Tag Archive: priest caught masturbating


We either grow or die!

Children are easily noticed when they get taller. All of us do notice the rate of growth of the young ones. We, as adults, we are growing up very day! It seems so obvious that most of us don’t notice at all! What’s natural and happening everyday seems to get sandwiched between our 1001 jobs we have to do daily.

How do we grow up? Obviously not getting taller! But we are making experiences and reflections in our daily journey. As spiritual beings we tend to look beyond the experience. We are humans who ask many questions.

It has become obvious that as a spiritual community all of us have different ideas, characters, upbringing etc…But lately the going is getting a little bit more challenging. There are some who are not open to change [like in many other sections of the population]. Others who would like to take a commanding role [either you do as I’m telling you or I’m quitting]. Some others go on a rampage by labelling others [including myself]. A few have chosen their role: to be judges!

Can we move forward in this way? Well, in the moments when I feel it’s getting dark, I would grasp the bible in my hands and look for inspiration. Yes, Jesus Christ could have started and set everything ready made in His church. Yet He didn’t do it! He wished to have 12 frail men to command it. Where they the best people on earth at that time? Definitely not. It’s not me who is leading his church. It’s the Holy Spirit who is continually cleaning and sanctifying His church. Do we truly believe this?

This is the biggest change in teaching. We are bombarded by negative news. It’s so easy to fall in the prey of today’s so called journalists. It seems that there is negativity all around! How can I believe in the ‘nuclear’ news of the gospel? From this aspect, we are seeing what we DO NOT AGREE IN. In this way we are undermining our community. We have to believe that as a community we are obliged to take care of each other.

This is like friends. When we are young we tend to think that our best friends seem to be our photocopies. As we grow older, we notice many areas were we disagree completely! We are best friends not because we agree on all subjects, but rather for other reasons! The same goes for our community. We are trying to give a message to the world: married priesthood will be a blessing to our wider Catholic community. Now if we remain separated or everybody in the comfort of his house but disregarding the calls of his brothers/sisters, then we fall down. All of us. The entire community.

I did my doctoral thesis on the role of the community. I lived in a community 24/7. For some time, I lived in an international community of nearly 200 people. I know what it takes to live in a community. I know all the pros and cons. I do distinguish though, the online community from other communities. In fact some people play the bully role simply for the fact that they are behind a screen and they think nobody can get their true identity!

I never told anybody to leave. I hope I will never do that. But some people seem to abandon the community because the community is growing. Growing means taking a different path in our journey. Now I know that most human beings are so diffident with change. Yet, looking out of the window and seeing the wind blowing, I realise that it’s not the most ‘strong’ tree that will resist the wind but the most flexible one. The flexible ones seem to be so frail as they are going in all directions when the wind blows heavily. Surprisingly those who seem to be so strong are the most likely ones to be uprooted! Technically because they try to stop the wind, which of course is unstoppable, like change!

One final note: I have been there many times when there was discord amongst a community. I do feel that God is telling us to move forward, with or without these members. It’s up to them to either get on the bus again or risk of being left behind!

Hello! My name is Laura. I want to share with you my relationship with my priest.

I’m a separated woman. I had to leave my husband of 5 years. He had betrayed me and now has another family, though we are still not divorced officially.

First of all let me be very clear: The priest is the one who started the relationship. I knew him for over 6 years at that time. Because of our mutual friendship, we got closer. Once after dinner, we went for a walk. Suddenly he held me and kissed me. He did admit of having feelings for me. At that time I was still struggling, but he told me that he wasn’t going to force me to have a loving relationship. He just wanted to stay close. After around 2 months he showed that he cared for me a lot. At that time I had some feelings too towards him. He told me I could trust him. He showed many signs that he really loved me. Time passed by and we became closer and knowing each other more. I fell in love deeply. He introduced me to his mother and to his family

Then sex happened. It has been going on for these last 2 years, till a few months ago. I got pregnant. As soon as I gave him the wonderful news, he astonished me by saying that we couldn’t keep this baby. I was so depressed hearing him say such a thing. I plainly told him that I couldn’t accept. At last he changed his mind. He considered to keep the baby. However I had a miscarriage. Could we keep our relationship I pondered silently…?? We had some serious arguments.

He suddenly said that maybe it was God’s sign to stop having sex outside marriage! We needed to stop having sex and keep our friendship platonic. He told me that he had confessed already, and that he loved me so much. His wish was to stop having sex. Consequently we couldn’t sin any more.

We could keep our love relationship but just without sex…. I asked point blank: Why not leave priesthood and get married? It’s so weird…He emphasized that he loved me so much, but that he couldn’t leave priesthood.

Since last January, something happened. We keep arguing about something trivial. We argue about some family affairs about his sister..?? He has now turned to be an emotionless person, with less hugs, kisses and less dating with me. I try to talk to him, but he says that everything is fine. He gives the excuse of too much work and that he feels tired. He continues to say that he still loves me. He just brushes me aside with the expression that he loves me so much. He urges me not to worry.

On the other hand he thinks that the fighting is God’s sign to show him that he is wrong, but he does feel his love for me. The priest thinks that he needs to follow his vow of celibacy, because he did promise to God that he will be faithful to his promise. But celibacy is not a divine law, it’s a human law after all!

I don’t understand…I feel so confused. What can I do? I really love him and I cannot live without him. What should I do? What should I tell him???

I would like to write about a whole book about this story but I prefer to let the readers air their views. Please let’s not blame the person who was/is in a frail situation. Let’s walk in her shoes.

Easter Sunday

The gospels are interesting to read from several points of view. One of them is for contrasts. The people next to Jesus who have witnessed the most astonishing miracles, walked side by side with Him for some years. They are so proud of their master. On Good Friday they are nowhere to be seen. They are terrified of anyone associating them with Jesus. Peter made a solemn oath of not knowing Jesus!

The leader is gone. All the followers run for their lives. They are nowhere to be seen. But they have witnessed the most extraordinary events in their lives??!! This is because fear took over. One of the biggest threats to faith is fear. Fear of what the others might say. Fear of being judged. Fear of being different. Fear of showing your true faith to others. Fear of loosing friends. Fear of being fired. Fear of the future. Fear of others. Fear of the immigrants. Fear of…….The list goes on and on.

Are we afraid? Afraid of what? The fact that I don’t have more stories (for the time being), means that people are afraid of sharing their intimate story with a priest, even though we promised not to reveal real names nor geographical position!

If we wish to see change in the church and yet we are not ready to jump, then maybe we are procrastinating change in the Catholic Church. Maybe like the apostles we are still experiencing Good Friday but not Easter Sunday!

Jesus has won death itself – our greatest enemy. What are we afraid of, exactly? Why is this fear keeping us from transmitting our message? When discussing with others, it’s the others who might be afraid of change, not us!

We have to start the ball rolling as we don’t expect others, especially the priests to speak in our name! On the other hand, it might be interpretated as Pharisaic because whilst we demand the priest to leave everything for the name of love, we are so afraid to touch the hot potato subject of married priests. Myself, I have lost the ‘comfortable’ job of working at the university. Other priests had to emigrate. Others receive a very low pay. Others are still shunned by most of the people, family members included! A few of them have committed suicide. I wish I could reveal the many emails/communication that I receive. Unfortunately, everybody seems to be a victim of fear as they don’t give me permission to publish!

One of the tactics used by most bishops, is that these are very few cases! This is not true. But how can I explain that I have so many cases on my hands if I cannot disclose any information about many stories?

I truly believe that everybody can do something small but with great love and determination. One can send messages through many parts of the world in different ways. I can’t give a general formula for everybody! It’s up to each person to study it’s own personal life and act accordingly.

May the Risen Christ give you enough courage to be bold enough and strengthen the church by suggesting married priesthood.

People are not silent any more. They speak of changes in the church. The fact that the present Pope is so popular, is simply because of the aura of change that he has inspired up to now. Now all this has come to a crossroad: the meeting of some of the Catholic bishops in Rome (synod). They are going to discuss the family.

We are tired of listening of how important the family is for all society. We are fed up to listening to empty words where practically nothing changes. We want some kind of change where the family feels that it has a voice inside the meeting. They want to see that the challenges discussed; the vocabulary used; the proposed changes; reflect the reality of today and not that of the medieval ages!

We have a long list of proposed changes, as confirmed on the internet by several people who keep on harping the same points. Yet in our opinion, the most important of them all is that of optional celibacy or married priesthood. A married priest has an everyday experience with his own family. He faces challenges all the time. He is questioned by his own son or daughter. It’s not just listening to other families who have young/teenage/adult children, he has his own. His own children are growing up and they are questioning everything.

There is the phase of no faith where his own children might abandon faith for a short time (or forever). He has to struggle to keep his family united and praying together like all other families. He has to struggle with his own timetable and that of the family.

Maybe his own son or daughter might turn up to be a gay/lesbian person. Now it’s not a homily to unknown people but it’s his own son or daughter. Shall he move with the actual teaching of the church or shall he move forward?

There are priests who have experienced divorce. When it’s a personal experience, there is no deeper knowledge. The permanent mark is evident. Shall he preach from his own theological books or shall he preach from his heart?

The lack of married people, women, divorced people, gay/lesbian etc…will hamper the progress of real dialogue with the so called ‘world’ in this week’s synod. The winning mentality is that of the late Pope John XXIII where he saw the changes of society not as a threat but rather as the writing on the wall. The teaching of the Second Vatican Council (meeting for all Catholic bishops which took place between 1962-1965), does not start from theory but rather examines reality and looks for God’s message. It’s not an approach from high up to down below but rather reflecting on the here and now, looking for the hidden messiah.

Now unfortunately all the priests are practically brain washed that all teaching is already in their hands so they only need to water it down or present it in beautiful way. There are as well some of the laity (non-priests) who think same wise. They truly believe that’s the true teaching of the church. Well that’s not the teaching of the Second Vatican Council as already outlined above. We have read countless stories of how priests are not trained to nurture proper relationships (latest reflection comes from princess). That’s the psychological trauma on a priest who is not attached to anyone, and who is afraid of coming a little bit closer to a person. Shall we continue with a church like this? Surely not. The pope can handle the bull with his own hands. If not, it shall mean the departure of an unknown number of people from the church.

As usual, if the people leave the church, where will they go to? Well in that case we feel in conscience bound to take care of those people (as we are already providing such service including this blog).

It has been noted that most of our communication does not take place with words, but rather through other medium which does not involve talking! This is so true when it comes to meeting new people especially at work where one has to stick together over a long period of time. How many unsaid words are there! We might dislike a new person, or we might like so much. How does the other person perceive our non-verbal communication?

The same goes for a priest-woman relationship. How many unsaid words! Is the woman looking for love? Is the priest unsteady with a deep relationship? Is the priest venturing to get to know a woman for the very first time? Is the priest passing through a crisis? Attraction seems to be part of nature. But how can one be sure if the most important words are never said out loud? Is it daydreaming or wishful thinking than? Let’s read our last contribution by one of our readers. Please do comment.

I am in love with my priest in my parish. My relationship with my priest began when I moved into my current parish a year ago.

At that time I was discerning my call to become a religious sister and I was also desiring to volunteer for the new parish as an altar server. I contacted my priest for help in my discernment process and our discernment meeting naturally evolved into a regular spiritual direction sessions. The same priest also trained my as an altar server and he was happy to have me assist during the mass. I really loved my new parish, met lots of new people etc. It was October of last year when my relationship with my priest had a turning point.

After a spiritual direction session with my priest, I remember feeling really good because we had a really good talk at a deep level. After the session I remember thinking that I wish I was a close friend of my priest so that we can share more spiritual talks each other. The day after that spiritual direction session was Sunday and I went to the chapel to altar serve. On that day, I noticed some things from the priest. He acted shy towards me and during mass when I turned my face towards the lector during the reading, his face turned red and he quickly turned his face away from me as to not to see my face. The shyness continued for some period of time, and although he didn’t make any strong move to make a conversation with me, I could clearly sense that he was attracted to me.

At that time I didn’t know what to do and I was trying to not to give him an impression that I was attracted towards him also. There was one time when I applied for a job back in my home town and I could have left my current parish. When I told the priest that I can possibly leave and stop altar serving, even though he tried his best to control his feeling I could clearly see that he was very sad about this and he refused to come to mass the next day. When I was having problem with the contract and told him that I was not going to take the job, smile came back to him and he was back to normal. He showed signs of attraction until February of this year. From March until now he rather remained very calm and he didn’t look like he was swayed by emotions that he had for me. When I talk to him he responds friendly, but there is a certain distance between the two of us. He had never initiated any conversation with me unless I walk up to him and talk to him. Over the time my feelings towards him grew, and I personally really wished that we could have had a chance to discuss about the attractions we had, but there was no progress in our relationship and I was at a point where I was doubting if he would have ever chosen me.

Lately, in September, I put some distance between myself and the priest and avoid talking to the priest or initiating any conversations with him as to protect myself and this does seem to impact him a little bit, although he never really shows or shares his feelings or his inner concerns. During the past week he tried to be more approachable by saying “hello, how are you?” and so on even though I don’t say hello to him.

I honestly don’t know how he feels about me at this point and what things are on his mind. Nothing is clear between us as I was trying to fake my own feelings that I have for him and I am sure that it shouldn’t be clear for him as to how I truly feel about him. At the same time he was trying to hide his feelings as well and because he always look so calm and keeps a distance between the two of us, I don’t know how he feels about me.

Would it be a good idea for me to tell him plainly that I am attracted to him? This is not to pressure him or anything but I am getting very sick and tired of hiding my own feeling. I feel like nothing can get resolved unless one of us (likely me) are being honest about the feelings. Maybe the priest doesn’t feel for me any more, and if it is his decision that he shouldn’t get involved in the relationship, I have to respect him. But the way I feel about this relationship is that by being perfectly honest about what is going on, I can completely leave this relationship for God and him to decide how it will progress in future. I don’t want this relationship to simply die out simply due to the misunderstandings. Whatever this relationship may entail in future, I want my relationship to grow rather than forever distancing each other.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking time to read this post,

D