Tag Archive: priest wets his pants


I was happy editing the latest story I had for publication……..I received an email where the person concerned tells me NOT to publish her story. This has been happening quite a long time. Why are victims afraid to have their story published?

This is common for all victims of criminal activity. We consider the fact that a priest who abuses his position of authority and trust, on the same level as that of a policeman who forces his victims to commit any illegal act under coercion.

One of the first steps is make the victim aware of what kind of action is she victim of. Victims, because of various reasons, cannot comprehend the seriousness of the act committed. As a defence mechanism in fact, in many cases they blame themselves rather than blame the man of God. Maybe it will be more devastating to their faith to admit that the man of God commits such criminal acts!!! Some of them try to camouflage it as ‘love’. In most cases the priest might be called a serial abuser of women. In most cases these women are in a vulnerable position (most probably emotional one) who simply cannot refuse some form of attention/cuddling/kisses etc.

The priest knows that as a public person he is at a very high risk if his story comes out. Living such high risk cannot be tolerated so he turns the tables by turning the abused person into a terrorised one. This game cannot be understood by the abused person as in her situation she feels too weak to react. She tries to console herself (mistakenly) by thinking that he is the only one who pays attention to her. In some cases the priest allures the victim by buying some expensive gifts.

The abuser, ie the priest, inflicts a sense of guilt or that of fear in his victim in order NOT to talk (like all criminal people), or write. The victim most probably lives in a highly inflated sense of fear. She is enslaved with this sense of fear. Maybe she feels sorry for him. In most cases it’s true that the congregation, again because the truth is too hard to handle, they might opt in for labelling the woman as a great sinner (they use another much stronger word!), when rumours start to surface. But this is another proof that a relationship based on fear is no relationship at all and there is no sign of love at all. How can we speak clearly to so many women who fell victims to their pastor?

We are all for support and education to ALL our victims. We need to make them aware of the game being played by their priest. We need to empower them to take action. Obviously, it’s easier said than done. But this is an important part of our pastoral outreach to such victims. We are not here to judge but rather to accompany these people in their spiritual walk of life.

We are all in favour of publishing such stories (although changing of names, places etc. might take place), because the people attending churches need to know what kind of priest do they have mingling with their families. They have the right to know. We cannot take away rights. Nothing to add nor delete. Secondly, it would be an eye opener for many others including some who are already passing through such experience. Thirdly, it would help our cause to press for married priests. Most of the priests, because of the celibacy promise, have become sexually dysfunctional. We have to make it very clear though that we don’t intend to push all priests to get married. We do acknowledge that not all people should be married, for various reasons. But married priests are a welcome change in the church in order to bring subsequent changes in the parish.

Finally let’s all remember that when one is doing a journey there are people at the beginning, half way through and those who are at the very end of it. In the spiritual world we’re in a journey. It doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. It means everyone is on different levels. Let’s remember that maybe before passing through a love experience with a priest, most of the readers would have condemned such women. Now after a personal experience they have walked further in their spiritual growth. Now they see a lot of hidden aspects that were hidden previously from their understanding. Let’s realise that everybody is progressing through such spiritual walk. Nobody is perfect. Nobody can feel superior to anybody. Let’s welcome everybody on our blog without the fear of being judged or labelled.

There are several ways of how to control people. In the church there has been a very common one : creating a strong sense of guilt. Most people, even if they leave the church, deep down in their hearts there would remain a lurking sense of guilt. In history, there have been several people who opposed the church, yet during their last moments of life on earth, they simply surrendered and gave all property and riches to the church in order to redeem their soul!

The sense of guilt has been built not in one single moment. It has been going on for centuries. The Catholic church has for many centuries, did not build a conscience for adults, but rather a set of directions of what to do and what not to do. It’s no surprise that the recent letter by the Pope has confounded some Catholics. In simple words, they assume that the church should say what’s black and white. Incidentally Pope Francis mentioned the grey colour!! They find it hard now that the present Pope is letting them decide. Most probably it is for the first time in the history of the church that the adults in faith are being treated as adults. They examine their own conscience, listen to God’s voice and decide!

Parents understand it perfectly well, because at one time, one’s child, is going to decide about something which one does not agree to. At one moment, one knows and understands that the child is no longer a child but a fully grown man or woman. He/she now has a different opinion and might make choices which are not according to what parents dictate! It’s the same process which is happening in the church today. Pope Francis is really bringing a revolution without any blood being shed or terrible fights (including that of discussion!!).

One of the main ideas of the so called ‘conservatives’ (ie those who are in favour of the black and white mentality and who won’t accept any exception at all), is that they see the others as sinners. Jesus the shepherd gives us the idea that if he looses one, he goes out of his way to find it. When he finds it, he makes a feast! Are we looking for the so called the ‘missing ones’?

How about walking in their boots for one day? How would we see reality? How would one see the church? The advantage of being a married priest is that people, knowingly or unknowingly feel more at ease to discuss matrimonial challenges. We have been living this kind of theology (ie starting from experience and NOT from some medieval teaching) for many years now (much before the latest letter from the Pope).

But let’s focus on the fact of a women falling in love with a priest. We have been insisting for many years now that falling in love is not simply a button to be pressed at will. It can happen to everybody, saints and sinners and all!

Women and men meet at a certain date. It could be a casual encounter or one which leaves deep imprints. Whatever happens, we do believe that God is speaking to both persons. It’s not fair and just simply to tell any one of them to forget and go away. After all we preach and say that God is love! So why when love is round the corner we simply give it another name: temptation?

Obviously we are not referring to a passing crisis or infatuation. We have in mind several couples who although they stayed far away from each other with no contact for a long time, they both discovered that they have to share their journey of life together!

I’ve been asked several times to assist such couples which I happily do. Yet it doesn’t mean that I have to decide. It’s the couple who need to take such decision. We can only help them mature and make a sound decision whilst taking into consideration several challenges and trials. Indirectly we are breaking the sense of guilt that many priests who love their woman (and vice-versa), feel. Obviously we don’t expect to break this sense of guilt immediately after so many centuries of pure brain washing. Yet we are confident that no wall cannot be broken down to single stones to let people discover new areas of teaching in the church.

Today we wish to thank some of our readers with the promotion of their books. They believe in our cause that celibacy should be optional. They have thought about it, and they have written about it in more detail. We wish to say a special thank you! Their books are not going away. They would transmit the message forever. What one says, maybe easily forgotten. Yet what one writes, remains forever!

We wish to use this special occasion in order to encourage others to follow the same path. Most of the writers never thought themselves as writers. Writing starts when one jots down some notes. The notes start increasing day by day. Until finally there are so many of them that one can group them into chapters and finally into a book!

Most of our readers have been struck by lightning (their love story with a priest). This is a good reason to write about it. Now some of you have already written their story on this blog so why bother to write a book? Well there’s a big difference between an article on a blog and writing a whole book. The advantage of a book is that one can go much deeper with the story especially, one involving a love story with a priest. One needs to start remembering some details by making a time line (like a diary but going back in time). Then one just lets his emotions do the rest. The rest of the readers have been given a good tutorial of becoming a good writer by providing the necessary fuel (asking all types of questions!!)

Free Priest, The movement for Ministerial Reform in the American Catholic Church, by William F. Powers. This book is a sociological examination of what has been happening in the world of married priests in the framework of a social movement. It is based on the records kept by organizations of ‘free priests’ as well as interviews with dozens of leaders of those organizations. It is the inspiring story of men who remain deeply committed to their calling despite having made the painful decision to leave the priesthood and the barriers put up within the Roman Catholic church.

Bingo, Mandatory Celibacy and Clergy Sexual Abuse, by Louise Haggett. The Bingo Report is the result of her ten-year social research project, a timely and provocative study of celibacy and clerical sexual abuse. Ms, Haggett has been featured on international television and radio programs, such as 60 minutes and the BBC and in newspapers and magazines such as New York Times, the International Herald Tribune and Time.com. In her role as president and founder of CITI Ministries/Rentapriest.com, she has recruited hundreds of priests who have married and assisted them in renewing their ministry to the spiritually unfed in the church.

Exodus from the Priesthood, by David Rice. I know no study of the current state of the Catholic priesthood that compares with this. The priesthood is in a state of crisis, probably the worst in the Church’s history. Yet no one has researched the subject as well as David Rice. No one has listened to resigned priests with such wisdom and sympathy. Often their stories are more startling than any that come out of Hollywood. The result is not merely depressing for Shattered Vows points the way to a ministry that is less clerical and more genuinely Christ-like.

The Pearl, by Pauline Nikolov. How many men are truly interested to learn about the woman next to them as an equal? How do different religious men, different cultures and denominations present their relationship to women? Who is misogynic? (hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls) Who is truly loving and tolerant to women as Jesus? Hope is a young woman who is about to find answers and discovers her purpose in life. Through series of life experiences and adventures – from the legend about the living soul of a pearl named Vif, to the noble aim to bring together people from different faiths and denomination in the name of peace – she tirelessly communicates the importance of exchanging spiritual gifts and the role of women a mediators for peace. From Egypt to Los Angeles, from Chicago to Paris, characters and historical facts are mixed to entertain and spread messages to readers with an appetite to know more.

Isabel, Secret Diary of a Discreet Secretary, by Isabel Szlavik. After a short stint as a fashion model and crooner for a jazz band, Isabel Szlavik decided to pursue what was at the time, the largest, most prestigious, and elegant job category for women around the world. The skills list for a secretary was short: a minimum typing speed of fifty words a minute, a general knowledge of shorthand, and enough patience to handle messy carbons and an electric typewriter. From her first job supporting a missionary who devoted his life to helping the needs to her last role assisting two talented businessmen, Isabel chronicles the often humorous side of the secretary-boss relationship, how she dealt with a rapidly changing technological world, and handled the many different personalities and cultural backgrounds of the American, Brazilian, German, Italian, Chinese and French nationals she worked with on a daily basis.

We might mention other books in the future as obviously there are many more books dealing with the subject of forced celibacy. We can give just the result of a search engine….
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=books+about+celibacy&t=lm&atb=v24&ia=products

We welcome suggestions from our readers about other books which they have found inspiring. Please write!

Somebody once said, that listening to the news, makes one fall into a deep depression. Well it might be so for the unbelievers but not for the strong ones! The news that in the coming meeting in Rome they are not going to discuss celibacy, might sound as a death sentence to the celibacy debate! Yet, the meeting with the Pope is not the only solution to bring change in the Catholic Church. Surprisingly some changes in the church took place with the help of the so called ‘enemies of the church’…..a striking example is that of Martin Luther, who was called by Saint Pope John Paul II, a man of great spirituality!!

Let’s start with our blog. There are still many stories involving priests and women that we can publish once every fortnight for a very long time. There are still people who are afraid to come forward and publish their story. We always protect our readers by changing names, places etc…..We need to show them how many priests are involved in clandestine relationships! Otherwise they might think that the celibate discussion is just for a few hot heads who insist on marrying priests!

Secondly, besides our blog, there are more ways too. How about parishioners talking with the rest of the parish/diocese/church etc…?? We should not be afraid of putting our agenda on the discussion table. The sexual abuse of children has already given us a great push forward. Most baptized people are not aware of the celibacy problem, or maybe they are not interested!

Some of us could participate in a discussion on the radio/television/internet/newspaper… Let’s show them that the apostles were married. We are not asking for an impossible change! We are going back to the basics after all. How can we discard the proof of the bible if we wish to remain faithful to the teaching of the church?

We need to practice persuasion skills…..showing them the advantages of having married priesthood, could be one of them. In a few words, we have to come out from our protective shell and tell the others. Changes in society won’t come automatically, we have to push in order that others might see the change in our lives.

This is exactly what happens when a married priest tries to bury the fact that he is still a priest. The priest, knowingly or unknowingly, might still help people. People see that he has special talents when hearing others. There would be some people (one person is enough at the beginning) who insists in receiving some counselling from the priest. Others might ask for sacraments…once he starts working as a priest (in diaspora), a change in his heart takes place.

God works in mysterious ways….yes it’s true! We are witnesses to this as we have already passed through this path! Let’s not be afraid. This is a wake up call, we have to work hard to bring about the necessary changes in the church. Let’s not wait for a magical/talented person who is going to work for our belief in married priesthood, unless we do the donkey work!

Let’s hear from our readers about new ways how we can reach out to other parishioners in order to push for changes in the Catholic Church.

One of our readers has asked a few ‘outside the box’ questions. I believe that if our blog has to continue and increase readers, one of the key elements has to be honesty. Well I’m trying to be as honest as possible by answering her questions. It has to be one of the imperative motivations when working with adults in the church: no question could be discarded; nobody should feel embarrassed to ask any kind of question.

We are being told that the reason why women are not priests is because Jesus was a man, celibate, and his disciples were men, therefore to follow in his footsteps, a priest must be a man. Married priests, well, it has to do with money, and would cost the Church way too much to support not only the families, but in a case of divorce, it would be too costly for child support, etc. Everything has to do with money, and having more time to ”devote” to his church, therefore priests should remain celibate.

That’s another myth which says that married priests will cost more. Actually some of my priest-friends who are not Catholic are telling me that a single, unmarried priest in the Western world, costs much more when taking into account the whole picture. But let’s base our arguments on the bible. Yes it’s true that most of the apostles were married. Nobody can deny that. It’s true as well that celibacy has a biblical value. Again nobody can deny that. In our opinion the conflict is that they have tied celibacy with the priesthood. We are in favour of a well chosen celibacy and not a forced one as it is now, where every priest has to promise celibacy. Regarding the married priest not being available is a lie as most of them are more available more than non-married ones. Try to phone a non-married and see if you’ll get an answering machine. Phone the married one and you’ll be answered to, together with the sound of a happy family, children running, shouting etc….

Apparently, Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene? Apparently, proof of that, is that back in the day, a man was not allowed to ”preach” if he was single. Otherwise he would have been put to death. So, Jesus was married? She was referred to as the Holy Grail. Mary M followed him everywhere and was also in the painting of the Last Supper, right beside him. Apparently they also have a daughter.

Another point: Apparently in the past, there was one woman Pope, but the reason she had succeeded in becoming Pope was because she pretended to be a man. Evidence proved otherwise when she became pregnant.

Apparently the Church is hiding all this from us because it would cause a whole revolution in the catholic Church, starting with women justifying becoming priests, pope, etc. ??

I have now watched “Da Vinci Code”, and now, I admit, I am more confused than ever. Can you shed some light please…. and why if it is not true, are there so many documents and videos that talk about such stuff? (I have not watched the videos to confuse me even more, but saw that there are tons out there!)

Well thanks to the internet we are being exposed to more ideas in a shorter time! On the other hand we have to be very careful when it comes to believe who is saying the truth. We have seen it before in books and newspapers (not all that was published was true), and we are seeing it again on the internet. It’s ok to put your ears to the ground and hear what other people are saying. But in this camp we need people who have studied theology in order to digest everything with theological glasses. That’s why we need more laity (ie not priests, nuns or friars but baptised people), to go for theological studies, as in the future most parishes (maybe already!) are going to be run by laity whether Rome likes it or not.

Now regarding the special woman called Mary of Magdalene. We only share news and secrets with the most trusted friends or significant others. It’s a fact that when Jesus was resurrected he appeared first and foremost to her (Mary of Magdalene!!). The resurrection is central to our faith. Now that theologically means a lot. There surely was a very sound relationship spiritually. Why did he appear to her BEFORE the apostles??!!

Secondly, it wasn’t normal for a man in the Jewish mentality to let a woman touch him in public. She did when she washed his feet……now we can’t jump into conclusions. Other hearsay doesn’t mean it’s true, but neither can we discard that there was a truly good relationship between the two. Now we can never be sure of a marriage or of a daughter (to be truthful). This is like in court, we cannot condemn some body because we think he’s a criminal. Only one concrete proof condemns him to prison. In theology we need some kind of proof before we can accept it as true. Now we understand that it’s not easy to study about somebody who lived around 2000 years ago!

On the other hand, some cultural changes, makes us read the bible with new eyes. Women are not to be excluded from important decisions. Hence, whether we have proof or not from the bible, we can testify that today’s cultural vision (regarding women occupying important roles in society), is another way of God talking to us. We never believed that the bible is the ONLY vehicle through which God speaks to us! God cannot be closed in one single book! He goes beyond the bible. Besides, most of the theologians believe that there is not single sound theological reason why women can be excluded from priesthood!

Another important note is that all theologians teaching at a university need a permission from their local bishop. Hence if a theologian is studying (not simply hearsay or just reading a newspaper) and comes to a different conclusion, most probably he would have his licence to teach, withdrawn! This effects their studies, lectures etc…..We only hope of having one single university in the world, where theologians would be totally free to come forward with odd ideas!

We encourage all our readers to continue the debate…..

Some readers were moaning that we were just publishing impossible love stories. Priests were simply playing with girls/women and leaving them hanging on for ages, without ever deciding to go for the big jump. Well first of all, these are the readers’ stories. We do provide false names in order to cover up some personal details (at the request of the readers), but we never make up stories. If the readers are sending these type of stories, please don’t blame us! Secondly, it amply shows that most priests would never leave their comfort zone. So this could be an excellent lesson for those who have just joined our blog!

Finally, we did receive a story with a very happy ending! But it does not mean that there aren’t other successful stories. Most probably they don’t bother to publish their stories. If you do know of other successful stories, please try to contact the people involved and kindly ask them if they wish to see their love story published.

Hello. I’m Amelia. I happen to be someone who did fall in love with a man who left the priesthood to pursue our relationship. His name is Ivan. We met at his parish and are still together more than five years later. I came out of a very bad relationship and the love that I have received from this man has changed my life. It is all about commitment.

There were times in this process when it was very difficult and still is at times but that is life. I like A’s comment. If it is meant to be it will happen and last. Falling in love with a priest is not what I planned and not what he planned either. We live openly and I have not tried to hide our relationship any more. It has amazed me what a wonderful and loving man has come into my life and I thank God every day for that love. Leaving the priesthood can be done, but it is full of ups and downs. My life hasn’t been easy so I never expected this journey to be easy and neither did he.

We support each other and realize at this point in our life that we need each other. After he left the church it was very difficult at times. I worried a lot about whether or not he would want to go back and how he was going to make a living. His steadfastness and dedication to us has been amazing. We are slowly building a life together and more people know about our relationship now. I hope that in our small way we are showing our local community that life can go on after leaving the priesthood.

When we first started having feelings for each other it was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. One of our repeated conversations that we like to have is pinpointing that moment when we knew we were developing feelings for each other.

Going down this road is not for the faint of heart but before this I felt very hardened and almost had a lack of understanding what love really was between two people. Priests who want to leave to pursue a different life should be supported and I wish there were better support systems for that. I wish we could help others who are considering leaving and help them and support them.

Well we are here to give a helping hand. Readers please be active by asking all the questions you deem fit. It’s up to Amelia and Ivan to answer our questions.

We are providing just one link (there are many others), where the love of a woman has enhanced the life of the priest. Just click here.

I am Petra, my friend/priest’s name is James. We first met in our place where he was invited to celebrate mass, since after that he was already close to our family. He even brought us to his hometown and met his family there, it was such an experience to be able to know him better as a person. Many days have passed; we were consistent in our communication like every day. If he wasn’t busy, he would call/text until we were actually seeing each other and when the time came he confessed his love for me. We secretly meet once every week. We went out at some private place where we were free to express our love to each other; we kissed, held hands and made love. Our relationship got deeper and my family had a suspicion of us being so close to each other.

There was a time that I forgot to log out my account on my laptop and left it on. I didn’t know that one of our family member tried to use it, and accidentally saw our conversation, including our pictures, and printed all of it as proof. I was unaware that they started to investigate my schedule every time I stepped out from our house and there was a parishioner as well who reported to my family when my priest was not around at the church, so they would trace us to see if we had met.

After what happened we’ve talked about it we both admitted that we felt guilty of what we had did; we lied to them just to have our own happiness without knowing that it would have hurt other people immensely; he told me that he was willing to sacrifice his love. He told me that we would have stayed as friends and nothing would have changed. At that time I thought that it was really over between us but fortunately, later on, he was sorry for things he had said to me because he was stressed and confused at that moment. We are still fighting for our relationship. It has been 2 months since we last met. We are not meeting just to avoid the issue for the meantime and I don’t know until when we are doing this.

I describe my family as religious and conservative type; I can obviously tell that they can’t accept him because of his status, his age (we have a big gap, he’s much older than me) and they don’t want to lessen their dignity as well. In our country priests here are highly respected people. They think that once a priest they can’t commit sin, they are not supposed to hang out with girls, they can’t enjoy, they can’t drink in public, etc. I don’t think it is a sin to marry a priest but in the eyes of the people it is already a sin.

As long as we love each other we can survive the upcoming circumstances, I am not afraid and ready of what people will be saying about us nor about me because I know what kind of situation am I into.

Sometimes I asked him about his plans if he would leave or continue. He has no answer yet but he was happy that we’ve come this far. He had mentioned the idea of having a business and sometimes he had mentioned that he wanted to have a family in the future. There are some cases where he’s having a problem on dealing with his superiors; based on my observation I don’t think he’s happy anymore. Well in fact he requested the higher official to give him a break from religious life but unfortunately they gave no feedback about his request, so it’s still pending.

Faith – Love – Celibacy

This week we have a general reflection by one of our readers – Anna. She has been a regular reader of our blog. She wishes to share her thoughts with the rest of the readers. We welcome all those who wish to write their opinion as we wish to make it your blog. In fact the last post has created a record of 106 messages! Well done to all our readers. We invite the new ones to overcome fear and share their story with the rest of the readers.

A man becomes a priest when surrounded by a religious environment that influences him to choose that specific religious pathway. Some are inspired by the life of saints or, while still in their early teens, pushed by their families to acquire a better education. The older generation thought that having a priest in the family gave them a better chance to get a good spot in heaven.

The young seminarians live and grow within a typical regimented spirit; going to Mass, to Holy Communion and the various piety practices just because all the others do so, too. Sometimes the spirit of devotion at that young age is reduced to the “must” of practice. As they grow a little older, they discover that the world is also populated by pretty girls. They start to have feelings, which they initially dismiss as wrong, evil thoughts for a seminarian heading to priesthood and a life of chastity, poverty and obedience.

Repression, however, is not a Christian behaviour. It is destructive and results in physical, psychological and emotional imbalances. The desire to approach a superior to confide a priest’s inner turmoil is often brushed aside with an “it will get better, don’t worry,” statement. The hierarchy makes communication inadequate because of defensive responses, distorted perceptions, mutual antagonisms and sometimes just raw ignorance. No wonder then, that many priests start wondering why their activity within the church has to be such a barren life and decide to leave.

The leadership of the church has always been in the hands of elderly males who repel anything new, different of what they have been used to follow for generations. They are terrified by any sort of reforms and, with rare exceptions, blindly reject any possibility to bring the archaic church laws and regulations up to date with the advanced realities of life on the planet earth and its society. They believe only in the things they want to believe. Yet, they are human and subject to the same sins they so fiercely condemn.

One of those sins is sexuality, which is portrayed by the church fathers as taboo, an evil to be avoided at all costs. Yet the root cause of most sinful or scandalous behaviour was the church’s policy on celibacy, which is considered by the medical establishment and a larger portion of the public opinion, including that of practising Catholics, as simply unhealthy, unnatural and damaging to the individual, physically, emotionally and psychologically. It serves no useful purpose and only did, and still does, generate much pain and suffering to healthy young and not so young men who are prevented from expressing their love for another human being and live happy and productive lives.

Celibacy should no longer be an imposition but a choice. Many priests find themselves in the position where they would love to share with a female soul their faith, their ministry or their missionary work. What is wrong with the church that it can do nothing more for the present inner conflicts, the exodus of clergy and the anguish this creates for thinking men within the church?

Most Catholics hope that the present Pope, Francis, will adjourn the celibacy issue and adapt it to the times we are living in. Whether he will succeed is questionable, being surrounded as he is, and pressured by an aging population of Cardinals, Bishops and Monsignors who are strongly resistant to change and therefore inflexible towards the needs of a newer generation of church workers, priests and missionaries.

It is important to point out that a priest leaving his status is not a delinquent Christian. In many cases he merely chose to live his Christian commitment in secular life. Not all leave due to the celibacy issue. Some feel that the original motivation leading to a decision to become a priest has not been fulfilled. Some leave the priesthood with a mixture of courage and uncertainty. To leave a structured situation that provides entirely for the logistics of living takes a great deal of strength. Many old thoughts and habits are to be shed and there is much new stuff to be learned. Help to re-establish him when leaving the ministry would be advisable, as most of his training and experience is not helpful in the lay world.

To some degree, priests are ignorant of practical matters of everyday life such as, how to approach an employment interview, where to buy clothes, how to live on earnings, how to build a social life, and that includes the emotional aspect when dealing with the opposite sex. He will need to know a little more than how to make love to a woman. He will need to get acquainted with a woman’s chemistry and all those things that up until then had been denied to him and kept from him to avoid the sinful temptation of the flesh.

Conversely, the woman that falls in love with a priest would need some sort of psychological and emotional introduction to his educational formation as they all have individual needs and a standardized procedure can definitely not be followed. It does take enormous courage on both sides to face the many, initial obstacles, and to build a strong, long-lasting happy relationship. Celibacy may no longer be part of their lives, but Faith and Love will prevail and remain.

Another priest goes cold

Hi, my name is June and ever since I’ve grown emotionally attracted to my parochial vicar at my church, things at my parish have never felt the same. Since our parochial vicar came in 2013, after his ordination, I knew I had found him attractive, but at this point in time, I didn’t really pay too much mind to it. As I started to work in ministries again, I got to see him more and as a result we grew closer. He began to know my name and face, and he would lit up like a kid with a cookie when he saw me but of course I kept things very formal.

It wasn’t until his mother died, that he began to grow more affectionate. Since he was gone for over 2 months, I generally began to miss his presence. It was sad to not see him around and it had always given something to look forward to. But since we are friends on Facebook, I would write him and show my support and he greatly acknowledged and appreciated that. When he returned,
I had a conversation with him about college and my overall fear of the future and he assured me all would be fine, and extended his arm out to me, and he allowed me to lay on his shoulder for quite some time. He kept saying how he knew I would do something good and how much I cared for people since he said I was very supportive to him when his mom had passed.

It was strange at first but it felt like two teenagers in love, smiling at each other outside and hugging in front of the parish office since I had been there for a night catechist dinner gathering. From there the interaction grew more affectionate, he would compliment me by telling me I was holy and perfect and a saint. He would hug me tightly when I went to say hello after mass or at an event. When I told him once how much he inspired me to become a better catholic, he hugged me instantly and said he loved me. I was stunned since I had feelings for him and only dreamed he’d say those words. But initially I said I love you too. For a spiritual appointment, we were together for over an hour and after we finished, he said he was proud of me and that he loved me, so when he stalked towards me in his office, he took me in his arms and hugged me tightly.

He kept telling me that it would be ok and laid his head on mine while we held onto each other for well over a minute. I, of course, was dumbfounded and didn’t know what to make of the situation. I knew it was wrong to like my parochial vicar but I had never met such a good hearted man. Later that same day, after mass I apologized to him for everything at the appointment and told him I loved him too, which his response was “I love you too”. And we would smile at each other while saying this, like little kids with a crush. From there on moving forward, I reached a point of insecurity of his feelings for me and began to go up to him at wrong times and be too comfortable talking to him about things.

One day he snapped at me, and I was completely hurt by it because he was always so sweet and never crossed. When I went to see him for reconciliation he told me that I needed to set boundaries and told me I wasn’t the centre of his universe. It confused me because I had never said that I was. During the confession, I said I was happy we were still friends and that he doesn’t hate me, in which his response was that he didn’t and that he was my priest. Which I said I know but I meant part of my parish family, and he once again said “I’m your priest”. The situation puzzled me why he all of a sudden was being so hostile. We didn’t hug any more, and I tried to not interact with him for any reason. I was incredibly hurt.

For some weeks after, I served as a greeter and he said hello to me and after mass, he said thank you for serving. I had always sent him cards for Easter and his birthday and so I did, and he thanked me for those but yet when I invited him to my birthday dinner he never came even though he told me he received the email. I found it strange because even though I’m young, doesn’t mean we couldn’t be friends. He’s only 30 and went to two birthday events in the past for a woman turning 40 who was married and works at the church, and a 75 year old birthday for a parishioner, so I wondered why he never showed up to mine. But back at church, when I brought a drawing of Jesus that I had made, he approached me and he admired it, saying it was beautiful and asking if i drew it. Which I said yes and he continued to look at it with awe. I don’t know if he ever had feelings for me and set boundaries in general or because of me, since he deactivated his Facebook, he only hand shakes people now instead of quick hugs, and doesn’t seem to do anything that doesn’t have to do with church.

I wonder what inspired the sudden change and it makes me wish I knew If he had ever meant anything he told me, it is possible to believe he still cares for me at all? Now it’s almost as if we’re still able to talk but it still feels awkward and I’m beginning to wonder how he sees me. Am I someone he still believes to be perfect and a blessing? Did he mean what he said when he told me I looked gracious in my dress while I served? Should I still that the friendship we once had can be saved? What should I do?

We expect our readers to share their experience, knowledge and spirituality in dealing with loving a priest with June. May God Bless you all!

A woman loves a priest-writer

This week, we have another reader who voluntarily wrote her experience about a priest. He is a writer too. Readers are most welcome to ask questions.

Where did you meet?

My name is Sabine. My priest’s name is Ivan. I first saw my priest one Christmas day, maybe about 3 years ago. My husband at that time was doing some kind of work for him. It wasn’t love at first sight or anything like it. My priest is a writer. He had just published a book and gave a copy to my husband. I read it over Christmas 2013.

What attracted you to this priest?

His writing was so deep, so beautiful. I was deeply drawn to him from that point. I tried to get to know him, but he was very guarded around me. His mother died and I called him and sent him a card to offer support. He opened up a little. Following this, our connection just grew.

How did your relationship develop from that point onwards?

At mass the connection between us was so strong he was struggling to hide it. Two years after we met, my marriage broke up and he was counselling me for a while. What is between us is unspoken. However I feel it’s stronger on my behalf. The last time I met him, it was a heavy session around the marriage break up and it was a difficult session. I also got a little bit closer to him that day. He told me his age etc…

Does he run away or make himself unavailable sometimes?

Following this, he pulled away from me. He never answered my last email and he is blowing hot and cold. Laughing out loud with other parishioners when I’m around and ignoring me. It’s very painful. I love him deeply. I have no idea how he feels about me but there is a strong connection between us. I don’t know if this is the end. I would like to think it’s not.