Tag Archive: priest masturbates


The Father professor and his student

I’m Adele. When I was twenty, I met Fr. Karol. He was my professor first, and our friendship, relationship, whatever you want to call it, took place over about nine months. We got to know each other slowly because his class was a lecture, so he didn’t have much interaction with students. But I made a point of bringing him food, and asking him how he was doing because while he was all passion and jubilance in public, he’d make off comments in class which suggested he was lonely—he was a foreigner in a new country, after all.

My kindness to him, asking him if he had somewhere to go for Thanksgiving, inviting him to my family’s dinners, asking how he was doing, as well as my performance as a student made him interested in me. Two things really changed our relationship from just student-teacher to friendship, however. First, I told him I wanted to study theology, specifically, the same area he specialized in. So, I asked if he would mentor me. He said absolutely he would. He was pleased someone was actually interested in his area of study.

Second, I went on a retreat where he was one of the priests who heard confessions. There were only two priests to choose from, and I knew them both, so I chose him. It was an intense confession because of what I had to confess had to do with trauma I had been through in my life. Hearing my confession was difficult for him because he was getting to know me because we had already made somewhat of a connection. I think it was then I knew he cared about me in some capacity, so I began to confide in him more and more. After a few months of spending more time with him, we developed a bond.

Well, maybe there is a third reason. Toward the end of the first semester, he asked me, with tears in his eyes, “Why are you so kind to me?” I told him, I honestly didn’t know, but probably because he was a good professor. Then, he told me that he was very glad I asked him over for Thanksgiving, because even though he had already been invited by another professor, for the first two years, no one invited him, meaning this is the first year he wasn’t alone for that holiday. Most significantly, he told me he was very lonely the first two years living in the US. When he told me this, I felt obligated to be attentive to him in the future, and it reminded me of my own father, who I always tried to make feel less lonely.

I was not interested in him romantically. What I wanted was a father figure. He was about twenty years older than me, and I was hurting because my father had recently left my mother and younger brother. Maybe he wanted was companionship, or maybe, a relationship, and perhaps he didn’t know what he wanted. But what he did want—he told me all this—was for me to read his books, talk about his scholarship with him, go out to eat with him, and he even mentioned visiting me when I went off to grad school, and he hoped to go on vacation with me at some point, (which I know, he made it sound all very romantic without intending to, I think, but I focused on the fact that he was a priest). He was looking to the future, a future in which I’d be a student he could be proud of.

We did go out to eat together sometimes. When we did, I got the distinct feeling that what he wanted from me, I couldn’t give him. I was naïve, so I had no idea how to interpret this feeling. In retrospect, I think I knew he was looking at me in a romantic way, but I didn’t know how to take it.

When I talked about my father, he’d get very upset, as in, he’d literally start tearing up. I’m not sure he knew how to handle my sadness, so he’d try to cheer me up by telling me that I was beautiful, that I was brilliant, that God loved me very much.

Later in our friendship, he revealed why it was so hard for him to hear about it: his own mother sent him away to boarding school because he was too high-energy, but she kept the other children at home with her. He felt utterly abandoned too. At one point, when I was crying with him, about my father, he told me would “never abandon me,” that’d he’d “always be in my life, no matter what.”

Every time we were together, there was a tension that I couldn’t name, and it felt uncomfortable for both of us. Except he’d always act like whatever time I spent with him was a priority. I’d ask him if it was okay for me to visit him in his office. Sometimes he’d be in a foul mood, but he always said “why wouldn’t it be okay for you to be here?” I think he was exhausted from pretending to be happy all the time, and with me, he felt more like he could be himself. I was one of the few people in his day to ask how he was doing, and I actually wanted to know.

There wasn’t just one thing that showed me that he cared. There were just many small things, like the way he was attentive and kind and sometimes teasing; the way he confided in me; the way he showed me he was so much more interested in me than other students. There were some big things too: When a cardinal from another city came to visit for a talk, there were a group of his students wanting to meet the cardinal. In front of a big group of his students, he chose to introduce me to the cardinal, completely ignoring all of his other students—they might as well have been invisible, since he didn’t even refer to their presence. I was so embarrassed because they all looked annoyed and disappointed to be ignored. I was just a sophomore, and he passed up students he had known longer than me to introduce me. He also would tell me he was meditating on me, trying to figure me out.

He came to know me, extremely well. He knew who my friends were and what was important to me. When I went on a different retreat my mom asked him to write a letter for me of support, as often people do on retreats. It was beautiful, and I could tell he put a lot of time in it, and he addressed me, “Dearest Pearl.” More important to me, however, is that he showed up for the part of the retreat in which family and friends come out to show you how much they care about you. Honestly, only he and my mom showed up, which amazed me. I went up to hug him and thanked him for showing up. Later, a woman there who I met on the retreat told me “it was so nice for your boyfriend to show up.” And it bothered me that a stranger thought we were together.

I have bipolar disorder, and because of all the sleep I missed with the retreat keeping us up late, and all the homework I had to catch up on that coming weekend, by Wednesday that week I was manic. (Sleep deprivation in people with bipolar disorder causes otherwise stable people to become manic.)

Because of the boyfriend comment, I became paranoid that people were spreading rumors about us being a couple. But quite honestly, his showing up confused me. Even though my mom invited him, she later said she invited just about everyone, and of course, he could have not shown up, saying that he was too busy or just politely declined. His being at the retreat suggested to me, at the time, that he wanted to be in my life more deeply, and I didn’t know how I felt about it.

Later that week, I went to his office to talk to him about it. Mid-conversation, the tears flowed so copiously, I had to lean forward to see him clearly. With what words I had left during mania, which makes people hyper-religion and grandiose, I asked him “are we like St Teresa and John of the cross?” He didn’t have an answer. It was my way of asking “this is strange and convoluted and intense but chaste friendship, right”? And he not understanding made me cry harder, so I kept apologizing because I knew I had asked something which couldn’t be undone, I wanted he and I to be good and holy, but I couldn’t say the words. My mind was too on fire to speak, to reason, and my eyes were too covered in tears to see, that I had to leave him there in his office, just to stop crying. As a 20 year old, I didn’t have the boundaries or the language to ask what his intentions were, or what he wanted from me. So it all came out wrong, I admit that. However, there was something obviously wrong with me, but of course, unless you have experience with people who are bipolar or are in the mental health field, you’re not going to know what is going on.

By the end of the week, I was in the hospital because I couldn’t sleep and it was causing me to be delirious. While I was in the hospital, he called my mom, telling her I was in love with him and that I couldn’t speak to him anymore. He said that if I did, he’d report me to the administration. When I got out of the hospital and my mother told me this, my first reaction was anger. I hated that he would assume that I wanted anything from him other than for him to be a priest. It hurt me to know he thought so ill of me, like I was a stupid romantic girl. It seemed so out of the blue for him to make that accusation. To this day, I have no idea what it was. I think he may have been afraid of the attention I drew to him by showing up and leaving his office crying. I think by then he knew that other students and professors were aware that I was a “favorite” student, and I think he might have been afraid of the worst possible perception.

Every time I saw him after that he looked, so, so, so, miserable, and when I saw him in class his eyes were bloodshot and glistening, the way they would be on the several occasions he had gotten upset in front of me. It was the end of the semester before the summer, so I didn’t have to see him very much at all, only a few times, but I knew it would be too hard to have to see him again, to be treated like a pariah after he promised to never abandon me, that I left the university. I considered him an important father figure in my life, so it devastated me to be rejected by ANOTHER father figure.

What I wish more than anything that he was honest with himself and with me what he wanted all along. I was only twenty, and I have no idea how he thought I’d figure this all out on my own without guidance. It would have been kinder too if he told me the truth, and spoke directly to me why we couldn’t see each other anymore, instead of going to my mom, of all people. In retrospect, however, I think the whole friendship was kind of inappropriate. Once he heard my confession and began to “counsel” me about my father, he put himself in a pastoral role. That pastoral role has certain responsibilities to not become overly involved, as it creates confusion for both parties. It’s why therapists don’t hang out with their patients. With all he knew about me, all he had promised to me, he had a so much power over me. It was an abuse of power for him to treat me the way he did. I found him a comforting presence, so I turned to him for help, and he offered himself as the answer to my problems. He should have known better.

We invite all our readers to give their thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement to our Adele. Please remember that anybody can fall in love at any moment in his/her life. It has nothing to do with one’s mental health or way of life. We are humans. We can’t survive without love. Now if it is born in the so called ‘wrong place’, what can we do? Removing our love feelings towards somebody is not like erasing a mistake on paper. It goes much deeper than that. Love is our universal language!

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Rev Father has a baby!

Hello! This is Aj from the Philippines which has a large number of Roman Catholics. I’ve been looking for this site because I want to share my feelings and story too. I need some advice so I can move on and know what to do. I’m a Director in my company and a nurse by profession so currently I’m a health advocate and sharing true health to all people. One day a friend of mine referred me to a Major Seminarian School, so maybe I could offer them my products. At first I was very shy because it was my first time to go there, meeting seminarians and Priests. But it was all good.

Then one Day they invited me to visit again the seminary school for there was a birthday party, probably a luncheon together with the seminarians and all priests who resided in that school. On that day we were about to start the birthday party when a Guy about 5’7 in height came out from the office downstairs and with a smile, of course I smiled back. In my mind ” Hmm He’s cute and Handsome” All I knew he was just one of the ordinary people destined to meet that day but to my surprise, He was the Birthday Boy and what hurt me was he was a Priest. Well, nothing is special, I just let the idea go by the wind. So, I greeted him with a Happy B’day Father!

I ate lunch with the seminarians and all the residence priest together. And I just left the place for almost a year… then it was one month of Sept.2016 when I went back to that place to sell our products because it was already my deadline to pay bills and credit cards so I went there. This B’day Boy, ” The Priest” that I once met was there again. I asked him to buy my products…. he he that was so embarrassing coz I’m selling it by force! And He offered me to lend me his money. I promised to return it back in due time. I ate my pride and took it! He was leaving for 2 weeks for his retreat in Baguio so we’ll see each other after that. We texted and having video call after his activity and before he was going back to bed till he came back after the retreat and planned to see each other. Finally he returned back after 2 weeks. To give thanks and for welcoming him again and secretly send him a bunch of flowers and balloons in the seminary school as a form of thank you and post b’day gift. He was really surprised that day because that was his first time to receive such a gift like that. And he knew it came from me. Ha ha it was my first time to do that too. Ah well I’m in a long distance relationship for 3 years now to my Fililippino bf who’s in America, had never had the chance to see each other personally just in skype, fb and social media.

To cut it short, I’m single for almost 8 years after my first boyfriend and next was this LDR for 3 years. So, for me that “killing factor in tagalog” or goosebumps and attraction every time I saw this Priest is really breathtaking for I used to be alone every time. Back to that roses I gave him, He thanked me a lot and he even cried for he never received one ever since” Well, you’re a Priest that’s why! He he.. We agreed that “to fall in love with each other is a BIG NO NO! For us because we are just friends and it’s a wrongful act If it ever does happen then we need to move away from each other. The communication continues… then one day he invited me to attend his mass in cabugao, so i decided to go. He invites me to eat at the parish in order for me to introduce my products to the other priests but i refused. I told him that I’ll just meet him outside. After his dinner he gave me a lift at 711 and decided to stay together to have some catch ups! I was really nervous and excited that time because the feeling was really good and it was so overwhelming. We don’t know what happened next till we just discovered that we are already in a certain place, private place, private room, to be exact like normal couple and Yes! We kissed, We hugged and We made Love. We stayed together till morning! Things happened so fast. I couldn’t explain my feelings. We bid goodbye after that 1st time that we made love. The communication continues… and it gets deeper and deeper especially from the moment when he said “I LOVE YOU”, and of course just to be honest to myself I said “I LOVE YOU Too”.

After the first time we continued seeing each other every Sunday or anytime as long as we wanted to meet. The feelings gets deeper and deeper like normal couples who used to made love and share happy moments together. For almost one year of having together we had a Baby Julian and he thanked me a lot for giving him the opportunity to give him a child. We love each other so much that one time he told me to leave his ministry for us, his family. I told him to decide well because it will be a BIG decision. He cried every time he’ll see our picture with our baby. He wanted to be with us normally but just can’t.

A few months from now he’ll be leaving to Australia, he promised me that he’ll be with us very soon. My mom knew already that he’s the Father of my Baby and accepted it. Now we don’t know what to do. He’s 6 years in service to God. He pursued his Priesthood because he bargained to God that if his mom survived the brain tumour then He would serve him forever…but now, I was already on the scene and our Baby. Do you have any advice about us? Please help, we love each other so much.

I remind everybody that comments which judge or try to bully this woman will simply not be tolerated. But besides that. This case has a new revelation. The priest now is a biological father of a baby. This changes everything. He has the legal and moral duty to take care of his own baby. Now excuse can be used in order not to take care of the baby. He can’t simply hide and go away. Let’s continue following this case. Let’s all be one in our online community by helping Aj to have a proper care for her baby.

I’m Annie and my priest’s name is Jack. I’ve been reading your blog for sometime now and I wanted to finally share some of my story (it’s okay to post this). It’s not very detailed but it’s enough. I met a priest in 2013 just before my husband left on a business trip. This trip was to last 5 months abroad. My husband is very kind, and I would say we have a good marriage. This priest was from an other parish filling in for our priest.

After my husband departed for his business trip, I filled my days with daily mass and volunteer work. In those days I would see this priest. There was an instant chemistry that I was very aware of. He was too. There was much eye contact, both catching and looking away and catching again. I felt that his homilies always spoke to me personally. I felt the hot and cold too at first. It would go from one week he’d “see” me and then the following week completely ignoring me. In those moments of being ignored I felt crushed. We didn’t speak much. I would email him occasionally asking for a Mass intention or pray for someone or something but nothing beyond that. 

Eventually, my husband returned home. The hot and cold and eye catching didn’t cease with the priest but seemed to increase. The day came when this priest was to return to his home parish. It was in our goodbye that set everything in motion. He expressed not wanting to leave and saying he wished we’d had more time together. We emailed in earnest after that day. Our correspondences was filled with double meanings…it was frustrating. I met with a few weeks later. It was at this time he expressed his love for me. I was so shocked and pleased all rolled into one.

Over the next several months we would meet and our closeness grew both emotionally and physically. Until he broke his promise of celibacy and I broke my marital vows. We continued this way for a year. We’d meet at different places, it would always end in us being intimate. At first i thought what we experienced in friendship and love was special, unique and true. But as time progressed the illusion of us being “meant to be” as he put it came crashing down.

I felt many times he wanted to know all about me but would share only bits and pieces about himself. He wanted to know and meet my friends and family but I was never to meet his. I would want to plan ahead, he would give me excuses for why he couldn’t. Then he would make palms with other friends and family. Yes, we’d text and call but my communication with him didn’t take priority. There would be days I wouldn’t hear from him. I would take time to ensure he knew I was thinking of him constantly, at the expense of spending that time and effort on my family. He would just say he was too busy or too tired….or just couldn’t. He would be jealous and it would cause arguments between us. He always wanted to advise me on my life and would get upset when I chose not to follow his guidance. It was like he wanted an observer rather than a participant in his life. He never seemed to understand actions speak louder than words. 

When I realized that the relationship would always be one of secrecy, one built on falsities, one that would never progress beyond a rendezvous, I couldn’t continue. I told him I just wanted to be friends. He wanted us to continue as we were…confiding in each other, communication, still seeing each other…everything but the physical contact. I couldn’t agree to that. It would be tempting to just fall back into what we were. So I cut everything off cold turkey. He hasn’t contacted me at all since I said no more to all of it. I sometimes get the urge to text him because it’s hard to stop all contact with someone after a year of constant communication but then I remember that he wasn’t mature enough to tell me goodbye. At first I was upset he didn’t contact me back, but now I am grateful. It has allowed me to make a clean break from him. 

Why do I want to share all this? Because after reading all the posts from women hoping against hope their priest will be different, I had to speak up. Aren’t we more than the little bit of time and attention they give us? Don’t we want more for ourselves? Someone who will fully commit to us? Their time, attention and love? Where when you meet or talk there isn’t an elephant in the room looming over head because of who and what he is? 

I’m mad at myself for listening to the flowery things he said. For not paying attention to his actions towards me. I feel I wasted the last couple of years on him to feel immense guilt and sadness. I remain married to my husband. I am constantly working to better myself and my marriage. 

It’s up to the readers to comment in order to make our blog very lively. Last week we had a record of 273 comments! Thanks to all who participated and made our blog truly unique. Every opinion counts! On the other hand we had some interesting news…The Pope is giving back authority to the local bishops to fix the liturgical translations. He is giving back authority to the local bishops. Remember that we need to pester our local bishops about married priests! Please do your part. Don’t lose faith. Let’s keep going. Don’t be afraid if they don’t answer or they seem to be very cold or indifferent. If we wish to testify about our Lord Jesus Christ, we need adults who are strong enough to withstand any coldness or bitterness! Some positive news (thanks to Maria from Italy)..the Hungarian bishops are asking for married priests!!! In the USA there is a local community who is asking for married priests!!!! Let’s unite and move forward…the future is not very far away!

The wife of the Pastor

We spoke a lot about the priest who is side by side next to his woman but what about his wife? What does she think about all this? What does it mean for her to pick up a man of God as her husband?

Today we’re addressing ourselves to a small percentage of women who encourage their husband-priest to continue his work as a pastor to the flock. Why does a woman would go for all this trouble after being judged and labelled by other Christians?

We wish to emphasize that no priest, who left active priesthood, is being forced to continue working as a priest. We always believe in the free will. Nobody could force you to do anything in life. Otherwise it would be counterproductive. Besides, if we criticise the church for being forceful with celibacy, we don’t want to be pharisaic by forcing any priest to do something against his will!!

Most of the women realise that a priest cannot cancel his past (and present one too) ! Most of the priests who leave the parish are not immature. Most of them are sincere and honest. In fact this is one of the reasons they had left: they can’t live double lives. They chose sincerity. Now most of them were used to be very social and help other people. Priesthood was not a 5 to 8 job for them. It was his vocation. He is that way: kind, helpful, understanding, caring and sociable.

As the woman gives him all the attention, love, understanding and one million other useful things…she comes to realise that her man is richer. He can’t live without giving a part of his life not only to his family but also to other people. Now in some cases, the woman becomes extremely jealous of his time spent elsewhere…..but in these cases, the personality, charisma or talents of her husband, like a plant in the hot and dry summer months, will slowly but surely die. Would she like a husband who becomes an introvert without talking or communicating anything? No she doesn’t. So as time passes by, she realises that the best cure for her husband is to become his old self by serving the people of God.

Now obviously, most Catholic priests, either have to convert to any other religion which allow married priests, or else start their own parish with all it’s pros and cons. It would be quite difficult at the beginning but it’s quite rewarding in the long run.

On the other hand, one cannot dismiss one big stumbling block: being involved in the building of a community, does it mean that she is going to have less time with her husband? There are several ways to face this challenge. Here are some of them: a very good way is to share the work of her husband. In fact the advantage of having married priesthood is that there is an extra pair of eyes to help her husband (unlike the unmarried priest). In this way, when he is ‘at work’, she would be next to him most of the time. Another solution would be to teach people to respect the working schedule of the parish unless there are emergencies. Some people tend to be egoistic expecting service 24/7 even for simple things such as filling up of some papers!!!

One solution would be to delegate some of the work to others such as a council or panel. The involvement means that the parish is owned by all and not by the pastor’s family! This has the advantage that if they own it, the parishioners might work hard for its maintenance.

A method which I found quite interesting is to have the family day where the pastor is away for a day or for some hours, depending on the situation. This ensures that there is enough time and care for the pastor’s family.

Finally being the wife of the pastor and having a family (including shrilling kids!!!), might not mean of having a perfect family (where is the perfect family?). So the wife needs to combat the idea of having a perfect family. It’s a normal family with all its ups and downs. They would be facing the same challenges other families are facing!! This is not a disadvantage but rather a big advantage because they can speak from experience. People would listen more to their family experience.

If you’re interested in this area, we are referring to a book written by the wife of a pastor! Here is the link! Let’s receive the feedback of many of our readers! Please we would like to read your responses as this is what keeps this blog alive!

Recently, in what is considered a large parish, I asked about which activities were being organised for young people. Surprisingly the answer was practically none. Now in this parish, the population growth is incredible. Its truly increasing by leaps and bounds. The number of young people is immense…yet there were no activities in the parish, targeting such tender age. If one were to attend mass in this parish, unsurprisingly there are only people with silver hair!! Obviously the young people do go out and have fun…but there is no one to guide them. They do not come to church. Consequently there is no such uniting factor such as the church, in today’s society.

As a parent I know about the headaches of summer….the young people do not know how to spend their free time. There is the temptation of online games for boys and the watching of films or TV series for girls..not just for a few hours but for endless days. In some countries, there are summer camps which are a blessing. Yet there is no direct reference to their spiritual growth.

Besides, just walking with some young people and listening to their conversations, their kind of language..one sees that most of them, although they still yearn for a good quality life, the discourse of God and their personal spiritual growth is far away or maybe none at all.

Some years ago, we had the introduction of divorce and the resultant discussion. Practically in all countries (including Catholic Malta!!) it has been introduced with large majorities. Now, in some countries, the issue of gay marriage has surfaced and people have shown that they do care about such people and they do not want any discrimination. Again they have voted with large majorities. The issue of the contraceptives is considered to be buried once for all as the people are using them left, right and centre, although surprisingly there has been no change from Pope Francis. This brings a fundamental question: what about the church? Does it question it’s own teachings? Are ‘we right’ and them ‘wrong?’ The pope Francis himself said: Who am I to judge a gay person?

The friars in this parish are all cosy in their rooms happy of performing the miracle of mass everyday. Yet, do they realise that in most western countries, the people need to be evangelised about the basic things of religion? Just ask some basic questions (which we were supposed to learn by heart in our age), and you’ll be surprised with the quality of answers received! Do they believe that if we don’t care about our young people, there will be no church in the future?

This brings me to one fundamental choice: let married people become priests and they will change the church as they already have experience with most the daily conflicts, trials, debates and faith issues they face in their family. They already have the knack of approaching and directing young people. Let’s make use of them so that the church can benefit from such expertise.

All readers are welcome to continue the debate.

Understanding the Pope

One can find it difficult to understand himself/herself sometimes. It could become more complicated when one has to understand another person. But how about understanding a public person….such as the Pope? Well the journalists are all the time trying to decipher the Pope’s character and believes through public speaking and when he interrelates with people.

One knows that a public person is always very attentive in what one does and says. Indirectly one uses a camouflage so as to protect some of his/her thoughts from being divulged into the general public. The Pope carries a lot of moral weight, hence he is more cautious than a normal prime minister or president.

All Catholics, in one way or another they look up to the Pope to strengthen their faith. They look for consolation and hope. The Pope answers questions on a particular question. Now there is always the fear of being misinterpreted or given the wrong meaning (sometimes on purpose!!) by listeners. Well, all those trained in communication know really well that if there is a group of ten people, most probably there will be ten different interpretations for the same event. That is because we are not neutral to information especially when it comes from a Pope. The so called Catholics who belong to the ‘progressive’ or ‘conservative’ groups might give totally different interpretations to what they see and hear from the Pope’s mouth! Others let their emotions run wild as soon as they see the man in white clothes! There are some with a hidden political agenda, ready to kill their opponents by quoting the Pope’s message!!

The Pope himself might give different reactions to some issues which leaves readers more perplexed! With all these fears, we too try to give you the right picture although it’s not that easy. Obviously it regards married priesthood.

One one hand, the Pope is hinting for more participation from the laity (those who are not priests) as when it comes to selecting the bishop for a diocese. Yet when a priest needs to get married he does not propose to get married and stay as a priest!
In the selection of a bishop, we already have the parish councils. How is he thinking of consulting the laity? Is he going to make use of the parish councils or does he have in mind something completely different? Or plus the parish councils, is he going to include other people? Some people expert in politics would immediately point out some games people play in order to get elected. Yet in today’s world how can one appoint a new bishop without consulting the general public?

So how can one interpret this action vis-a-vis married priests? Is he in favour of married priests, yes or no? Or is he hinting that those who leave are ‘traitors’ (sorry for the harsh word) ? Does he prefer to select already married people (but not priests), in order to train them for priesthood? Which is the way to go? Why no bishop have asked for married priests publicly? Is it just the Pope who mentioned this idea? Or is it still too far away project? How is the church going to survive when we have so many parishes without a resident priest??!!

This is the reason why we as married priests, help other people. We cannot let the church be ruined just because of a man made law which is leaving many people without the Eucharist and any other ecclesial activity including reading of the bible etc…Deep in our conscience, we cannot say no to people who ask for our services. We are priests forever because once a priest is always a priest. This is true theology (the science which focuses on God). We cannot simply delete our priesthood!

I was happy editing the latest story I had for publication……..I received an email where the person concerned tells me NOT to publish her story. This has been happening quite a long time. Why are victims afraid to have their story published?

This is common for all victims of criminal activity. We consider the fact that a priest who abuses his position of authority and trust, on the same level as that of a policeman who forces his victims to commit any illegal act under coercion.

One of the first steps is make the victim aware of what kind of action is she victim of. Victims, because of various reasons, cannot comprehend the seriousness of the act committed. As a defence mechanism in fact, in many cases they blame themselves rather than blame the man of God. Maybe it will be more devastating to their faith to admit that the man of God commits such criminal acts!!! Some of them try to camouflage it as ‘love’. In most cases the priest might be called a serial abuser of women. In most cases these women are in a vulnerable position (most probably emotional one) who simply cannot refuse some form of attention/cuddling/kisses etc.

The priest knows that as a public person he is at a very high risk if his story comes out. Living such high risk cannot be tolerated so he turns the tables by turning the abused person into a terrorised one. This game cannot be understood by the abused person as in her situation she feels too weak to react. She tries to console herself (mistakenly) by thinking that he is the only one who pays attention to her. In some cases the priest allures the victim by buying some expensive gifts.

The abuser, ie the priest, inflicts a sense of guilt or that of fear in his victim in order NOT to talk (like all criminal people), or write. The victim most probably lives in a highly inflated sense of fear. She is enslaved with this sense of fear. Maybe she feels sorry for him. In most cases it’s true that the congregation, again because the truth is too hard to handle, they might opt in for labelling the woman as a great sinner (they use another much stronger word!), when rumours start to surface. But this is another proof that a relationship based on fear is no relationship at all and there is no sign of love at all. How can we speak clearly to so many women who fell victims to their pastor?

We are all for support and education to ALL our victims. We need to make them aware of the game being played by their priest. We need to empower them to take action. Obviously, it’s easier said than done. But this is an important part of our pastoral outreach to such victims. We are not here to judge but rather to accompany these people in their spiritual walk of life.

We are all in favour of publishing such stories (although changing of names, places etc. might take place), because the people attending churches need to know what kind of priest do they have mingling with their families. They have the right to know. We cannot take away rights. Nothing to add nor delete. Secondly, it would be an eye opener for many others including some who are already passing through such experience. Thirdly, it would help our cause to press for married priests. Most of the priests, because of the celibacy promise, have become sexually dysfunctional. We have to make it very clear though that we don’t intend to push all priests to get married. We do acknowledge that not all people should be married, for various reasons. But married priests are a welcome change in the church in order to bring subsequent changes in the parish.

Finally let’s all remember that when one is doing a journey there are people at the beginning, half way through and those who are at the very end of it. In the spiritual world we’re in a journey. It doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. It means everyone is on different levels. Let’s remember that maybe before passing through a love experience with a priest, most of the readers would have condemned such women. Now after a personal experience they have walked further in their spiritual growth. Now they see a lot of hidden aspects that were hidden previously from their understanding. Let’s realise that everybody is progressing through such spiritual walk. Nobody is perfect. Nobody can feel superior to anybody. Let’s welcome everybody on our blog without the fear of being judged or labelled.

Recently the Pope himself said that maybe he won’t visit some countries as by that time there would be a new Pope! This is no new news. Many priests are very old. Will they live beyond 100 years? Most of them will surely die before reaching 90 years, maybe 80. It’s a time bomb that we knew about it a long time ago. Most of the priests serving today are over 60. So some mathematics will help us to get to know the future. Who will serve the parishes then?

We never had any doubts that married priests will form part of the future church. This is simply because of one reason: there won’t be enough priests. Even the most dogmatic and anti-married priesthood supporter will accept the fact that most parishes will become priest-less!!!

On the other hand, it seems that most non-married priests are still resisting the idea. Is it worthwhile to launch a ‘battle’ against such priests? They are still in power and they know how to play the game of authority. It would be a suicide. Most of today’s priests are never going to leave the comfort zone. We explained the various reasons in past issues. One can go back and see why it’s so difficult for a priest to start a new life as a married person.

Any other solution? Yes. This is the biggest change we need to do. Enough with waiting a higher authority to say yes. Let’s start today. How? By looking for the right people to manage a parish. There should be a never ending of list of people who have a kind heart and are ready to serve their community. How about encouraging them to take a leadership role? The challenge today is that if a religious community dies, it will be very difficult to substitute that kind of community with something else. Our communities will become anonymous when there is no unifying factor such as religion.

In practical terms, what does it mean? Well, managing a parish, besides involving managerial skills (which they might possess already), it calls for one to be well versed in theology. How about starting a course today? There are universities which offer evening courses in theology. Obviously this might a take a long time and it needs highly motivated people! That’s why we are suggesting the idea today, so that by the time the call for married priests comes out, they would be already qualified for the job!

What about the priests who left the parish are living their love dream? Well, seeing the needs of so many people, gives them authority to continue living their priesthood. They can start their own communities which will surely include many people who had left the community many years ago. Like Jesus in the gospel they will start discovering new people who live in the periphery of the church.

In one line, we can’t be critical about the Catholic Church without ourselves dirtying our hands in the process of helping out to create a new face for the church! Let’s work!

Married Priests: the fine print

How do you feel when a friend forgets all about you, then one fine morning he calls you and asks you a favour? On one hand you are thankful that he/she remembered you. On the other hand you realise that friends are not there simply to be used by others! If friendship has died or has been forgotten, why ask for a favour after such a long pause?

This is the effect married priests feel at this moment in time. Married people will be allowed to become priests but only in areas where priests are needed! In the church where there is a talent, it is for the common good ie for the whole community. So it should be shared even in those churches where apparently there are more priests.

Indirectly one is giving a hidden message. Well we don’t want married priests, but you know, we don’t have priests, our churches are closing. So between two evils let’s go for the lesser evil (ie Married priests)!! We’ll have married priests but only in areas where they are needed urgently!! Maybe a place in the bush where people don’t mind at all having a married priest. Indirectly it’s saying that marriage is not compatible with priesthood. Maybe we still have remnants that marriage is bad or sinful, or in more modern terms, distracts the priest from his daily duties?

Who is judging where the most needed areas are? In today’s world, is it enough to have a sufficient number of priests for the distribution of sacraments? What about evangelisation, especially in Europe? Do we have a sufficient number of priests? Who visits families? What is the place of the priest in today’s cities?

Many of our readers are asking: what about today’s priests? Can they get married? Well we have already stated in the last post that the Pope is looking for married priests to be ordained priests and not priests to get married. But we do agree with most of our readers and ask the same question: why are priests being excluded from marriage? Is it the fear that most of them will be married? Is it the fear that a priest together with his woman would be more difficult to control? Is it the fear that celibacy would be seen in a different light? Is money the problem?

Notwithstanding all the good intentions of the Pope, we didn’t hear of any single place in the world who has officially asked for married priests. Maybe it’s still too early to hear such news?

We don’t know what are the criteria to select these people and/or if there is any age limit. We’re still in the dark in an age when such news travel around the globe with the touch of a button. Maybe the Vatican is still thinking with a medieval age mentality.

Let’s be positive notwithstanding that we don’t see any tangible signs! One of our readers has suggested a poll where we can voice our opinion. Please do visit this site and write your opinion: Link. In the meantime one can write directly to his bishop to voice his/her opinion about married priests. Please remember that if we don’t speak about this issue, nobody will, as most people who are in favour of change are far away from the parish and won’t be attending mass in the near future.

There are several ways of how to control people. In the church there has been a very common one : creating a strong sense of guilt. Most people, even if they leave the church, deep down in their hearts there would remain a lurking sense of guilt. In history, there have been several people who opposed the church, yet during their last moments of life on earth, they simply surrendered and gave all property and riches to the church in order to redeem their soul!

The sense of guilt has been built not in one single moment. It has been going on for centuries. The Catholic church has for many centuries, did not build a conscience for adults, but rather a set of directions of what to do and what not to do. It’s no surprise that the recent letter by the Pope has confounded some Catholics. In simple words, they assume that the church should say what’s black and white. Incidentally Pope Francis mentioned the grey colour!! They find it hard now that the present Pope is letting them decide. Most probably it is for the first time in the history of the church that the adults in faith are being treated as adults. They examine their own conscience, listen to God’s voice and decide!

Parents understand it perfectly well, because at one time, one’s child, is going to decide about something which one does not agree to. At one moment, one knows and understands that the child is no longer a child but a fully grown man or woman. He/she now has a different opinion and might make choices which are not according to what parents dictate! It’s the same process which is happening in the church today. Pope Francis is really bringing a revolution without any blood being shed or terrible fights (including that of discussion!!).

One of the main ideas of the so called ‘conservatives’ (ie those who are in favour of the black and white mentality and who won’t accept any exception at all), is that they see the others as sinners. Jesus the shepherd gives us the idea that if he looses one, he goes out of his way to find it. When he finds it, he makes a feast! Are we looking for the so called the ‘missing ones’?

How about walking in their boots for one day? How would we see reality? How would one see the church? The advantage of being a married priest is that people, knowingly or unknowingly feel more at ease to discuss matrimonial challenges. We have been living this kind of theology (ie starting from experience and NOT from some medieval teaching) for many years now (much before the latest letter from the Pope).

But let’s focus on the fact of a women falling in love with a priest. We have been insisting for many years now that falling in love is not simply a button to be pressed at will. It can happen to everybody, saints and sinners and all!

Women and men meet at a certain date. It could be a casual encounter or one which leaves deep imprints. Whatever happens, we do believe that God is speaking to both persons. It’s not fair and just simply to tell any one of them to forget and go away. After all we preach and say that God is love! So why when love is round the corner we simply give it another name: temptation?

Obviously we are not referring to a passing crisis or infatuation. We have in mind several couples who although they stayed far away from each other with no contact for a long time, they both discovered that they have to share their journey of life together!

I’ve been asked several times to assist such couples which I happily do. Yet it doesn’t mean that I have to decide. It’s the couple who need to take such decision. We can only help them mature and make a sound decision whilst taking into consideration several challenges and trials. Indirectly we are breaking the sense of guilt that many priests who love their woman (and vice-versa), feel. Obviously we don’t expect to break this sense of guilt immediately after so many centuries of pure brain washing. Yet we are confident that no wall cannot be broken down to single stones to let people discover new areas of teaching in the church.