Tag Archive: priest fondles my breasts


The wife of the Pastor

We spoke a lot about the priest who is side by side next to his woman but what about his wife? What does she think about all this? What does it mean for her to pick up a man of God as her husband?

Today we’re addressing ourselves to a small percentage of women who encourage their husband-priest to continue his work as a pastor to the flock. Why does a woman would go for all this trouble after being judged and labelled by other Christians?

We wish to emphasize that no priest, who left active priesthood, is being forced to continue working as a priest. We always believe in the free will. Nobody could force you to do anything in life. Otherwise it would be counterproductive. Besides, if we criticise the church for being forceful with celibacy, we don’t want to be pharisaic by forcing any priest to do something against his will!!

Most of the women realise that a priest cannot cancel his past (and present one too) ! Most of the priests who leave the parish are not immature. Most of them are sincere and honest. In fact this is one of the reasons they had left: they can’t live double lives. They chose sincerity. Now most of them were used to be very social and help other people. Priesthood was not a 5 to 8 job for them. It was his vocation. He is that way: kind, helpful, understanding, caring and sociable.

As the woman gives him all the attention, love, understanding and one million other useful things…she comes to realise that her man is richer. He can’t live without giving a part of his life not only to his family but also to other people. Now in some cases, the woman becomes extremely jealous of his time spent elsewhere…..but in these cases, the personality, charisma or talents of her husband, like a plant in the hot and dry summer months, will slowly but surely die. Would she like a husband who becomes an introvert without talking or communicating anything? No she doesn’t. So as time passes by, she realises that the best cure for her husband is to become his old self by serving the people of God.

Now obviously, most Catholic priests, either have to convert to any other religion which allow married priests, or else start their own parish with all it’s pros and cons. It would be quite difficult at the beginning but it’s quite rewarding in the long run.

On the other hand, one cannot dismiss one big stumbling block: being involved in the building of a community, does it mean that she is going to have less time with her husband? There are several ways to face this challenge. Here are some of them: a very good way is to share the work of her husband. In fact the advantage of having married priesthood is that there is an extra pair of eyes to help her husband (unlike the unmarried priest). In this way, when he is ‘at work’, she would be next to him most of the time. Another solution would be to teach people to respect the working schedule of the parish unless there are emergencies. Some people tend to be egoistic expecting service 24/7 even for simple things such as filling up of some papers!!!

One solution would be to delegate some of the work to others such as a council or panel. The involvement means that the parish is owned by all and not by the pastor’s family! This has the advantage that if they own it, the parishioners might work hard for its maintenance.

A method which I found quite interesting is to have the family day where the pastor is away for a day or for some hours, depending on the situation. This ensures that there is enough time and care for the pastor’s family.

Finally being the wife of the pastor and having a family (including shrilling kids!!!), might not mean of having a perfect family (where is the perfect family?). So the wife needs to combat the idea of having a perfect family. It’s a normal family with all its ups and downs. They would be facing the same challenges other families are facing!! This is not a disadvantage but rather a big advantage because they can speak from experience. People would listen more to their family experience.

If you’re interested in this area, we are referring to a book written by the wife of a pastor! Here is the link! Let’s receive the feedback of many of our readers! Please we would like to read your responses as this is what keeps this blog alive!

Pentecost and Married Priests

We have just celebrated Pentecost. In lay terms it’s the birth of the church. The apostles were all behind closed doors and windows afraid of what might happen to them. On Pentecost day, the Holy Spirit descended upon all apostles and they left all their fears, doubts, jealousy and lack of faith behind, went out and started to talk in the name of Jesus. It was a big transformation.

In Europe in these last days, it seems that we are electing several governments. Our mentality is that we elect people to represent us whilst we continue with our lives. Is that a similar attitude in the church? How many people leave the church for one thousand and one reasons? Yet who is going to remain ‘in’ to bring about the change? It is an appropriate reflection on Pentecost’s day. Are we just young children who are happy to play with the toys whilst the other adults take care of us in the church? Pentecost was so transforming because the apostles realised that it was their turn to start speaking in the name of Jesus Christ. Do we have so many lay people available in the church?

Married priesthood is important because married people should be considered as a great asset for the church. It could be the building block for the whole church. It’s up to the people to ask their local bishops for married priesthood. How many of our readers are ready to pester their bishops to call for married priesthood?
This does not mean that it’s going to be that easy. Some bishops (example in the UK), are already too silent about it. But that does mean that we stop doing our part of speaking to them?

In most of our cases, we continued practising priesthood because people did ask us for our services. We saw many local areas where priests do not go. Lay people are left all alone. Who is going to attend to their needs? This is like an emergency. All people who can help are obliged to do so.

Emergency or not, Married priests feel that they have a special charisma for today’s people to bring God’s message. It’s the sign of the times. People who read between the lines should come to the same conclusion: we need married people to bridge the distance between priests and married people. Married people will look upon their priests in order to look for concrete examples on how to live the gospel in today’s world.

Today we wish to thank some of our readers with the promotion of their books. They believe in our cause that celibacy should be optional. They have thought about it, and they have written about it in more detail. We wish to say a special thank you! Their books are not going away. They would transmit the message forever. What one says, maybe easily forgotten. Yet what one writes, remains forever!

We wish to use this special occasion in order to encourage others to follow the same path. Most of the writers never thought themselves as writers. Writing starts when one jots down some notes. The notes start increasing day by day. Until finally there are so many of them that one can group them into chapters and finally into a book!

Most of our readers have been struck by lightning (their love story with a priest). This is a good reason to write about it. Now some of you have already written their story on this blog so why bother to write a book? Well there’s a big difference between an article on a blog and writing a whole book. The advantage of a book is that one can go much deeper with the story especially, one involving a love story with a priest. One needs to start remembering some details by making a time line (like a diary but going back in time). Then one just lets his emotions do the rest. The rest of the readers have been given a good tutorial of becoming a good writer by providing the necessary fuel (asking all types of questions!!)

Free Priest, The movement for Ministerial Reform in the American Catholic Church, by William F. Powers. This book is a sociological examination of what has been happening in the world of married priests in the framework of a social movement. It is based on the records kept by organizations of ‘free priests’ as well as interviews with dozens of leaders of those organizations. It is the inspiring story of men who remain deeply committed to their calling despite having made the painful decision to leave the priesthood and the barriers put up within the Roman Catholic church.

Bingo, Mandatory Celibacy and Clergy Sexual Abuse, by Louise Haggett. The Bingo Report is the result of her ten-year social research project, a timely and provocative study of celibacy and clerical sexual abuse. Ms, Haggett has been featured on international television and radio programs, such as 60 minutes and the BBC and in newspapers and magazines such as New York Times, the International Herald Tribune and Time.com. In her role as president and founder of CITI Ministries/Rentapriest.com, she has recruited hundreds of priests who have married and assisted them in renewing their ministry to the spiritually unfed in the church.

Exodus from the Priesthood, by David Rice. I know no study of the current state of the Catholic priesthood that compares with this. The priesthood is in a state of crisis, probably the worst in the Church’s history. Yet no one has researched the subject as well as David Rice. No one has listened to resigned priests with such wisdom and sympathy. Often their stories are more startling than any that come out of Hollywood. The result is not merely depressing for Shattered Vows points the way to a ministry that is less clerical and more genuinely Christ-like.

The Pearl, by Pauline Nikolov. How many men are truly interested to learn about the woman next to them as an equal? How do different religious men, different cultures and denominations present their relationship to women? Who is misogynic? (hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls) Who is truly loving and tolerant to women as Jesus? Hope is a young woman who is about to find answers and discovers her purpose in life. Through series of life experiences and adventures – from the legend about the living soul of a pearl named Vif, to the noble aim to bring together people from different faiths and denomination in the name of peace – she tirelessly communicates the importance of exchanging spiritual gifts and the role of women a mediators for peace. From Egypt to Los Angeles, from Chicago to Paris, characters and historical facts are mixed to entertain and spread messages to readers with an appetite to know more.

Isabel, Secret Diary of a Discreet Secretary, by Isabel Szlavik. After a short stint as a fashion model and crooner for a jazz band, Isabel Szlavik decided to pursue what was at the time, the largest, most prestigious, and elegant job category for women around the world. The skills list for a secretary was short: a minimum typing speed of fifty words a minute, a general knowledge of shorthand, and enough patience to handle messy carbons and an electric typewriter. From her first job supporting a missionary who devoted his life to helping the needs to her last role assisting two talented businessmen, Isabel chronicles the often humorous side of the secretary-boss relationship, how she dealt with a rapidly changing technological world, and handled the many different personalities and cultural backgrounds of the American, Brazilian, German, Italian, Chinese and French nationals she worked with on a daily basis.

We might mention other books in the future as obviously there are many more books dealing with the subject of forced celibacy. We can give just the result of a search engine….
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=books+about+celibacy&t=lm&atb=v24&ia=products

We welcome suggestions from our readers about other books which they have found inspiring. Please write!

Let’s push for change

Somebody once said that the biggest sin in the world is when the so called ‘good people’ don’t do anything. On the other hand the so called ‘evil ones’ are doing work 24/7!

We wish to compare this thought to the Catholic Church today. Although we don’t want to use the term ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (referring to people), we wish to point out two different categories of people in the church.

There are those who guard the teaching of the church in jealous way, and they don’t let anyone interfere or change anything. Consequently the church is seen as a museum where change rarely happens. Everybody knows that this is false, yet these individuals continue walking the same road.

On the opposing fence, there are those who would like lots of changes, more frequently and on a bigger scale in the Catholic Church.

Whilst these two opposing groups are found in any church, corporation, business, family etc…in the Catholic Church it seems that the first group has been in power for too long. This has effected in a negative way the side of those who consider themselves ‘progressive’ or who dream of changes. Again we hate labelling but we need to use some terms in order to drive home our point.

In our experience, most people have left the church. This includes many priests as well. They have been waiting for too long to see any changes. In practical life, they have invented a spirituality of their own. They still connect to God. They still hold most of the Catholic principles. Yet they are without a community. In an evangelical way, they are the sheep without a shepherd!

Being responsible of this blog, we have realised, that many people agree on many issues. Yet the lack of community makes their effort useless. One cannot change anything in the world if one is not connected to a community. What will change if I stay in my house rumbling about the church? Most probably I would be having a negative view of the church and slowly but surely I would abandon all faith practice! This in turn would ruin my spirituality!

Running the blog made us realise that there many people out there who need support in order to make them realise that they are not on their own. Their falling in love with a priest is not the only one which happened in the church! Their thoughts are not unique because many others share the same point of view. In real life we feel running a parish! We are happy about this.

We are calling our readers to have a more active role. Some of them are already doing some sterling work by writing their opinion on our blog. We would like to invite them to go out and talk about married priesthood. We do believe in social media as the place where changes occur rapidly.

Why are we pointing to social media? Because the people who would accept these changes are not going to church any more! They are found elsewhere! But this leads to a new concept of the church. We have been used to listen and obey for too many years. We are adults in faith. We feel the need to talk about our faith in particular situations (such as when we fell in love with a priest).

This in turn is not outside religion because in the documents of Vatican II (a meeting for all Catholic bishops which took place between 1963-65), they brought about the biggest change in religion (many don’t know unfortunately). What was the change? It’s not applying rules to everyday life but rather create principles or teaching from everyday life! It’s not the above to down below application but rather from down below to high above! It’s not about obeying laws but seeing, touching, living with God in one’s personal and intimate way of life! God is already there, in one’s life, even though one feels as if living outside the gospel because of various reasons.

Now we do know that this teaching is not just two lines but it needs many more hours of teaching and coaching. But it is so vital so that people get to know that without attending church or any other similar meetings, they have been walking in line with the teaching of the church! One’s life has been the new temple where God loves to stay.

Why has this happened? Because they now longer attend church. There is no one to tell them what is the real teaching of church. They have remained closed in their spirituality with no contact with any believers at all. This has been one of our main objectives: to connect with many people who have left the church.

To come to a conclusion we have left the so called the ‘museum idea of the church’ to stay for too long. We don’t challenge their ideas. We are giving away the match without going on the field and give our very best! The so called ‘conservatives’ are winning because we are not fighting at all!

Let’s push our experience of God and our understanding of the church. We are on the footsteps of the apostles, who most of them were married. We don’t need to feel defeated, in shame, sinful or out of reach of God. We are the apostles of 2016!

The idea of a whistle blower has always caused a great discussion for governments. But having the same concept in the Catholic Church is much more difficult as most church attending people are still brainwashed that the church is a saintly one, and all those who challenge its authority must be nuts; desperately looking for money; or some other odd idea!

Obviously, the priest who sees all this imagines and feels how difficult it is to expose everything. As in other spheres of life, the one who talks, would bring about public attention and most probably he would lose his high esteem. He would be under suspicion. In this light we understand that most priests, especially those who have fallen in love, would prefer to keep everything under the carpet and remain silent as they would feel terrorised if their love story would be published! Now let’s go to East Africa.

Throngs of Roman Catholics greeted Pope Francis when he visited East Africa this week. But the Rev. Anthony Musaala wasn’t part of the official welcoming delegation.

Two years ago, Ugandan Archbishop Cyprian Lwanga suspended Musaala indefinitely – barring him from administering the sacraments- when Musaala wrote an open letter that challenged his priestly vows of celibacy, condemned sexual abusers among the clergy and criticized priests who father children and abandon them.

In practical terms it’s the same treatment received by a government who prefers to silence one whistle blower than facing reality and doing something about it. If what Musaala is saying is true, than what will happen to the church? It’s the same mistake which happened with sexual abuses where the general approach was that of putting everything under a nice carpet!!

The obvious question would be: is it right to shut up and let things as they are? Is silence ok in the conscience of a priest or an active Catholic in a parish? This is the right question to be asked to most of the clergymen who are ready to condemn divorced, gay etc… but not the criminal acts done by themselves! On what grounds did we allow a paedophile priest to celebrate and receive the Holy Communion but not a divorced person?

Since then, Musaala, a popular gospel singer and LGBT activist, has become a champion of efforts in Uganda to overturn church celibacy rules and oppose anti-gay laws.

“We will ensure the pope hears our voices on the issues of celibacy,” said Musaala before the Pope’s visit.

The petition drive advocating marriage for priests comes as the Ugandan Catholic Church has been cracking down on Musaala and his fellow activists. Last month, Lwanga suspended several other priests for suggesting that Catholic priests should marry.

Again: is suspension the right answer for people nowadays? Does it silence once for all the call for married priests?

By denying priests permission to marry, the church is rejecting thousands of young men who otherwise would heed the call to holy orders in Africa, home of the world’s fastest-growing Catholic population, Musaala is convinced. Meanwhile, he added, numerous Ugandan priests now live openly with wives and families anyway. Again, by turning a blind eye to these events, will it remain a secret or known to just a few?

At the shrine in Namugongo, where Francis addressed around 1,000 lay Catholics on his visit to Uganda, Vincent Ogalo elicited cheers as he spoke before a crowd of petition supporters.

“I prefer priests to marry to avoid cases of adultery in our churches,” he said. “My wife was snatched by one of the local priests after having stayed together in marriage for five years.”

Religious women are especially targeted by sexually frustrated priests, Ogalo continued. He believed the solution was properly satisfying the priests’ desires.

“We have always trusted them with our wives and daughters, who usually help them with various work in churches,” added Ogalo. “They’re not good people if allowed to stay without marrying. They are a threat to us.” He is the first one who puts forward this expression: that they are a threat to the rest of the parish!!!

Catholics in Africa hold on to traditional societal values that are at odds with some church doctrines, said Zacharia Wanakacha Samita, of the department of philosophy and religious studies at Kenyatta University in Nairobi, Kenya.

“People who choose not to marry, whether for religious reasons, as celibacy in the Catholic Church, or other practical reasons, do not easily find social acceptability in African society, largely because marriage and having children remains a core value,” he said. Now is it just Africa who sees the church in this light? What about European and world wide experience?

Are the women who have love/d a priest aware of their special role in the church by walking alongside a whistle blower?

The answer is obviously no. Than why do you fall in love to a man who is unavailable? It seems very similar to falling from high above without using a parachute!!

What’s so surprising is that the priest makes it feel as if it’s ok to preach to the others while having an affair with a woman. The reasons given by some priests in order to justify their sexual intimacy have been astounding! Some have said that God is loving the woman! Others have said that they have been given such a gift by God himself! One priest said that he needs to explore God’s temple (= woman’s body). Another priest said to a prostitute: on a Sunday I’m the priest (=in church) but today I’m Mr……!!!

On the other hand, surprisingly, the woman too has been brainwashed because she seems to be convinced that it is a real relationship, which can blossom into a real family. This is not just a piece of information, but most of the woman belief it with all their heart, body and soul!

Is it because they think that nowadays the priest is going to leave priesthood and marry them to have a wonderful family? We have always insisted that we don’t support clandestine relationships. We are trying to explain to people that celibacy should be optional but in the meantime the priest has to decide: shall he continue with the relationship and leave the parish or forget about the woman and continue walking in the same direction? It’s not right to play with the emotional life of a woman or of any other significant other. One has to decide which way to go. We feel obliged in conscience to alert all women that a hidden relationship with a priest is a recipe for disaster. Please apply your mental brakes at the very beginning of the relationship!

The first part of the article seems to be written by somebody who wants the priest to stay at all costs in the parish. Well it’s not. After experiencing so much suffering from women who have been abused by priests, the call for justice takes an upper hand. We cannot hear so many stories and remain indifferent. It’s not because we want to keep the status-quo of forced celibacy. On the contrary we are trying to make our voice heard by the present Pope Francis to make celibacy optional.

On the other hand, listening to some women, we are reminded what somebody once said: that the heart has reasons, which the mind can never comprehend!! We have been insisting many times that relationships are not simply like an operation where one operates a series of buttons. It’s not an on and off action. We truly believe that some women can’t help it but fall in love. As we have repeatedly said, the priest speaks about a lot of virtues, values and principles plus being available to hear their stories, which consequently makes him so attractive, plus that, it fills them with awe and desire to stay alongside such a wonderful person.

Obviously, as a married priest, we cannot forget that in some occasions, the woman-priest relationship has blossomed into a real relationship and consequently into a happy family. The married priest has been confirmed as more happy and that he works more confidently in his pastoral care. He is in a better position to understand today’s challenges. We are all in favour of married priesthood, yet not all priests wish to let go of the riches, advantages and perks which come with a solitary life!

This is the message which we are willing to share with most of our readers. Beware that your handsome priest, might be a different person when challenged to live a family life! Maybe he wants to have the cake and eat it too! Please do write and give your honest opinion!

Somebody who is new to our site would think that we’re encouraging women to fall in love with priests. Well, if they just read some of the experiences they would surely know that it is not true. Because many women are writing to show how heartbroken they are because their loved priest is so cold or not answering any kind of communication.

Well, as a husband and priest, I’ll try to bridge the gap. If I’m not successful please do not hesitate to write. Remember we’re always open to suggestions. This is your blog, so please do participate by making your voices heard!

A priest is living on his own for most of his time, notwithstanding that he is in contact with people all the time. This means that although he talks to people, he has to put on a mask. He preaches, he tells people what to do etc. But who knows his true feelings? Who knows what he really thinks about the church? Most of the time he is saying one thing to the others, but deep deep down he believes another.
Priests are trained not to be sincere!! In most cases the most popular reason would be that he has to be a rock for his people and not admit his failures on insecurities (!!).

One of the first alarm bells (or call it what you like), goes off when a priest finally lifts his mask and speaks his heart out, maybe for just a few minutes. Yet it’s enough to attract the other person to start looking beyond that tiny piece of sharing. Sharing always involves bonding. Bonding will call for more meetings in order to get to know the friendly person.

The priest is used to being transferred every now and then so as soon as he feels bonding, the urge to run away is sort of ‘normal’. Once a friend of mine, in a rare moment of openness, said: ‘I’ll never fall in love because practically every 3 years I change parish’!

Another philosophical/theological reason would be that a priest cannot have deep friendships as if he is not human at all! He has been urged to keep distance from other normal human beings. Nowadays priests duties are enormous, consequently in most cases they prefer to be alienated with more work! In that case they avoid becoming vulnerable in front of another human being!!

The woman = sex is the biggest hindrance. They have been told many times to avoid women (are they to blame for the need of openness, sharing, caring etc..??). So the fact that a priest may just spend a few minutes talking to a woman, deep deep down he feels that he has already gone beyond of what is expected of him!! This happens even on social media even though the conversation maybe totally private with no one watching, the priest still feels that he is doing something evil.

I do remember my time in the monastery. Most of my companions were seen with men, talking or going for a walk. Practically it was ok. But as soon as I was simply talking to a woman in an open space, all eyes were watching each and every action which took place. Obviously most gay priests pull the legs of other companions if they are seen talking to a woman!! Have you ever thought about hypocrisy?

Please do remember that priests have abandoned any form of relationships with other human beings (except in the parish, where they ask others to do 1001 odd jobs), for quite a long time. So one can imagine how the priest feels to be in a relationship. He is used to go anywhere with no ties and with no timetables. People are there to serve him.

Now all of a sudden he feels ‘trapped’ by one single woman! She just pretends that he listens to her and communicate. Do you think it’s easy for him just to give her some time for communication? Actually it’s not a time problem but more of the consequences involved. He is used to live like a king. Now all this is about to disappear if he says yes to one single woman.

Please excuse me for using this kind of language priests use to describe the ‘act of falling in love with a woman’. Maybe it sounds awful or disgusting for normal people who are used to having relationships, yet we did this as a service to make women aware of what they are fighting against.

People are not silent any more. They speak of changes in the church. The fact that the present Pope is so popular, is simply because of the aura of change that he has inspired up to now. Now all this has come to a crossroad: the meeting of some of the Catholic bishops in Rome (synod). They are going to discuss the family.

We are tired of listening of how important the family is for all society. We are fed up to listening to empty words where practically nothing changes. We want some kind of change where the family feels that it has a voice inside the meeting. They want to see that the challenges discussed; the vocabulary used; the proposed changes; reflect the reality of today and not that of the medieval ages!

We have a long list of proposed changes, as confirmed on the internet by several people who keep on harping the same points. Yet in our opinion, the most important of them all is that of optional celibacy or married priesthood. A married priest has an everyday experience with his own family. He faces challenges all the time. He is questioned by his own son or daughter. It’s not just listening to other families who have young/teenage/adult children, he has his own. His own children are growing up and they are questioning everything.

There is the phase of no faith where his own children might abandon faith for a short time (or forever). He has to struggle to keep his family united and praying together like all other families. He has to struggle with his own timetable and that of the family.

Maybe his own son or daughter might turn up to be a gay/lesbian person. Now it’s not a homily to unknown people but it’s his own son or daughter. Shall he move with the actual teaching of the church or shall he move forward?

There are priests who have experienced divorce. When it’s a personal experience, there is no deeper knowledge. The permanent mark is evident. Shall he preach from his own theological books or shall he preach from his heart?

The lack of married people, women, divorced people, gay/lesbian etc…will hamper the progress of real dialogue with the so called ‘world’ in this week’s synod. The winning mentality is that of the late Pope John XXIII where he saw the changes of society not as a threat but rather as the writing on the wall. The teaching of the Second Vatican Council (meeting for all Catholic bishops which took place between 1962-1965), does not start from theory but rather examines reality and looks for God’s message. It’s not an approach from high up to down below but rather reflecting on the here and now, looking for the hidden messiah.

Now unfortunately all the priests are practically brain washed that all teaching is already in their hands so they only need to water it down or present it in beautiful way. There are as well some of the laity (non-priests) who think same wise. They truly believe that’s the true teaching of the church. Well that’s not the teaching of the Second Vatican Council as already outlined above. We have read countless stories of how priests are not trained to nurture proper relationships (latest reflection comes from princess). That’s the psychological trauma on a priest who is not attached to anyone, and who is afraid of coming a little bit closer to a person. Shall we continue with a church like this? Surely not. The pope can handle the bull with his own hands. If not, it shall mean the departure of an unknown number of people from the church.

As usual, if the people leave the church, where will they go to? Well in that case we feel in conscience bound to take care of those people (as we are already providing such service including this blog).

It has been noted that most of our communication does not take place with words, but rather through other medium which does not involve talking! This is so true when it comes to meeting new people especially at work where one has to stick together over a long period of time. How many unsaid words are there! We might dislike a new person, or we might like so much. How does the other person perceive our non-verbal communication?

The same goes for a priest-woman relationship. How many unsaid words! Is the woman looking for love? Is the priest unsteady with a deep relationship? Is the priest venturing to get to know a woman for the very first time? Is the priest passing through a crisis? Attraction seems to be part of nature. But how can one be sure if the most important words are never said out loud? Is it daydreaming or wishful thinking than? Let’s read our last contribution by one of our readers. Please do comment.

I am in love with my priest in my parish. My relationship with my priest began when I moved into my current parish a year ago.

At that time I was discerning my call to become a religious sister and I was also desiring to volunteer for the new parish as an altar server. I contacted my priest for help in my discernment process and our discernment meeting naturally evolved into a regular spiritual direction sessions. The same priest also trained my as an altar server and he was happy to have me assist during the mass. I really loved my new parish, met lots of new people etc. It was October of last year when my relationship with my priest had a turning point.

After a spiritual direction session with my priest, I remember feeling really good because we had a really good talk at a deep level. After the session I remember thinking that I wish I was a close friend of my priest so that we can share more spiritual talks each other. The day after that spiritual direction session was Sunday and I went to the chapel to altar serve. On that day, I noticed some things from the priest. He acted shy towards me and during mass when I turned my face towards the lector during the reading, his face turned red and he quickly turned his face away from me as to not to see my face. The shyness continued for some period of time, and although he didn’t make any strong move to make a conversation with me, I could clearly sense that he was attracted to me.

At that time I didn’t know what to do and I was trying to not to give him an impression that I was attracted towards him also. There was one time when I applied for a job back in my home town and I could have left my current parish. When I told the priest that I can possibly leave and stop altar serving, even though he tried his best to control his feeling I could clearly see that he was very sad about this and he refused to come to mass the next day. When I was having problem with the contract and told him that I was not going to take the job, smile came back to him and he was back to normal. He showed signs of attraction until February of this year. From March until now he rather remained very calm and he didn’t look like he was swayed by emotions that he had for me. When I talk to him he responds friendly, but there is a certain distance between the two of us. He had never initiated any conversation with me unless I walk up to him and talk to him. Over the time my feelings towards him grew, and I personally really wished that we could have had a chance to discuss about the attractions we had, but there was no progress in our relationship and I was at a point where I was doubting if he would have ever chosen me.

Lately, in September, I put some distance between myself and the priest and avoid talking to the priest or initiating any conversations with him as to protect myself and this does seem to impact him a little bit, although he never really shows or shares his feelings or his inner concerns. During the past week he tried to be more approachable by saying “hello, how are you?” and so on even though I don’t say hello to him.

I honestly don’t know how he feels about me at this point and what things are on his mind. Nothing is clear between us as I was trying to fake my own feelings that I have for him and I am sure that it shouldn’t be clear for him as to how I truly feel about him. At the same time he was trying to hide his feelings as well and because he always look so calm and keeps a distance between the two of us, I don’t know how he feels about me.

Would it be a good idea for me to tell him plainly that I am attracted to him? This is not to pressure him or anything but I am getting very sick and tired of hiding my own feeling. I feel like nothing can get resolved unless one of us (likely me) are being honest about the feelings. Maybe the priest doesn’t feel for me any more, and if it is his decision that he shouldn’t get involved in the relationship, I have to respect him. But the way I feel about this relationship is that by being perfectly honest about what is going on, I can completely leave this relationship for God and him to decide how it will progress in future. I don’t want this relationship to simply die out simply due to the misunderstandings. Whatever this relationship may entail in future, I want my relationship to grow rather than forever distancing each other.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking time to read this post,

D

A relationship starts immediately after our first hello. Whether we know it or not this is a basic fact which happens to all sorts of people. It’s up to us to be aware of it and to guide it according to our beliefs, thinking and desires. Now speaking about sharing of emotions or of any other significant experience makes the process of relationship building super fast. Besides it is kept together in the oven of attachment. It is the first real consequence of a special relationship. But this is not the only consequence. Most probably it’s the time to experiment with our bodies such as kissing, hugging, fondling each others intimate parts etc…

On the part of the priest, as he realises that he is becoming vulnerable and swimming in an unfamiliar water, he might be tempted to shut down all sorts of communication. It’s a ran fast and away approach. Most woman don’t understand this attitude because their cultural baggage is totally different. In the priest the moral part becomes really talkative. He is used to hear all sorts of bad things happening with sex or sexual experiments. So under the pressure of sin with all its paraphernalia, the priest tries to hide the problem by ignoring the woman and blaming her for all that had happened! But let’s hear this unique story of this month. Readers, you are more than welcome to send in your comments.

I started talking to some people online, just to make connections and friendships ’cause living alone can be lonely at times, even if you are a grown adult in late thirties. One day, I was talking to this man, in another country, and he told me from the start he was a priest, so having no negative experience with priests and seeing them only as ”special”, my guard was down. I really thought a priest was a spiritual being, and all his ”man thoughts and sexual energies” would be channelized through works, as nuns and brothers are trained to to. Little did I know, we were bonding closer and closer.

Because he is a priest, it was curiosity more than anything, that made me continue getting to know him. Curiosity on how far this would go, and actually not believe it would go far. I quickly realized he was just a man, under that title, with needs to talk and become ”liked” by women.

To make a long story short, I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back I can agree that I was actually having a long-distance man/woman relationship. We talked, talked, joked, flirted, for hours on end, very often, and then started making plans to meet.

I went to his country, we met, spent time together, and it was wonderful to finally meet in person and be ”together”, but it was his first time, so it wasn’t spectacular, but it was so special and will be remembered forever.

Now, turn of events after I came home a few weeks later. He suddenly goes silent, he deletes me from skype and facebook, and suddenly I am left alone in my pain. I cried on and off for many months. It felt like a break-up. No explanation on his part. Two months or so after I was home, I get an email from him, saying that he regrets having done ”it”, and basically he was blaming me for everything. Bunch of bull…. as he wanted to as much as I did. Maybe him being a priest was a way to get rid of the guilt.

Eventually, I wanted to say goodbye to him ’cause it was hurting too much to not only be ignored by him but to have him twist the story around. But soon after, he wrote back to apologize for his silence, for his twisting the story around, and that he would like for me to stay in his life, but that he is trying to be a good priest. It’s been four years now, and we still communicate, he will flirt at times, but I know, he told me he never wants this to happen again, and he never wants to see me in person again. I will never understand why he doesn’t want to meet in person again. I don’t know if he has feelings for me, ever loved me, and if ”never seeing me again” is because he is afraid we will fall again, but I wish he would express himself and open up about it, instead of just saying we will continue writing, but never meet in person or cam. I am sad ’cause I love him so much. Part of me is wondering if his communicating with me in writing has now become simply ”polite”, or if I mean something to him.

He has re-added me to fb, but things are not the same between us, even if we communicate often. My heart skips a beat every time I hear from him, but I will forever wonder what he feels in his heart: is it politeness, love, or just plain friendship? Were we together due to his curiosity of being the first time, or because he truly had feelings for me?

I keep him in my life now, regardless if I will ever find someone for me or not, ’cause it hurts more to have him out of my life than in my life. Sounds odd, but yeah, it is what it is. We don’t choose who we will love or hate. The heart has a mind of its own. It’s almost like we need each other. He wants to stay in contact with me, just like I want to stay in his life. Even if it hurts that he can’t be mine only. It also hurts me so much that he can write many times per week, sometimes per day, but then will ignore me totally for days, sometimes even more than a week and I don’t understand that.

I wrote to the pope in the past few years, asking if finally priests would be able to live a normal life with relationships, marriage, but unfortunately I never got a response from Pope Francis.