Tag Archive: priests having sex with women

Hello! My name is Laura. I want to share with you my relationship with my priest.

I’m a separated woman. I had to leave my husband of 5 years. He had betrayed me and now has another family, though we are still not divorced officially.

First of all let me be very clear: The priest is the one who started the relationship. I knew him for over 6 years at that time. Because of our mutual friendship, we got closer. Once after dinner, we went for a walk. Suddenly he held me and kissed me. He did admit of having feelings for me. At that time I was still struggling, but he told me that he wasn’t going to force me to have a loving relationship. He just wanted to stay close. After around 2 months he showed that he cared for me a lot. At that time I had some feelings too towards him. He told me I could trust him. He showed many signs that he really loved me. Time passed by and we became closer and knowing each other more. I fell in love deeply. He introduced me to his mother and to his family

Then sex happened. It has been going on for these last 2 years, till a few months ago. I got pregnant. As soon as I gave him the wonderful news, he astonished me by saying that we couldn’t keep this baby. I was so depressed hearing him say such a thing. I plainly told him that I couldn’t accept. At last he changed his mind. He considered to keep the baby. However I had a miscarriage. Could we keep our relationship I pondered silently…?? We had some serious arguments.

He suddenly said that maybe it was God’s sign to stop having sex outside marriage! We needed to stop having sex and keep our friendship platonic. He told me that he had confessed already, and that he loved me so much. His wish was to stop having sex. Consequently we couldn’t sin any more.

We could keep our love relationship but just without sex…. I asked point blank: Why not leave priesthood and get married? It’s so weird…He emphasized that he loved me so much, but that he couldn’t leave priesthood.

Since last January, something happened. We keep arguing about something trivial. We argue about some family affairs about his sister..?? He has now turned to be an emotionless person, with less hugs, kisses and less dating with me. I try to talk to him, but he says that everything is fine. He gives the excuse of too much work and that he feels tired. He continues to say that he still loves me. He just brushes me aside with the expression that he loves me so much. He urges me not to worry.

On the other hand he thinks that the fighting is God’s sign to show him that he is wrong, but he does feel his love for me. The priest thinks that he needs to follow his vow of celibacy, because he did promise to God that he will be faithful to his promise. But celibacy is not a divine law, it’s a human law after all!

I don’t understand…I feel so confused. What can I do? I really love him and I cannot live without him. What should I do? What should I tell him???

I would like to write about a whole book about this story but I prefer to let the readers air their views. Please let’s not blame the person who was/is in a frail situation. Let’s walk in her shoes.

A very common expression used in these last years is that we have the whole world at our fingertips. It refers to the internet where one can use various electronic gadgets to keep updated about friends, news, articles and lots of other items.

Is it truly the whole world? Does somebody who stays inside all the time, enjoy life to the full? We know that the young of today are truly addicted to the internet. As they are connected 24/7, they wish to comment and read all the time. It’s not the first time in a restaurant to see a whole family busy texting on their mobile phone whilst not talking to each other!

Those working with the young people of today, know really well, that the virtual world, although it certainly has many advantages, it can never substitute 100% face to face relationships!

Why are we focusing on the digital world? There are some common points with our main issue: married priesthood. Like in the digital world, priests cannot discard relationships! The priest has been seen as a person who provides a service to the others. OK. But how about his need for an interactive relationship with another adult, who is not their ‘client’ to ask for his services but to be a companion in his journey of faith?

We have always insisted that when a woman falls in love with a priest, there is no carbon copy of how the story starts and unveils. Yet some common lines are found in all stories. Practically, if there is something missing in the formation of future priests is the attention given to the priest for his basic human need. Everybody needs : attention; love; personal interest; someone with whom they can interact.

God created us in this way. It’s not something to be ashamed of! We need others to be healthy from a human point of view. In other words, we are NOT islands!

Now obviously some people might explain the important use of celibacy in priesthood. Without neglecting its importance, one can theologically define that priesthood cannot be tied to celibacy. This has been written in the teaching of the church. In practical words, not every single priest has the necessary charisma to live it in his daily life! Now because celibacy has been practically imposed on all priests we tend to witness abuses of all types and sorts! This has been proved scientifically too! It’s no use to write that abuses happen in marriages too. Yes they do happen in marriages too but some priests have abused because they have never been prepared for celibacy. We can’t deny this. They have been stripped of a basic human need without their full knowledge.

Why do we insist on relationship building? Because it’s the concrete structure which builds the local parish. What makes a parish different from a large organisation if relationships disappear? If the priest lives a real relationship in a family, it is a big advantage to all the parishioners. This not only regards understanding human problems in everyday running, but as well the need to live a life to the full. A spiritually and humanly ‘charged’ priest will be in a better position to manage a parish.

A relationship is not a bed of roses! But this side of the married experience too will help the priest to face all challenges in the parish. It will help him understand a lot of aspects in a relationship where they would be otherwise left undiscovered!

We make an appeal so that new readers would publish their stories about falling in love with a priest. We promise to change name details and other aspect in order to hide one’s true identity.

Easter Sunday

The gospels are interesting to read from several points of view. One of them is for contrasts. The people next to Jesus who have witnessed the most astonishing miracles, walked side by side with Him for some years. They are so proud of their master. On Good Friday they are nowhere to be seen. They are terrified of anyone associating them with Jesus. Peter made a solemn oath of not knowing Jesus!

The leader is gone. All the followers run for their lives. They are nowhere to be seen. But they have witnessed the most extraordinary events in their lives??!! This is because fear took over. One of the biggest threats to faith is fear. Fear of what the others might say. Fear of being judged. Fear of being different. Fear of showing your true faith to others. Fear of loosing friends. Fear of being fired. Fear of the future. Fear of others. Fear of the immigrants. Fear of…….The list goes on and on.

Are we afraid? Afraid of what? The fact that I don’t have more stories (for the time being), means that people are afraid of sharing their intimate story with a priest, even though we promised not to reveal real names nor geographical position!

If we wish to see change in the church and yet we are not ready to jump, then maybe we are procrastinating change in the Catholic Church. Maybe like the apostles we are still experiencing Good Friday but not Easter Sunday!

Jesus has won death itself – our greatest enemy. What are we afraid of, exactly? Why is this fear keeping us from transmitting our message? When discussing with others, it’s the others who might be afraid of change, not us!

We have to start the ball rolling as we don’t expect others, especially the priests to speak in our name! On the other hand, it might be interpretated as Pharisaic because whilst we demand the priest to leave everything for the name of love, we are so afraid to touch the hot potato subject of married priests. Myself, I have lost the ‘comfortable’ job of working at the university. Other priests had to emigrate. Others receive a very low pay. Others are still shunned by most of the people, family members included! A few of them have committed suicide. I wish I could reveal the many emails/communication that I receive. Unfortunately, everybody seems to be a victim of fear as they don’t give me permission to publish!

One of the tactics used by most bishops, is that these are very few cases! This is not true. But how can I explain that I have so many cases on my hands if I cannot disclose any information about many stories?

I truly believe that everybody can do something small but with great love and determination. One can send messages through many parts of the world in different ways. I can’t give a general formula for everybody! It’s up to each person to study it’s own personal life and act accordingly.

May the Risen Christ give you enough courage to be bold enough and strengthen the church by suggesting married priesthood.

People fall in love all the time. We do believe that love is the common language of all people. Nobody can live without love.  We were taught that God is love…so what is the fuss all about? It’s simply because a priest makes a life commitment of not loving one single woman but rather dedicate all his life to the church. On a more practical approach he is the prohibited prize: no one can fall in love with a Catholic priest.

The advantage of adults is that after so many years of learning and listening, they experience life. Now, not all the theories and good will, serve to solve or deal with challenges in life. This is true not only in religion but practically in all aspects of life. One can ask our parents: were you prepared for parenthood, or did you know beforehand all the challenges presented later in life ? The same goes for all working people. We remember our first day of work and compare it with today: were there any big changes?

The thing is that whilst in many sectors of life experience has helped one to grow and mature (example new products which were successful after so many years of hard work), in church the approach has been diametrically opposite. We base everything upon a book and we neglect our experience. Most of the times we give the impression that nobody could change anything about the church. It has been for many centuries like that in the Catholic Church, where we neglected or marked as sinful, our senses and emotions!

So please, readers, when you fall in love with a priest, you are practically going against all these long years of traditions! Believe me, you’ll realize all this when you’ll have the reaction of the parish or community. Most people will see religion from the point of view of a list of laws which are NOT to be broken in any circumstances. Others are happy to go to church and allow others to be guided.

Yet, when one falls in love, that person starts to see things differently. It’s not a question of sin or not, but rather of having a unique vision of priesthood. The woman would like to share her love life with a priest to encourage him and give the main missing part – a loving heart who makes him feel special to work in the field of the Lord. She has listened to many of his talks, homilies, meetings etc….she agrees so much with what he has to say that she sees him as her other half! She has tasted his care, guidance and help. She knows perfectly well that he’ll be a very good husband and father….It’s no wonder that they do fall in love with a priest!

She continues to dream about her future life with the priest….because whilst some men are obsessed with sex, she sees her ‘man’ speaking about other spiritual and human areas and caring for people. This is a big attraction for a woman who is observing her priest closely!

Finally one day, she has enough courage to speak to her priest privately to tell him how much she loves him in a unique and special way. The priest, which is trained not to speak about his emotions, feels the shock! He feels very vulnerable. He is afraid of speaking to his companions because he likes the relationship and is afraid that the traditional approach would be to stop seeing this woman. Some priests though do take this approach. It could be for many reasons, one of them being that they see themselves very week, so they abandon the relationship.

Although most priests do not feel comfortable to speak about their emotions but they already feel the difference the woman makes in their lives! How can they go forward without their woman?! Most probably, most would chose to continue to see the woman in a clandestine way. It’s a game of hide and seek where both of them have to hide their true emotions from others and they have to cover up every time they meet together.

Again, some couples (=woman + priest), do take this road. They are happy to stay in such a hidden relationship. Obviously they would be risking that one day, somebody sees them and reports them to the authorities….and then like an avalanche, the superiors come down both on the priest and the woman. In these circumstances both the priest and the woman will come under heavy fire! We don’t think that there would be any sign of a compromise. They would be asked to stop the relationship. Most probably the priest would be sent to a far away parish.

Some others, especially the woman, hate this approach as they  continue to live in hiding. Obviously, they’ll realize the no one can bring up a family in such a way (although in some rare cases it happens!). They would ask the priest to leave the parish and live together without hiding. She is sure of the man. He is her dream come true. The woman in love sees it as heaven on earth.

But what about the priest? The first problem in most cases is: what will the community say about me? The priest used to be a model to the others….now how is he going to face the community to whom he preached every Sunday? Most of the traditional Catholics would view it as a betrayal of the priest’s vows.

Some may invite the priest to bed in order to have a son, so as to force the priest to make  a decision. We are NOT judges, We respect all opinions. But common sense dictates that first they have to see themselves as a couple before adding a child and turning it into a family.

We’ll stop here for today. We’ll continue in a fortnight. Please do write to us. We need your opinions. We are here to serve you especially when living these secrets and you are afraid of discussing for fear of being condemned and judged! Our job is not to judge you or tell you what to do. We are trying to give you our experience and that of many others. Hopefully, before deciding, you’ll be informed about possible consequences of your personal choices.