blind process. On the other hand it makes it crystal clear that one needs to talk about such a relationship with another person in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now the problem is that this situation is already very delicate. Some of our readers are afraid of publishing their stories because other readers may become very harsh in their judgement and simply call for an end to this relationship. Maybe this tradition has been present in our church for many centuries where we were used to condemn all those who had a different opinion. We firmly believe that by stopping the relationship the challenge won’t go away, for both persons. Love is not simply a button/switch to turn it off or on at will. Those who speak about stopping a relationship there and then, surely need to go to the kindergarten’s school of love!

In some cases it could be just an adventure from the part of the priest to have a sexual one and experiment. Some might call it ‘the attraction of the prohibited’. Afterwards, he does not want to be committed in a relationship. Although it hurts, because nobody would like to be used in that way, yet it’s better to wake up to reality now, than later on!

On the part of the woman it could be that in her fantasy the man is Mr Right of whom she has been dreaming for many years. As we have written in earlier blogs, he fulfills all her needs. In many cases, although she might not be thinking about sex, yet she is preparing the way to have a unique and intimate relationship. Now if sex happens or not is not important as there is already a close and unique bond between the two. Sex, in many cases, would the last step in their building up of a relationship. Although we do not wish to put all the emphasis on sex, yet it could be the first wake up for the woman and the priest….wow what’s happening? Where do we go from here? What is our future?

The priest’s most common game would be to justify all that he does…but when it comes to sex, that would be a little bit difficult. In some cases, he would simply disappear never to come back again. Otherwise he would simply find any kind of excuse just to have sex. Some stories written in our email box included: it’s not me, it’s God who is loving you! I love you, there is no sin in loving a person; I can’t live without sex etc……Some priests, in order to escape the judgement of their conscience they might blame the woman! “You tempted me!” Well it takes two to tango.

What interests the woman is: when are we going to start living together as a couple? Well the priest has a lot of excuses such as: just let me think it over… I need to think…..I have to talk to my superiors/confessor/friend….I have to go for a retreat……I need to get to know myself first……….All in all they are good comments. Yet the time frame is the tool which classifies these statements as false or true. Why? Because life is short. We cannot keep procrastinating forever!! OK. Think it over till next year (for example). So please women, it’s better to give a time limit which you think is practical. After that stick to your guns and just leave. Otherwise your priest will become an expert on lies and keeps you hanging on forever. Is that the life you want to live ?

Another practical step would be to stop seeing him after an agreed time frame. A good statement would be: don’t call me or write to me unless you have decided to leave the parish. I don’t wish to waste my time in a useless relationship. We know from experience that this is a very hard decision to stick to as we some women prefer to listen to their heart rather than to their mind, yet not taking drastic action may actually give more power to the priest to keep her hanging on.

What surprises most women is that the priest keeps procrastinating on leaving active priesthood to live with the love of his life. Maybe because he is being served. He is having the cake and can eat it too. We, as married priests would never agree with priests having a clandestine relationship and abusing women. We are of the opinion to come clean and show everybody that the priest loves a woman and according to the bible he wishes to be a priest too. Although not everybody agrees with married priesthood, yet most of them admire us for the courage to take the plunge and to live sincerely without hiding anything. We are coherent with our teachings. We don’t hide anything. We wish to have the bible as our inspiration.

In a way that’s what we are campaigning for: married priesthood. It’s not just a woman that is ‘tempting the priest’ (sorry for borrowing such a horrible expression), but rather many of the priests are not living their celibate call as proved by scientific investigations. Hence we need to see the big picture: can we make celibacy optional? It’s not simply because we want to have sex but rather to witness to the people of God how to live in a normal family life and testify God’s world. Most of us work full time in a different job to earn our living. We work part-timers in the Church. When we work outside the church, we are not on a podium, but that could be the best way to witness our beliefs. Surely the world needs witnesses rather than teachers when it comes to preaching the word of God.