Tag Archive: our priest has a girlfriend

What’s an update?

One of the fascinating words today is update. It means to bring up-to-date! We want to update several areas in our life and that of material things. This applies to religion. We were once very young children. We had our first ideas about God and the church. We grew up, we made experience, attended courses..so on and so forth. We continued to update our idea of God, church etc……It means that we are understanding more about religious themes. Everybody understands better as one grows older. Not updating it means to remain with the same childish ideas, in other words being left behind or not learning at all.

Why are we focusing on the word update? Because of the wonderful call of the Pope for the church to do outreaching i.e. to go out of the temple and look for the man/woman of today. But the multi million dollar question is: how can one call for an outreach if one does not update? i.e. the church needs to update its teaching about sexuality; justice; work; rights; environment; relationships etc…..We firmly believe that outreaching without updating the present teaching would sooner or later backfire. The initial enthusiasm may soon die.

The priests (those responsible for updating and preaching the contents of the Catholic religion), have been brainwashed that the teachings of the church do not change!! So whilst people do change in many areas, in the area of the Catholic religion they have to make an exception!

This is quite insulting as it means throwing into the trash what other people have experienced about God! God speaks in everyday experience. We cannot discard what other people experience about God. The mentality that the priest knows it all in the area of religion has to stop. Adults in faith (according to the updated teaching of the church) have the right to seek God in other ways! They are Adults in faith not children to be lectured at!!

Why does this happen in the church? We firmly believe that the unmarried priest does not have a family of their own. Hence they have to make an extra effort to understand the world of today. Most of them spend most of the time closed between the protective walls during the initial formation period. They are expected to study on books. Most of them are very young. Non married priests have the most strange ideas about women where most of them still see them as a devil in disguise. Most of them had never a real and deep relationship with an adult! How can they have a healthy relationship with their parishioners? We are not surprised by some of the stories shared on this blog as it amply shows the lack of preparation of unmarried priests to meet the society of today. Consequently it will effect their ‘handling’ of people in parishes and their explanation of the teaching of the church. It will effect their focus in their parishes.

The married priest is the one who is living the married experience which in itself is part of a chain of many other experiences….a deep relationship with an adult; understanding the opposite sex; loving an adult; taking care of children; interacting with his own sons and/or daughter; taking care of his house; being a parent 24/7 for all his life…….

The married priest is at an advantage over other priests because he has his own sons and/or daughters where it’s not so easy to educate and he has to respect this often contradictory attitudes/opinion/clothes etc…..Yet they are his sons and or daughters so he has to forgive and love. He is the one who has to understand their journey in life and their right to choose the wrong path or maybe the joy of running on a ‘greener grass’. The spirit of teenagers who feel like grown ups only if they say no to their parents!!! I remember one episode where my son and I used to go shopping for clothes. He used to ask for my opinion about the choice of clothes. He used to select the clothes that I hated most!

All this experience might help him to approach people who have left the church. Surprisingly, some of the married priests too have people in their family who do not wish to go to church. Below we publishing part of the


47. The Church is called to be the house of the Father, with doors always wide open. One concrete sign of such openness is that our church doors should always be open, so that if someone, moved by the Spirit, comes there looking for God, he or she will not find a closed door. There are other doors that should not be closed either. Everyone can share in some way in the life of the Church; everyone can be part of the community, nor should the doors of the sacraments be closed for simply any reason. This is especially true of the sacrament which is itself “the door”: baptism. The Eucharist, although it is the fullness of sacramental life, is not a prize for the perfect but a powerful medicine and nourishment for the weak.[51] These convictions have pastoral consequences that we are called to consider with prudence and boldness. Frequently, we act as arbiters of grace rather than its facilitators. But the Church is not a toll house; it is the house of the Father, where there is a place for everyone, with all their problems. (published on the 24th November 2013)

We are presenting two more cases (love relationships between women and priests), that we’ve just received. We are happy that more people are opening up and writing their stories. They are acknowledging that we’re doing a great spiritual job with our website as more people are coming to our website. It’s a big deal with the number of people visiting our website as we don’t do any kind of advertisements. But people use the internet to look out for information which is not readily available in the other media.

It’s a pleasure that we are not making up things or stories but readers are sending their true stories. The website is slowly becoming the readers’ website as they write and comment on the celibacy of priests. Consequently today we don’t wish to comment on these two stories in order to let readers comment themselves. We are waiting for your comments. We are so happy that we receive your feedback. Please remember we left the stories as they were written by our readers. We just changed names and other personal details.

Case 1:

I’m Jane. I’m in a relationship with a priest like a husband and wife. We compliment each other because I’m the type of the woman who don’t want to get married. Serious commitment fears me and makes me feel bored. So I don’t mind him being a priest. I enjoyed the privacy of my life single and alone while having intimate discreet relationship with my priest. I rarely like someone. I fall in love only to discreet people or someone that challenge me by his uniqueness. I like him being a priest. I don’t want him to leave his priesthood. I become more in love seeing him serving people and church. I need his love and he needs mine. For me life is too short to complicate things. Accept only what you can embrace. If your not happy and feel troubled with your situation leave it and move on. Me I’m staying. Relationship have different problems. Live each day. Minding too much future will cause you headache. Be happy with what you have now, you’ll never know later your dead. Wear your best dress, be beautiful and enjoy love. So what if he can’t spend time with you everyday? There are many couples out there having a long distance relationship, some working abroad and seeing their wife every 2-3 yrs? Rather than blaming church, priest or yourself from loving why not enjoy life. People have different struggles in life. I’d rather have a good loving priest than a drug addict husband that will force you to work and beat you till death, as what I watched in news everyday. I just embrace that priesthood is his work, his life and passion and I love seeing him following his heart and getting his dream. I have my dream also and he supports me too. I don’t need him to feed me because I have a job and some property. I can feed myself. I’m not afraid of getting pregnant either. I’m not gifted of having kids. He serves God. I serve people. We both enjoy our passion in life and continue loving, understanding and supporting each other.

Case 2:

I’m Jennifer. I’m in love with my priest. When i first met him I did not like him because during confession he told me a truth about myself being guilty regarding a certain situation. As time passed I recognized he told me a truth and I began to respect him. One night I was praying for a godly husband and the next day at church he asked my name and I remember laughing to myself saying I know I asked for a godly husband but the priest was the only one who asked my name . Soon after I had a dream about him and I woke up thinking oh God don’t tell me I’m in love with the priest, I’m not supposed to like a priest.The next time I went to confession sitting waiting to confess to him I could see him through the glass and I thought this is good , I don’t feel so strong,until I got up to confess to him and I realized how happy I was to see him. As time passed sometimes I noticed him looking at me or how difficult it was for me to focus during mass cuz my eyes would drift towards him. One day he hugged me and I was more than glad to hug him back. One day he kissed my cheek and my heart felt like it was going to explode with happiness. Every time he comes around I get tongue tied and feel like a teen girl with her first love and I have never gotten speechless with any man I was attracted to before, it’s only with him . Unfortunately I have one of those faces when I’m happy the whole world can see and I can’t help but get the biggest smile when I see him.I worry that others can tell I’m in love with him just by how I glow when he is around and I’m not sure if its guilt for being in love with him or if the deacon can really tell I’m in love with the priest but I feel like the deacon hates me when he sees me. I have never attempted to be alone with my priest or asked for any counseling,i have never offered him my number or invited him out to coffee even though there a lot of times when I wish I could invite him out but I know I do not trust myself to be alone with him because I know with all my heart I would want to kiss in an intimate way and more.I am afraid others will either gossip about him or that I could somehow make him lose grace or cause him scandal . I want to tell him I love him but I feel like that would be self serving and if I really love him that I shouldn’t say anything but sometimes I wish I could just tell him or I feel like I want to see him or talk to him about little things,everything and nothing or like I wish I could go put a big note on his car and some roses and say hey I love you but at the same time I wouldn’t want to burden him with my feelings. At first I thought he may feel the same way because he asked my name first, hugged me first, kissed my cheek and called me beautiful, but then reading about customs from his country it seems a kiss is just a friendly greeting towards a friend where he comes from:( plus I have seen him hug other parishioners) so maybe I was just confused about his feelings for me.I do feel jealous when I see other women by him.I have gone to confession to 2 other churches and one priest told me it was natural to be attracted to a priest because they are good people but to stop going to my church for awhile which made me sad . i normally go on Saturdays so i did not go that particular Saturday but by the next Sunday i went .The other church i confessed at that priest told me it was ok that i was in love with my priest as long as i didn’t tell him or attempt to be alone with him which i have not and that it was ok for me to continue to go to my church. Seems like i have been to confession every week this last month and all at different churches once with my priest.When i did confess to him i tried to be detached for his sake or maybe mine,i thought it would help for growth spiritually if i could still go to him and withhold my feelings for his sake and the good of the church.i just feel so confused though because to me love is a good thing and i don’t see why priests can’t marry.If they could i would say yes to him .One morning there was a big storm and i was thinking about him and how it would feel to kiss him and just at that moment a big crash of thunder sounded and i was like ok God I’m sorry!!! I love God. I was born on Easter, as a little girl i remember being proud i had earned a trophy for learning my prayers and sometimes i had even thought about being a nun but life took me in a different direction and though i was not married through the Church i had 2 children and did not stay with their father so i know what it is like to be in an intimate relationship and i miss the closeness and love and i feel like i want those things with my priest.I also feel like i love him more than just lust or sexually because i want the best for him .Even though i have not said the words i feel he may know just because I look like a Christmas tree all lit up when he is around.I hope the Church changes the policy so priests can marry and i could be free to tell him how i feel and not have to feel guilty for loving him and others could speak of their love too.For awhile i had thought about maybe stop going to Church altogether, I thought it would be best for him if i stopped going and i thought about trying to find anybody just so i could try to erase him from my heart and thoughts but that’s not what i want. I feel God brings people together for a reason and i know i would miss the Church and God if i stopped going and i know on days when my priest is not officiating my particular hour of mass i feel sad and miss him too . I have a heart big enough to love God, the Church, my family and my priest and feel sorry for myself and others whether they are priests who are in love or the person who is in love with priest because we are supposed to deny our love and made to feel guilty for our feelings.

If you are interested in reading a detailed study about the behavior of priests, then visit this website.