Tag Archive: prohibited love

When we were young we were submitted to various teachings. Most of the time, we read books. We tried to assimilate as much as we could. Then years passed by and somehow we re-connected to what teachers/parents/guardians had told us. Most probably what we’ve been thought was good. Yet in real life it seems that it is a different kind of fish. It’s what we call the gap between the theory and real life!

We were thought to look up to priests for friendship, counselling, ideas etc…Obviously in theory everything is in order. Yet each every human being is formed not only through teaching, but through personal experience, chemicals present in his genes etc…All this will make it highly improbable to foretell his future life as each person has a different outcome, which is based on millions of variables.

The first step is when one is asking for help. It brings the baptised person close to a priest. This is the work of the priest after all! But what happens when most of the priests feel all alone, neglected, alienated, disappointed and put aside? A normal kind of friendship (obviously there is nothing wrong), could be a tempting one for the priest. Instead of listening and comforting the person, the priest fulfils his needs for friendship, attention, love etc…within the counselling sessions. A counsellor has to listen to the client and not vice-versa, at least he can’t talk for a long period of time. The fact that the priest starts talking about his life means automatically that the sessions are taking a different path!

On the part of the person who is seeking the priest’s help, things start moving differently when they view the priest not as a counsellor but as the one who is fulfilling their dream of the ideal man! Obviously when one meets another person for a few hours weekly, it’s very easy to idolise that person! Remember that most people as viewed at work, might seem to be the ideal person. It’s when one lives with the person that one sees the complete picture! Yet, when one is hungry for love, recognition, attention and self affirmation, all other things will occupy a less important place in their lives! They just want to cling to somebody no matter what! It could be that we’re living in anonymous cities (Western part of the world), hence we desperately need friends!

We’ve been saying for quite some time now that priests who explain the word of God every Sunday (plus maybe other public meetings), are practically revealing their inner self to the general public. He is the one who speaks about a lot of values where no one speaks anymore (or at least not that often!). Speaking about such values will put more fire on a woman’s heart who is burning with desire to have a loving partner.

The priest in most cases, has all the time of the world to meet, listen and talk with parishioners. He is the one who makes his own timetable hence, he is easily available! The priest has no one to report to for his day to day running. Hence he can postpone last minute meetings without giving any real reason or hiding behind superficial reasons!

We don’t wish to give the message that it’s impossible, yet in the present circumstances, it’s getting more difficult to be a good friend to a priest. When a person is not complete (in many senses), it could lead to trouble, whether he is a priest, bishop, Pope, woman etc…In mathematics they used to teach us that a minus ( – ) with a minus ( – ), make a plus!

Our wish to have married priests will help the church to have a better system where priests are living in a relationship which will help them understand better the need for attention, love, affirmation etc…We’re not saying that it’s foolproof. There is nothing perfect. Yet on the human side of the argument, it will help them to be better prepared to work in today’s church.

Second Class Priests!

In the absence of love stories between priests and women, we are sharing our reflections regarding the latest news in the Catholic church.

In a March 2017 interview with German newspaper Die Zeit, Pope Francis used the term viri probati – in this context, religious married men of proven character – in saying he was open to the idea of a married priesthood, as is allowed for deacons, in remote areas where the priest shortage is particularly serious.

We are still not 100% sure of the outcome of married priests as we are still receiving conflicting news! Read this article

In any case it seems that all newspapers are agreeing that married priesthood is again in the news. Mulling all kind of news to look for positive news, we see some troubling ones. In the quoted statement made above, we have one single question: So are married priests just fillers? That is: are they being allowed as if they are necessary evil? Are they being allowed simply to fill in the blanks? Are we sort of second class priests who are allowed to work as priests simply because there is lack of?

Many people point to married priests because they think that will stop sexual abuse of children. People focus on sex because for news agencies it sells a lot of money! We do notice many priests who are living a solitary life. They are practically moving bodies but dead in their minds. Others who travel most of the time. Some who embrace luxuries. Others who are simply walking study books which amply shows the negative effects of forced celibacy. The list goes on and on.

Our main point of view has remained the same. Most of the apostles were married. Are we going to follow the bible or are we going against it? They do quote the bible profusely in other moral matters, yet about this one they are so silent! Why? If the apostles did it, why not the priests of today? Or are we like a supermarket: we pick up what we like in the church?!

Having married priests we hope it will bring the focus of the church on new challenges. One might be the complete overhaul of the relationship teaching (and not sex!). Strong and stable relationship calls for consequences which will help the priest to mature as he faces different challenges in life. One glaring example would be children. Taking care of your own children will bring a new insight in the life of the priest. Married priesthood will help the priest to reconnect with normal life with all its challenges. Consequently, the whole church will change. This is the revolution which we are looking forward to experience. In the end there will be winners all the way. All would feel much nearer to God. Everybody will experience the Emmanuel – God is with us! It would be interesting to visit a priest who has kids crying, eating and dirtying all the house whilst he is trying to communicate with God! It would be a good example of how to keep God in the centre of all activity!

It’s up to our readers to continue our reflection.

Finally…..we have a priest admitting of falling in love. So many female readers have asked for a priest to tell his point of view of falling in love. How does a priest feel, falling in love with a woman? Well today you should be so happy as one priest is prepared to spill all the beans about his love story with this wonderful woman. Enjoy your reading!

It is so heartbreaking reading all these messages from broken hearted women in these difficult circumstances. I am Patrick, a 43 yr old catholic priest.. I was ordained at 24 years of age so I am 19 years in the priesthood.

Naturally being human I have felt attracted to different women in my life. That is normal enough even for a celibate. But my difficulty arose 3 years ago when I met Michelle, a 32 yr old single woman at a parish meeting. She had difficulties in her life and we talked privately for a long time. After the meeting ended, I felt so at ease and at peace in her company and for both of us I think we realized that there was some bond or chemistry between us that night.

Anyway we kept in touch mainly by phone for a while and than we agreed to meet mainly to discuss her difficulties which have now been overcome. We enjoyed each others company so much that we kept in touch by phone and meetings even when there was nothing to discuss at a professional level. At this stage we had developed a good friendship which I had no difficulty with as it was within the boundaries of my celibacy commitment.

Unknown to myself this friendship was growing over time and I was blind to it or maybe subconsciously I knew it but needed her companionship and friendship. For her too, Michelle is her name the relationship meant a lot and in her own words transformed her life. She was a broken person when I met her first but now felt whole and complete in herself. This all began 3 years ago, but my difficulty is that in the last year or so the friendship grew into a fully intimate and sexual relationship.

The first time that happened I was taken unaware, one thing followed another and almost unknown to myself I was making love to her for the first time. I experienced the normal fulfilment and excitement that goes with that experience but also I was gripped with awful guilt with the realization that I had broken my celibacy vows. This is still a struggle for me.

During the last year the relationship has continued in full and has grown and developed in every aspect. I feel I have no control over my feelings or where this is leading me.

Obviously I am now at the stage where I have a dilemma on my hands. The relationship cannot continue as it is indefinitely with me in my current life. Do I walk away from Michelle once and for all or do I leave the priesthood and marry her make a new life with her?

Currently we have decided on a 3 month break to help me decide. Michelle has declared her love for me and asked me to leave on a few occasions. I finally promised her I would decide during this break of 3 months, two months of which have already passed. We still email and phone each other but will not meet until the time is up, around Christmas.

I miss her company so much and long to be with her. A sense of loneliness has grown in my life over the course of the relationship as I know now the sacrifice involved in celibacy. I have changed as a person as a result of my relationship, falling in love does change you in a good way. I certainly do not want Michelle to be hurt like many of the women on this blog. If I thought that would happen I would definitely leave the ministry, if you love someone you cannot allow them to be hurt.

Yes in all honesty I am drawn to leave, to life and family with Michelle. I have done 9 sessions of counselling with a lady psychologist and that process is also leading me towards a decision to leave. I admitted this to my therapist in my last session and it was such a relief. She is helping me to process that thought in the coming sessions to a stage where I can own and implement my decision.

What is preventing me? Well I am torn in conflict between the part of me that says I need to move on. I have outgrown celibate priesthood. I need a human relationship with a woman who is Michelle in my case. I love her and want to be with her and she feels the same. Than the other voice says you made commitments for life: you took vows, you owe it to God, the church, your parishioners and your family. This is my dilemma.

I feel I have known the answer for a long time, almost from when I met Michelle, my counselling is leading me to the same answer, but this other voice and guilt feelings still get on top of me at times. I need help to have the courage to do the right thing for me and Michelle over the next 1 month or so.

Readers….it’s your turn. Let’s help our priest is making the right decision. Now you can ask as many questions as you want to!

Do you wish to read about a true love story between Anna and Peter – priest? Well here is the uncensored story….We did not change not even one single word. We just changed the names of the people involved. Readers, please do react. Write what you think about this story.

I’m Anna. Forgive my English, it’s not my first language – I hope though that I will make some sense at least.

I’m sorry if my story is too long – but I want other women who are going through this to know
exactly how I feel and know that they are not alone, so I am telling it all.

My priest, Peter was ordained 11 years ago – so he is matured in age but not old. We started off as friends,
just exchanging emails. All my life I have been very ignorant about how priests live and feel as
human beings. I have always sincerely thought that they are all genuinely celibate and they never fall
in love. So I never imagined that he was busy falling in love with me, until he told me. When he told
me, in my mind I just thought he was just sexually frustrated and just wanted a release after which
he would dump me. I asked him what he wanted from me because he is a priest. I asked him straight
out “Do you just want to scratch an itch and then forget about me? What can you possibly want
from me other than sex? Are you even allowed to date?” He admitted that he is not allowed to date
and that in his mind he knows that it will be wrong but in his heart it feels right and I make him

And to answer my question about what he wants from me he said “I just want a bit of love and a bit
of understanding. I want you to understand that due to my age and limited experience I am not
going to make a perfect husband”. He said he is not looking to scratch an itch because after the itch
is scratched there will still be a need for more. He was hurt that I thought he just wanted sex. He said
he loved and respected me.

I admitted to him that I loved him too but there is a conflict in my mind because of the priesthood. I
live with this conflict even to this day. He says he is conflicted too. I have tried to end the
relationship twice. Both times he was tremendously hurt and kept asking me what he had done
wrong. It’s hard to break up with someone who has done nothing wrong – where you don’t have
something specific to blame, other than “because you are a priest”. When we broke up, we
remained friendly, we did not stop communicating and both times things just automatically
gravitated back to a romantic relationship.

We have been intimate twice, but I can’t anymore – I feel too guilty about having sex with a priest.
He understands and accepts my decision. But it bothers me that he never felt any guilt about being
intimate with me, I am the only one that feels guilty about it. This makes me wonder if he is not a
player who sleeps around. I wonder if he is not sleeping with other women. Does he really
understand and accept my decision to be celibate because he loves me or because he can get it
elsewhere whenever? I asked him if he is seeing other women, as expected he denied it. I hate to be
so distrustful, but it’s a huge challenge for me to understand intimacy with someone who has taken
a vow before God to be pure and chaste. He says his feelings for me are far beyond sex, so he loves
me even though I will not have sex with him. However, he did say that he has a problem with this
because he asks himself, if I am not doing it with him, who am I doing it with? But he realises that he
can’t ask me such questions when he has not given me a commitment (a ring). He says for now it’s
enough to know that we are in love and he loves me without sex. I asked him how difficult it is to be
with me in the same room and be celibate. He says it’s hard if we are kissing and hugging because
naturally after that one feels the need to go further, but he can control himself. I must be honest; I
don’t know how long either of us can be strong in this. We are not animals, we can control our urges
– but we are human, we do have these urges and they do get stronger as time goes by.
Do I think he will leave the priesthood to be with me – NO. When he said that he needs me to
understand that he will not be a prefect husband because of his age and experience; that made me
wonder if he was considering being my husband but I never I asked, I just wondered internally. The
fact that he did not think that his priesthood stood in the way of being a perfect husband – but
rather that he thought the issues were only his age and experience kind of makes think that maybe
he could leave the priesthood. But I doubt it. I have asked him why he allows himself to be in
relationships because when he chose this life he knew what it entails. He knew what he would have
to do without. He said he made this choice a very long time ago. He was very young when he made
the choice. He said when you make the choice you are all hyped up about serving God and you think
you will be happy without love. But after living there alone all these years and as he grows up into a
man, he can’t. He says maybe he is weak. Now, if he sees it as a weakness, just a phase of
succumbing to temptation, that makes me think he will never leave. He will fight and pray for
strength and then he will stay. I feel like I am nothing but a temptation to him.

Now about us not having sex – we do kiss and hug and we both struggle with not going all the way.
One day I asked him if our relationship can survive without sex. He said it can’t survive because we
are young – if we were maybe 50 years old, maybe we would survive celibacy. I don’t know what to
make of that. He later took it back, but it lingers at the back of my mind. Truth be told, I also wonder
how long I can hold on to a relationship that has no future. Because if he does not leave the
priesthood, then we don’t really have a future. Sometimes I even wonder if I can call what we are
doing a relationship at all. I wonder if I should be dating other people and find someone who is able
to commit to me in a more meaningful way. But I can’t because the priest has my heart. I love him
and I am not the kind of a person who is capable of loving 2 people at once. He told me that he
dated a woman once, but they were never intimate, only phone calls and emails. But the woman left
him when she met someone who wanted to marry her. He never gave up the priesthood for that
woman, he let her go – he won’t give it up for me either.

The secrecy is the hardest part for me. I live alone at my house, so he visits me there. We do go out
to the movies and do eat out at restaurants. But when we are out we can’t hold hands or stay at a
restaurant too long – in case someone who knows him sees us. I can’t visit him at his house because
of the secret that must be kept hidden. It is possible to visit him if we plan in advance, so that he can
organise for the other priest he works with to be scarce. But still, this walking in the shadows
frustrates me a lot. Not being able to introduce him to my friends as my boyfriend hurts. My friends
don’t even know that I am in a relationship with anyone – to everyone I am a lonely spinster. People
even want to set me up with guys. I am actually ashamed to be in love with a priest. I feel like I am
being trashy because that’s how people look at women who date priests. In people’s eyes we are the
dirty evil ones that are seducing holy servants of God. I know this because that’s what I thought
before I was the one in love with a priest.

Knowing that I will never meet his family and friends as his girlfriend (or wife) is so painful. On his
birthday this year I visited him at his house for the first time, just to spend his special day with him.
He did suggest that we go to a hotel but I refused. I will not sneak in and out of hotels to hide love.
Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing. I will not deliberately expose his secret but I refuse to stoop
so low as to go and hide in motel rooms as if I am having an affair with a married man, which I would
never do – and I told him this. Honestly, it angers me a bit that I have to live in secret when it’s not
even my problem. I am not the one who took a vow of celibacy. I am not doing anything wrong; I am
just loving a man. (But OK, that’s a wrong justification to do wrong – that’s what women who date
married men say as well, that they are not the ones who took the marriage vows. I suppose it takes 2
to tango, so it’s my problem too). Anyway, so we went to his house. I was surprised though that he
wanted us to go out. I thought he would hide me in the house and order in. But we went out and he
introduced me to people. He didn’t say we were in a relationship, but he walked up to them and said
“Meet so-and-so”. He even introduced me to his grown nephew and we spent the whole day with
him. Although he did not tell the boy about the relationship, anyone with half a brain would know. I
don’t know what all this means. I am not holding my breath that he will leave the priesthood – in
fact I think he never will – but he is becoming more open about me day by day. He has also told his
best friend, who is also a priest, that we are exchanging emails and he was very excited and relieved
that he has finally told him. That’s all he told him, that we are exchanging emails, but it’s a step.
I am still conflicted about the wrongness of the whole thing. Even loving him without having sex still
feels wrong sometimes. I asked him if our love without sex was a sin and he assured me that it’s not,
but I don’t know. I have considered going to the confessional with this to get advice from a different
priest, but I think I know what advice I will get: “Stop the relationship”.

I did say to Peter playfully that he must marry me if he wants to make love to me and he said I must
ask his mom…we laughed.

Writing becomes interesting and infectious when one writes about his/her feelings. This case becomes interesting for our growing number of readers as they all long for true stories about this ‘prohibited’ love couple – a woman and a priest. We’ve been receiving many stories, but somehow people were afraid to share. One woman, one of our readers, is in love with a bishop! The problem it seems that some people would not trust the internet to write about their ‘prohibited’ feelings? Why share your innermost secrets? One of the main reasons is because we can testify that it can help other people who are in a similar experience, who might otherwise think that theirs is a very rare case. Others wish to discuss these issues openly to reach a mature decision about their relationship. Others would like a sincere advice which takes into consideration the magic of love rather than what she/he should do. Finally one of the main reasons is that secrecy is one of the tools in the Catholic Church, which serves to hide lots of things, good or bad. Keeping it a ‘secret’ may help the church to continue to hide these relationships as if they don’t happen at all! If we don’t share these stories, the people at the very top of the church may not be convinced to change the man made rule of celibacy! Let’s start a revolution by breaking the silence and discuss this issue NOW!

We are very happy that a woman who has fallen in love with a priest has given us permission to publish her story. We never publish anything without the permission of the writer as we respect her/his decision for privacy. We hope that many more will give us permission to publish their stories.

By the way, if you still feel guilty of falling in love with a priest just visit this website to understand where the church is going to in the near future…..