Tag Archive: priest kisses me on the lips


Hello! My name is Laura. I want to share with you my relationship with my priest.

I’m a separated woman. I had to leave my husband of 5 years. He had betrayed me and now has another family, though we are still not divorced officially.

First of all let me be very clear: The priest is the one who started the relationship. I knew him for over 6 years at that time. Because of our mutual friendship, we got closer. Once after dinner, we went for a walk. Suddenly he held me and kissed me. He did admit of having feelings for me. At that time I was still struggling, but he told me that he wasn’t going to force me to have a loving relationship. He just wanted to stay close. After around 2 months he showed that he cared for me a lot. At that time I had some feelings too towards him. He told me I could trust him. He showed many signs that he really loved me. Time passed by and we became closer and knowing each other more. I fell in love deeply. He introduced me to his mother and to his family

Then sex happened. It has been going on for these last 2 years, till a few months ago. I got pregnant. As soon as I gave him the wonderful news, he astonished me by saying that we couldn’t keep this baby. I was so depressed hearing him say such a thing. I plainly told him that I couldn’t accept. At last he changed his mind. He considered to keep the baby. However I had a miscarriage. Could we keep our relationship I pondered silently…?? We had some serious arguments.

He suddenly said that maybe it was God’s sign to stop having sex outside marriage! We needed to stop having sex and keep our friendship platonic. He told me that he had confessed already, and that he loved me so much. His wish was to stop having sex. Consequently we couldn’t sin any more.

We could keep our love relationship but just without sex…. I asked point blank: Why not leave priesthood and get married? It’s so weird…He emphasized that he loved me so much, but that he couldn’t leave priesthood.

Since last January, something happened. We keep arguing about something trivial. We argue about some family affairs about his sister..?? He has now turned to be an emotionless person, with less hugs, kisses and less dating with me. I try to talk to him, but he says that everything is fine. He gives the excuse of too much work and that he feels tired. He continues to say that he still loves me. He just brushes me aside with the expression that he loves me so much. He urges me not to worry.

On the other hand he thinks that the fighting is God’s sign to show him that he is wrong, but he does feel his love for me. The priest thinks that he needs to follow his vow of celibacy, because he did promise to God that he will be faithful to his promise. But celibacy is not a divine law, it’s a human law after all!

I don’t understand…I feel so confused. What can I do? I really love him and I cannot live without him. What should I do? What should I tell him???

I would like to write about a whole book about this story but I prefer to let the readers air their views. Please let’s not blame the person who was/is in a frail situation. Let’s walk in her shoes.

Painfully slow

In English we have the expression of taking a short cut. A short cut may help one avoid a lot of traffic, gas and time. Nobody would like to spend so much time in traffic when a shorter route exists! Is there a short cut in life? Before we answer such question, we are aware that there are various aspects of life. We have in mind the much needed reform in the Catholic church. Unfortunately there are no short cuts!

It seems that some of our readers would like to wake up one fine morning and find the necessary changes in the Catholic church! The mentality of the short cut is embedded in those who wish to change things in the church. Well it never happened that way. That’s not the natural way. If one just takes a look at creation especially the growing up of a forest, it takes a lot of years. We do understand that a fallen tree is much faster and it makes more noise than a whole forest growing up!

The longer route is: who is going to take care of so many parishes without a resident priest? Whether we’ll have married priests or not, we still have to face this growing challenge! If married priests join officially the clergy, it still might not be enough (not all married priests will accept the call by the way!), to provide the necessary basic services in a parish.

What we really need is for the so called ‘lay’ people to take an active role in the parish. Obviously to train people, again, it’s not an overnight job. It needs a lot of training. Who is going to take the role?

The problem is that we are comfortably enough to hide behind a computer screen but not daring enough to make the first step towards the actualisation of our dreams!

Maybe the first excuse that comes up is that we don’t feel that we are the right person to do the job. If we truly read the bible, there were many people who complained to the Lord to go and pick up another person. Finally they had to give up! They accepted the Lord’s invitation with humility. Your sins, lack of faith, lack of skills etc…will be compensated by the Lord!

Besides the acceptance, one has to pull up his socks and starts the hard work ie to prepare ourselves professionally so that we can take care of a parish. On the internet there are many courses nowadays which can be followed in the comfort of one’s home! One can find a solution to juggle around other duties to leave space for such a course.

During the course, one meets several people. Don’t be taken aback if you meet some so called old fashioned friends. That will be the testing ground. One needs to train oneself in dialogue. These will be repeated in other occasions such as when one is responsible for a parish. There is no perfect community in the world! One has to work with the people that come to the parish, whether they are old fashioned, greedy, alienated, rebellious or whatever. I do remember the first time I was introduced to a parish where old aged people where the absolute majority. As a young priest, at first I didn’t want to stay there. But then, the old people brought other people for some special occasions and there I met other kind of people. So one needs some time to understand God’s call.

The same can be said of our call as married priests. I never thought that I would practice priesthood again. But the call from the people and the internal reflection made me realise that one cannot discard God’s call. Of course it’s very easy for a married priest to stay in the comfort of his family (without judging anybody though), yet God’s call is there for all.

Will you take up the challenge?

The Pope surprises everybody

The Pope has surprised everybody by announcing new measures to combat sexual child abuse. We are very happy because finally the church has started to project itself differently. The pope has proved that he does listen to his critics. He did something tangible to create a new image of the church which is fundamental after the tragedy of sexual child abuse. The effects will surely put the church in a good light in the long run.

Is it enough? Well, some people are still not 100% happy because any law which does not state what kind of punishment could be given, is still not a good law. We don’t know who is going to supervise all the dioceses of the church to see if it’s being put into practice or not. It is quite demanding to have an eagle eye on such a gigantic organisation!

Our point is still: why force celibacy unto priests? It is not enough to cure people after an accident. How about avoiding it in the first place? We are not against celibacy. We are only stating the obvious: make it optional. The enormous number of priests would immediately suggest that not all of them will observe celibacy whether it’s with a young child, woman, man or whatever!

The priests are practically NOT trained to live a celibate life. They are not trained how to accept and direct their emotions. They live with other boys or men especially in the initial years. They don’t have a family to take care of; they don’t have to face violent, critical or drugged teens in their house. They just go out and preach! All this will have an effect on their work in a parish.

In many seminaries (training grounds for priests), priests are simply used to the liturgy and how to observe in a meticulous manner, the laws which command public worship. Yet outside the mass hours, are they trained to do a truly pastoral work? Do they know how to plan work in a parish? Do they know how to deal with adults? Are they trained for Adults’ Catechesis? Are they ready to leave the ‘home’ advantage of working in the temple/church and visit people in other environments? What about working alongside the so called ‘laity’?

Although there are many answers to the questions we have just raised, yet the married priesthood could be another asset for the church today. Although there are many baptised people who a see a value [rightly so] in celibacy, there is a large number of people who are actually put away with this undemocratic enforcement of celibacy. Are we going to send the latter away? Are we going to insist that we are right and they are wrong? Where is the spirit of the Church in the modern world where it listens and looks for the hidden writing of the Holy Spirit?

We firmly believe that if we want our priests to be involved in our daily lives, then a married priest would already be with both feet ‘in’. It could be a catapult to help him work better and offer a better service to the parish!

Easter Sunday

The gospels are interesting to read from several points of view. One of them is for contrasts. The people next to Jesus who have witnessed the most astonishing miracles, walked side by side with Him for some years. They are so proud of their master. On Good Friday they are nowhere to be seen. They are terrified of anyone associating them with Jesus. Peter made a solemn oath of not knowing Jesus!

The leader is gone. All the followers run for their lives. They are nowhere to be seen. But they have witnessed the most extraordinary events in their lives??!! This is because fear took over. One of the biggest threats to faith is fear. Fear of what the others might say. Fear of being judged. Fear of being different. Fear of showing your true faith to others. Fear of loosing friends. Fear of being fired. Fear of the future. Fear of others. Fear of the immigrants. Fear of…….The list goes on and on.

Are we afraid? Afraid of what? The fact that I don’t have more stories (for the time being), means that people are afraid of sharing their intimate story with a priest, even though we promised not to reveal real names nor geographical position!

If we wish to see change in the church and yet we are not ready to jump, then maybe we are procrastinating change in the Catholic Church. Maybe like the apostles we are still experiencing Good Friday but not Easter Sunday!

Jesus has won death itself – our greatest enemy. What are we afraid of, exactly? Why is this fear keeping us from transmitting our message? When discussing with others, it’s the others who might be afraid of change, not us!

We have to start the ball rolling as we don’t expect others, especially the priests to speak in our name! On the other hand, it might be interpretated as Pharisaic because whilst we demand the priest to leave everything for the name of love, we are so afraid to touch the hot potato subject of married priests. Myself, I have lost the ‘comfortable’ job of working at the university. Other priests had to emigrate. Others receive a very low pay. Others are still shunned by most of the people, family members included! A few of them have committed suicide. I wish I could reveal the many emails/communication that I receive. Unfortunately, everybody seems to be a victim of fear as they don’t give me permission to publish!

One of the tactics used by most bishops, is that these are very few cases! This is not true. But how can I explain that I have so many cases on my hands if I cannot disclose any information about many stories?

I truly believe that everybody can do something small but with great love and determination. One can send messages through many parts of the world in different ways. I can’t give a general formula for everybody! It’s up to each person to study it’s own personal life and act accordingly.

May the Risen Christ give you enough courage to be bold enough and strengthen the church by suggesting married priesthood.

The secret hand of God

Children would like to win when playing games. Adults want to come out as intelligent and mature persons when conducting a project at work. The Jewish people too wanted a superman in order to get rid of the then so powerful Roman Empire! In any case, everybody wants/wanted to come out with flying colours!

How come then we’re celebrating the death of a man nailed to a cross? Is this the promised victory? What kind of victory is that? It seems that the so called bad people had won!

Although we’ve been brainwashed [at times] in the Catholic church, there are moments when one is all alone. One can’t do what others did. It’s a personal situation where each individual has to give a personalised answer!

The married priesthood is another subject which cannot be judged on a yes or no campaign. We don’t say it’s possible or not. We firmly believe that it’s in God’s hands for the future. Now God, the way He handles these projects is in a different manner. If we just look at one of His extraordinary projects [the church], he didn’t select the very best [according to our frame of mind]! Yet no one can deny that it was another wonder of the world! Companies get dissolved after a few years or in other words, no company has withstood 2 centuries though!

As married priesthood is aimed for the future, it links with another group of people: the prophets. Prophets in the old Testament [Bible], used to talk in a strange language. They used to see things that others didn’t. No prophet knew how far away was the actualisation of his words. Though they firmly believed that one day it would have been put into practise.

The signs that make us believe that it will happen is that the number of candidates for priesthood is getting the lowest record. We’re speaking in a general manner because in very few countries they are still having an incredible high number.

The church can’t survive in such an environment. I do mix with people and many times when discussing religion, I realise how little do they know about true religion! How can they learn if there is no one to teach them? What about their daily lives? Do they turn to God? Well, we can safely say that the old prayers are gone forever. Even though people can surely meet God in other areas and circumstances, we firmly believe from daily experience that if we don’t have a timetable, most probably we turn to God [maybe] when we encounter a negative experience!

As usual, when discussing any subject in the church, there should be a dose of prayer. It’s not just the sharing of ideas. We are walking together on a journey to discover God in the futuristic church where married priests will be present.

Just to make our ideas more clear let’s make an example: discussing forgiveness. One can discuss at length about the subject but finally one has to pray a lot in order to practise it in one’s life. This is because one needs God’s help to be able to live it!

Let’s not see married priesthood on its own. It’s just one project alongside others which finally will enhance the church to be able to be again an important player in society in this century.

A different approach

I still remember some of the so called good old days in the church where people used to be afraid of breaking tradition in Lent by eating prohibited food or to exceed the exact quantity of some food! Well we had a particular formation where tradition used to occupy a central place. Fasting was a way of life in a Christian’s perspective. It was tradition.

Today, when walking in a city, there is rarely a sign of people who fast! Most people broke with tradition. People do not feel that tradition is a reason why we have to continue the same way of life. People feel that they need a change. Some of them are looking for a direct communication with our Lord, in or outside the church. If they don’t fast, it doesn’t mean that they do not believe in God or that they are far away!

The direct approach is their meaning of prayer. They ask any kind of question especially those outside the box because they are looking for something honest, caring, understanding and meaningful. If one asks, one expects an answer. Some people do not find answers. How is God going to provide answers to some curious questions?

God works through us. We are the ones who have to provide an answer to these thirsty and hungry people for God!

If we compare statistics, we might become pessimistic of how many people are not attending church any more! There are many people who are so alienated that they do not know that it’s the Lent season! On the other hand, if we are truly living this Lent, we might see things differently.

The rush to buy more or to get more rich, is a request to find God ultimately, according to St. Augustine’s philosophy. We might be the link for others to show them where God is. Maybe it’s not the time for fasting, but it’s time to go and look for others and help them contact God.

This applies especially when discussing married priesthood. It’s the link that people are looking for to find a humane church where it understands their daily challenges to live a normal life! It is the link that they are looking for. Whenever I’m discussing this issue amongst people who have left the church, I always see a smile and a genuine interest to come back to church.

The other side of the coin shows people who are still attending church ceremonies yet they are strongly in line with tradition. Taking away tradition means taking one’s life in their own frame of mind! We have to explain the reason maybe of breaking up with the tradition of celibate priests. We have to pray together in order that the Lord will illuminate the challenges facing the church today, especially that of lack of priests!

In our frame of mind too we have to let God move us towards new pastures! Although the hurdles seem insurmountable, yet we do believe that God can move mountains! At times, we don’t need a very large following. Maybe we might need just one prophet who with the appropriate words can bring the necessary changes in the church for the good of all! In this sense, this week, there have been some positive and significant changes in order that priests could get married!

Another article is found here. Have a spiritual and meaningful Lent!

We met in 2001. I worked in a hospital, but Vladislav came to a Christmas event for the patients as a priest.

We have been in a relationship for 16 years and have 2 children. It was very clear to Vladislav, that at the beginning of the relationship, I was looking for a family and not just some amusement. I hold family values very high. I have always thought of him as my husband and he has been calling me his wife.

Fifteen years ago, when we were expecting our first child, incredibly his provincial [The head of a religious order] advised him to leave the family, because “She’ll find someone else”. Vladislav was moved to another country!

When we were expecting our second child he wanted to convert to Eastern Rite Catholics, but his brother, a Roman Catholic bishop didn’t allow that. His brother also told me that Vladislav would be happier without me!!!

The elder child, our son, was very attached to his dad. When Vladislav left us, the son started having health problems.

During these years I have been forced to leave my friends, my job in the school and the university, just to be able to pay the bills. I worked illegally – without holidays for years, because Vladislav’s financial contribution was unpredictable.

In the period when we didn’t meet each other, Vladislav fell to the final stage of alcoholism.

When I met Vladislav – he was like a slum, not a living person. He couldn’t move or sleep normally, he talked like an insane person.

Immediately I led him to a detoxification, to narcologists. Vladislav started having epilectic seizures. At the moment, any amount of alcohol can go fatal to him, causing a psychosis, which would turn him into a “vegetable”.

Because of the risk of having an epilepsy attack, he must not stay alone – not even a minute. Vladislav also had severe memory impairment. He had been living at home. Our children and I helped him return to life, regain his memory and intellectual abilities.

I persuaded him to go through the Minnesota program for addicts. According to the doctors, a situation of Vladislav remaining in the ministry would leave a very bad impression to the children.

Unfortunately, when he lived at home, in family, he received messages from his brother (bishop): “Your only choice is to run away secretly. You must remain sacred even against your own will !!!!!”.

His sister persuaded him to leave by inventing lies. He said to our little daughter: “I’ll be back in 3 days, and we will go to a pizzeria.” It’s been two years since that day but he is yet to come back!

I wrote to the Order and turned to an international organization for help.

The General Father of the Order didn’t allow him to leave the ministry. He said that my request was ‘not well grounded.’

I was presented with a contract in which the father could meet with the children 4 times a year – according to them!! Is that how to bring up children?!!! In this contract I was named ‘a nuisance’.

I believe that the way the RCC behaves towards me, the children and Vladislav, is a crime.

Please be careful with your comments as this is a very sensitive case of a The Roman Catholic Church abusing a woman. Let’s show our practical belief by helping and not judging a person who had the courage to write her story on our blog. Let’s keep her in our prayers.

The sun behind the clouds

Students have exams in order to test their abilities. We, as grown ups, we have our own situations where we feel we are being tested. In the human life, there are situations where although the people are adults and mature, they feel at a loss what to do or how to react. It could be that the present situation was not the desired one or a one which changes our life completely.

We feel at crossroads. What shall we do? This is the time where the true church has to show its true colours. We are all pilgrims walking towards our Risen Lord. We are people of faith. Even if we don’t see, yet we believe. It’s a cloudy season yet we firmly believe that behind the dark clouds, there is the sun.

Most of the old Testament prophets spoke about the future which they had never experienced! Yet they still preached the message requested by their faith. We too need faith to accept the latest developments. We need a lot of faith so that what we believe in, will be the norm in the Catholic Church.

Lately, according to the latest news, Pope Francis seems to have changed his mind. He is simply letting married people to help with the distribution of the sacraments in remote areas. Actually we don’t know if they would truly be called priests! But it’s a big no to priests who might consider marrying! Consequently, we don’t think he would be letting other priests who left to come back!

It seems that marriage is still being viewed as something which hinders priestly duties! What makes one laugh is that I don’t know of many priests who have truly a packed timetable! So why all the fuss that the priest can’t follow his timetable?! What do priests do during the week, especially morning time? Family visits are still largely unknown in many parishes of the world. How are the priests reaching out to people? Mass attendance has gone down drastically especially in the Western World! They don’t have long queues for confession neither.

How can we help? We can write, talk, discuss with other media/people to show the benefits of marriage in Catholic priesthood. One which helps the priest understand life today especially when having one’s own kids! The priest would be doing a practical exercise in relationships when living with his wife 24/7. Like in all other organisations, we have to convince other people of our arguments. It’s NOT the end of our ‘war’! We might lose the battle in the coming months but not the war!

In this case I would like to comment that at times we are finding difficulty in practising dialogue between ourselves. We still have to grow in maturity ie the way we write our opinion and they way we react when somebody does not agree with our opinion. If we react in the same way with people who do not agree with married priesthood, we would be hijacking our own purpose!

Let’s remember that some people have been brainwashed with the learn by heart answers given by the Catholic Church for many years or better centuries. But when one thinks about it deeply, one might change his mind. Please do remember that most people are backing our way of thinking. The only problem is that the Pope together with other priests and bishops are failing to see the writing on the wall. If the church is in dire straits, it should be practical and think about its own future. If not, it might risk of becoming a very small minority! Let’s use and believe in the force of prayer to make great changes in the church.

Another hot and cold priest

I’m Wendy. My priest’s name is Craig. Forgive the long story, but I don’t know how to understand my priest. His behaviour is odd, and it’s ripping me up inside.

Let me start by saying that this has been a horrible year for me! In the same month, I had a tumour on my neck, my mother went into kidney failure, and my 67 year old boss was constantly harassing me, and threatening to fire me, so she could afford to keep her 35 year old boyfriend in the company. He just got out of rehab, and hasn’t been employed a year. He went to rehab after working at my company just one week, when he showed up at work drunk. My boss sent him to rehab for three months, then brought him back to the company, where he took my promised promotion. We were in a deficit, and could not afford him, so now all of a sudden, she was finding all kinds of flaws in my work, while he is paid literally just to sit around, and be her boyfriend. On July 4th, she finally got rid of me. My point of all this, is that this year has been misery, and my priest was like a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

He came to my parish as a parochial vicar in 2014. To be honest, I did not like him. I had a private meeting with him to ask a question about a dilemma I was facing. He was rude, and sarcastic. I thanked him for his time, and left.

After that, he’d say hi to me in church. I’d nod politely. I’m the shy type, so I’m not good with eye contact. In 2015, my mother was hospitalised in ICU. (We live together, because of her many health problems. She rarely goes to church.) Father came to visit her. It was their first time meeting. She told him that I went to his church. When she said my name, he said, “Oh yes. She’s the pretty dark-haired girl who sits in the front row.”

After that, he approached me CONSTANTLY in church. He’d ask me how my mother was. When it was time to give the sign of peace, he’d step off the altar, and shake my hand. During the procession when mass was ending, he’d stop, and ask me how she was. He even knelt beside me during Adoration, and asked. That shocked me, because Adoration is done in silence. He started calling the house a lot, and coming over to the house. He wanted to give my mother Communion. I remember thinking that I misjudged him. He was a nice guy after all.

This behaviour continued until summer of 2016, when I came to church 10 minutes late. He gave me a dirty look, and kept his eyes closed during most of the service. When it came time to give the sign of peace, he never came over, like he usually did. Was he really that mad about me being late for church? The next week, I was on time. He was still cold. He would be all laughter, and smiles towards everyone else, then his face would change when he saw me. He looked at me like he hated me, or would just close his eyes. This went on for a month. Mom told me that it was my imagination. That following Sunday, there were two priests. The pastoral vicar proceeded out the front door, I left out the side door, like I always do. To my surprise, there was Father holding the door open as the parishioners exited. There were just three parishioners in front of me, and no one was behind me. I saw him smile, and shake the parishioners hands. He would joke with them, and ask them questions. This for me, was the moment of truth. How he reacted when I walked out that door, would tell me whether or not I was imagining things. Sure enough, the second he saw me, his face changed. He looked straight ahead as if he didn’t see me. I said goodbye to him, and he didn’t even acknowledge me. Just looked straight ahead.

Months went by, and my church attendance dwindled. It wasn’t really because of him. Things regrettably, got in the way. And yes, my faith was (and still is) on the decline. Last November, a gland that was swollen on my neck since the summer, got bigger, and was throbbing. It turned out to be a tumour. During that period, to my shock there was a knock at the door, and it was Father. I hadn’t seen him in months. Unfortunately, Mom and I were both sick, and improperly dressed so we did not answer the door. It surprised me though.

This January, besides my tumour, my mother went into kidney failure, and my boss started harassing me. I went to another church in town because they were having confession that day. I wanted to return to God. To my surprise, I heard Father’s voice in the confessional. It turns out that during the period when I was missing church, the older priests either retired, or transferred, so Father became the parochial vicar of 5 parishes! During confession, he was so compassionate, and understanding. He visited my mother when she was in the ICU. I decided to ask him for an anointing on my tumour. When I came to the rectory, he was very caring. The only thing I thought was odd was that he was ogling my legs. His eyes went from my feet to my legs, to my thighs, and once there, they widened, and remained transfixed. I was wearing ordinary pants. In fact, I don’t even think that I have nice legs, so that surprised me.

When he saw me in church that following Saturday, it was like old times. He was friendly, and went out of his way to say hi to me. Ten days after the anointing, I called him to tell him that a miracle happened. Out of nowhere, water started pouring out of my neck, and the tumour went down to the size of a mosquito bite. He didn’t call back. A few days later, on Ash Wednesday, I went to church. Before the service began, he came out to talk to me. I showed him the tumour, and he was surprised. He shook my hand, and went to start the service. Because I had just come home from work, I ate on the drive to the church, so I did not receive Communion. When the service ended, I lagged behind, and knelt in prayer.

After the miracle occurred, my faith reignited, so I stared at the Tabernacle, gave thanks, and asked God to heal my mother, and to help me at my job. Father then approached me from behind, and asked me if I had wanted Communion. I explained to him why I didn’t take it. He told me that an hour had gone by, and it was okay for me to take it. He went to the sacristy behind the altar, and gave me some. It was at that moment that I started to get feelings for him. I thought about him constantly, but I didn’t act on it. He’s 14 years older than I am, but he seemed to be the perfect man. That weekend I was out of town, so I didn’t go to Mass. Monday, when I went to work, my boss brought me into her office, and ordered me to go into therapy, or she would fire me. Her boyfriend said that I was creating a hostile work environment by interrupting his recording sessions by tapping on my watch (I don’t even wear a watch.), and by asking if I could go in there. I told her that I’d hardly call that hostile, and it was in fact him who was doing that to me, and I showed her the email proving it. It was from another coworker telling him not to interrupt me during recording sessions. My boss remained unmoved, and forced me to go into therapy. I was furious! During Lent, the church had Adoration. After work, I went straight to Church, and I cried to the Eucharist. All of a sudden, Father came in. He gave me the warmest smile. Suddenly my pain seemed bearable. That following Tuesday, the church also had evening Mass during Lent. I went. When Mass ended, Father left behind the altar. I stayed, and knelt down begging God to help me with my problems. There was the parochial vicar, and some other people still in church. Suddenly from behind the altar, Father comes out, and says, “Has it been an hour yet?” It was only a 30 minute Mass, and I ate on the car ride over, so I told him no. He laughed. I was sitting in the front pew, and there was a barrier in front of it. He knelt against it, and said that he would give me a blessing, instead. He touched my head. He asked me how my tumor was. He also said that he wanted to see it. I moved my hair from my neck, and showed him. He also asked me when I’d know the results of my MRI. I answered him.

His voice then took on a more seductive tone. He was whispering. “It was wonderful seeing you the other night in Adoration. It’s a great place to meditate, and receive peace.” He started looking at my hands which were folded in prayer. He stared into my eyes, and smiled. He had a dreamy expression on his face. We kept staring at each other smiling. This may seem weird, but it felt like an electrical current had passed from him into me. I had a feeling something was about to happen; like he was going to kiss me, or something. It scared me, so I rapidly turned my head away from him. Still dreamy-eyed, he whispered, “Bless you!” He told me that he had to go. He gave me the most seductive smile,waved goodbye, and went back behind the altar. I went home in a daze. I knew at that moment, that it wasn’t just my imagination, or wishful thinking. Father wanted me. I told Mom about it when I got home. She warned me to be careful.

That Friday, when I went to work, the boss gave me another written warning threatening to fire me, if I did not stop “creating a hostile work environment”. I had been recording notes into my cellphone, and her boyfriend said that it was making him uncomfortable, because he didn’t know why I was doing it. It was notes about recording the news, sports, and weather. She said that if she had to write me up one more time, I’d be fired.

That Sunday evening, I called a coworker while he was at work, to ask him a question. He answered, then told me, “Crazy stuff is going on here at work. There are men sitting downstairs with guns. They said that the boss told them to come. They’ve been here the past three nights!” I worked on an Indian Reservation, and they have their own government agencies, and some of them do carry guns.

This was too much! I hadn’t told the priest about my problems at work, but I called him up, and left a voice mail, asking if I could use the church after hours to just sit, and pray. I told him about what was going on at work. The doors lock automatically, so locking up wouldn’t be an issue. There was no return call, so I decided to pray in the Church parking lot. I just wanted to be as close as I could to the Eucharist. Well, when I got to the parking lot, I saw that the Church was all lit up, and there were cars, everywhere. I felt that God had answered my prayers. Thinking it was a Mass, I rushed inside, and took a seat. It turned out to be a confirmation class. I was embarrassed, but I just continued to kneel, and pray. When class was over, and he greeted everyone as they left the church, I heard him ask the parochial vicar if everyone in the church was gone.

I took that as a sign that he didn’t want me there, so I started to leave, when he stopped me. I told him what was going on at work. To my horror, he was rude, and condescending. He told me I could stay after if I wanted, but I was so embarrassed, I just left. After that, he was mean to me. He’d look at me, and roll his eyes. He’d get angry if I stayed after Mass to pray. He even yelled at me. I would just ignore him, and continue praying. Lots of people come to church when it’s empty to pray. Why did he care so much what I did? He could just sit in the rectory, and ignore me.

So Father wouldn’t feel uncomfortable around me, I asked a male coworker to come to church with me. Maybe then Father would feel relief, and stop being so awkward around me. Of course, my coworker saw this as an opportunity to take advantage of the situation. He kept touching me, hugging me, and putting his arm around me. I politely asked him to stop. To my surprise, Father was jealous! He said the Mass with tears in his eyes. He actually sat on the altar, and buried his head in his hands. He was stumbling, and losing his place while he read. When Mass ended, he nodded to my coworker, then hung his head as he left the church. He did not greet anyone. I felt terrible.
He treated me worse after that. Finally, on Good Friday, when the church was empty, I told Father that I wanted the other Priest to perform a blessing on me for the results on my tumor were not as optimistic as I had hoped. They were inconclusive (still are), but the doctor didn’t like the looks of my MRI. He told me that the other priest was at the rectory. I hesitated, then said, “I’d ask you to do it, but you hate me.”

He gave me a look of shock, then said, “I don’t hate you. Why do you think that?”
I then proceeded to tell him everything. He denied doing it. He then changed the subject by saying, “This is the most eye contact I ever made with you! Usually when I talk to you, you look at the floor. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Still looking him in the eye, I shook my head to tell him no. He smiled, and said, “This is nice.” He then gave me a blessing, and I left. I thought everything was good, but the eye rolls continued. A few months ago, one of his employees asked me to volunteer at the church. I told her that I get on Father’s nerves, so I’d rather not. Well, I didn’t know that he’d come walking by right after I said that. She pulled him aside. They both looked at me, and started talking. They talked for quite a while. He then gave me the dirtiest look, and left. It was the other priest’s turn to do Mass that day.

A week later, as I was leaving Mass, he pulled me aside, and told me how it bothered him that I thought he didn’t like me. He said that he felt no ill-will towards me, he liked having me there, and he was sorry. I just stood there, and listened. I was going to argue with him. He then put his hand out for me. I thought he wanted to shake it, but he just held it for a good 30 seconds. He let go, and started to walk away. I stopped him, and told him that on Monday, my mother was going to be tested to see if she qualified to get a kidney transplant, and I wanted to donate one to her. He offered to come over and anoint her. He came over for the first time in a while, and anointed her, and yes, he ogled my legs again. And no I was not dressed seductively.

After coming home from the days of numerous tests which we still don’t have an answer for, I went back to work to discover that I was fired. I didn’t bother to tell my priest. I still don’t know how to take him. In church, he’ll say hi, but part of me wonders if it’s just to save face, because his employee talked to him about what I said about getting on his nerves. He still closes his eyes when he sees me in church. He treats no one else this way, because I look. Everyone thinks he’s nice, warm, and charismatic. I used to think so, too. I’m uncomfortable going to church now. Yesterday, was a holy day, and I almost didn’t go to Mass out of fear of what the priest would think. I then realized that I was putting the priest before God, so I went to church in spite of him. He saw me, rolled his eyes, then kept them closed for the rest of the service. It’s hurtful. He’s the pastor of five churches, so I can’t really get away from him. I believe that love is the most Christian act of all, and if mandatory celibacy is causing you to neglect, and even be mean to your female parishioners, and make them feel too uncomfortable to even go to Mass, then it’s not creating a holy service to God. I fell in love with him, but never acted on it. Never even told him about it. I rarely even look at him. I just leave church every week with a hole in my heart.

Readers: Wendy is asking for guidance. She’s asking other woman what they did in such situation. Please give your feedback as it might help a lot. Thanks.

One question which baffles most women is that of a double life. How can a priest: who is so near God; breathes God; thinks about God; prays to God; speaks about God etc…can lead a double life? He tells others what to do and how to avoid sin, yet he breaks his promise (or vow) and makes love to a woman and feels ok!!! To make matters worse, in some cases, he has more than one woman! That’s why some people call priests womanizers.

One has to remember that a priest is a public person. It’s so difficult for normal men to have a hidden lover let alone a priest. Yet some of them are most successful in having a hidden lover.

Let’s try to understand the mindset of a priest. Before we proceed let’s make it clear that we are in no way condoning such behaviour. We do not agree with such attitude and bad use of a woman friend.

The priest is feeling lonely. He feels the need to be loved. He needs somebody who knows him directly and in a personal way (remember he is always talking to crowds and when in confession he is dealing with problems of other people). Most of the parishes cannot afford two priests. Hence there is no comfort in sharing his daily experience of parishioners with another colleague. He is to be strong in front of other people especially his congregation. On the inside he feels that he is going to fall one day or another as he feels so weak.

As we have mentioned several times, it’s not easy to leave priesthood, for various reasons (maybe the most important one is the financial one plus housing). Besides, the gossip of the parishioners terrifies him. Hence the logical conclusion would be to open up to a person and to expose his real self. This might not be done immediately or on a conscious level, yet the deeper needs of a man win in the long run.

Priests, notwithstanding speaking badly about women (owing to the brainwashing experienced during the initial formative years), yet he feels the urge to experience a woman directly. He does see many woman and the many sacrifices they perform both in family and at work. Indirectly he does admire such people but he cannot admit it as it goes against all his previous teaching.

God works in mysterious ways. We do believe that everything that happens is not simply by chance. The encounter with his special person will bring about a new level of understanding and intimacy. It’s up to the priest and the woman, if they let such friendship grow and multiply. In most cases, it’s the priest who pushes forward such a relationship. Most women feel a lot of empathy for their hero priest. In most cases, the women will get to know the church and priesthood for the first time (in such a direct and personal way). They do suffer for their priests. They feel the need to provide an emotional shelter for their friend. They feel the urge to show empathy.

When sex takes place, obviously there is a unique intimacy between the two even though sex is viewed in a different way from both sexes. Most of the women are so happy that they’ll start to dream about the couple’s future. But disaster will soon strike as the female will realise that their priest does not want to leave his former wife (the church) even though he keeps procrastinating. In that case, it’s up to the female to either let go their relationship or else let herself being taking for a ride, as the priest will keep her hanging on for infinity!

One of the tactics employed by priests is that they force their woman to remain silent. The woman involved in such a clandestine relationship complies as she realises that she would be the victim if a word about their relationship comes out! Hence, unknowingly she would be the sacrificial lamb in the priest’s hands. In our experience it’s so hard to convince the woman to report the priest to authorities or at least to leave him, as the love link with the priest is so strong. Most of the women would still feel guilty even though their priest maybe disciplined by higher authorities for their own good.

Let’s make our blog alive by receiving the readers’ reaction. We are waiting for your response. May God Bless you all!